Taking a fic for a test drive--

Aug 23, 2003 20:43

If I could get some opinions on the following, I'd be very grateful. This fic is set about five years after "Chosen"/"Home" and is a BtVS/AtS crossover. I'm not even going to attempt to match it up with the upcoming season of AtS, so don't worry about spoilers--this is all my speculation about what the Jossverse might look like in five years. ( Read more... )

ats, btvs, fanfic

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Comments 26

Finn Mac Cool anonymous August 23 2003, 23:59:29 UTC
Hmm, I like the concept very much. However, I think you're rushing things too much. Everything keeps happening a little too fast. For instance, take the plot developement up till Angel and Wesley leave to gather info but stretch it out for the length of the chapter you've got written now. I guess one of the reasons I rarely tend to be satisfied with fanfic (including the ones I write myself), is the quickness with which the plot is introduced, explored, and resolved. I feel that taking more time to just generally explore their thoughts would make this fic better. For example, this may just be me, but whenever I read a romance story, I always find myself wishing for clearer reasons why these two people are in love than what's given. You do have some good stuff here, but a little more of what Connor and Dawn see in each other, and Connor's thoughts in general would be good ( ... )

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Lydia anonymous August 24 2003, 00:13:21 UTC
Exactly. I felt really meh about Dawn and Connor's relationship, at least so far. Don't forget that from the Cannon point of view, Dawn and Connor never so much as even met each other. From a logical point of view I can see why a writer wants them to become a couple considering all the similarities they share but outside of that there's little in their personalities that draws them together. I need to see a more specific approach to the Brat's relationship, to see how its unique.

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A few nitpicks anonymous August 24 2003, 00:01:27 UTC
I'm not enjoying the pacing of this story. This is an age old writer's workshop comment but you need to show not tell. Be more aticulate in adressing the character's past, show more of what has been happening to these characters rather then just telling about their last five years. Your introduction of Cordy was a good example of this. We get to see what has become of Cordelia and that is all the more powerful introduction ( ... )

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Re: A few nitpicks astridv August 24 2003, 05:43:18 UTC
From your description it seems like it didn't take long Connor and Dawn to drive from Notre Dame to Los Angeles.

The attack took place in front of his parents' house, though. We don't know how far from LA they live; from the looks of it it could be somewhere in the Californian mountains.

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anonymous August 24 2003, 00:10:39 UTC
Oh, lovely,lovely! This has real potential (if you'll pardon the pun). I like Dawn as a Guardian; I think that was where she was headed at the end of the show. I also like the fact that the fang gang is starting to remember stuff from season 4, and that it's Spike's nagging that is triggering the memories. Angel's going to have to deal with it and I'm eager to see how he does. Cordy's madness really fits; I like that she didn't just wake up old Cordy again. I kind of want to know how Angel became such a famous artist, but the artistic connection between Connor and Angel is nice. Love how Darla's picture pulls at Connor. I look forward to lots more of this! Jane

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yabyumpan August 24 2003, 00:16:56 UTC
Confused? - Nope, all teary eyed? - yup, wanting more? - er, that would be a big fat YES! :o)

Wonderful and very believable. Heartbreaking to see CrazyCordy but that would be a distinct possibility. According to Skip she shouldn't even be alive. Love how you've brought the Guardians into it with Dawn as a Guardian (I'm a huge Dawn fan as well). Love Connor ending up at Notre Dame, having a print of 'Dear One', sharing Angel's love and talent for art, saying that Angel's lack of reflection was 'cool'. I just love it all. I do hope you're going to continue with it.

BTW, do you have OBAFU up anywhere other than Fanfiction.net? Every time I go there it just freezes my computer.

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... anonymous August 24 2003, 01:04:08 UTC
I think I’ll tentatively creep out of anonymity to praise this first installment ( ... )

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