Well, I've finally checked this stuff again. I'm feeling... bothered... Life still has no joy for me. It's odd, but no matter what, I can't find even short term joys. Just trudge from one day to the next. Though I fake it well. It's odd, the mask I erect as soon as my day starts, and then the real me just sits back and watches the day go by ( Read more... )

I have got to stop hanging out with my couple friends. Helped David and Jenna, and Gumby and Ashley move today. Both are sickeningly sweet, highly sexual couples. I have GOT to avoid shit like that. Right now, I have only 1 good friend who's not either in a relationship, or working on it. CJ, my good buddy. If he posts in here saying hey Phil ( Read more... )

I know, I post like once a month, or have a burst of like a post every night, and then nothing. Just been busy... Tired right now, so this will just be a highlights one. Still single ( Read more... )

I haven't checked this in about a week, and I'm noticing that now it's me feeling pretty good, and my friends sliding into the hell of depression. Of course I'm doing what I can to help my friends, and this isn't the place to talk about what's disturbing their lives. I'm here to put down my thoughts... And keep track of what's bugging me. Which ( Read more... )

Maybe I'm trying to depress myself, but I realized, since I starteed posting here, I've only had 1 comment response to my posts. Shows how many friends I have... :( Somebody shoot me.

The surgery failed, the bag of infected tissue tore open, and spilled some into her abdomen. That spells a fatal infection on its way. It was better just to youthanize her on the table. Sigh

I wonder again why I try. Why do I even bother to hope for any joy in my life? I should have realized by now, that hope is a waste. I should have realized that my life is nothing more than a chance to suffer. Especially the last few years as I gain the ability to recognize it. For every minor joy I find, I suffer a far greater loss. Dropped ( Read more... )

Work sucked... Our district manage came in, and managed to piss off the core closing crew. Myself included. I'm not going to retype it all, but been talkin with my buddy, so here's a transcript of it ( Read more... )

It's cold in this house. But then again, it's 40 degrees outside, and we don't have the heat on. Nooo... we have.. windows open! Yes, that's right, windows are open... I'm fully dressed, jeans, and a t shirt, and wrapped in a big thick blanket. Problem is, I still feel dirty and sticky from work. I want to shower, but I'm afraid of losing ( Read more... )

The subject refers to my room. I've spent the last few hours working on it, and it looks better. Still a mess, but not the disaster it was before. My room has gotten horrible over the past few months somehow. I'm not a messy guy, but stuff has been getting tossed into my room constantly for a long time. Most of it, not even mine. My room ( Read more... )