Life is a cycle of pain, misery, and despair.
I wonder again why I try. Why do I even bother to hope for any joy in my life? I should have realized by now, that hope is a waste. I should have realized that my life is nothing more than a chance to suffer. Especially the last few years as I gain the ability to recognize it. For every minor joy I find, I suffer a far greater loss. Dropped out of middle school, entered college, and began to enjoy llife. Life offers me a divorce in 2000 that has remained ugly to this day. I began to cope with that, and life gives me the death of my grandfather. I tried to deal with that, by honoring his memory through his car. He always liked that car, I loved it, took care of it, kept it clean, was making sure it stayed beautiful. A brake failure, and a ditch took it away from me. Now my horse injured herself back in October. Managed to half impale herself, but didn't kill herself outright. We cleaned out the wound, treated for infection, did just about everything we could to make sure she recovered. She seemed better after a month, though she was thin. We fed and took care of her, trying to restore her to full health. But, after 3 months with no weight coming back, we took her to Univ of Florida's Vet school, and found out today, that we didn't totally stop the infection. Instead, a section walled itself off inside her abdominal cavity. It's now the size of a basketball. Now, the school can maybe remove it surgically, but, that wil cost 6 grand. I don't have it to spend in a lump sum like that. So, now comes the decision. Should we try to save the mare? If surgery works, we have the horse alive, and 6k in debt. If surgery fails, we have no horse, but $5500 from the insurance company for her death. Problem is, money's still a bit tight from legal bills regarding enforcing the divorce. Not light thinking...