Two Crows Joy, Chapter 24
Two Crows Joy
a "Brokeback Mountain" fanfiction by Mad Lori
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- Chapter 7 -- Chapter 8 -- Chapter 9 -- Chapter 10 -- Chapter 11 -- Chapter 12 -- Chapter 13 -- Chapter 14 -- Chapter 15 -- Chapter 16 -- Chapter 17 -- Chapter 18 -- Chapter 19 -- Chapter 20 -- Chapter 21 -- Chapter 22 -- Chapter 23
Chapter 23 was posted this past Wednesday, so if you missed it, be sure to read that one first.
Author’s Note: This is another one of those “nothing much happens” chapters. Hope you don’t mind. I felt that Ennis’s arrival deserved some process time. The first three pages are pure 100% smut.
When Jack woke up, he was alone in bed. He felt a momentary rush of panic. Oh God, please don’t let it a been a dream, I cain’t take it… But no. Ennis was standing naked at the window, the gauzy drapes still drawn, looking out. Goddamn, but the sight a that man unclothed still does me in after twenty years. Ennis turned when he heard Jack moving. “Mornin,” he rumbled.
“What ya doin?” Jack asked, the words lost in a yawn.
“Jus seein if it snowed.”
“Did it?”
“Don’t look like it.” Ennis turned and came back to bed, lifting the sheets and sliding in, his warmth enveloping Jack as he stretched out against him, nudging at Jack’s face with his own, seeking lips. Jack offered them up for the taking, meeting moist and warm, quiet and soft, Ennis’s fingers long and rough on his back, sliding down to his hip and around to his ass, a firm stroke on Jack’s skin, possessive like he was claiming what was his. Ennis drew back, a languid smile on his face. “Slept like a rock.”
“Don’t doubt it. After hardly sleepin fer travelin, then the workout I give ya once ya got here.”
“Mmm,” Ennis agreed, ducking his head to tuck into Jack’s neck. Jack’s arm slid around Ennis’s shoulders and he tilted his head back, Ennis’s lips warm on his throat, his hair tickling Jack’s chin.
“Oughta get up…find some…mmm…breakfast…oh, darlin…” Ennis’s mouth was all over his chest, his collarbones, his nipples, and he didn’t seem terribly interested in breakfast. He slid down on the bed, arms around Jack’s hips, then gently turned Jack on his stomach and slid down further. Jack shut his eyes, resting his head on his folded arms, smiling as he felt Ennis’s breath on his lower back. Ennis had never really talked about it, of course, but Jack knew that he had a deep and profound attachment to Jack’s ass. He liked touching it, grabbing it, looking at it, getting up close and personal with it and, of course, pounding it through the mattress. After ten days away from it, Jack wasn’t surprised that he wanted to get reacquainted with his favorite body part.
A shudder ran up Jack’s spine when he felt Ennis’s warm lips on his left buttock, his hand cupping the other one. Ennis shifted on the bed to lay between Jack’s parted legs so his ass was laid out before him, served up like a fancy dessert. Jack groaned a little as Ennis used both hands on him, kneading and stroking, his mouth making moist little sounds against the pale flesh, his morning stubble tickling. Jack couldn’t really move with Ennis lying on top of his lower half but that was okay, he was laid open and exposed to his lover’s attentions just as he’d always laid himself open before Ennis, to do with as he would, whether it was painful or joyful, because he couldn’t hold anything back from the one that made him breathe. That breath was coming faster now, his cock hard and trapped between his belly and the sheets, his hips making little involuntary thrusts against the cotton as Ennis worked him over good with his hands, his mouth, his tongue and even his voice, little noises he made in his throat that sounded like they were getting away from him because he couldn’t help making them, and then, oh then, Ennis had him spread wide and held in place, held down by the hips and dear God his mouth… Jack made a strangled noise deep in his throat, his arms flying down to his sides but he couldn’t reach himself because he was held down, at Ennis’s mercy.
All at once Ennis grasped his hips and urged them up, pushing his knees forward to raise his pelvis off the mattress. “Nuh,” he said, swatting Jack’s hands away when he reached for himself. Ennis flipped over onto his back and pushed himself forward, his head between Jack’s legs, and a cry tore from Jack’s throat as Ennis swallowed him down, all the way one quick stroke, arms circling Jack’s thighs so his hands could grip his ass, Jack on all fours now hovering close over Ennis’s face, hands grabbing at the sheets, chest heaving, wondering if Ennis had been doing some kind of mouth exercises while he’d been gone because he couldn’t remember those lips being this talented. He was thrusting helplessly into Ennis’s mouth and Ennis went along, tilting his head back and bobbing to meet Jack’s shallow undulations.
“Fuck, Ennis…ya never done me like this…” The words were lost in a moan as Ennis slipped a spit-slicked finger into him. “Ah, Christ!” Jack cried. “Ennis…gonna shoot…” But he already was, his back arching as he came from what felt like the top of his head, shooting through the small of his back straight out his cock, Ennis’s arms wrapped around his waist and holding him tight to his face. “Shitfire,” he muttered, raising up so Ennis could slide back up the bed. Jack fell onto his chest, panting. “Oh sweet mother a Christ,” he gasped.
“Like that?” Ennis murmured, smirking, looking very pleased with himself.
“Like it? Fuck, that was some Olympic head ya just gave me, cowboy.”
He felt Ennis’s chest rumble with quiet laughter. “Guess the judges approve.”
Jack lifted his head and looked at him. “Ya never used ta be that…thorough at that.”
Ennis shrugged. “Fer all ya been through last coupla weeks, reckon ya deserve a good blowjob.”
Jack bent and kissed him, tasting himself on Ennis’s lips. “Well, you just lie there, stud, cause I’m gonna do real good fer you.” He kissed him again, sliding over on top of his chest and writhing against him in a way that he knew would have Ennis riled up in a matter of moments. Ennis kissed back, tangle of arms and legs and hands in each other’s hair, and Jack felt his man’s cock brushing his inner thigh, hard and tempting. He straightened up so he was straddling Ennis’s hips and looked down at him, running his hands all over the firm muscles of Ennis’s chest. His eyes looked back up at Jack, heavy-lidded and dark, his tongue crept into the corner of his mouth and his hands stroking up and down Jack’s arms. He sat where he was for a time, grinding his hips down to send Ennis’s head arching back, eyes falling closed, those helpless noises back in his throat just like Jack wanted. He reached over for the lube and slicked Ennis up, rearing hard and insistent from his hips, jumping with his pulse. Jack raised up and reached back, seated it where it belonged, and lowered down slow, Ennis’s hands grabbing hard to his forearms.
“Fuck, Jack…” Strangled throaty cry then, just how Jack wanted him to sound. He sat down on Ennis’s hips, his cock buried balls-deep, stapled together and mated, grabbing at whatever they could reach and settling on fingers laced, arms braced, for Jack to start in. Up and down, like in the saddle, tilt and swirl like at the fair, hang on tight and oh God there’s the spot…Ennis’s eyes were locked on him, his jaw clenched tight. “Yeah,” he gritted out. “Oh fuck yeah…” He dropped Jack’s hands and his own flew around to seize his ass, pulling him closer, faster. “Ride me good, baby,” he gasped, half to himself.
Jack did as he was told, little gaspy moans escaping him on each downthrust. Mattress was squeaking a little, bouncing with the motion, Jack held onto Ennis’s arms for dear life, didn’t want to get bucked right off. “Ennis…oh God yeah right there…” His head sagged to his chest and he leaned forward, blindly seeking Ennis’s lips. Ennis let go of him and propped up on one elbow, the other hand grabbing Jack’s neck and crushing their mouths together, Jack’s hips still grinding into Ennis’s, gasping now together, sharing the exhalations and feeling the moans in their temples. He felt Ennis tensing; he snaked a hand between them and grasped Jack’s cock. “Ya close?” Ennis nodded mutely against Jack’s face, stroking him to the brink then over the brink, Jack strangled the cry through his teeth, clenching and twitching, Ennis biting off his yell, bracing and thrusting, Jack felt Ennis come inside him, that rush of receiving, belonging, taking Ennis into his body, wrap his arms around that feeling, Ennis inside him, deeper than just the flesh, deeper than his eyes dark with wanting, deeper than he’d known he went.
He collapsed forward into Ennis’s embrace, that familiar gap and empty wetness as their bodies parted. “Goddamn,” Ennis panted. “How’s it that it keeps getting better with us, huh? Ain’t it s’posed ta get worse as ya get older?”
Jack chuckled and kissed the side of Ennis’s neck, letting his lips linger there on the damp, warm skin. “Dunno. Practice makes perfect. Plus, you gettin more easy with me every year. Was a time you’d a never told me ta ride ya good.”
He grunted. “Sure woulda been thinkin it, though.”
“Point is it helps when ya say what ya like, what feels good.”
“All feels good. Nothin with you ever feels bad.” Ennis turned his head and kissed Jack hard, his hands cupping the back of his head. He drew back and looked into his eyes. “Does me a bad turn ta think we coulda had this fer twenty years stead a seven,” he said, quietly.
“We got it now. No use lookin back.”
“But…”
“Shush. Don’t know that we coulda. Times I think it hadta be the way it was. Couldn’ta gone off right after Brokeback, or in ’67. Needed time ta know who we was, how we felt, that it weren’t gonna wear off or somethin.”
“Ya think so?”
“Maybe. Hell, what do I know? But don’t do no good ta think on it, it’s all in the past.” He looked over at the bedside clock. “And I think we worked each other over enough fer jus now. Almost nine o’clock, got things ta do.” He kissed Ennis one more time and got out of bed. He bent over his suitcase, naked, and started pulling out clothes.
“What we doin today?” Ennis asked, not moving from the bed, presenting a very fetching picture lying there on his side, looking fresh-fucked, the flush still on his chest, his well-used cock lying against his thigh in its nest of dark hair. Jack made himself focus on the suitcase lest he get drawn back to bed for another round.
“Well…breakfast, first thing. Worked up a bit of an appetite,” he said, tossing a wink over his shoulder. “Then, I wanna take you ta meet my Ma. That okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Be real pleased ta meet her.”
“Reckon you wanna see Francie.”
Ennis flopped onto his back. “I done thought on that a lot while I was drivin all over creation yesterday. I wanna, yeah, but what good’ll it do? Don’t guess I can change her mind, all I’ll do is give her a chance to say awful shit ta my face ‘stead a over the phone.”
“Then she’ll say it ta yer face. Least she’ll know ya done cared enough ta see her.”
“I guess yer right.”
“Ain’t I always?” Jack ducked the pillow Ennis threw at him, chuckling as Ennis got up and walked into the bathroom, presenting a lovely view of the narrow, tight ass that Jack so admired, then promptly spoiling that view by idly scratching that ass as he went. Ah, my man, he is a charmer, Jack thought. He turned back to his suitcase then paused, feeling abruptly overcome. He turned and sat down on the edge of the bed, tears rising to his eyes. Ennis was here, he’d come all the way from Vermont to see him just because he thought Jack needed him, he’d left the ranch and his daughter and everything else to be with him. A bubble of happiness that was damned near painful rose in Jack’s chest as he swiped at his face. The grumpy bastard ain’t kiddin around, he thought. He must really love me. He looked down at the ring on his left hand. It ain’t pretend. Ain’t fer show. Better or worse, to love and cherish. No one’d say it for us so we hadta say it for ourselves. But a marriage wasn’t saying the words, it was living like you meant them, wasn’t it?
Jack got up and went into the bathroom where Ennis was in the shower. He pulled the shower curtain back and stepped into the stall; Ennis moved aside to make room. “Miss me?” he grumbled.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Jack said. He kissed him softly, then reached down and picked up his left hand, raising it to chest level and putting it to his own, palms together, lacing the fingers so their rings sat there on top, side by side. Ennis nodded, that shy half-smile on his face, appearing and disappearing like cloud shadows on the ground, and Jack knew he got it. “Thank you,” Jack murmured. “Fer bein here.”
Ennis shrugged, his cheeks coloring a little. “Couldn’t leave my fella by himself no more.”
Jack smiled. “My hero.”
After showering and dressing, Jack and Ennis grabbed a quick breakfast at the Denny’s next to the hotel and were off to Cedar Crest by ten. Ennis was trying not to let on how nervous he was to meet Jack’s mother. By all accounts she was a nice lady, not like her husband, and not likely to judge him. Jack said that she was happy that Jack was happy, but then Jack did have a tendency to blue-sky things.
“Y’know, ya might see Alma there,” Jack said.
“Yeah?”
“She’s been visiting Ma a lot. They’ve got ta be friends, weird as that sounds.”
“Don’t sound so weird, actually. Alma’s missed her ma somethin awful since she died. Makes some kinda sense she’d like ta have another ma-type person around.”
“Yeah, that does make sense. Still kinda weird that it’d be my ma, though.”
“Well, I’ll give ya that. Does, uh…her bein friendly with yer ma make her kinder on you?”
“Not so’s I’ve noticed. We try ta steer clear fer the most part. I do other things while she’s visitin. She ain’t rude or nothin. It’s like some kinda truce.”
“Yeah, I sure heard that,” Ennis said. “Me n her got somethin like a truce ourselves.” Jack pulled into the parking lot. Ennis looked around at the dark brick exterior. It looked like a regular apartment building. “Nice lookin place,” he commented.
“It is nice. I’m obliged t’Alma fer puttin me onto it.” They got out of the car and headed inside. The lady at the front desk seemed to know Jack, he touched the brim of his hat and she waved, smiling girlishly at him. Ennis resisted an eyeroll. Jack sure did have a way with ladies. Kind of ironic when you thought about it. That charm with women made them like him when he didn’t care one whit about getting into their pants, but it made some men distrust him as too slick, when it was their pants he was after.
Not no one else’s pants no more, Ennis thought. Them pants is off the market.
They climbed to the third floor, Ennis’s apprehension growing. Jack seemed to sense his discomfort. “Will ya relax? She already thinks yer Christ down from the bleedin cross cause a me bein happy n all.”
“But she’s yer ma, Jack. Knowin what we do, like this mornin…”
“Jesus, Ennis, she ain’t thinkin about our sex life. Ain’t it the way a parents n kids ta pretend none of us have one? Same goes fer us. She’s my ma, sure, so if you n me are life partners or whatever the fuck they’re callin it these days then she’s kinda yer ma too, so relax.”
They were in front of her door now. Ennis whipped off his hat, rolling it reflexively in his hands, as Jack knocked. “Ma? It’s Jack,” he said, winking at Ennis. “It’ll be a surprise,” he mouthed silently.
“Come on in,” Ennis heard a slightly tremulous woman’s voice from inside. Jack opened the door, beckoning Ennis to follow him with a jerk of his head, and they went inside. Ennis could smell coffee.
The apartment was small and somewhat generic, but it looked like Grace had some personal things around to make it homey. A quilt on the little settee, a vase of flowers, a couple of photographs…he saw the photo albums he’d sent on a side table.
Grace was in the kitchen, her back to them. She turned, smiling, then she stopped when she saw Ennis. “Oh…Jack? This isn’t…”
Jack was grinning like a damned fool. “It is, Ma. He come out from Vermont ta see me, surprised me at the hotel last night. Can ya believe it?”
She walked slowly, deliberately, but steadily, approaching them with her hands clasped to her bosom and her eyes shining. “Oh, ain’t that sweet,” she said, coming right up to Ennis.
“Ma,” Jack said, sounding a little choked up. “This is my…my partner, Ennis Del Mar. Ennis, this is my mother, Grace Twist.”
Ennis bobbed his head. “Real pleased ta meet ya, ma’am.”
Grace reached up and put her hands on his face, bold as you please, and pulled his head down so she could kiss one cheek, then the other. “I’m so glad ta finally get ta meet you,” she said.
Ennis nodded, blushing. “Same here, ma’am.”
“And none a that ‘ma’am’ nonsense. You call me Grace now, y’hear? Or even Ma, if ya like.” She patted his cheek and let him go. “You boys want some coffee? Sit yerselves down now, take off yer coats.”
“I’d love some coffee, Ma.”
“How d’you take it, Ennis?”
“Uh…black, thanks.” Ennis sat down gingerly on the settee, which felt too dainty for the likes of him, and when Jack sat down next to him it felt like they were sitting way too close together. Their knees were practically touching. “Should we let her get that coffee on her own, with the tremors n such?” Ennis whispered to Jack.
“Tried ta help before, she gets ornery,” Jack whispered back. “Best let her do for herself what she always done. With the medication the tremors ain’t bad at all.”
Ennis nodded, watching as Grace made her careful way back to the little sitting room with two coffees on a tray. She sat down in her rocking chair, smiling. “So, ya came all the way from Vermont? As a surprise fer Jack?” she asked.
“Well…guess so,” Ennis said. “Had been plannin ta come out n join him once all our calves was born.” He glanced at Jack, not knowing if he wanted his mother to know about how upset he’d been, which was the real reason Ennis had made the trip.
Grace was looking from one to the other. “Jack’s had a lot restin on his shoulders of late,” she said, and Ennis saw that he and Jack wouldn’t be keeping any secrets from her, even if they were trying to. “He don’t like ta show it ta me, but I know he’s had a lot on his mind.” She looked down at her hands. “I hate ta be such a burden to ya, Jack.”
“You ain’t no burden, Ma,” Jack said, vehemently. “I jus wanna see yer takin care of. None of it’s yer fault. There’s just a lotta things come together all at once.”
Grace nodded, gave a little sigh and turned back to Ennis. “But I’ve been waitin so long ta talk ta this handsome young man,” she said brightly. “Heard about you fer years n years.”
Ennis felt himself blushing again. “Yes, ma’am…uh, Grace.”
“I gotta thank you,” she said. “A mother wants her baby ta be happy and ya done made that happen.”
He chanced a quick glance up at her smiling face, his cheeks burning. “Weren’t jus me,” he mumbled.
“Jack’s shown me a lotta pictures in them albums ya sent…awful kind a you ta do that.”
“My pleasure.”
“Musta been a lotta work, ta get that ranch up n runnin.”
Ennis nodded. “It surely was, ma’am. The house that was there was damned near fallin down, we hadta rebuild most a the fenceline, put in some new utilities…took most a the first year.”
“It sure looks like somethin, from them pictures.” She sighed. “I’d love ta see it with my own eyes.”
“We’d be real happy fer you ta visit sometime,” Ennis said.
Grace nodded. “I hope that’s in the cards.” She looked at Jack. “Jack, you ain’t said…how it was with yer father.”
Jack shook his head. “Ma, the man’s as stubborn as an oak tree.”
“He’s just spent his whole life livin one way.”
“Everythin I say he takes as a goddamned challenge ta his manhood!”
“John Henry, you watch your language!” she scolded. Ennis held in a chuckle as Jack drew in a little bit.
“I’m sorry, Ma. It’s just…”
“I know, I know,” she said, holding up a hand. She was silent for a moment. “Thinkin I oughta just go on back ta the ranch,” she said. “My place is at my husband’s side.”
“No, Ma!” Jack exclaimed. “Ya cain’t! The doctor said…yer lungs, and ya need ta be near yer doctors…ya cain’t make it up there no more, not you nor him neither! It’s time ta face the facts a life, and he won’t do it!”
“If he won’t, then I gotta pretend I don’t.”
“I ain’t lettin you. He can change. Fer once in his life, he can change ta suit someone else instead a the rest of us bendin and breakin ourselves ta suit him.”
Grace looked sad. “I don’t know that he can, Jack.”
“What’s the main thing holdin him back?” Ennis asked, feeling useless and hoping he might contribute something.
“He won’t give up the ranch,” Jack said.
“Does he hafta give it up altogether? Could he maybe rent it out, and keep it in his name?”
“That’s a possibility, I guess.”
Ennis looked back at Jack’s mother. “Now, I guess you wouldn’t wanna live nowhere on yer own?” he asked.
“Would you wanna live somewhere without Jack?” she asked, by way of response.
Ennis looked over at him for a moment, then back at her. “No, I sure wouldn’t,” he said.
“So we’re still talkin bout yer father moving off the ranch, no matter what’s done with the land.”
“Yeah. And that’s the bitch of it, that he won’t.”
Jack was sent out to the grocery store not too long after their arrival. He agreed to go after a quick nonverbal exchange with Ennis (you wanna come? No, you go ahead. You sure? I’ll stay, it’s fine) and left him there with his mother. He suspected that she wanted to have a few private words with Ennis, although he couldn’t imagine what she wanted to say to him.
When he returned, he ran into Alma, entering the building at the same time he was. “Mornin, Jack,” she said neutrally.
“Mornin,” he said. “Goin ta see Ma?”
“As you see.”
“Ennis is up there.”
That gave her pause. “Ennis? Here?”
“You bet. Showed up last night. Helluva surprise ta me, but a welcome one.”
“Oh, you didn’t know he was comin?”
“No idea. Hoped he would, but thought he wasn’t goin to.”
“He say anythin about wantin ta see Francine?”
“I know he does. Don’t know when. Why don’t we both go on up there and we can all talk about it?”
He watched Alma’s face, the play of emotions across her pale skin clear as day. Wanting to see Ennis but not wanting to see him, worrying about him and Francie having a confrontation, uneasiness to be around Jack and Ennis together. Finally, she gave a curt nod. “All right, then. Let’s go.”
Ennis watched Jack leave, the apprehension coming back to him. Sure seemed like Grace wanted to get him alone, but why? What could she possibly have to say to him that she didn’t want to say in front of Jack?
No sooner had the door shut behind Jack than Grace was sitting up and looking at him steadily. “All right, then. I’ve got some things I been wantin ta ask you, Ennis,” she said, her voice full of a businesslike, gotta-get-this-over-with tone.
Shit. She wants ta know how I could let her boy live like this in sin n perversion, or how I live with myself, or what kinda man abandons his daughters, or cheats on his woman with another man, or… “Sure enough,” he managed, swallowing hard, his hands gripping his knees.
She sighed. “How’s my boy doin? I mean, really? He says he’s all right, but…” She shook her head. “He thinks I cain’t take nothin, he don’t want ta tell me nothin troublin, so I’m askin you ta tell me the truth.”
Ennis blinked, stunned. Jack’s mother was asking him about Jack’s well-being? It was like…like you’d ask a mother about her child, he realized, or a wife about her husband. That’s how she sees me, he marveled. He cleared his throat. “I guess ya mean about Bobby?” Ennis asked. He wasn’t sure how much Grace knew about the beating Jack had suffered last summer, or the troubles they’d had the last few weeks at home.
She nodded. “Worst thing that can happen to a parent.”
“It surely is,” Ennis said. “Just the thought a losin either a my girls…turns my blood cold.” He hesitated. “Well, at the time a Bobby’s dyin…was a bad time, I ain’t gonna lie to ya. But he seemed ta get back ta himself right quick. Know now that it was jus lyin in wait fer him. Come back at him jus before Christmas. Now he’s distractin himself with lookin after you, and worryin on his dad’s ranch, but…I think it’s still heavy on him.”
“That’s what I thought,” Grace said. “Jack was always one ta put on a happy face n pretend things never bothered him none. I think he thought he hadta be cheerful all the time fer folks ta like him.”
Ennis felt shame crawling up the back of his neck, remembering their quarrel on Christmas Eve on that very subject. He knew exactly what Grace meant. Always gotta be good-time Jack, he heard Jack say in his mind. Looks like I ain’t helpin him get over that. “I know what ya mean,” he said, quietly.
“I’m jus glad he has you ta help him.”
That was too much. Ennis snorted, blinking quickly. “I try ta help him but I don’t know that I am,” he said. “I jus don’t know what ta do or say ta make it better.”
“Oh, you poor boy,” Grace said, smiling at him. “You don’t gotta make nothin better. Ain’t nothin that can do that except time, and sometimes not even that. All ya gotta do is be there fer him, and I know that ya are. Lookit you, come all this way.”
Ennis stared at his hands. “Called me from Lightning Flat,” he said. “Jus sounded so broke down. Tore me up ta hear him like that, all alone. So here I am.”
Grace got to her feet and came to sit at Ennis’s side. She reached out and took his hand in a surprisingly strong grip, a grip that had milked cows and wielded tools and cooked thousands of meals and had borne Jack up when he fell. But I guess that’s my job now, he thought, squeezing her hand. “I jus know so little a what Jack is even like now. Only so much you can learn on them quick phone calls, and I know he’s changed so much. I ask him, but he don’t never wanna talk about himself, it seems. Jus wants ta talk about yer business, and friends, and you, a course. Times I feel like I know you better’n I know him.” Ennis managed a half-smile. That sounded like Jack, all right. Talk about everythin but what was really important. “Can ya…tell me about him?” Grace asked.
He frowned. “What ya wanna know?”
“Anythin. Don’t matter.”
Ennis sighed, looking off into the middle distance, wondering which of the approximately eight hundred thousand things he knew about Jack would be appropriate to reveal to his mother. He thought for what felt like a long time, Grace sitting patiently at his side, waiting. “Man likes card games,” Ennis finally said. “Knows ‘em all. I cain’t never remember the rules, he has ta remind me every time. Tries ta get me ta play cribbage, or gin, but I ain’t no good at it so he jus plays solitaire.” He glanced at Grace and saw her smiling, and knew he was on to something. Ordinary things, then. Regular things. Things you don’t know when you don’t live with someone. “He’s got himself a sweet tooth. Likes cake the best, but cookies’ll do just fine.”
Grace laughed. “Oh my, he always did love my baking.”
“Well, I ain’t got the first clue about bakin, but our gal what looks after us, she makes a mean batch a chocolate chip. Well known fact, ya gotta get some before Jack finds out they’re fresh, cause it’s like a vacuum cleaner. I tell him he’s gonna get himself a nice spare tire if he ain’t careful, but so far he ain’t got one. Works hard round our place. He’s a real hard worker. Real good at animal breedin, didja know that?” Grace shook her head. “Our vet says he got a gift fer it. Won a whole bunch a prizes, helped our business a lot that way. He goes ta these conferences all over the country, flies ta meet with big-time ranchers.”
“You don’t go along?”
“Me? Nah. That’s his thing. I jus run the place.” Ennis sat back, the familiarity of the topic easing his discomfort. “I give him shit…oh, sorry, ma’am…but Jack’s a real smart fella. Lizzie…that’s our friend what works in the office…says he coulda been a college man if things been different.”
“I always thought so,” Grace said, her face full of regret that their lives hadn’t been able to give her son that chance.
“Jack…he always thinks things’re gonna be okay,” Ennis said softly. He was half talking to himself now. “Me, I don’t think like that. But times he can even make me believe it. He’ll jus look at me n smile, n say ‘C’mon Ennis, buck up there. Look on the bright side.’ That man and his bright sides.” He leaned forward, forearms on his knees and hands clasped, eyes downcast. “Don’t know where he comes on it, but them bright sides hadta be bright enough fer both of us fer a long time.” He gave a start and smiled, a little embarrassed. “Listen ta me goin on. Huh. Cain’t think what else ya might like ta know. He wears a thirty-four average. He likes talk radio, cinnamon gum, funny movies and beer you could stand up a spoon in.”
Grace laughed. “Oh my, Ennis. Jack told me I’d have a hard time getting more’n five words outta you.”
“Normally he’d be right. Guess I can get chatty when it’s a subject what interests me.” Ennis looked at Grace’s face, so hopeful, wanting to know something real about her son, something she could hold onto when he was back home, and his gum preference wasn’t going to do it. Christ, Ennis. It’s yer goddamn mother-in-law, kinda. If Jack’s any good it has ta be on her account, cause it sure ain’t on his. If ya cain’t tell her somethin real, ya got worse issues than ya thought. He sighed and forced himself to meet her eyes. “Yer son’s a real good man, Grace. He’s kind n brave, got a big heart. I’m awful proud ta know him.” He shut his eyes briefly, then plunged on. “And, uh…I feel mighty strong on him.”
A radiant, peaceful smile came to Grace’s face, smoothing years off her like an eraser. She patted his hand again. “I jus knew that someday, there’d be somebody who’d see in him what I always knew was there.”
He had to ask. “And…it don’t bother you none him bein…us bein…” He couldn’t get it out.
“I don’t question who God sees fit ta send my son fer his happiness. He don’t make mistakes, that’s what I was taught.”
“I was taught it was abomination,” Ennis muttered. Why you pushin her? Said she was all right, didn’t she?
“Was a time they taught that havin slaves was okay, didn’t make it right.”
Ennis studied her face, amazed. “Yer a mighty free-thinkin lady, ma’am.”
“Grace. Don’t know what kinda thinkin I am, jus know what makes sense.”
“Reckon so. Wish more folks saw that kinda sense.”
She met his eyes, straight on. “Ya love my son, Ennis?”
He didn’t look away. “Ma’am, I surely do.”
“Then God bless you.”
Ennis blinked and shook his head. No, you ain’t gonna cry…AGAIN…in front a this nice lady. “Sorry ta be getting emotional here,” he said, turning his face away. “Jus…never thought no one’d ever bless me fer that.”
He felt her hand, trembling just a little, light on the side of his head, brushing his hair back, her touch so like a mother’s that it made him ache in a deep, long-buried hurt that he hadn’t touched in years and years. “The Lord’s blessings come ta them that don’t expect em,” Grace murmured. “And them what think they’re most unworthy are the ones most deservin a His love.” She leaned closer still, like she wanted to tell him a secret. “Ya think ya might be headin up ta the ranch with Jack sometime?”
“I b’lieve Jack means to, yes. Tomorrow, maybe.”
“Well…you take a look round,” she said, speaking with an odd kind of emphasis, as if this was very important. “I kept his room like he had it, ain’t changed nothing. You…” She hesitated. “You take a good look round,” she repeated. She smiled and patted his shoulder like she’d bestowed a pearl of ancient wisdom on him.
“Uh…all right, I will,” Ennis said, puzzled.
“I’ll be holdin ya to that, son.”
When Jack and Alma returned to his mother’s rooms, she and Ennis were sitting on the settee looking at the photo albums. “Hello, hello,” he said. “Look who I found downstairs.” Alma entered, arms crossed in what Jack by now recognized as her “defended” posture.
Ennis stood up when he saw her. “Afternoon, Alma,” he said, ducking his head and looking a little fidgety. “Uh…nice ta see you.”
“Ennis,” she said, acknowledging him. Her expression softened when she looked at Grace. “’Lo, Grace, how’re you today?” she asked, going to the older woman’s side and bending to kiss her cheek.
Grace smiled and squeezed Alma’s hand. “I’m jus fine, honey. What a fine surprise ta get ta meet Jack’s…uh, I mean ta say, yer…” She paused and cleared her throat. “Ta get ta meet Ennis,” she finally settled on.
Jack put away the groceries, suppressing a chuckle. This entire situation just kept getting more and more surreal. Ennis joined him; to Jack’s shock, he cast a quick glance out at the sitting room and then bent and kissed his cheek. Jack stared at him. “What was that for?”
“Oh, I dunno. Cain’t I kiss ya fer no reason at all?”
“In front a my mother and yer ex-wife?”
“They weren’t lookin.”
“So…what’d my mother want?”
“What makes ya think she wanted somethin?” This exchange was taking place in low whispers out of the corners of mouths.
“C’mon, she wanted ta get you alone, s’why she sent me out for coffee filters when she’s got two damned boxes of em in here.”
“She jus wanted ta talk.”
“About me?”
“Christ, Jack, everythin in the world ain’t about you. Get over yerself.”
“She’s my mother. Everythin in the world is about me.”
“Think she jus wanted what every mamma wants.”
“Which is?”
Ennis shrugged. “Ta know what you ain’t tellin her.”
“And I bet you were just too happy ta fill her in.”
“Yup. Told her you smoke dope, gamble away half our money and have college boys over fer strip poker every weekend.”
Jack jabbed his elbow in Ennis’s side, rolling his eyes. “Fine, don’t tell me.”
“Okay, I won’t. Between me n her, anyway. Butt out.”
Frustrated, Jack turned to face him, his back towards the sitting room. “Ennis…d’ya like her okay? You two get on?”
Ennis smiled, slow. “She’s real nice. I like her fine. She’s got…good sense.” He shrugged. “Too bad you didn’t get none a that.”
Jack made a face. “Oh, yer jus too hilarious fer words, Del Mar.” Ennis brushed past him on his way back to the sitting room and after a moment Jack followed.
Wish I knew what they was talkin about, he thought. My ma and my man…God, they got plenty a stories about me ta share, embarrassin on both sides. Comparin notes, him askin if I was always this annoying, her askin if I’m still as much trouble. He watched Ennis’s face as he took his seat next to Grace and he saw a flash of tenderness there, but then it was gone and he was just regular Ennis again, looking put out to be forced into interacting with people.
Jack leaned against the kitchen counter, watching Grace and Alma talking about yarn, Ennis sitting silently by, and it seemed amazing that he’d lasted ten days out here by himself. In a few short days Ennis would go back to Vermont and Jack would likely have to remain; he didn’t like to think about it. It was a little humbling to realize just how much he’d come to depend on Ennis. Having him in his life every day for seven years had trained his mind around Ennis’s presence. He hashed out ideas by bouncing them off Ennis, he worked through problems by yelling about them to Ennis, he relaxed after a hard day by sitting with Ennis. He’d forgotten how to hash out ideas by himself, or work through problems on his own, or relax in solitude. He’d become…coupled. In a way that he’d never been with Lureen. They’d been coupled in law but not in fact. He and Ennis were coupled in fact, but not in law. He wondered if Ennis felt the same way, but somehow didn’t think he did. Ennis was still a lone wolf even if he was coupled up. For a long time, Jack had been convinced that he needed Ennis a lot more than Ennis needed him. He no longer believed that was true. Seeing Ennis outside that hotel room door had done something to him. If Ennis stayed with him only as long as he was fun and no trouble, as he’d long feared, then how did that jibe with a man who’d traveled the better part of a day to get to him just when he was at his least fun and most troublesome? It didn’t.
God almighty damn, that man is mine. No shit and fer real.
a "Brokeback Mountain" fanfiction by Mad Lori
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- Chapter 7 -- Chapter 8 -- Chapter 9 -- Chapter 10 -- Chapter 11 -- Chapter 12 -- Chapter 13 -- Chapter 14 -- Chapter 15 -- Chapter 16 -- Chapter 17 -- Chapter 18 -- Chapter 19 -- Chapter 20 -- Chapter 21 -- Chapter 22 -- Chapter 23
Chapter 23 was posted this past Wednesday, so if you missed it, be sure to read that one first.
Author’s Note: This is another one of those “nothing much happens” chapters. Hope you don’t mind. I felt that Ennis’s arrival deserved some process time. The first three pages are pure 100% smut.
When Jack woke up, he was alone in bed. He felt a momentary rush of panic. Oh God, please don’t let it a been a dream, I cain’t take it… But no. Ennis was standing naked at the window, the gauzy drapes still drawn, looking out. Goddamn, but the sight a that man unclothed still does me in after twenty years. Ennis turned when he heard Jack moving. “Mornin,” he rumbled.
“What ya doin?” Jack asked, the words lost in a yawn.
“Jus seein if it snowed.”
“Did it?”
“Don’t look like it.” Ennis turned and came back to bed, lifting the sheets and sliding in, his warmth enveloping Jack as he stretched out against him, nudging at Jack’s face with his own, seeking lips. Jack offered them up for the taking, meeting moist and warm, quiet and soft, Ennis’s fingers long and rough on his back, sliding down to his hip and around to his ass, a firm stroke on Jack’s skin, possessive like he was claiming what was his. Ennis drew back, a languid smile on his face. “Slept like a rock.”
“Don’t doubt it. After hardly sleepin fer travelin, then the workout I give ya once ya got here.”
“Mmm,” Ennis agreed, ducking his head to tuck into Jack’s neck. Jack’s arm slid around Ennis’s shoulders and he tilted his head back, Ennis’s lips warm on his throat, his hair tickling Jack’s chin.
“Oughta get up…find some…mmm…breakfast…oh, darlin…” Ennis’s mouth was all over his chest, his collarbones, his nipples, and he didn’t seem terribly interested in breakfast. He slid down on the bed, arms around Jack’s hips, then gently turned Jack on his stomach and slid down further. Jack shut his eyes, resting his head on his folded arms, smiling as he felt Ennis’s breath on his lower back. Ennis had never really talked about it, of course, but Jack knew that he had a deep and profound attachment to Jack’s ass. He liked touching it, grabbing it, looking at it, getting up close and personal with it and, of course, pounding it through the mattress. After ten days away from it, Jack wasn’t surprised that he wanted to get reacquainted with his favorite body part.
A shudder ran up Jack’s spine when he felt Ennis’s warm lips on his left buttock, his hand cupping the other one. Ennis shifted on the bed to lay between Jack’s parted legs so his ass was laid out before him, served up like a fancy dessert. Jack groaned a little as Ennis used both hands on him, kneading and stroking, his mouth making moist little sounds against the pale flesh, his morning stubble tickling. Jack couldn’t really move with Ennis lying on top of his lower half but that was okay, he was laid open and exposed to his lover’s attentions just as he’d always laid himself open before Ennis, to do with as he would, whether it was painful or joyful, because he couldn’t hold anything back from the one that made him breathe. That breath was coming faster now, his cock hard and trapped between his belly and the sheets, his hips making little involuntary thrusts against the cotton as Ennis worked him over good with his hands, his mouth, his tongue and even his voice, little noises he made in his throat that sounded like they were getting away from him because he couldn’t help making them, and then, oh then, Ennis had him spread wide and held in place, held down by the hips and dear God his mouth… Jack made a strangled noise deep in his throat, his arms flying down to his sides but he couldn’t reach himself because he was held down, at Ennis’s mercy.
All at once Ennis grasped his hips and urged them up, pushing his knees forward to raise his pelvis off the mattress. “Nuh,” he said, swatting Jack’s hands away when he reached for himself. Ennis flipped over onto his back and pushed himself forward, his head between Jack’s legs, and a cry tore from Jack’s throat as Ennis swallowed him down, all the way one quick stroke, arms circling Jack’s thighs so his hands could grip his ass, Jack on all fours now hovering close over Ennis’s face, hands grabbing at the sheets, chest heaving, wondering if Ennis had been doing some kind of mouth exercises while he’d been gone because he couldn’t remember those lips being this talented. He was thrusting helplessly into Ennis’s mouth and Ennis went along, tilting his head back and bobbing to meet Jack’s shallow undulations.
“Fuck, Ennis…ya never done me like this…” The words were lost in a moan as Ennis slipped a spit-slicked finger into him. “Ah, Christ!” Jack cried. “Ennis…gonna shoot…” But he already was, his back arching as he came from what felt like the top of his head, shooting through the small of his back straight out his cock, Ennis’s arms wrapped around his waist and holding him tight to his face. “Shitfire,” he muttered, raising up so Ennis could slide back up the bed. Jack fell onto his chest, panting. “Oh sweet mother a Christ,” he gasped.
“Like that?” Ennis murmured, smirking, looking very pleased with himself.
“Like it? Fuck, that was some Olympic head ya just gave me, cowboy.”
He felt Ennis’s chest rumble with quiet laughter. “Guess the judges approve.”
Jack lifted his head and looked at him. “Ya never used ta be that…thorough at that.”
Ennis shrugged. “Fer all ya been through last coupla weeks, reckon ya deserve a good blowjob.”
Jack bent and kissed him, tasting himself on Ennis’s lips. “Well, you just lie there, stud, cause I’m gonna do real good fer you.” He kissed him again, sliding over on top of his chest and writhing against him in a way that he knew would have Ennis riled up in a matter of moments. Ennis kissed back, tangle of arms and legs and hands in each other’s hair, and Jack felt his man’s cock brushing his inner thigh, hard and tempting. He straightened up so he was straddling Ennis’s hips and looked down at him, running his hands all over the firm muscles of Ennis’s chest. His eyes looked back up at Jack, heavy-lidded and dark, his tongue crept into the corner of his mouth and his hands stroking up and down Jack’s arms. He sat where he was for a time, grinding his hips down to send Ennis’s head arching back, eyes falling closed, those helpless noises back in his throat just like Jack wanted. He reached over for the lube and slicked Ennis up, rearing hard and insistent from his hips, jumping with his pulse. Jack raised up and reached back, seated it where it belonged, and lowered down slow, Ennis’s hands grabbing hard to his forearms.
“Fuck, Jack…” Strangled throaty cry then, just how Jack wanted him to sound. He sat down on Ennis’s hips, his cock buried balls-deep, stapled together and mated, grabbing at whatever they could reach and settling on fingers laced, arms braced, for Jack to start in. Up and down, like in the saddle, tilt and swirl like at the fair, hang on tight and oh God there’s the spot…Ennis’s eyes were locked on him, his jaw clenched tight. “Yeah,” he gritted out. “Oh fuck yeah…” He dropped Jack’s hands and his own flew around to seize his ass, pulling him closer, faster. “Ride me good, baby,” he gasped, half to himself.
Jack did as he was told, little gaspy moans escaping him on each downthrust. Mattress was squeaking a little, bouncing with the motion, Jack held onto Ennis’s arms for dear life, didn’t want to get bucked right off. “Ennis…oh God yeah right there…” His head sagged to his chest and he leaned forward, blindly seeking Ennis’s lips. Ennis let go of him and propped up on one elbow, the other hand grabbing Jack’s neck and crushing their mouths together, Jack’s hips still grinding into Ennis’s, gasping now together, sharing the exhalations and feeling the moans in their temples. He felt Ennis tensing; he snaked a hand between them and grasped Jack’s cock. “Ya close?” Ennis nodded mutely against Jack’s face, stroking him to the brink then over the brink, Jack strangled the cry through his teeth, clenching and twitching, Ennis biting off his yell, bracing and thrusting, Jack felt Ennis come inside him, that rush of receiving, belonging, taking Ennis into his body, wrap his arms around that feeling, Ennis inside him, deeper than just the flesh, deeper than his eyes dark with wanting, deeper than he’d known he went.
He collapsed forward into Ennis’s embrace, that familiar gap and empty wetness as their bodies parted. “Goddamn,” Ennis panted. “How’s it that it keeps getting better with us, huh? Ain’t it s’posed ta get worse as ya get older?”
Jack chuckled and kissed the side of Ennis’s neck, letting his lips linger there on the damp, warm skin. “Dunno. Practice makes perfect. Plus, you gettin more easy with me every year. Was a time you’d a never told me ta ride ya good.”
He grunted. “Sure woulda been thinkin it, though.”
“Point is it helps when ya say what ya like, what feels good.”
“All feels good. Nothin with you ever feels bad.” Ennis turned his head and kissed Jack hard, his hands cupping the back of his head. He drew back and looked into his eyes. “Does me a bad turn ta think we coulda had this fer twenty years stead a seven,” he said, quietly.
“We got it now. No use lookin back.”
“But…”
“Shush. Don’t know that we coulda. Times I think it hadta be the way it was. Couldn’ta gone off right after Brokeback, or in ’67. Needed time ta know who we was, how we felt, that it weren’t gonna wear off or somethin.”
“Ya think so?”
“Maybe. Hell, what do I know? But don’t do no good ta think on it, it’s all in the past.” He looked over at the bedside clock. “And I think we worked each other over enough fer jus now. Almost nine o’clock, got things ta do.” He kissed Ennis one more time and got out of bed. He bent over his suitcase, naked, and started pulling out clothes.
“What we doin today?” Ennis asked, not moving from the bed, presenting a very fetching picture lying there on his side, looking fresh-fucked, the flush still on his chest, his well-used cock lying against his thigh in its nest of dark hair. Jack made himself focus on the suitcase lest he get drawn back to bed for another round.
“Well…breakfast, first thing. Worked up a bit of an appetite,” he said, tossing a wink over his shoulder. “Then, I wanna take you ta meet my Ma. That okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Be real pleased ta meet her.”
“Reckon you wanna see Francie.”
Ennis flopped onto his back. “I done thought on that a lot while I was drivin all over creation yesterday. I wanna, yeah, but what good’ll it do? Don’t guess I can change her mind, all I’ll do is give her a chance to say awful shit ta my face ‘stead a over the phone.”
“Then she’ll say it ta yer face. Least she’ll know ya done cared enough ta see her.”
“I guess yer right.”
“Ain’t I always?” Jack ducked the pillow Ennis threw at him, chuckling as Ennis got up and walked into the bathroom, presenting a lovely view of the narrow, tight ass that Jack so admired, then promptly spoiling that view by idly scratching that ass as he went. Ah, my man, he is a charmer, Jack thought. He turned back to his suitcase then paused, feeling abruptly overcome. He turned and sat down on the edge of the bed, tears rising to his eyes. Ennis was here, he’d come all the way from Vermont to see him just because he thought Jack needed him, he’d left the ranch and his daughter and everything else to be with him. A bubble of happiness that was damned near painful rose in Jack’s chest as he swiped at his face. The grumpy bastard ain’t kiddin around, he thought. He must really love me. He looked down at the ring on his left hand. It ain’t pretend. Ain’t fer show. Better or worse, to love and cherish. No one’d say it for us so we hadta say it for ourselves. But a marriage wasn’t saying the words, it was living like you meant them, wasn’t it?
Jack got up and went into the bathroom where Ennis was in the shower. He pulled the shower curtain back and stepped into the stall; Ennis moved aside to make room. “Miss me?” he grumbled.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Jack said. He kissed him softly, then reached down and picked up his left hand, raising it to chest level and putting it to his own, palms together, lacing the fingers so their rings sat there on top, side by side. Ennis nodded, that shy half-smile on his face, appearing and disappearing like cloud shadows on the ground, and Jack knew he got it. “Thank you,” Jack murmured. “Fer bein here.”
Ennis shrugged, his cheeks coloring a little. “Couldn’t leave my fella by himself no more.”
Jack smiled. “My hero.”
After showering and dressing, Jack and Ennis grabbed a quick breakfast at the Denny’s next to the hotel and were off to Cedar Crest by ten. Ennis was trying not to let on how nervous he was to meet Jack’s mother. By all accounts she was a nice lady, not like her husband, and not likely to judge him. Jack said that she was happy that Jack was happy, but then Jack did have a tendency to blue-sky things.
“Y’know, ya might see Alma there,” Jack said.
“Yeah?”
“She’s been visiting Ma a lot. They’ve got ta be friends, weird as that sounds.”
“Don’t sound so weird, actually. Alma’s missed her ma somethin awful since she died. Makes some kinda sense she’d like ta have another ma-type person around.”
“Yeah, that does make sense. Still kinda weird that it’d be my ma, though.”
“Well, I’ll give ya that. Does, uh…her bein friendly with yer ma make her kinder on you?”
“Not so’s I’ve noticed. We try ta steer clear fer the most part. I do other things while she’s visitin. She ain’t rude or nothin. It’s like some kinda truce.”
“Yeah, I sure heard that,” Ennis said. “Me n her got somethin like a truce ourselves.” Jack pulled into the parking lot. Ennis looked around at the dark brick exterior. It looked like a regular apartment building. “Nice lookin place,” he commented.
“It is nice. I’m obliged t’Alma fer puttin me onto it.” They got out of the car and headed inside. The lady at the front desk seemed to know Jack, he touched the brim of his hat and she waved, smiling girlishly at him. Ennis resisted an eyeroll. Jack sure did have a way with ladies. Kind of ironic when you thought about it. That charm with women made them like him when he didn’t care one whit about getting into their pants, but it made some men distrust him as too slick, when it was their pants he was after.
Not no one else’s pants no more, Ennis thought. Them pants is off the market.
They climbed to the third floor, Ennis’s apprehension growing. Jack seemed to sense his discomfort. “Will ya relax? She already thinks yer Christ down from the bleedin cross cause a me bein happy n all.”
“But she’s yer ma, Jack. Knowin what we do, like this mornin…”
“Jesus, Ennis, she ain’t thinkin about our sex life. Ain’t it the way a parents n kids ta pretend none of us have one? Same goes fer us. She’s my ma, sure, so if you n me are life partners or whatever the fuck they’re callin it these days then she’s kinda yer ma too, so relax.”
They were in front of her door now. Ennis whipped off his hat, rolling it reflexively in his hands, as Jack knocked. “Ma? It’s Jack,” he said, winking at Ennis. “It’ll be a surprise,” he mouthed silently.
“Come on in,” Ennis heard a slightly tremulous woman’s voice from inside. Jack opened the door, beckoning Ennis to follow him with a jerk of his head, and they went inside. Ennis could smell coffee.
The apartment was small and somewhat generic, but it looked like Grace had some personal things around to make it homey. A quilt on the little settee, a vase of flowers, a couple of photographs…he saw the photo albums he’d sent on a side table.
Grace was in the kitchen, her back to them. She turned, smiling, then she stopped when she saw Ennis. “Oh…Jack? This isn’t…”
Jack was grinning like a damned fool. “It is, Ma. He come out from Vermont ta see me, surprised me at the hotel last night. Can ya believe it?”
She walked slowly, deliberately, but steadily, approaching them with her hands clasped to her bosom and her eyes shining. “Oh, ain’t that sweet,” she said, coming right up to Ennis.
“Ma,” Jack said, sounding a little choked up. “This is my…my partner, Ennis Del Mar. Ennis, this is my mother, Grace Twist.”
Ennis bobbed his head. “Real pleased ta meet ya, ma’am.”
Grace reached up and put her hands on his face, bold as you please, and pulled his head down so she could kiss one cheek, then the other. “I’m so glad ta finally get ta meet you,” she said.
Ennis nodded, blushing. “Same here, ma’am.”
“And none a that ‘ma’am’ nonsense. You call me Grace now, y’hear? Or even Ma, if ya like.” She patted his cheek and let him go. “You boys want some coffee? Sit yerselves down now, take off yer coats.”
“I’d love some coffee, Ma.”
“How d’you take it, Ennis?”
“Uh…black, thanks.” Ennis sat down gingerly on the settee, which felt too dainty for the likes of him, and when Jack sat down next to him it felt like they were sitting way too close together. Their knees were practically touching. “Should we let her get that coffee on her own, with the tremors n such?” Ennis whispered to Jack.
“Tried ta help before, she gets ornery,” Jack whispered back. “Best let her do for herself what she always done. With the medication the tremors ain’t bad at all.”
Ennis nodded, watching as Grace made her careful way back to the little sitting room with two coffees on a tray. She sat down in her rocking chair, smiling. “So, ya came all the way from Vermont? As a surprise fer Jack?” she asked.
“Well…guess so,” Ennis said. “Had been plannin ta come out n join him once all our calves was born.” He glanced at Jack, not knowing if he wanted his mother to know about how upset he’d been, which was the real reason Ennis had made the trip.
Grace was looking from one to the other. “Jack’s had a lot restin on his shoulders of late,” she said, and Ennis saw that he and Jack wouldn’t be keeping any secrets from her, even if they were trying to. “He don’t like ta show it ta me, but I know he’s had a lot on his mind.” She looked down at her hands. “I hate ta be such a burden to ya, Jack.”
“You ain’t no burden, Ma,” Jack said, vehemently. “I jus wanna see yer takin care of. None of it’s yer fault. There’s just a lotta things come together all at once.”
Grace nodded, gave a little sigh and turned back to Ennis. “But I’ve been waitin so long ta talk ta this handsome young man,” she said brightly. “Heard about you fer years n years.”
Ennis felt himself blushing again. “Yes, ma’am…uh, Grace.”
“I gotta thank you,” she said. “A mother wants her baby ta be happy and ya done made that happen.”
He chanced a quick glance up at her smiling face, his cheeks burning. “Weren’t jus me,” he mumbled.
“Jack’s shown me a lotta pictures in them albums ya sent…awful kind a you ta do that.”
“My pleasure.”
“Musta been a lotta work, ta get that ranch up n runnin.”
Ennis nodded. “It surely was, ma’am. The house that was there was damned near fallin down, we hadta rebuild most a the fenceline, put in some new utilities…took most a the first year.”
“It sure looks like somethin, from them pictures.” She sighed. “I’d love ta see it with my own eyes.”
“We’d be real happy fer you ta visit sometime,” Ennis said.
Grace nodded. “I hope that’s in the cards.” She looked at Jack. “Jack, you ain’t said…how it was with yer father.”
Jack shook his head. “Ma, the man’s as stubborn as an oak tree.”
“He’s just spent his whole life livin one way.”
“Everythin I say he takes as a goddamned challenge ta his manhood!”
“John Henry, you watch your language!” she scolded. Ennis held in a chuckle as Jack drew in a little bit.
“I’m sorry, Ma. It’s just…”
“I know, I know,” she said, holding up a hand. She was silent for a moment. “Thinkin I oughta just go on back ta the ranch,” she said. “My place is at my husband’s side.”
“No, Ma!” Jack exclaimed. “Ya cain’t! The doctor said…yer lungs, and ya need ta be near yer doctors…ya cain’t make it up there no more, not you nor him neither! It’s time ta face the facts a life, and he won’t do it!”
“If he won’t, then I gotta pretend I don’t.”
“I ain’t lettin you. He can change. Fer once in his life, he can change ta suit someone else instead a the rest of us bendin and breakin ourselves ta suit him.”
Grace looked sad. “I don’t know that he can, Jack.”
“What’s the main thing holdin him back?” Ennis asked, feeling useless and hoping he might contribute something.
“He won’t give up the ranch,” Jack said.
“Does he hafta give it up altogether? Could he maybe rent it out, and keep it in his name?”
“That’s a possibility, I guess.”
Ennis looked back at Jack’s mother. “Now, I guess you wouldn’t wanna live nowhere on yer own?” he asked.
“Would you wanna live somewhere without Jack?” she asked, by way of response.
Ennis looked over at him for a moment, then back at her. “No, I sure wouldn’t,” he said.
“So we’re still talkin bout yer father moving off the ranch, no matter what’s done with the land.”
“Yeah. And that’s the bitch of it, that he won’t.”
Jack was sent out to the grocery store not too long after their arrival. He agreed to go after a quick nonverbal exchange with Ennis (you wanna come? No, you go ahead. You sure? I’ll stay, it’s fine) and left him there with his mother. He suspected that she wanted to have a few private words with Ennis, although he couldn’t imagine what she wanted to say to him.
When he returned, he ran into Alma, entering the building at the same time he was. “Mornin, Jack,” she said neutrally.
“Mornin,” he said. “Goin ta see Ma?”
“As you see.”
“Ennis is up there.”
That gave her pause. “Ennis? Here?”
“You bet. Showed up last night. Helluva surprise ta me, but a welcome one.”
“Oh, you didn’t know he was comin?”
“No idea. Hoped he would, but thought he wasn’t goin to.”
“He say anythin about wantin ta see Francine?”
“I know he does. Don’t know when. Why don’t we both go on up there and we can all talk about it?”
He watched Alma’s face, the play of emotions across her pale skin clear as day. Wanting to see Ennis but not wanting to see him, worrying about him and Francie having a confrontation, uneasiness to be around Jack and Ennis together. Finally, she gave a curt nod. “All right, then. Let’s go.”
Ennis watched Jack leave, the apprehension coming back to him. Sure seemed like Grace wanted to get him alone, but why? What could she possibly have to say to him that she didn’t want to say in front of Jack?
No sooner had the door shut behind Jack than Grace was sitting up and looking at him steadily. “All right, then. I’ve got some things I been wantin ta ask you, Ennis,” she said, her voice full of a businesslike, gotta-get-this-over-with tone.
Shit. She wants ta know how I could let her boy live like this in sin n perversion, or how I live with myself, or what kinda man abandons his daughters, or cheats on his woman with another man, or… “Sure enough,” he managed, swallowing hard, his hands gripping his knees.
She sighed. “How’s my boy doin? I mean, really? He says he’s all right, but…” She shook her head. “He thinks I cain’t take nothin, he don’t want ta tell me nothin troublin, so I’m askin you ta tell me the truth.”
Ennis blinked, stunned. Jack’s mother was asking him about Jack’s well-being? It was like…like you’d ask a mother about her child, he realized, or a wife about her husband. That’s how she sees me, he marveled. He cleared his throat. “I guess ya mean about Bobby?” Ennis asked. He wasn’t sure how much Grace knew about the beating Jack had suffered last summer, or the troubles they’d had the last few weeks at home.
She nodded. “Worst thing that can happen to a parent.”
“It surely is,” Ennis said. “Just the thought a losin either a my girls…turns my blood cold.” He hesitated. “Well, at the time a Bobby’s dyin…was a bad time, I ain’t gonna lie to ya. But he seemed ta get back ta himself right quick. Know now that it was jus lyin in wait fer him. Come back at him jus before Christmas. Now he’s distractin himself with lookin after you, and worryin on his dad’s ranch, but…I think it’s still heavy on him.”
“That’s what I thought,” Grace said. “Jack was always one ta put on a happy face n pretend things never bothered him none. I think he thought he hadta be cheerful all the time fer folks ta like him.”
Ennis felt shame crawling up the back of his neck, remembering their quarrel on Christmas Eve on that very subject. He knew exactly what Grace meant. Always gotta be good-time Jack, he heard Jack say in his mind. Looks like I ain’t helpin him get over that. “I know what ya mean,” he said, quietly.
“I’m jus glad he has you ta help him.”
That was too much. Ennis snorted, blinking quickly. “I try ta help him but I don’t know that I am,” he said. “I jus don’t know what ta do or say ta make it better.”
“Oh, you poor boy,” Grace said, smiling at him. “You don’t gotta make nothin better. Ain’t nothin that can do that except time, and sometimes not even that. All ya gotta do is be there fer him, and I know that ya are. Lookit you, come all this way.”
Ennis stared at his hands. “Called me from Lightning Flat,” he said. “Jus sounded so broke down. Tore me up ta hear him like that, all alone. So here I am.”
Grace got to her feet and came to sit at Ennis’s side. She reached out and took his hand in a surprisingly strong grip, a grip that had milked cows and wielded tools and cooked thousands of meals and had borne Jack up when he fell. But I guess that’s my job now, he thought, squeezing her hand. “I jus know so little a what Jack is even like now. Only so much you can learn on them quick phone calls, and I know he’s changed so much. I ask him, but he don’t never wanna talk about himself, it seems. Jus wants ta talk about yer business, and friends, and you, a course. Times I feel like I know you better’n I know him.” Ennis managed a half-smile. That sounded like Jack, all right. Talk about everythin but what was really important. “Can ya…tell me about him?” Grace asked.
He frowned. “What ya wanna know?”
“Anythin. Don’t matter.”
Ennis sighed, looking off into the middle distance, wondering which of the approximately eight hundred thousand things he knew about Jack would be appropriate to reveal to his mother. He thought for what felt like a long time, Grace sitting patiently at his side, waiting. “Man likes card games,” Ennis finally said. “Knows ‘em all. I cain’t never remember the rules, he has ta remind me every time. Tries ta get me ta play cribbage, or gin, but I ain’t no good at it so he jus plays solitaire.” He glanced at Grace and saw her smiling, and knew he was on to something. Ordinary things, then. Regular things. Things you don’t know when you don’t live with someone. “He’s got himself a sweet tooth. Likes cake the best, but cookies’ll do just fine.”
Grace laughed. “Oh my, he always did love my baking.”
“Well, I ain’t got the first clue about bakin, but our gal what looks after us, she makes a mean batch a chocolate chip. Well known fact, ya gotta get some before Jack finds out they’re fresh, cause it’s like a vacuum cleaner. I tell him he’s gonna get himself a nice spare tire if he ain’t careful, but so far he ain’t got one. Works hard round our place. He’s a real hard worker. Real good at animal breedin, didja know that?” Grace shook her head. “Our vet says he got a gift fer it. Won a whole bunch a prizes, helped our business a lot that way. He goes ta these conferences all over the country, flies ta meet with big-time ranchers.”
“You don’t go along?”
“Me? Nah. That’s his thing. I jus run the place.” Ennis sat back, the familiarity of the topic easing his discomfort. “I give him shit…oh, sorry, ma’am…but Jack’s a real smart fella. Lizzie…that’s our friend what works in the office…says he coulda been a college man if things been different.”
“I always thought so,” Grace said, her face full of regret that their lives hadn’t been able to give her son that chance.
“Jack…he always thinks things’re gonna be okay,” Ennis said softly. He was half talking to himself now. “Me, I don’t think like that. But times he can even make me believe it. He’ll jus look at me n smile, n say ‘C’mon Ennis, buck up there. Look on the bright side.’ That man and his bright sides.” He leaned forward, forearms on his knees and hands clasped, eyes downcast. “Don’t know where he comes on it, but them bright sides hadta be bright enough fer both of us fer a long time.” He gave a start and smiled, a little embarrassed. “Listen ta me goin on. Huh. Cain’t think what else ya might like ta know. He wears a thirty-four average. He likes talk radio, cinnamon gum, funny movies and beer you could stand up a spoon in.”
Grace laughed. “Oh my, Ennis. Jack told me I’d have a hard time getting more’n five words outta you.”
“Normally he’d be right. Guess I can get chatty when it’s a subject what interests me.” Ennis looked at Grace’s face, so hopeful, wanting to know something real about her son, something she could hold onto when he was back home, and his gum preference wasn’t going to do it. Christ, Ennis. It’s yer goddamn mother-in-law, kinda. If Jack’s any good it has ta be on her account, cause it sure ain’t on his. If ya cain’t tell her somethin real, ya got worse issues than ya thought. He sighed and forced himself to meet her eyes. “Yer son’s a real good man, Grace. He’s kind n brave, got a big heart. I’m awful proud ta know him.” He shut his eyes briefly, then plunged on. “And, uh…I feel mighty strong on him.”
A radiant, peaceful smile came to Grace’s face, smoothing years off her like an eraser. She patted his hand again. “I jus knew that someday, there’d be somebody who’d see in him what I always knew was there.”
He had to ask. “And…it don’t bother you none him bein…us bein…” He couldn’t get it out.
“I don’t question who God sees fit ta send my son fer his happiness. He don’t make mistakes, that’s what I was taught.”
“I was taught it was abomination,” Ennis muttered. Why you pushin her? Said she was all right, didn’t she?
“Was a time they taught that havin slaves was okay, didn’t make it right.”
Ennis studied her face, amazed. “Yer a mighty free-thinkin lady, ma’am.”
“Grace. Don’t know what kinda thinkin I am, jus know what makes sense.”
“Reckon so. Wish more folks saw that kinda sense.”
She met his eyes, straight on. “Ya love my son, Ennis?”
He didn’t look away. “Ma’am, I surely do.”
“Then God bless you.”
Ennis blinked and shook his head. No, you ain’t gonna cry…AGAIN…in front a this nice lady. “Sorry ta be getting emotional here,” he said, turning his face away. “Jus…never thought no one’d ever bless me fer that.”
He felt her hand, trembling just a little, light on the side of his head, brushing his hair back, her touch so like a mother’s that it made him ache in a deep, long-buried hurt that he hadn’t touched in years and years. “The Lord’s blessings come ta them that don’t expect em,” Grace murmured. “And them what think they’re most unworthy are the ones most deservin a His love.” She leaned closer still, like she wanted to tell him a secret. “Ya think ya might be headin up ta the ranch with Jack sometime?”
“I b’lieve Jack means to, yes. Tomorrow, maybe.”
“Well…you take a look round,” she said, speaking with an odd kind of emphasis, as if this was very important. “I kept his room like he had it, ain’t changed nothing. You…” She hesitated. “You take a good look round,” she repeated. She smiled and patted his shoulder like she’d bestowed a pearl of ancient wisdom on him.
“Uh…all right, I will,” Ennis said, puzzled.
“I’ll be holdin ya to that, son.”
When Jack and Alma returned to his mother’s rooms, she and Ennis were sitting on the settee looking at the photo albums. “Hello, hello,” he said. “Look who I found downstairs.” Alma entered, arms crossed in what Jack by now recognized as her “defended” posture.
Ennis stood up when he saw her. “Afternoon, Alma,” he said, ducking his head and looking a little fidgety. “Uh…nice ta see you.”
“Ennis,” she said, acknowledging him. Her expression softened when she looked at Grace. “’Lo, Grace, how’re you today?” she asked, going to the older woman’s side and bending to kiss her cheek.
Grace smiled and squeezed Alma’s hand. “I’m jus fine, honey. What a fine surprise ta get ta meet Jack’s…uh, I mean ta say, yer…” She paused and cleared her throat. “Ta get ta meet Ennis,” she finally settled on.
Jack put away the groceries, suppressing a chuckle. This entire situation just kept getting more and more surreal. Ennis joined him; to Jack’s shock, he cast a quick glance out at the sitting room and then bent and kissed his cheek. Jack stared at him. “What was that for?”
“Oh, I dunno. Cain’t I kiss ya fer no reason at all?”
“In front a my mother and yer ex-wife?”
“They weren’t lookin.”
“So…what’d my mother want?”
“What makes ya think she wanted somethin?” This exchange was taking place in low whispers out of the corners of mouths.
“C’mon, she wanted ta get you alone, s’why she sent me out for coffee filters when she’s got two damned boxes of em in here.”
“She jus wanted ta talk.”
“About me?”
“Christ, Jack, everythin in the world ain’t about you. Get over yerself.”
“She’s my mother. Everythin in the world is about me.”
“Think she jus wanted what every mamma wants.”
“Which is?”
Ennis shrugged. “Ta know what you ain’t tellin her.”
“And I bet you were just too happy ta fill her in.”
“Yup. Told her you smoke dope, gamble away half our money and have college boys over fer strip poker every weekend.”
Jack jabbed his elbow in Ennis’s side, rolling his eyes. “Fine, don’t tell me.”
“Okay, I won’t. Between me n her, anyway. Butt out.”
Frustrated, Jack turned to face him, his back towards the sitting room. “Ennis…d’ya like her okay? You two get on?”
Ennis smiled, slow. “She’s real nice. I like her fine. She’s got…good sense.” He shrugged. “Too bad you didn’t get none a that.”
Jack made a face. “Oh, yer jus too hilarious fer words, Del Mar.” Ennis brushed past him on his way back to the sitting room and after a moment Jack followed.
Wish I knew what they was talkin about, he thought. My ma and my man…God, they got plenty a stories about me ta share, embarrassin on both sides. Comparin notes, him askin if I was always this annoying, her askin if I’m still as much trouble. He watched Ennis’s face as he took his seat next to Grace and he saw a flash of tenderness there, but then it was gone and he was just regular Ennis again, looking put out to be forced into interacting with people.
Jack leaned against the kitchen counter, watching Grace and Alma talking about yarn, Ennis sitting silently by, and it seemed amazing that he’d lasted ten days out here by himself. In a few short days Ennis would go back to Vermont and Jack would likely have to remain; he didn’t like to think about it. It was a little humbling to realize just how much he’d come to depend on Ennis. Having him in his life every day for seven years had trained his mind around Ennis’s presence. He hashed out ideas by bouncing them off Ennis, he worked through problems by yelling about them to Ennis, he relaxed after a hard day by sitting with Ennis. He’d forgotten how to hash out ideas by himself, or work through problems on his own, or relax in solitude. He’d become…coupled. In a way that he’d never been with Lureen. They’d been coupled in law but not in fact. He and Ennis were coupled in fact, but not in law. He wondered if Ennis felt the same way, but somehow didn’t think he did. Ennis was still a lone wolf even if he was coupled up. For a long time, Jack had been convinced that he needed Ennis a lot more than Ennis needed him. He no longer believed that was true. Seeing Ennis outside that hotel room door had done something to him. If Ennis stayed with him only as long as he was fun and no trouble, as he’d long feared, then how did that jibe with a man who’d traveled the better part of a day to get to him just when he was at his least fun and most troublesome? It didn’t.
God almighty damn, that man is mine. No shit and fer real.