Two Crows Joy, Chapter 39
Two Crows Joy
a "Brokeback Mountain" fanfiction by Mad Lori
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- Chapter 7 -- Chapter 8 -- Chapter 9 -- Chapter 10 -- Chapter 11 -- Chapter 12 -- Chapter 13 -- Chapter 14 -- Chapter 15 -- Chapter 16 -- Chapter 17 -- Chapter 18 -- Chapter 19 -- Chapter 20 -- Chapter 21 -- Chapter 22 -- Chapter 23 -- Chapter 24 -- Chapter 25 -- Chapter 26 -- Chapter 27 -- Chapter 28 -- Chapter 29 -- Chapter 30 -- Chapter 31 -- Chapter 32 -- Chapter 33 -- Chapter 34 -- Chapter 35 -- Chapter 36 -- Chapter 37 -- Chapter 38
Ennis’s abdomen hurt. His arms hurt. He had no idea how he was going to get up off the floor. But none of that really mattered, because however much he hurt, Jack was hurting more. Hurting more than he’d let Ennis see, more than Ennis would have ever suspected.
Even after living with Jack for almost eight years now, Ennis was still sometimes caught off guard by the fact that he mattered to Jack. He still had trouble accepting that an injury to himself could be just as hurtful to Jack. This shouldn’t surprise him, he knew. All he had to do was think of how much it affected him when anything happened to Jack. Harsh words said to Jack were much worse than any said to himself. Was it so surprising that the reverse was also true?
Logically, no. But in that neglected-little-boy center of him that never thought he was worth loving, that couldn’t believe he had significance to others, it was surprising. Still, and probably always would be.
When I hurt, he hurts. Because he loves me.
He felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Jack wept, his body shaking and his chest heaving with great stuttering draws of breath. He held him tight, Jack’s head pressed to his chest, lowering his face into Jack’s hair.
A little at a time, Jack calmed down. Ennis stroked the back of his head, making quiet “shhh” noises, hardly aware he was doing it.
Jack lifted his head, his eyes swollen and red-rimmed. He looked at Ennis’s face for a moment, confused like he wasn’t sure where he was, then awareness came back into his expression. “Ennis, what the…what the hell you doin on the floor? Ain’t good fer yer stomach.” He drew back out of Ennis’s arms and scrambled to his feet. “You jus be still, I’ll help you up.”
“Fer Christ’s sake, Jack…”
“No, you shush.” Ennis felt Jack grab him under the armpits. “Now push with yer feet but don’t pull with yer gut, there.” Sighing, Ennis complied, and Jack hauled him to his feet. “Getting down on the floor like you ain’t got a gash runnin up yer belly,” Jack muttered.
“You think I’m jus gonna stand over you and watch ya cry like that? Huh?”
Jack stood there, hands in his pockets, looking away. “Maybe ya just shoulda let me be, Ennis.”
“I cain’t do that.”
“Don’t wanna talk bout this jus now.”
“Think we oughta.”
Jack laughed. “Damn, I oughta note the date in my diary. Ennis Del Mar wants ta talk bout somethin.”
“Yer upset.”
“Hell yes, I’m upset. Shouldn’t I be upset that my so-called partner fer life cares more bout his brother, who nearly killed him and ain’t been no kinda family ta him, than bout my feelins?”
“Jack, that ain’t it…” But Ennis was talking to himself, because Jack had left the room.
Ennis was sitting at the kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee when Junior came in the back, just home from school from the look of it. “Hi, Daddy. How you feelin today?”
“Pretty good, darlin,” he said. Junior came over and bent to kiss his cheek.
“You look a little down in the mouth,” she said, making an exaggerated pouty face.
“Oh, it’s nothin.”
“You and Jack have a fight?”
Ennis looked up at her. “How’d you figger that?”
“Don’t take a genius, Daddy. You’re here alone lookin all sad. If it were anything else, Jack would be here bein sad with you.”
He smiled a little. “Can’t put nothin over on you, huh?”
She sat down. “Wanna tell me what happened?”
Ennis shifted in his chair. He was uneasy with the topic for several reasons, not the least of which was that he had no wish to incur the same wrath in Junior that Jack had felt. She might be just as upset by his desire to speak on Ken’s behalf as Jack had been. Then again, Junior was level-headed and even-tempered. More than Jack was, that much was sure. Maybe she’d understand. “It’s about Ken.”
Junior nodded, her face going solemn. “Oh.”
“You know he’s pled guilty, right?”
“Lizzie said he’s going before a judge to be sentenced this week.”
“Yeah, on Wednesday.”
“So?”
“So…” Ennis cleared his throat. “Might be I want ta say a little word there. To ask the judge ta go easy on him.”
Junior watched his face for a long moment, her own giving nothing away. “I bet that made Jack all kinds a mad.”
“You ain’t kiddin.” He glanced into her eyes. “Does it make you mad?”
She looked away, biting her lip the way she did when she was thinking hard. “I don’t know if that’s the right word. I guess it’s just more a confused thing. Why do you want them to go easy on him?”
“He’s my brother. He’s had it rough.”
“So have you, Daddy. You’d never do nothin like what he did.”
“I might, darlin.” He shook his head, staring at his clenched fingers on the tabletop. “I got…I got the violence in me too. Come from our daddy. I mighta let it loose by now. If it hadn’t been for Jack, and you, and the life I got here…if I hadn’ta been happy, Lord knows what kinda trouble I’d a been in. Might be in jail myself after some bar fight went bad. I jus cain’t quite find it in me ta condemn him.”
“There but for the grace a God go you, is that what you’re saying?”
“Yeah. Somethin like that.” He shrugged. “And it ain’t like he weren’t provoked.”
Junior sat up straighter. “Now, wait just a damn minute. Provoked? What’d you ever do to provoke him? No, don’t even say it,” she said, holding up a hand when Ennis opened his mouth to speak. “You’ll just say you lied to him and kept things from him. But what you really think you did is be queer. You’re sittin here in this house and looking right at me and saying that is provocation enough for him ta beat you near ta death?”
“No, that ain’t it, it’s just…”
“That is it, Daddy. Don’t try and talk your way out from it, now.”
“If I weren’t, none of it woulda happened!” Ennis exclaimed.
Junior’s shoulders sagged. She put her hands over her eyes, resting her elbows on the table. “Oh, Daddy. What’s it gonna take, huh? You’re right. If you weren’t gay, Ken would not have attacked you. But it ain’t you that needs fixing in that equation, it’s him.” She looked at him again. “What’d Jack say?”
“Kinda what you said. Said that I must care more bout the brother I barely know and who beat me than I cared bout his feelins.”
“He knows that isn’t true.”
“I sure hope so.” He met her eyes. “I know I oughta hate Ken, or want ta see him punished, but…I dunno. Cain’t seem ta stomach the idea a lettin him go off ta prison without sayin one little word. You didn’t see him when he come ta see me, Junior. He was real sorry. I been sorry for some things in my time, ya know.”
“You never beat anybody like that, Daddy.”
“But I hurt folks. I hurt yer momma fer years and years. I hurt you and Francine. I hurt Jack. Damn near everbody I ever cared bout, I managed ta hurt. Only reason I got this nice life now is cause all a you forgave me, gave me another chance.” He cleared his throat. “Well…most a you, anyways.”
“I don’t think it’s the same.”
“Don’t see why not. Is what Ken done ta me worse’n what I done ta yer momma? My own wife? You know how long she knew why I went off with Jack and took it? Cried over it and bore it till she couldn’t bear it no more? I done killed somethin inside her, Junior, even if I never laid a hand on her.” Ennis felt his eyes prickling. He did not want to cry in front of his own daughter. It was bad enough he was spilling his guts like this. He reached out and grabbed Junior’s hand. “You’d a been justified if ya never spoke ta me again,” he said, quietly. “Leavin you and yer sister the way I done. But you gave me another chance and now look what we got here.” Junior smiled, her eyes misting over. “I know Ken don’t expect nothin. He thinks I’m gonna hate him forever and never speak ta him again, and maybe I should, but…I’ve had me enough second chances in my life, feel like I oughta spread some around.”
Junior nodded, gripping Ennis’s hand. “You gotta do what you think’s right, Daddy. I won’t say nothin bout it.” She smiled wryly. “Jack might have plenty more to say, though.”
Jack didn’t come back for dinner. Lizzie came up from the bungalow and the three of them ate Marianne’s lasagna with forced cheerfulness. Ennis picked at his food, not very hungry with an empty chair beside him.
He’s just cooling off someplace. He’ll be back.
After the dishes were cleared, Ennis put on his coat and walked out to the stables, picking his steps carefully and minding his stomach the way Nurse Sharon had warned him. He found Jack there, brushing down Saskatoon.
Ennis just stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Jack didn’t acknowledge him, although he surely had to have heard him enter. Ennis watched as Jack finished grooming the horse, put away the curry-comb, and left the horse’s stall, finally looking at Ennis as he did.
They stood there silently for a moment, then Jack did something Ennis didn’t expect. He walked up and kissed him, hard. He pulled back and grasped Ennis’s hands. “I’m fuckin mad at you, cowboy.”
Ennis nodded. “I know.”
“Ain’t gonna be easy ta get past it.”
“I know.”
“But I still love you, you son of a bitch.”
Ennis couldn’t help it. His mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. So don’t lemme see you pullin yer gloom-n-doom faces over this, cause you ain’t getting rid a me that easy. I jus gotta get over this, and I will get over it, and however long that takes is time that you done bought with this thing yer doin. I jus gotta feel bad bout it till I don’t no more, and you gotta know that yer the one makin me feel bad. I will be there ta help you with whatever ya need, but I hope yer okay that I jus don’t really wanna talk bout it.”
Ennis nodded. “Thought maybe you was gonna gimme the cold shoulder.”
“I cain’t do that jus now, Ennis. Yer hurt, and you been through a lot, and no matter how mad I am at you I cain’t ferget that. Jus cause you ain’t doin right by me jus now don’t gimme no excuse not ta do right by you when ya need me.”
Ennis shuffled his feet, looking at the straw-covered ground. “Shit, don’t that make me sound like the world’s biggest asshole.”
Jack smirked a little at that. “C’mon, Ennis. It’ll be my turn soon enough. We get ta take turns bein the asshole. Ain’t that the short definition a marriage?”
His lawyer, who seemed pretty sharp for a court-appointed public defender, was waiting for him in the sheriff’s single interrogation room. “Mr. Del Mar,” the man said, rising to shake Ken’s hand. “Sit down.”
Ken sat, wishing this could all just be over. He’d done a little time before, and he could do it again. He just didn’t know how much he’d be doing.
However long they send you away, it ain’t long enough.
“Your sentencing is scheduled for nine a.m. Wednesday, the day after tomorrow.”
Ken nodded. “What’ll I hafta do?”
“Nothing. You’ve already allocuted to the details of your crime. The judge has a sentencing recommendation from the prosecutor. You do have the right to speak for yourself, or I can speak for you.”
“Speak? About what?”
The lawyer shrugged. “The factors that may mitigate your sentence. Extenuating circumstances. You have several, I’d advise you to take advantage of them.”
Ken frowned. “What circumstances I got?”
“Well, your intoxication, for one.”
“That ain’t no kinda excuse!”
“I’m not saying it is. But if you can demonstrate that you’ve been sober for several years, had this one lapse, and are back attending meetings, that may help. Also, the events that provoked your binge may elicit some sympathy.”
“Events?” Ken’s eyes narrowed. He knew what was coming.
“Yes. You’d just learned that your brother is a homosexual. That would be enough to send anyone to the bottle.”
“Oh, ya think so, huh? Well, it shouldn’t be.”
“It’s a traumatic event for you, Mr. Del Mar. Surely the shock and rage help to explain your…”
“You sayin my brother deserved it?” Ken said, half-rising. “You sayin he had it comin?”
The lawyer recoiled, blinking in surprise. “No, of course not, but any man could understand how you might…”
“Don’t care what they’d understand. Nothin Ennis done…or nothin he is…none a that’s any excuse. You got any idea what I lost here? That man is my only brother. I ain’t been no kinda family ta him. If I had been, none a this woulda been no surprise. Instead I damn near killed him, and I’m looking at time inside, and if I ever come near him again I think his man might just take my head off with a shotgun.” Ken sat back down, shaking his head.
The lawyer relaxed a little. “Yes, I…see what you mean. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
Ken stared at his hands. “You got any queers in yer family?”
“Um…no, I don’t believe I do.”
“Ain’t somethin I ever thought about.”
“Why would you?”
“Lately it seems like they’re all over the place. Although I guess they always been, it’s just now they’re startin ta say so.”
The lawyer hesitated. “Mr. Del Mar…I’ve been advised that your brother has asked to be present at your sentencing.”
Ken looked up. “He has?”
“Yes.”
“Why the hell’s he wanna be there?”
“Well…the presence of the defendant in the courtroom, especially if they choose to speak, can influence the judge to hand down a harsher sentence.”
“And…he asked ta do that, huh?” Ken wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t blame Ennis for wanting the judge to hear what he had to say, but the weight that had been sitting on his chest since he’d woken up hungover in a cell just got that much heavier.
“I think we just need a new one, boss,” Rod said, straightening up and pushing his hat back on his head.
Jack sighed. He knew Rod was right, but shelling out the money for a new baler hadn’t been in the budget this month. Between his mother’s rent at the assisted-living apartment, Junior’s tuition, his own mad dashes of traveling and now Ennis’s hospital bills, the money was damn near flying out of the coffers. Luckily all but one of those expenses would be temporary, or he would have been seriously concerned. “All right, call that one guy. Same guy from…”
“The guy from up the hills?”
“Yeah, that guy.”
Rod nodded and made a note on his clipboard. Jack turned and started to leave. “Hey, uh…Jack?” Rod said, hesitantly.
Jack stopped and turned back. “Yeah?”
Rod kept writing on his clipboard. “Worst fight I ever had with Adele was over her cousin Spike.”
Jack blinked, not knowing where this was going or why Rod was bringing it up. “That so?”
He nodded. “Mmm-hmm. Spike was way more than just a family black sheep. He was a tough kid from a tough family. Started getting into trouble when he was barely a teenager. Adele always had a soft spot for him. He pushed her away, like he did everybody, and said awful things to her when she tried to help him. Got to the point where she was putting herself at risk to help him, and spending both time and money that we didn’t have. I didn’t understand it. After how he’d treated her, she still went to bat for him. We had some terrible fights over it. Tried reason, tried telling her I was worried about her getting hurt. Finally one night I asked her how she could keep helping Spike when she knew how much it pissed me off. She said, ‘Because I know you’ll love me anyway, and that we’ll be okay. I don’t know that about Spike.’” He capped his pen and glanced up at Jack, the only time he’d looked up the entire time he’d been speaking. “Night, boss.” He walked off down the yard towards his truck.
Jack stood there for a long time after Rod had gone.
Neither of them said much as Jack helped Ennis get his clothes off. They kept their silence as they went through the usual evening routines of brushing teeth and putting on pajamas. Ennis got into bed and waited for Jack to support his back as he lay down. Jack climbed in next to him and they both lay there, not talking.
“Ennis?” Jack finally said. He felt Ennis jump a little.
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna go with you to the courthouse.”
Ennis said nothing for a few beats. “You wanna come with?”
“I oughta be there.”
“Why? You want Ken put away fer life.”
“Not fer him, fer you.”
“I ain’t changin my mind.”
“Not fer that,” Jack said, exasperated. “Jus…ta be there with ya. Ain’t I s’posed ta stand by yer side till death do us part or somethin? Seems like I remember hearin that somewheres.”
Ennis snorted, but Jack could tell he was smiling a little. “Yeah, that does sound kinda familiar.” He shrugged. “Guess if ya wanna come, come on along, then.”
Jack nodded. “Okay.”
Another long pause. Neither of them were even pretending to go to sleep. The light was still on and they were half propped up in bed.
“Y’know,” Jack said, his voice just above a whisper. “Was a time that I wouldn’t a stayed mad.”
Ennis turned his head to look at him. “Huh?”
“I’d a been scared ta stay mad, or ta put it on you like I done today. I always worried you’d just say it ain’t worth it, I done had enough, and get in yer truck and leave me. Back home to Wyoming, away from mouthy assholes who always make ya talk bout stuff and get up in yer face.” He met Ennis’s eyes and saw understanding there. “I ain’t worried bout that no more. I know you gonna be in this bed when I wake up, and not jus cause yer tore up and cain’t run fast. It’s like…it’s safe ta be mad.”
Ennis lifted a hesitant hand and laid it on Jack’s cheek, one gentle stroke down his sandpapery skin. “Was a time I wouldn’ta fought fer nobody, too. I’d a let things be as they were and not said nothin. This ain’t easy. Part a me does hate Ken fer what he done ta me, and you and Junior, but part a me ain’t so sure. Part a me feels fer him, and knows how easy it coulda been me there. And I sure don’t like makin you upset, lookin at me like ya done, like I’m hurtin you. But yeah, it’s like ya said. It’s safe fer us ta get mad. Ain’t gonna bust us up. Ain’t nothin never gonna bust us up,” he said, a sudden intensity coming into his eyes as he said this last. “And it’s you taught me ta fight fer stuff, bud. So you got only yerself ta blame,” he said, smirking.
Jack sighed. “Somethin else I been meanin ta talk t’you bout, Ennis.”
“What’s that?”
“Been thinkin I wanna take you away someplace fer yer recuperatin. Once yer healed up enough ta travel. Next week, maybe.”
“Yeah? Where we gonna go?”
“Someplace warm. This cold ain’t no good fer folks on the mend. Ya need sunshine and warmth. Maybe…the ocean?”
Ennis rolled his eyes. “Ain’t never seen the ocean.”
“I have. It is something else.”
“Well…I dunno,” Ennis said, slowly, considering. “Hate leavin the ranch, and Junior.”
“The ranch is in good hands, and Junior’ll be fine. She can take care a herself, and there’s Lizzie and Marianne here. I’m sure Lars would stay in the house while we’re gone ta look after things.”
“Hmm. Yeah.” He shifted in the bed a little. “I ain’t much fer travelin, Jack.”
“This ain’t like most trips, though. We ain’t gonna do no sightseein or buy no souvenirs. Just someplace quiet where we can just be alone together, relax, sleep all day if we wanna.”
“I don’t wanna sleep all day! What the heck would I do with myself? Be bored silly.”
“You gotta get some quiet time ta get better,” Jack said, fixing Ennis with a look. “Round here, somethin’s always comin up. And don’t it sound nice ta get away just the two of us?”
“Guess that’d be all right, except…Jack…” He fidgeted again. “What’ll folks say? Coupla guys on a trip together?”
Jack grinned, ready to spring his trump card. “That’s the best part. They ain’t gonna say nothin. I found this place we can go that’s just fer guys like us.”
Ennis blinked, then recoiled as if Jack had suggested they vacation in Antarctica. “A vacation fulla queers, Jack? What the hell you thinkin?”
Jack had been prepared for this reaction. “Now, jus calm down a second. This place, it’s real outdoorsy. Everybody gets a private cabin, by the beach. Real remote. Closest thing ta bein alone. It’s kinda like a resort where they’d take care of us, but leave us alone. Wouldn’t hafta do nothin, wouldn’t hafta see nobody else unless we wanted to.”
Ennis was still frowning. “But everybody there’s…queer?”
“Yeah. It’s a queer couple owns and runs the place. They wanted ta make a place fer guys ta go where they could be open, be themselves. Not worry bout what nobody thinks. Place where…I could kiss yer cheek in the lodge and nobody’d care.”
“I’d care! Don’t want you kissin me where nobody else can see!”
“All right, all right,” Jack said, holding up his hands. “I’m jus sayin I could.”
Ennis had his arms folded over his chest now, grumbling low in his chest. “I dunno, Jack. Don’t wanna get social with no other queer men.”
“What are you afraid of, Ennis?” Jack said, quietly. “That you’ll find out they’re jus like you? That they’ve had hard times in life like us? That they’ll get what we been through? That they know what it’s like the way nobody else can ever really know?”
Ennis’s eyes watched Jack’s face as he spoke. “But…will…” he began, falteringly, and started again. “They ain’t gonna wear no dresses or lipsticks or prance around or nothin?”
Jack couldn’t help but laugh. “Jesus, you are jus a mass a prejudices, ain’t ya? Most queer men ain’t like that, Ennis. Not all the time, anyway. C’mon. Are Paul and Roger like that? Are we? They gonna be regular folks, and it’d do you good ta meet some more queer men. Expand yer horizons.”
“Thought I was s’posed ta be relaxin, not expandin no horizons,” Ennis grumbled.
“Some reason you cain’t do both?”
Jack watched as Ennis ground all this over in his mind, his mouth working over his teeth. “Hmm. Well…might be kinda nice. Not ta wonder who’s lookin. Maybe…put my arm round you without checkin first.” His eyes flicked up to Jack’s, and Jack saw the appeal that the notion had for him.
“Yeah. Might be kinda nice.”
Ennis fetched a big sigh. “I dunno why we even talkin bout it, cause we both know damn well that you already done bought our tickets and made a reservation, and getting my say-so’s jus a matter a politeness.”
Jack laughed out loud. “Guess I cain’t put one over on you no more, can I?”
“Not by a long shot, bud.”
“All right. Glad we got that settled. Now bout this court thing…”
“Shh,” Ennis said, moving one finger to Jack’s lips. “Don’t wanna talk bout that no more.”
“But we gotta…”
“I know. Not now. Right now, jus wanna get with you fer awhile,” he said, his tone low and sensuous. He pulled Jack’s face down and Jack let him, relaxing against Ennis’s side and into a welcome, relieved kiss. They could argue about Ken and vacations and whatever else came up but they’d always come back to each other here, in their bed where they’d made their promises.
Ennis’s arms came around Jack and pulled him closer, one hand running up his back to tangle in his hair as their mouths slid open to each other. Jack, conscious of Ennis’s incision, contented himself with stroking his chest and arms, but after a few minutes of necking he was painfully hard and could feel that Ennis was, too. He pulled back. “Ennis…we cain’t, ya know we…”
“Hell with it,” Ennis said, his voice growly. “Want you. Dammit, need you. Ain’t had ya in feels like forever.”
“Well, it’s gonna be awhile longer, cause we cain’t.”
“Gotta be some way that won’t hurt my damn stomach. C’mon, we can figger this out.”
Ennis’s insistence carried Jack along; it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to have sex with Ennis, he was just afraid of re-injuring him. “Well…you cain’t do no…ya know. Thrustin.”
“Fraid not,” Ennis said, casting a resentful glance down at the bandage on his stomach.
“Maybe if I got on top.”
“Naw, that makes me wanna…ya know. Get up in ya.”
“Okay, what if you got on top?”
“Huh. Yeah, might be better fer you ta drive.”
“If you jus sat on my dick I’d be doin all the work, if ya think ya can resist helpin along.”
“Think so, yeah.” Ennis smiled up at him. “We gonna give this a try, then?”
Jack grinned back. “Hell yeah, we gonna.”
They scrambled out of their sleep pants, excited and grabbing at each other like kids who had the house to themselves for a precious, unchaperoned hour, snuffling against each other’s faces and planting kisses on whatever bit of flesh was most convenient.
Jack got out the lube and slicked himself down, then laid on his back. Ennis got on all fours over him, an easy position that didn’t stress his stomach, and with Jack’s help, eased himself down, Jack sliding into him like they’d never been apart. “Oh, shit yeah,” Ennis groaned, sitting upright over Jack’s groin, head thrown back, his hard cock jutting out over Jack’s stomach.
“Goddamn you look good like that, cowboy,” Jack breathed, his hands stroking up and down Ennis’s smooth thighs where they straddled him. “You gonna ride me now? Huh?”
“Yeah, ride ya good,” Ennis said, starting to carefully move his hips back and forth, posting slightly up and down using his thighs as leverage. Jack held to his waist to keep him steady.
“You feelin all right?” he asked.
“Mmm-hmm,” Ennis said, nodding. “Feels mighty fine.”
Jack cupped Ennis’s ass and arched his back, thrusting up into him in slow, deliberate strokes. He didn’t want things to get too crazy for their first time back. “Goddamn, always amazin how tight y’are…oh yeah, jus like that…Ennis…” He tossed his head back as Ennis clenched over him, moving his hips gently but firmly around Jack’s cock in a way he’d never done before. Their eyes met and locked; Jack seized Ennis’s cock and began to pump him, one hand on his stomach to keep him from clenching it. They rocked together in a new rhythm like windblown grasses, bend and stretch and relax against each other until Ennis tensed and cried out, shooting across Jack’s belly, the spasms of his body pulling Jack along.
Jack sat halfway up and pulled Ennis into his arms, easing him down onto the bed gently and cradling him, drawing up his knees to keep himself tucked inside for as long as he could, tears rising to his eyes as he remembered again how near he had come to losing this, losing this man and everything he meant.
Ennis tucked into Jack’s embrace, his fingers twined in Jack’s chest hair. “Oh, darlin,” he whispered. “That’s what I been needin.”
“Feelin okay? Anythin come loose?”
“Jus the top a my head,” Ennis said, kissing Jack’s neck.
“I’m serious, now, how you…”
“Feelin jus fine. Nothin feels better’n you.”
Jack rolled them onto their sides, slipping out of Ennis’s body as he did so. “Yeah. Guess we did need that, huh?” he said, running a finger down Ennis’s face. “You know, that’s the first time we had sex since you left the motel in Wyoming?”
“Damn,” Ennis said. “Seems like about a million years ago.”
“It was only two weeks ago.”
“Well, least we know one way ta do it now. Don’t gotta go without.”
“Nope,” Jack said, smiling. “Not ever.” He meant more than sex, and he could see that Ennis knew it. He drew close again and kissed him, reaching over his shoulder to turn out the light.
a "Brokeback Mountain" fanfiction by Mad Lori
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- Chapter 7 -- Chapter 8 -- Chapter 9 -- Chapter 10 -- Chapter 11 -- Chapter 12 -- Chapter 13 -- Chapter 14 -- Chapter 15 -- Chapter 16 -- Chapter 17 -- Chapter 18 -- Chapter 19 -- Chapter 20 -- Chapter 21 -- Chapter 22 -- Chapter 23 -- Chapter 24 -- Chapter 25 -- Chapter 26 -- Chapter 27 -- Chapter 28 -- Chapter 29 -- Chapter 30 -- Chapter 31 -- Chapter 32 -- Chapter 33 -- Chapter 34 -- Chapter 35 -- Chapter 36 -- Chapter 37 -- Chapter 38
Ennis’s abdomen hurt. His arms hurt. He had no idea how he was going to get up off the floor. But none of that really mattered, because however much he hurt, Jack was hurting more. Hurting more than he’d let Ennis see, more than Ennis would have ever suspected.
Even after living with Jack for almost eight years now, Ennis was still sometimes caught off guard by the fact that he mattered to Jack. He still had trouble accepting that an injury to himself could be just as hurtful to Jack. This shouldn’t surprise him, he knew. All he had to do was think of how much it affected him when anything happened to Jack. Harsh words said to Jack were much worse than any said to himself. Was it so surprising that the reverse was also true?
Logically, no. But in that neglected-little-boy center of him that never thought he was worth loving, that couldn’t believe he had significance to others, it was surprising. Still, and probably always would be.
When I hurt, he hurts. Because he loves me.
He felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Jack wept, his body shaking and his chest heaving with great stuttering draws of breath. He held him tight, Jack’s head pressed to his chest, lowering his face into Jack’s hair.
A little at a time, Jack calmed down. Ennis stroked the back of his head, making quiet “shhh” noises, hardly aware he was doing it.
Jack lifted his head, his eyes swollen and red-rimmed. He looked at Ennis’s face for a moment, confused like he wasn’t sure where he was, then awareness came back into his expression. “Ennis, what the…what the hell you doin on the floor? Ain’t good fer yer stomach.” He drew back out of Ennis’s arms and scrambled to his feet. “You jus be still, I’ll help you up.”
“Fer Christ’s sake, Jack…”
“No, you shush.” Ennis felt Jack grab him under the armpits. “Now push with yer feet but don’t pull with yer gut, there.” Sighing, Ennis complied, and Jack hauled him to his feet. “Getting down on the floor like you ain’t got a gash runnin up yer belly,” Jack muttered.
“You think I’m jus gonna stand over you and watch ya cry like that? Huh?”
Jack stood there, hands in his pockets, looking away. “Maybe ya just shoulda let me be, Ennis.”
“I cain’t do that.”
“Don’t wanna talk bout this jus now.”
“Think we oughta.”
Jack laughed. “Damn, I oughta note the date in my diary. Ennis Del Mar wants ta talk bout somethin.”
“Yer upset.”
“Hell yes, I’m upset. Shouldn’t I be upset that my so-called partner fer life cares more bout his brother, who nearly killed him and ain’t been no kinda family ta him, than bout my feelins?”
“Jack, that ain’t it…” But Ennis was talking to himself, because Jack had left the room.
Ennis was sitting at the kitchen table staring at a cup of coffee when Junior came in the back, just home from school from the look of it. “Hi, Daddy. How you feelin today?”
“Pretty good, darlin,” he said. Junior came over and bent to kiss his cheek.
“You look a little down in the mouth,” she said, making an exaggerated pouty face.
“Oh, it’s nothin.”
“You and Jack have a fight?”
Ennis looked up at her. “How’d you figger that?”
“Don’t take a genius, Daddy. You’re here alone lookin all sad. If it were anything else, Jack would be here bein sad with you.”
He smiled a little. “Can’t put nothin over on you, huh?”
She sat down. “Wanna tell me what happened?”
Ennis shifted in his chair. He was uneasy with the topic for several reasons, not the least of which was that he had no wish to incur the same wrath in Junior that Jack had felt. She might be just as upset by his desire to speak on Ken’s behalf as Jack had been. Then again, Junior was level-headed and even-tempered. More than Jack was, that much was sure. Maybe she’d understand. “It’s about Ken.”
Junior nodded, her face going solemn. “Oh.”
“You know he’s pled guilty, right?”
“Lizzie said he’s going before a judge to be sentenced this week.”
“Yeah, on Wednesday.”
“So?”
“So…” Ennis cleared his throat. “Might be I want ta say a little word there. To ask the judge ta go easy on him.”
Junior watched his face for a long moment, her own giving nothing away. “I bet that made Jack all kinds a mad.”
“You ain’t kiddin.” He glanced into her eyes. “Does it make you mad?”
She looked away, biting her lip the way she did when she was thinking hard. “I don’t know if that’s the right word. I guess it’s just more a confused thing. Why do you want them to go easy on him?”
“He’s my brother. He’s had it rough.”
“So have you, Daddy. You’d never do nothin like what he did.”
“I might, darlin.” He shook his head, staring at his clenched fingers on the tabletop. “I got…I got the violence in me too. Come from our daddy. I mighta let it loose by now. If it hadn’t been for Jack, and you, and the life I got here…if I hadn’ta been happy, Lord knows what kinda trouble I’d a been in. Might be in jail myself after some bar fight went bad. I jus cain’t quite find it in me ta condemn him.”
“There but for the grace a God go you, is that what you’re saying?”
“Yeah. Somethin like that.” He shrugged. “And it ain’t like he weren’t provoked.”
Junior sat up straighter. “Now, wait just a damn minute. Provoked? What’d you ever do to provoke him? No, don’t even say it,” she said, holding up a hand when Ennis opened his mouth to speak. “You’ll just say you lied to him and kept things from him. But what you really think you did is be queer. You’re sittin here in this house and looking right at me and saying that is provocation enough for him ta beat you near ta death?”
“No, that ain’t it, it’s just…”
“That is it, Daddy. Don’t try and talk your way out from it, now.”
“If I weren’t, none of it woulda happened!” Ennis exclaimed.
Junior’s shoulders sagged. She put her hands over her eyes, resting her elbows on the table. “Oh, Daddy. What’s it gonna take, huh? You’re right. If you weren’t gay, Ken would not have attacked you. But it ain’t you that needs fixing in that equation, it’s him.” She looked at him again. “What’d Jack say?”
“Kinda what you said. Said that I must care more bout the brother I barely know and who beat me than I cared bout his feelins.”
“He knows that isn’t true.”
“I sure hope so.” He met her eyes. “I know I oughta hate Ken, or want ta see him punished, but…I dunno. Cain’t seem ta stomach the idea a lettin him go off ta prison without sayin one little word. You didn’t see him when he come ta see me, Junior. He was real sorry. I been sorry for some things in my time, ya know.”
“You never beat anybody like that, Daddy.”
“But I hurt folks. I hurt yer momma fer years and years. I hurt you and Francine. I hurt Jack. Damn near everbody I ever cared bout, I managed ta hurt. Only reason I got this nice life now is cause all a you forgave me, gave me another chance.” He cleared his throat. “Well…most a you, anyways.”
“I don’t think it’s the same.”
“Don’t see why not. Is what Ken done ta me worse’n what I done ta yer momma? My own wife? You know how long she knew why I went off with Jack and took it? Cried over it and bore it till she couldn’t bear it no more? I done killed somethin inside her, Junior, even if I never laid a hand on her.” Ennis felt his eyes prickling. He did not want to cry in front of his own daughter. It was bad enough he was spilling his guts like this. He reached out and grabbed Junior’s hand. “You’d a been justified if ya never spoke ta me again,” he said, quietly. “Leavin you and yer sister the way I done. But you gave me another chance and now look what we got here.” Junior smiled, her eyes misting over. “I know Ken don’t expect nothin. He thinks I’m gonna hate him forever and never speak ta him again, and maybe I should, but…I’ve had me enough second chances in my life, feel like I oughta spread some around.”
Junior nodded, gripping Ennis’s hand. “You gotta do what you think’s right, Daddy. I won’t say nothin bout it.” She smiled wryly. “Jack might have plenty more to say, though.”
Jack didn’t come back for dinner. Lizzie came up from the bungalow and the three of them ate Marianne’s lasagna with forced cheerfulness. Ennis picked at his food, not very hungry with an empty chair beside him.
He’s just cooling off someplace. He’ll be back.
After the dishes were cleared, Ennis put on his coat and walked out to the stables, picking his steps carefully and minding his stomach the way Nurse Sharon had warned him. He found Jack there, brushing down Saskatoon.
Ennis just stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Jack didn’t acknowledge him, although he surely had to have heard him enter. Ennis watched as Jack finished grooming the horse, put away the curry-comb, and left the horse’s stall, finally looking at Ennis as he did.
They stood there silently for a moment, then Jack did something Ennis didn’t expect. He walked up and kissed him, hard. He pulled back and grasped Ennis’s hands. “I’m fuckin mad at you, cowboy.”
Ennis nodded. “I know.”
“Ain’t gonna be easy ta get past it.”
“I know.”
“But I still love you, you son of a bitch.”
Ennis couldn’t help it. His mouth quirked up in a half-smile. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. So don’t lemme see you pullin yer gloom-n-doom faces over this, cause you ain’t getting rid a me that easy. I jus gotta get over this, and I will get over it, and however long that takes is time that you done bought with this thing yer doin. I jus gotta feel bad bout it till I don’t no more, and you gotta know that yer the one makin me feel bad. I will be there ta help you with whatever ya need, but I hope yer okay that I jus don’t really wanna talk bout it.”
Ennis nodded. “Thought maybe you was gonna gimme the cold shoulder.”
“I cain’t do that jus now, Ennis. Yer hurt, and you been through a lot, and no matter how mad I am at you I cain’t ferget that. Jus cause you ain’t doin right by me jus now don’t gimme no excuse not ta do right by you when ya need me.”
Ennis shuffled his feet, looking at the straw-covered ground. “Shit, don’t that make me sound like the world’s biggest asshole.”
Jack smirked a little at that. “C’mon, Ennis. It’ll be my turn soon enough. We get ta take turns bein the asshole. Ain’t that the short definition a marriage?”
His lawyer, who seemed pretty sharp for a court-appointed public defender, was waiting for him in the sheriff’s single interrogation room. “Mr. Del Mar,” the man said, rising to shake Ken’s hand. “Sit down.”
Ken sat, wishing this could all just be over. He’d done a little time before, and he could do it again. He just didn’t know how much he’d be doing.
However long they send you away, it ain’t long enough.
“Your sentencing is scheduled for nine a.m. Wednesday, the day after tomorrow.”
Ken nodded. “What’ll I hafta do?”
“Nothing. You’ve already allocuted to the details of your crime. The judge has a sentencing recommendation from the prosecutor. You do have the right to speak for yourself, or I can speak for you.”
“Speak? About what?”
The lawyer shrugged. “The factors that may mitigate your sentence. Extenuating circumstances. You have several, I’d advise you to take advantage of them.”
Ken frowned. “What circumstances I got?”
“Well, your intoxication, for one.”
“That ain’t no kinda excuse!”
“I’m not saying it is. But if you can demonstrate that you’ve been sober for several years, had this one lapse, and are back attending meetings, that may help. Also, the events that provoked your binge may elicit some sympathy.”
“Events?” Ken’s eyes narrowed. He knew what was coming.
“Yes. You’d just learned that your brother is a homosexual. That would be enough to send anyone to the bottle.”
“Oh, ya think so, huh? Well, it shouldn’t be.”
“It’s a traumatic event for you, Mr. Del Mar. Surely the shock and rage help to explain your…”
“You sayin my brother deserved it?” Ken said, half-rising. “You sayin he had it comin?”
The lawyer recoiled, blinking in surprise. “No, of course not, but any man could understand how you might…”
“Don’t care what they’d understand. Nothin Ennis done…or nothin he is…none a that’s any excuse. You got any idea what I lost here? That man is my only brother. I ain’t been no kinda family ta him. If I had been, none a this woulda been no surprise. Instead I damn near killed him, and I’m looking at time inside, and if I ever come near him again I think his man might just take my head off with a shotgun.” Ken sat back down, shaking his head.
The lawyer relaxed a little. “Yes, I…see what you mean. I’m sorry if I offended you.”
Ken stared at his hands. “You got any queers in yer family?”
“Um…no, I don’t believe I do.”
“Ain’t somethin I ever thought about.”
“Why would you?”
“Lately it seems like they’re all over the place. Although I guess they always been, it’s just now they’re startin ta say so.”
The lawyer hesitated. “Mr. Del Mar…I’ve been advised that your brother has asked to be present at your sentencing.”
Ken looked up. “He has?”
“Yes.”
“Why the hell’s he wanna be there?”
“Well…the presence of the defendant in the courtroom, especially if they choose to speak, can influence the judge to hand down a harsher sentence.”
“And…he asked ta do that, huh?” Ken wasn’t surprised. He couldn’t blame Ennis for wanting the judge to hear what he had to say, but the weight that had been sitting on his chest since he’d woken up hungover in a cell just got that much heavier.
“I think we just need a new one, boss,” Rod said, straightening up and pushing his hat back on his head.
Jack sighed. He knew Rod was right, but shelling out the money for a new baler hadn’t been in the budget this month. Between his mother’s rent at the assisted-living apartment, Junior’s tuition, his own mad dashes of traveling and now Ennis’s hospital bills, the money was damn near flying out of the coffers. Luckily all but one of those expenses would be temporary, or he would have been seriously concerned. “All right, call that one guy. Same guy from…”
“The guy from up the hills?”
“Yeah, that guy.”
Rod nodded and made a note on his clipboard. Jack turned and started to leave. “Hey, uh…Jack?” Rod said, hesitantly.
Jack stopped and turned back. “Yeah?”
Rod kept writing on his clipboard. “Worst fight I ever had with Adele was over her cousin Spike.”
Jack blinked, not knowing where this was going or why Rod was bringing it up. “That so?”
He nodded. “Mmm-hmm. Spike was way more than just a family black sheep. He was a tough kid from a tough family. Started getting into trouble when he was barely a teenager. Adele always had a soft spot for him. He pushed her away, like he did everybody, and said awful things to her when she tried to help him. Got to the point where she was putting herself at risk to help him, and spending both time and money that we didn’t have. I didn’t understand it. After how he’d treated her, she still went to bat for him. We had some terrible fights over it. Tried reason, tried telling her I was worried about her getting hurt. Finally one night I asked her how she could keep helping Spike when she knew how much it pissed me off. She said, ‘Because I know you’ll love me anyway, and that we’ll be okay. I don’t know that about Spike.’” He capped his pen and glanced up at Jack, the only time he’d looked up the entire time he’d been speaking. “Night, boss.” He walked off down the yard towards his truck.
Jack stood there for a long time after Rod had gone.
Neither of them said much as Jack helped Ennis get his clothes off. They kept their silence as they went through the usual evening routines of brushing teeth and putting on pajamas. Ennis got into bed and waited for Jack to support his back as he lay down. Jack climbed in next to him and they both lay there, not talking.
“Ennis?” Jack finally said. He felt Ennis jump a little.
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna go with you to the courthouse.”
Ennis said nothing for a few beats. “You wanna come with?”
“I oughta be there.”
“Why? You want Ken put away fer life.”
“Not fer him, fer you.”
“I ain’t changin my mind.”
“Not fer that,” Jack said, exasperated. “Jus…ta be there with ya. Ain’t I s’posed ta stand by yer side till death do us part or somethin? Seems like I remember hearin that somewheres.”
Ennis snorted, but Jack could tell he was smiling a little. “Yeah, that does sound kinda familiar.” He shrugged. “Guess if ya wanna come, come on along, then.”
Jack nodded. “Okay.”
Another long pause. Neither of them were even pretending to go to sleep. The light was still on and they were half propped up in bed.
“Y’know,” Jack said, his voice just above a whisper. “Was a time that I wouldn’t a stayed mad.”
Ennis turned his head to look at him. “Huh?”
“I’d a been scared ta stay mad, or ta put it on you like I done today. I always worried you’d just say it ain’t worth it, I done had enough, and get in yer truck and leave me. Back home to Wyoming, away from mouthy assholes who always make ya talk bout stuff and get up in yer face.” He met Ennis’s eyes and saw understanding there. “I ain’t worried bout that no more. I know you gonna be in this bed when I wake up, and not jus cause yer tore up and cain’t run fast. It’s like…it’s safe ta be mad.”
Ennis lifted a hesitant hand and laid it on Jack’s cheek, one gentle stroke down his sandpapery skin. “Was a time I wouldn’ta fought fer nobody, too. I’d a let things be as they were and not said nothin. This ain’t easy. Part a me does hate Ken fer what he done ta me, and you and Junior, but part a me ain’t so sure. Part a me feels fer him, and knows how easy it coulda been me there. And I sure don’t like makin you upset, lookin at me like ya done, like I’m hurtin you. But yeah, it’s like ya said. It’s safe fer us ta get mad. Ain’t gonna bust us up. Ain’t nothin never gonna bust us up,” he said, a sudden intensity coming into his eyes as he said this last. “And it’s you taught me ta fight fer stuff, bud. So you got only yerself ta blame,” he said, smirking.
Jack sighed. “Somethin else I been meanin ta talk t’you bout, Ennis.”
“What’s that?”
“Been thinkin I wanna take you away someplace fer yer recuperatin. Once yer healed up enough ta travel. Next week, maybe.”
“Yeah? Where we gonna go?”
“Someplace warm. This cold ain’t no good fer folks on the mend. Ya need sunshine and warmth. Maybe…the ocean?”
Ennis rolled his eyes. “Ain’t never seen the ocean.”
“I have. It is something else.”
“Well…I dunno,” Ennis said, slowly, considering. “Hate leavin the ranch, and Junior.”
“The ranch is in good hands, and Junior’ll be fine. She can take care a herself, and there’s Lizzie and Marianne here. I’m sure Lars would stay in the house while we’re gone ta look after things.”
“Hmm. Yeah.” He shifted in the bed a little. “I ain’t much fer travelin, Jack.”
“This ain’t like most trips, though. We ain’t gonna do no sightseein or buy no souvenirs. Just someplace quiet where we can just be alone together, relax, sleep all day if we wanna.”
“I don’t wanna sleep all day! What the heck would I do with myself? Be bored silly.”
“You gotta get some quiet time ta get better,” Jack said, fixing Ennis with a look. “Round here, somethin’s always comin up. And don’t it sound nice ta get away just the two of us?”
“Guess that’d be all right, except…Jack…” He fidgeted again. “What’ll folks say? Coupla guys on a trip together?”
Jack grinned, ready to spring his trump card. “That’s the best part. They ain’t gonna say nothin. I found this place we can go that’s just fer guys like us.”
Ennis blinked, then recoiled as if Jack had suggested they vacation in Antarctica. “A vacation fulla queers, Jack? What the hell you thinkin?”
Jack had been prepared for this reaction. “Now, jus calm down a second. This place, it’s real outdoorsy. Everybody gets a private cabin, by the beach. Real remote. Closest thing ta bein alone. It’s kinda like a resort where they’d take care of us, but leave us alone. Wouldn’t hafta do nothin, wouldn’t hafta see nobody else unless we wanted to.”
Ennis was still frowning. “But everybody there’s…queer?”
“Yeah. It’s a queer couple owns and runs the place. They wanted ta make a place fer guys ta go where they could be open, be themselves. Not worry bout what nobody thinks. Place where…I could kiss yer cheek in the lodge and nobody’d care.”
“I’d care! Don’t want you kissin me where nobody else can see!”
“All right, all right,” Jack said, holding up his hands. “I’m jus sayin I could.”
Ennis had his arms folded over his chest now, grumbling low in his chest. “I dunno, Jack. Don’t wanna get social with no other queer men.”
“What are you afraid of, Ennis?” Jack said, quietly. “That you’ll find out they’re jus like you? That they’ve had hard times in life like us? That they’ll get what we been through? That they know what it’s like the way nobody else can ever really know?”
Ennis’s eyes watched Jack’s face as he spoke. “But…will…” he began, falteringly, and started again. “They ain’t gonna wear no dresses or lipsticks or prance around or nothin?”
Jack couldn’t help but laugh. “Jesus, you are jus a mass a prejudices, ain’t ya? Most queer men ain’t like that, Ennis. Not all the time, anyway. C’mon. Are Paul and Roger like that? Are we? They gonna be regular folks, and it’d do you good ta meet some more queer men. Expand yer horizons.”
“Thought I was s’posed ta be relaxin, not expandin no horizons,” Ennis grumbled.
“Some reason you cain’t do both?”
Jack watched as Ennis ground all this over in his mind, his mouth working over his teeth. “Hmm. Well…might be kinda nice. Not ta wonder who’s lookin. Maybe…put my arm round you without checkin first.” His eyes flicked up to Jack’s, and Jack saw the appeal that the notion had for him.
“Yeah. Might be kinda nice.”
Ennis fetched a big sigh. “I dunno why we even talkin bout it, cause we both know damn well that you already done bought our tickets and made a reservation, and getting my say-so’s jus a matter a politeness.”
Jack laughed out loud. “Guess I cain’t put one over on you no more, can I?”
“Not by a long shot, bud.”
“All right. Glad we got that settled. Now bout this court thing…”
“Shh,” Ennis said, moving one finger to Jack’s lips. “Don’t wanna talk bout that no more.”
“But we gotta…”
“I know. Not now. Right now, jus wanna get with you fer awhile,” he said, his tone low and sensuous. He pulled Jack’s face down and Jack let him, relaxing against Ennis’s side and into a welcome, relieved kiss. They could argue about Ken and vacations and whatever else came up but they’d always come back to each other here, in their bed where they’d made their promises.
Ennis’s arms came around Jack and pulled him closer, one hand running up his back to tangle in his hair as their mouths slid open to each other. Jack, conscious of Ennis’s incision, contented himself with stroking his chest and arms, but after a few minutes of necking he was painfully hard and could feel that Ennis was, too. He pulled back. “Ennis…we cain’t, ya know we…”
“Hell with it,” Ennis said, his voice growly. “Want you. Dammit, need you. Ain’t had ya in feels like forever.”
“Well, it’s gonna be awhile longer, cause we cain’t.”
“Gotta be some way that won’t hurt my damn stomach. C’mon, we can figger this out.”
Ennis’s insistence carried Jack along; it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to have sex with Ennis, he was just afraid of re-injuring him. “Well…you cain’t do no…ya know. Thrustin.”
“Fraid not,” Ennis said, casting a resentful glance down at the bandage on his stomach.
“Maybe if I got on top.”
“Naw, that makes me wanna…ya know. Get up in ya.”
“Okay, what if you got on top?”
“Huh. Yeah, might be better fer you ta drive.”
“If you jus sat on my dick I’d be doin all the work, if ya think ya can resist helpin along.”
“Think so, yeah.” Ennis smiled up at him. “We gonna give this a try, then?”
Jack grinned back. “Hell yeah, we gonna.”
They scrambled out of their sleep pants, excited and grabbing at each other like kids who had the house to themselves for a precious, unchaperoned hour, snuffling against each other’s faces and planting kisses on whatever bit of flesh was most convenient.
Jack got out the lube and slicked himself down, then laid on his back. Ennis got on all fours over him, an easy position that didn’t stress his stomach, and with Jack’s help, eased himself down, Jack sliding into him like they’d never been apart. “Oh, shit yeah,” Ennis groaned, sitting upright over Jack’s groin, head thrown back, his hard cock jutting out over Jack’s stomach.
“Goddamn you look good like that, cowboy,” Jack breathed, his hands stroking up and down Ennis’s smooth thighs where they straddled him. “You gonna ride me now? Huh?”
“Yeah, ride ya good,” Ennis said, starting to carefully move his hips back and forth, posting slightly up and down using his thighs as leverage. Jack held to his waist to keep him steady.
“You feelin all right?” he asked.
“Mmm-hmm,” Ennis said, nodding. “Feels mighty fine.”
Jack cupped Ennis’s ass and arched his back, thrusting up into him in slow, deliberate strokes. He didn’t want things to get too crazy for their first time back. “Goddamn, always amazin how tight y’are…oh yeah, jus like that…Ennis…” He tossed his head back as Ennis clenched over him, moving his hips gently but firmly around Jack’s cock in a way he’d never done before. Their eyes met and locked; Jack seized Ennis’s cock and began to pump him, one hand on his stomach to keep him from clenching it. They rocked together in a new rhythm like windblown grasses, bend and stretch and relax against each other until Ennis tensed and cried out, shooting across Jack’s belly, the spasms of his body pulling Jack along.
Jack sat halfway up and pulled Ennis into his arms, easing him down onto the bed gently and cradling him, drawing up his knees to keep himself tucked inside for as long as he could, tears rising to his eyes as he remembered again how near he had come to losing this, losing this man and everything he meant.
Ennis tucked into Jack’s embrace, his fingers twined in Jack’s chest hair. “Oh, darlin,” he whispered. “That’s what I been needin.”
“Feelin okay? Anythin come loose?”
“Jus the top a my head,” Ennis said, kissing Jack’s neck.
“I’m serious, now, how you…”
“Feelin jus fine. Nothin feels better’n you.”
Jack rolled them onto their sides, slipping out of Ennis’s body as he did so. “Yeah. Guess we did need that, huh?” he said, running a finger down Ennis’s face. “You know, that’s the first time we had sex since you left the motel in Wyoming?”
“Damn,” Ennis said. “Seems like about a million years ago.”
“It was only two weeks ago.”
“Well, least we know one way ta do it now. Don’t gotta go without.”
“Nope,” Jack said, smiling. “Not ever.” He meant more than sex, and he could see that Ennis knew it. He drew close again and kissed him, reaching over his shoulder to turn out the light.