Taking a fic for a test drive--

[honorh]

If I could get some opinions on the following, I'd be very grateful. This fic is set about five years after "Chosen"/"Home" and is a BtVS/AtS crossover. I'm not even going to attempt to match it up with the upcoming season of AtS, so don't worry about spoilers--this is all my speculation about what the Jossverse might look like in five years.

Comments

A few nitpicks

[anonymous]

I'm not enjoying the pacing of this story. This is an age old writer's workshop comment but you need to show not tell. Be more aticulate in adressing the character's past, show more of what has been happening to these characters rather then just telling about their last five years. Your introduction of Cordy was a good example of this. We get to see what has become of Cordelia and that is all the more powerful introduction.

From your description it seems like it didn't take long Connor and Dawn to drive from Notre Dame to Los Angeles. You do know that Notre Dame is in Indiana, right? Surely it would take at least a day for Connor and Dawn to drive all the way to California and in that time period clean and tend to Connor's wounds as well as for Dawn to reveal her unusual past.

Is there any reason why Dawn and Connor have to meet in Oxford? (espeically since we don't get to see this meeting) I felt the introduction was a little clunky with all the talk of globetrotting.

I liked your description of Angel the Artist. I hope to read about more of his artwork.

Interesting that despite everything Connor is still physically attracted to Cordelia.

Please don't sic Honorificus on me for critiquing your work. It's good quality, just rough around the edges.

-Student Lydia.

Re: A few nitpicks

[astridv]

From your description it seems like it didn't take long Connor and Dawn to drive from Notre Dame to Los Angeles.

The attack took place in front of his parents' house, though. We don't know how far from LA they live; from the looks of it it could be somewhere in the Californian mountains.