This was actually the chapter that kept trying to be written when the Ennis' daughters were visiting. I was going to hold off posting it until part eight was better defined but it's been a crappy day and I wanted to cheer myself up.
I tried to get all of those pesky errors but sometimes I read what I wanted to write instead of what I actually typed.
Reconciliation - part seven
Jack sipped at yet another cup of coffee and longed for a cigarette. He was trying to quit. Between the propaganda, er public health messages on TV and Bobby dropping odd facts about cancer into conversations he felt it was for the best. He stood looking out of the front window as Bobby bladed the drive. Bobby didn't need the supervision and could operate much large equipment deftly. Driving in snow though was new, but he'd gotten some experience this winter. The job seemed to take enough of Bobby's concentration to keep his mind off of whatever was bothering him, at least briefly. The plow was strapped to the front of the truck and Jack watched as the snow was methodically moved to the sides of the drive. Even Ennis, who was more than a bit of a perfectionist, couldn't find fault. Bobby got most of the snow without moving all the gravel off of the drive.
For the last few weeks Jack had been daily searching for chores to get the boy out of his room. Something had happened in mid-February. Jack had no idea what had turned his boy to brooding but for almost a solid week he'd played Hank William's 'Lost Highway' over and over until Ennis threatened to break both the record and the boy's guitar. He had half a mind to call Lureen to see if Bobby had confided in her. Ennis came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jack leaned back and sighed, "I just don't know what to do."
"He's lost weight," Ennis said. "Worked so hard to put on some pounds - all that time lifting those barbells."
"Marianne had to throwaway that peanut butter pie that only he'll eat," Jack said.
Ennis squeezed him tight, kissed him on the neck and said nothing.
---
Jack opened the door and was surprised to see Heph. Just the day before Merc had thrown up his hands, yelling 'I give up' and left and Jack was at his wit's end. Bobby wasn't eating, he wasn't playing music. He'd do whatever chore Jack would ask him to and then go back to laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Come in," Jack said and held open the door when it was obvious the boy had no plans of speaking. When Heph made as if he would just head back to Bobby's room, Jack stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Can you tell me what is going on?" Jack asked.
Heph didn't back up like he normally did when someone got too close. He sighed and examined the odd scars on his knuckles made by the constant burns from hot metal.
"Mr. Twist, how old are you?"
"Thirty seven," Jack answered without thinking.
"That'd make you about twenty one when he was born, right." Heph said rather than asked.
Jack answered anyway as his apprehension grew, "Yeah."
"Before he was born, you ever have your heart broke?" Heph oddly looked like he knew the answer to that and Jack thinking of Ennis in his rear view mirror at the end of that summer which had changed his life could only nod as he felt a lump form in his throat.
Heph saw and just nodded back. He again started down the hall. He paused and looked back after a few steps and said, "Contrary to what my brother thinks, I can't fix everything. But… I'll give it a try."
---
Heph didn't knock. He just went in, shut the door quietly and moved around the room. Picking up Bobby's Rubic's Cube he flopped down beside him on the bed and nudged him with an elbow.
They lay like that as only the shadows and Heph's nimble fingers moved. Twenty minutes passed with only the clicks of the blocks being manipulated. Bobby had started to doze when he felt a thud on his chest and pick up the toy - each side a solid color. He gaped at Heph. Heph grinned and flopped over onto his stomach.
"Hear you tossed Merc out." He said.
"Come to kick my ass for hurting his feelings?" Bobby asked. He turned on his side, facing Heph and still marveling at the cube.
"Maybe later." Heph rested his weight on his forearms and looked Bobby in the eye. "Sorry you were wrong about her."
Bobby shook his head, "It wasn't her. It was me."
"She tell you that?" Heph asked.
"I can't talk about this… its private." Bobby was blushing and clenching his jaw tightly.
Heph leaned closer and said softly, "Did you do it?"
Bobby turned away saying, "God! I can't talk about-"
Bobby was cut off by one large callused hand over his mouth and low dangerous sounding voice growling, "Cut this shit out. I do not want to hear one more … sexist remark about how nice every girl is. Kill the southern inbreeding for five fucking minutes and embrace the Eighties. Women are people and sometimes people aren't nice." The hand was removed and Heph sat up and said, "I don't know what sort of head game she played on you but you have got a lot of people worried. Your dad looks like he's afraid he's going to be shopping for coffins. Do you have any idea what I would give to have my father….Talk before I start treating you like you’re my brother."
"I.. kind of.. failed miserably," Bobby mumbled.
"Defined by whom," Heph's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Heph." Bobby whined.
"Fine. Can you give me a scale to measure this failure? I'm not so good with words give me a picture. At one end do we have… 'sorry honey, I came in my pants - you're on your own' and then at the other end… 'if I just get that tracheal tube inserted I won't have to come up for air until you reach your fifth orgasm'." Heph said.
"Jesus, why are you pissed?" Bobby said.
Heph sighed. "Because asshole, there is no failing in sex. Well, not unless you’re a paid professional. When amateurs do it, it's supposed to be about spending time with someone you like… or maybe even love and doing things which make you both feel really good." Heph brushed Bobby's hair out of his eyes and added in a whisper, "So she must be worse than you, 'cause you don't feel so good, do you?"
"I feel like shit," Bobby said, flopping back to stare at the ceiling. "We were friends, you know. On minute we're friends then we're 'just friends' then we're more than friends but 'no' we're not going to do that - and…then we are but she's all upset and… fuck."
"I'd ask if you've talked with her but she's been making her position on you pretty clear," Heph said.
"Shit, that's all I need," Bobby covered his eyes with one hand and threw the other back over his head.
"Fortunately your best friend can out talk anyone," Heph laughed and then seeing just how upset about the thought of gossip Bobby was added, "Hey, people around here know Merc's inability for self-censor - he has a rep for being honest, she doesn't - we got your back."
"I'm… inadequate - as a man, maybe even as a person," Bobby mumbled.
"Christ. Your head really is twisted around - pardon the pun." When that failed to get a laugh or even an acknowledgement Heph moved closer, laying on his side he propped his head on his hand, elbow against the bed. "R.J., man, her convincing you of this shit… that'd be like me telling you that if I can make you come, you're gay.
"Very funny," Bobby said uncovering his eyes and looking up at Heph.
"Are you casting aspersions? People say I'm really good with my hands for a reason," Heph said lightly. And then effortlessly he leaned over and kissed Bobby. It was just a brief press of his lips and ended with the barest lick of tongue. As he pulled back, Bobby was struck by how very different it was from kissing Billy. That had been aggressive and about humiliation and pain, this felt like a hug from his daddy or the firm clasp of Merc's hand when he pulled him up out of the quarry's swimming hole.
Bobby froze and then he said, "I'm… confused… and oddly flattered."
Heph smiled, one of his rare full out smiles which emphasized just how much he and Merc looked alike. He lay back on the pillow, still grinning at the ceiling. "I knew you weren't. But only you would be flattered. You do know that there is such a thing as being *too* well-adjusted?"
Bobby laughed and said, "If you knew I wasn't, why'd you do it?
"Figured I could get away with it, at least once, and I think you're hot," Heph said.
Blushing, Bobby asked. "Is it hard?"
"Way to master the single-entendre, Twist," Heph said.
Bobby blinked, "No, jeeze. I meant… it must difficult to be gay, and seventeen and in Farmingdale."
"As opposed to being straight and sixteen and in Farmingdale?" Heph said.
"Point," Bobby said.
Heph rolled to face him and propped himself up on his hand again. "I don't know. I figure this is it." He somehow was able to indicate more than just the room when he kind of pointed with his chin. "This is life. You don't get a reset or do-over just because you don't like where it starts - or where it ends. It's what happened in between. With that… well, you just do you best."
"So what do I do?" Bobby said. "How do I… fix this?"
"Get out of bed, get out of your room - don't give her the satisfaction. Even if you feel… inadequate - which by the way is stupid - keep telling yourself you're not, live your life like you're not." Heph said. "Eventually, if you live it, you'll believe it."
"It's hard. I feel like everyone knows," Bobby said.
"Everybody does. Welcome to small town life," Heph said. Bobby groaned and Heph added, "Okay, not everyone… only the kids. Only the kids who give a damn about whose doing who and all that crap. And if you just stop playing the angst-filled hero of this tragic teen movie, you'll be bumped out of the lime light by the next pregnancy scare - which fortunately given the circumstance you won't be blamed for."
"Thanks, that really makes me feel better," Bobby said. "Are you trying to see that I never leave my room again?"
"Though you had bull rider in your blood - get back on the horse," Heph said standing and crossed to the door.
"You're mixing your metaphors," Bobby said and then laughed at the face Heph made in response. He rolled to his feet and followed him to the door.
"That's better," Heph said opening the door.
"Thanks," Bobby said and swallowed hard. Somehow, 'thanks' seemed so small. He wanted to say he had Heph's back too, not that the older boy needed it. But, just maybe Heph wasn't as self-sufficient as he seemed, maybe that whole bad-ass attitude was to keep people away so they didn't get a chance to hurt him. It was an impulse, and impulses had gotten him into trouble before but Bobby was feeling pretty 'what the fuck'. He leaned in, and kissed Heph. Of course that was when his daddy walked down the hall to see how he was doing.
---
If Jack hadn't been so stunned he would have burst out laughing at his son. He was so relieved to see that familiar look of 'daddy caught me being an idiot' on his son's face. It was just so Bobby. It was the Bobby who rehearsed his acceptance speech for the Grammy in front of the bathroom mirror, the one who practiced rock and roll style hip thrusts with his guitar, the one who had supreme confidence and poise until he realized someone was watching. That time he had caught Bobby all but dry humping his guitar, Jack had laughed so hard he'd slid down the wall and ended up on the floor. Just as he'd about got himself under control, red-faced, Bobby had turned from the corner he'd tried to hide in asked in a desperate voice, 'is it possible to die of shame?' and Jack had laughed until he cried.
Jack would gladly trade the ghostlike creature who'd spent the past couple weeks clenching his jaw and staring into space to have that kid back any day. He couldn't figure out what the perfectly reasonable explanation was for Bobby kissing Heph. He was sure at least in Bobby's mind there was one. For the briefest moment Jack had thought that maybe that was what had Bobby so… depressed lately. But, Jack had dismissed the idea immediately, surely if the problem had been that Bobby would have talked to him about it. Jack liked to think that despite the habit he had of laughing when the boy was taking something so very serious that he and Bobby would never face the impasses which had caused such distance between him and his own father.
Heph, who had frozen like a deer in headlights, slowly lifted both hand in an 'everybody stay calm' gesture. He looked from Jack to Bobby and back to Jack. Mumbling, "I gotta get home for dinner," he slipped past Jack and went down the hall.
---
Jack and Bobby lay on their stomachs on Bobby's bed. Bobby rolled the Rubic's Cube in his hands and had yet to bring up why Jack had found him kissing a friend. Instead, the conversation focused on the Albright girl. Given the subject it wasn't surprising Bobby hadn't met Jack's eyes since he had flopped down and Jack had sat beside him. In disjointed sentences and multiple false starts Bobby was trying to relay what had been bothering him over the last couple weeks.
"I mean, Jesus. You'd have thought it was lava… it's not like it's gonna eat through her skin." He said.
Jack just couldn't help it, Bobby's indignant tone and the utter seriousness in his eyes as he finally met Jack's was too much. He snickered and was instantly contrite, "Son… girls, women, are just different."
"It's a body fluid, just like blood or snot or … phlegm," Bobby reasoned. "I just don't see what the big deal was-"
"Bobby, in general, women don't want *any* of that stuff coming at them unexpected like," Jack said.
Ennis stopped in the open doorway. "You two coming to dinner?"
"On our way," Jack said. Turning to Bobby he said, "that still doesn't explain why you were kissing Heph."
"You kissed another boy?" Ennis said, causing Bobby to groan, turn his head to the bed and cover it with his arms.
His voice was muffled as he wailed, "I only kissed two!"
"Well," Ennis shoved his hands the pockets of his jeans and looked even more uncomfortable, "that's one more'en I ever kissed."
Bobby peeped up in time to see Ennis stalk off down the hall to avoid the emotional scene. He looked over at Jack and said, "damn, Daddy. I don't know what to say."
"Usually ewww works for you," Jack said ruefully.
"Actually I was thinking more along the lines of 'score'," Bobby said and laughed. Seeing Jack blush he pushed him over and said, "Oh, sure it's all fun and games when we're embarrassing Bobby, but now that it's Jack's turn -"
Jack shut him up by remembering just where his son was most ticklish and they both rolled off of the bed laughing.
End of part seven