happy 2009... not going back to school, seeing a therapist, trying to find happiness w a beautiful talented girl, fucking shit up all the time. 2008 was really fucking stressful and i just want 2009 to be better!

i feel fake happy.

i can understand and interpret fake happiness,
i've been dealing with it my whole life

most people are fake happy around me.

last night katy threw a chair across my bedroom ( Read more... )

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

standing on my front porch smoking a cigarette,
at first it was silent and i enjoyed the peace
listening to the wind through the cometary trees
then an eruption of noise comes from all directions
echoes of cheers and horns from streets below
we have a new president
and the happy people of JP are happier.

it does get easier doesn't it?
never felt so alone.

gripping to the sheets as tight as i can,
as i fall asleep in this cold lonely house.

always feeling alone.

i want her to hate me for everything i didn't do for her in our relationship but she won't & this alone makes me cry knowing that maybe i really do push people away ( Read more... )

I may never graduate college,
but i'm definitely happy.

i think.

i'm giving myself an anxiety attack

i just find it impossible to concentrate on one thing at a time lately,
my mind is constantly racing & i can't relax.

I hate this, i was never like this before.
I wish it were 2006 again.

things seem to be getting easier,
then i get a drunken text

& i remember the wreckage i left behind

does it get easier?