Two Crows Joy, Chapter 2

[madlori]

Two Crows Joy
a "Brokeback Mountain" fanfiction by Lori Summers

Prologue -- Chapter 1



Jack drove slowly through campus, peering out at the names on the buildings and doing his best not to crash the truck while he tried to remember where Junior's dorm was. Entworth Hall, that was the name of the place. Even though she stayed at home most of the time, Ennis had insisted on getting her a dorm room. His reasoning had been that it was a half-hour drive, Junior was a college student and this was Vermont...he didn't want her making that drive in a blinding snowstorm, or at midnight after long hours of studying at the library with her friends. This decision had reflected considerable foresight on Ennis's part, as it turned out, and even Junior now admitted that she'd been grateful to have the room many times. She stayed overnight on campus at least once a week, and on two occasions would have been stranded there by the weather had she not had someplace to stay.

Junior had been on campus continuously for the past three days, cramming for her final exams, and expected to be there until she’d completed her last test. Earlier that evening, she'd called home in a panic, missing an important notebook that she needed for her studying, which was what brought Jack to campus at almost eleven o'clock at night.

"A-ha!" he exclaimed, seeing the low metal sign reading "ENTWORTH HALL" emerge from the darkness. He parked in the lot next to the building, picked up Junior's notebook and went around to the front entrance.

There was a severe-looking fortyish woman sitting behind a desk in the entryway. She was reading a book but sat up ramrod-straight when he came in. "Can I help you?" she asked, lacing the four words with the clear implication that, as far as she was concerned, he was beyond help.

"Uh...I'm here t'see Ju...uh, Alma Del Mar. She's expectin' me."

"Sir, it's after ten, and only family members are allowed inside the dorm after ten."

"Well, I brought her this notebook...she called and asked..."

"Miss Del Mar is aware of the rules."

"But she said it was urgent! She needs it for her studyin' and forgot it at home!"

"She'll have to come down and get it from you, then." The woman pressed a button, then spoke over the intercom. "Junior Del Mar, you have a…visitor…at the front desk.” She released the button and smiled insincerely. "I’m sure she'll be right down."

Jack waited, feeling conspicuous and disreputable. The Golem was eyeing him as if she were sure he was trying to pull something, she just couldn’t figure out what or how. After a few moments, Junior emerged from a nearby stairwell, grinning when she saw him. "Oh, thank you so much for bringing this," she said, hugging him and then taking the notebook. "I was really in a spot without it. I can't believe I forgot it."

"It's no trouble, darlin'," he said.

She grabbed his hand. "Come upstairs, I want you to meet some of my friends."

The Golem stood up, making a harrumphing noise. "Now, Junior, you know the rules. Only students and family after ten."

Junior stopped in front of the desk. "Mr. Twist is family, Gloria."

"Oh, really?" Gloria was clearly skeptical. God knows what she must be thinkin', Jack thought.

"Yes," Junior said, a defiant expression on her face. "He's my stepfather."

Jack looked down at her, amazed. She'd never called him that, at least not in his hearing, and it filled his belly with happy warmth.

Gloria wasn't buying. "Is that so? Must have been a hell of a trip for him, then, seeing as I know for a fact your mother lives in Wyoming!" she said, a look of thinly veiled triumph on her face at having caught Junior out in such a baldfaced lie.

Junior smirked, enjoying the moment. "I never said he was my mother's husband."

"But...you said..."

"I said he was my stepfather, and he is. He's my father's husband." Junior put one hand on her hip. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Gloria's mouth was hanging open. "Um...no, I guess not."

"Good. Come on, Jack," Junior said, pulling him towards the stairs.

He touched the brim of his hat. "Thank you, ma'am," he said to Gloria as he was dragged past.

They climbed two flights of stairs and came out on Junior's floor. The building was square; the rooms were arranged around the outside, all the doors opening onto a central lounge area. About twenty students were sitting around tables or on the floor, clustered in small groups, studying and talking. Everybody looked up as they approached. "Guys," Junior said. "This is my stepdad."

The reaction was instantaneous and surprising. Everyone got a kind of exaggerated expression of enthusiasm on their face. Jack knew that Ennis had met a few of Junior's friends; he'd been up to campus a few times on his own, although this was Jack's first visit. A few people waved, several said "hello." No one seemed surprised to hear that Junior's father had a spouse of the male persuasion. She led him to a table with a vacant chair where she had apparently been sitting until being summoned to the lobby by the Voice of the Golem. "Jack, this is my friend Annemarie," she said.

"Oh, I've heard a lot about you," Jack said, shaking the girl's hand. She was plain but pleasant, with blonde hair and an astonishing quantity of freckles.

"Likewise," she said, a strong New England accent tinting her words.

"And this is Dean," Junior went on. Dean was tall and slender with severe-looking dark-rimmed glasses and a black turtleneck. He looked like he ought to be writing poetry and knocking back espresso.

"Pleasure," Jack said, shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Dean said, looking at Jack with frank fascination. Jack was picking up a bit of a vibe. He was hardly an expert, but something was telling him that Dean might be a friend of Dorothy, as folks used to say. The fact that he was staring up at Jack with a dazzled expression on his face was a bit of a tip-off, as well.

Junior was moving on to the last person at the table. "This is Allan," she said, just enough of a flutter curling her voice to let Jack know that she fancied Allan a bit. He looked like a farm boy, strong and rough-hewn with red hair and brown eyes.

He actually stood up to shake Jack's hand. "Pleasure to meet you, sir," he said. "We've heard lots about you from Alma."

Jack glanced at Junior just in time to catch the little smile and blush that came to her face when Allan called her by her given name. "Well, it's nice to meet all of you," Jack said, shaking the boy's hand. "You all ought t'come out to the ranch and visit sometime," he said.

Dean's face lit up like the Fourth of July at this suggestion. "Oh, I'm dying to see the place!" he said.

"Maybe after the holidays," Junior said.

Jack nodded goodbye to her friends and drew her away a bit. "I don't want t'keep you from your work, honey. I'm jus’ gonna head back home."

She frowned. "I hate to make you come out here at this hour and send you right back!" she exclaimed, distressed. "Maybe we could go out and get a coffee or something."

"It's late, ain't no place open. I oughta get home. I'm expectin' your dad and Lizzie home from Plattsburg tonight." He looked past her. "Your friends seem like real nice kids."

She smiled. "Yeah, they are."

"You kinda like that Allan fella, don't you?" She fidgeted and looked down. "Yeah, I can tell you do."

She shook her head. "He's just a friend."

"Mm-hmm. That's how it starts. S’what I thought about your dad at first, too."

"Shut up," she said, grinning and punching at his arm.

"And your friend Dean, is he...uh..."

"He's gay, yeah."

"Thought so."

"Don't pay it no mind if he seems a little starstruck. He's heard me talk about you and Daddy. He's got a bit of hero-worship going on that you're living together openly. I think the poor guy was a bit starved for role models."

"Huh." Jack shook his head. "Ain't that somethin'."

"What?"

"We'd've just been happy not t'be stoned in the streets, and here's this kid thinkin' we're heroes." He shrugged. "Life's just funny, is all."

Junior smiled up at him. "Well...thanks for bringing my notebook."

"Weren’t no trouble, darlin’."

She hugged him. "Kiss Daddy and Liz for me."

"When you comin' home?"

"Not till Saturday, when exams are over. I'd come home sooner if I could. Gotta say, I'm kinda homesick." Jack hugged her tighter, feeling a little choked-up that Ennis's daughter could be feeling homesick for their ranch, and their little family. It made him feel that she could almost be his daughter, too.

He stepped away. "You be good now. Study hard."

"I will. Drive safe!"

Jack waved and headed down the stairs, nodding to Gloria as he left the building. Junior was a good girl.

I guess one out of two ain’t so bad, he thought, before he could stop the unchariable thought in its tracks.

Junior rejoined her study table, sighing in relief as she opened her reacquired statistics notebook. Nobody said anything for a few moments.

"So that was your dad's, uh...his...that was Jack, huh?" Allan stammered.

"Of course it was," Annemarie said flatly. "You were sitting right there when she introduced him to us, dummy." She smiled at Junior. "You never said he was so handsome.”

“You think he is?”

“I surely do. Wouldn't you say, Dean?"

Dean was staring off into the distance. "I suppose. Her dad’s better.”

"Dean!" Junior exclaimed, shuddering.

"What? She asked!"

"Don't talk about my dad that way! Jack neither, now that I think of it."

"Your dad's got a real rugged, no-bullshit, High Noon thing going on," Dean said. "It's sexy."

"Don't make me leave this table. I will, you know," Junior said, mock-severely.

"It's just so counterculture," Dean said, leaning forward and speaking in hushed tones. "I can't get over it. I mean, look at them! They look like they walked right out of a casting call for the Marlboro Man. They're cowboys, and you can't find a more old-fashioned masculine archetype than that."

"So?" Junior said, keeping her eyes on her work.

"What do you mean, so? Don't you see? It's so subversive. To most of the country, a homosexual is a prancing sissy boy with a pronounced lisp and good taste in window treatments. But then here come your dad and stepdad, a couple of tough-talking cattle ranchers who ride horses and own a lot of guns. They probably vote Republican, for God’s sake! They're paragons of all things manly and conservative while all the time they're gay!"

Junior sighed. "I know that, Dean. Do we have to discuss it?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes! Not because they're gay, but because it's my dad!"

"Leave it alone," Allan said. "Would you want to talk about your parents' sex life?"

That shut Dean up for a few precious moments. Of course, it couldn’t last. "So..." he began, a naughty little gleam in his eyes. "Did you ever...you know. Walk in?"

Junior's head snapped up. "What kind of question is that?"

"Come on, it's happened to everybody. I walked in on my parents when I was eight. I thought they were wrestling." He frowned. "Come to think of it, they probably were."

"Well, I never walked in on nothing, thank God." They all looked at her. Junior sighed. "Okay, once I might've...heard something."

"What?" Dean said, pouncing like a cat.

"I don't want to talk about this."

"C'mon, what'd you hear?" Allan said, smirking and getting into the let's-all-overshare spirit of the conversation.

Junior fixed them all with her sternest gaze. "It doesn't matter. It's none of my business, and it sure as hell's none of yours. I love my dad, he has a private life, and if I never know anything about it I will die a happy girl."

The house was dark when Ennis slipped in the front door. It was almost two; surely Jack would be asleep by now. He hadn't meant to be this late getting home, but Dave had asked a few of his friends over to meet Ennis and Liz, and they'd ended up sitting around the table, drinking beer while they laughed and traded stories. The time had gotten away from them. Liz had finally noticed that it was almost midnight, and she and Ennis had hurried to leave. Dave wanted them to stay overnight again, but Liz had a deadline to meet and Ennis had a hundred chores in the morning.

He pulled off his boots in the foyer and held them in his hand as he walked to the bedroom. The light was still on. He eased the door open; Jack was asleep on his side, one arm tucked beneath his still-open book.

Ennis tiptoed to the bedside and carefully slid the book out from underneath Jack’s cheek. He marked the page and put the book on the nighttable. He undressed as quietly as possible, put out the light and climbed into bed with a sigh. He looked over at the back of Jack’s head, half-hoping that he’d wake up and welcome him home, but he wasn’t moving.

I ought to just go to sleep and let him be. In theory, he agreed with that statement. It made sense. It’d certainly be the considerate thing to do. On the other hand…what if Jack had been hoping to stay awake until he got home, but just hadn’t made it? In that case, the considerate thing to do would be to rouse him. The open book and the fact that the light had still been on told Ennis that Jack hadn’t meant to fall asleep quite when he had.

Aw hell, Del Mar. Quit sugar-coatin’ things. You jus’ wanna have sex. Well, he couldn’t argue with that. Ennis turned on his side, reached out and gently touched Jack’s bare shoulder where it protruded from the quilt. He ran his hand around the rough knob of the joint and down onto the firm bicep. He felt a slight tremor run through Jack at the touch.

Jack stirred and turned over, his eyes still closed, reaching out for Ennis in his half-sleep. Ennis leaned over and kissed him, drawing him into his arms. He’d never said so, but he loved Jack sleepy like this. He was so warm and relaxed, and his drowsy eyes held none of the barriers and defenses of his waking expression. He felt pliable and soft.

Like a woman, a voice whispered into his mind. You like him like this because he feels more like a woman when he’s too sleepy to assert himself.

That wasn’t it. He didn’t want Jack to be a woman. He liked Jack’s broad chest, his strong jaw. He liked his cock, and though it had taken him a long time to make his peace with that, it was the truth.

Then why you like him on his back, all soft ‘n cooperative?

He didn’t have the chance to think on this further, because Jack was sliding his hands around the back of his neck and kissing him back. It was silent but for their breathing, and the quiet intensified Ennis’s arousal. Sometimes, when one of them would wake in the middle of the night or early in the morning, they’d brush up against each other, come together and make love without saying anything, and then just as silently go back to sleep when it was over. Ennis found those wordless interludes intensely erotic, and he didn’t know why. It sometimes felt like they didn’t need the English language, because they were inventing one of their own.

He slid down, kissing Jack’s chest as he tugged his boxers off, losing them in the sheets. He felt Jack’s hands in his hair as he kept going, ducking beneath the covers, his hand on Jack’s swelling erection. In the dark, warm cavern of the bedding he could feel the warmth rising from Jack’s body, and he fancied he could hear the blood coursing through his man’s flesh. Jack felt so alive in his arms and beneath his hands, and when Ennis took Jack in his mouth he could feel the pulse of his heart against his own lips.

Later, curled around him on his side, his arms wrapped all the way around him, he rested his cheek against Jack’s neck and took his time as he seldom did. Jack shuddered and writhed in his arms as he moved inside him slowly, steadily, trying to judge how close Jack was, wanting to get there at the same time as so rarely happened.

Jack craned his neck around and Ennis propped up a little, leaning over to seal his mouth over Jack’s. He sped things up a little, his hand reaching around Jack’s hip to dip between his legs.

They didn’t quite make it together, but it was close.

Still silent, they disentangled from each other and lay on their backs side by side, catching their breath. Jack sighed, squeezed Ennis’s hand, then rose and headed into the bathroom. Ennis watched him go. See, that there’s a man’s ass. Ain’t no two ways about it. And that’s the way you like it. Right?

Jack returned and climbed back into bed, smiling at Ennis and holding out one arm to draw him close. Ennis rested his head in the crook of Jack’s shoulder, where it seemed to fit best, relaxing as he only could here. For a few moments they just laid there while Ennis ran his hand up and down Jack’s chest. “I missed you,” he finally murmured, breaking the long silence.

“You were only gone one night,” Jack said, a smile curling his voice.

Ennis raised his head and met Jack’s eyes. “Times I miss you when you get up to change the channel.” Jack’s smirk faltered a little; he bent and kissed him, and Ennis tucked his head back down to Jack’s shoulder.

They didn’t speak for several minutes. They didn’t need to, not really, not after all this time. Ennis’s left hand was resting on Jack’s stomach; Jack was idly running one fingertip over Ennis’s wedding ring. “Took a little drive up t’Middlebury tonight,” Jack finally said.

Ennis frowned. “What for?”

“Junior forgot one ‘o her notebooks. I drove it up to her.”

“Well, I hope she thanked you proper.”

“Oh, she did.” Jack hesitated. “She, uh…she called me her stepfather.”

Ennis shut his eyes. No, you ain’t gonna cry, you big sissy. Get ahold ‘o yourself. “Did she, now?” he managed to say.

“Mm-hmm. First t’the lady at the desk, wasn’t gonna let me up unless I was family. Junior said I was her daddy’s husband and that meant I was family. She introduced me to a few ‘o her friends and called me her stepdad.” Ennis said nothing. He didn’t know what to say. Jack shook his shoulder a little. “What you got t’say ‘bout that, cowboy? You’re awful quiet down there.”

Ennis sighed. “What’m I s’posed t’say about my daughter speakin’ the truth? Even if she is a bit free with it.”

“She jus’ wants her friends t’know us.”

“I don’t see why the whole college gotta know our business.”

“Business? Her daddy lives with a man. It ain’t exactly somethin’ you can just kinda gloss over or forget t’mention. Kids talk ‘bout their families, natural-like. Wouldn’t seem right if she didn’t say nothin’ ‘bout hers, too. She kept quiet and folks’d prob’ly think we beat her or fought all the time or one of us was a drunk or somethin’. What’s the big mystery?”

Ennis shrugged. “I guess the cat’s outta the damned bag, anyway. I s’pose it’s jus’ my habit t’worry ‘bout it.”

Jack chuckled. “You ‘n your habits.”

“Cain’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

“You ain’t old. If you’re old, I’m old, and I ain’t old.”

Ennis smiled, then turned his head to kiss Jack’s neck. “Well, you sure felt spry tonight.”

He felt Jack’s chest rise and fall in a sigh. “Well, anyhows…t’hear her call me that was awful sweet.”

“I know.”

Jack hesitated, and when he spoke again his voice was hushed and cautious. “Sometimes, jus’ in my head…I think she’s my girl, too. Yours ‘n mine. I know it ain’t quite the truth, but fact is, she’s…” Ennis waited, knowing that Jack was choking up but not wanting to embarrass him by acknowledging it. “She’s all I got in the way ‘o kids no more,” he finished. “I hope that don’t bother you none.”

“It don’t bother me,” Ennis murmured. “And who’s t’say, Jack? She lives on our land, in our home, and goes t’school on our dime, supported by our work. I ain’t doin’ any more than you are t’keep her fed ‘n clothed. And if even she’s saying you’re her stepdad, then why oughn’t you think ‘o her as yours, or as ours?”

“I guess I jus’ never thought we’d be this lucky.”

“Me neither, rodeo.” Ennis couldn’t keep the edge of cynicism from his voice even as he agreed.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake. You gonna go off on one ‘o your doom-n-gloom speeches ‘bout how it cain’t last and you’re gonna hafta pay for your awful sinnin’ ways one day?”

“Well…I was thinkin’ ‘bout it, but I might jus’ be too tired t’manage.”

“Good, ‘cause I don’t wanna hear it.”

Ennis propped up on one elbow and looked down at Jack. “I love you,” he said. His longtime reluctance to say those words was leaving him; it got easier to say every time.

Jack smiled. “You best quit sayin’ that. I’m runnin’ outta fingers ‘n toes t’count on.”

“I ain’t gonna quit, so you might’s well stop keepin’ track.” Ennis looked down at his hands, idly twisting in the sheets. “C’n I ask you somethin?”

“Sure.”

“It’s kinda weird.”

“Okay.”

“D’you ever…” He sighed, wondering if he was really going to let these words out into the open air where they’d be free and impossible to kill. “D’you ever find yourself wishin’ I was a woman?”

The look of stunned bewilderment on Jack’s face almost made him laugh, but he locked it behind his jaw. “A woman? Well…no, not really. I mean, you’re Ennis. If you were a woman, you wouldn’t be.”

“I know, I know, but…let’s say I’d be the same person, jus’ a woman.”

“That’s kinda hard to imagine, if you catch my drift.”

“You tellin’ me it ain’t never crossed your mind?”

“I’m tellin’ you, it ain’t never crossed my mind.” Jack stared up at the ceiling, frowning. “I guess I had my days when I wished that it was women that did it for me. Life sure woulda been easier.” Ennis nodded. “Times I wished I never met you. That’s a hard truth, but I know you understand that it’s a wish borne outta some hard times.” Ennis kept nodding. “But I did meet you, and I ain’t sorry I did. I’ve wished I was different, and I’ve sure as hell wished the world was different. But you?” He shook his head. “The only thing I ever wished for where you was concerned was for you t’want a life with me. I got my wish, so I’m done.” He looked up at Ennis. “Why you askin’ me this? This ain’t about Lureen again, is it? You thinkin’ that I…” He stopped, and the quizzical look left his face. Ennis looked away, feeling caught out. Jack sighed. “Christ, Ennis. You didn’t ask me that ‘cause you’re worried I wish you were a woman. You asked because you wish that I was.”

“That ain’t what I meant.”

“I guess I ought not t’be surprised.”

“Jack, I love you.”

“Yeah, you done said that already. You’d jus’ love me easier if I had tits and pussy, is that it?”

“You puttin’ words in my mouth.”

“After all the years we been together, I’m an expert at hearin’ the words you don’t got the guts t’say.” Jack crossed his arms over his chest. “Here I been thinkin’ you made your peace with us, and our life. Now I find out that you’re still dreamin’ about a nice little wifey you could take anywhere, kiss in public, marry before God and talk free about to anybody.”

“It ain’t so wrong t’want that, is it?” Ennis snapped. “Is it so bad that I wish it could be like that for us?”

Jack looked up at him again, heartbreak in his eyes. “No. It ain’t bad t’wish for that. I wish for it, too. But what I wish is for the world t’be different. I don’t wish for you t’be.” He held Ennis’s gaze for a moment, then turned on his side. “G’night, Ennis.”

Ennis rolled over to his back and stared up into the darkened bedroom. The moonlight, brightened and reflected off the snow, cast strangely geometric shadows through the bare branches of the trees outside their window. When he spoke again, he hoped that he was heard by more than just those flickering shadows. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I cain’t help it. I jus’ get so tired. Times I wish I had ordinary folks’ troubles. There’s times I want that wife, and that life. One nobody’d hate me for. One that no one’d ever call no abomination.” He sighed. “But I had the wife once, and the life that’s s’posed t’be respectable. It went t’shit, ‘cause I was wishin’ for you. I got my wish too, baby.”

He heard Jack sigh, then roll to his back, turning his head to meet Ennis’s eyes. “That so?”

Ennis nodded. “I ain’t no perfect mate. You know as much, I reckon. But if there’s times I want somethin’ I ain’t got…well, I always want you more, just as you are.”

Jack considered this. “I guess I cain’t ask for more than that.” His lip curled in a mischievous half-smile. “So. Y’wish I was a woman, do you? I guess I could wear a dress for ya. Talk in a high, girly voice? Maybe put on a little makeup? You’d like that, huh?”

Ennis reached out and jerked him close. “Don’t you dare,” he growled, pulling Jack on top of him. “I got a real man in my bed here,” he said, tilting his head back as Jack attacked his neck. “Got me one tough enough t’match me in a fight,” Ennis said, reaching around to grab at Jack’s ass. Jack pulled back and met his eyes. “Or maybe even tough enough t’win,” Ennis whispered.

Jack smiled, grinding his hips against Ennis’s and watching as his eyes rolled back. “You give, then?” he said.

“Uncle, for fuck’s sake,” Ennis groaned.

“You got that right,” Jack chuckled.