Concrit Post 9

[hmd_meme]

How's My Driving?

∞ comment with all the journals you RP with (and the communities they're from).
∞ reply to other people's comments (anon or logged in) with constructive criticism
∞ learn from the suggestions and profit!

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Comments

[lady_angelina]

At damned:

Manfred von Karma perfectrecord (Ace Attorney)

I welcome all crit, especially ICness and writing style. Also, if I have ever made him OOC in any way, past or present, I need to know that so that I will know not to repeat it. ^^;;; I am also painfully aware of the confidence issues, and though I've been trying to work on them, it's an uphill battle. XD; He has an individual crit post here at the top of his journal (anon enabled, IP logging disabled, all comments screened), if you'd rather use that.

I have other characters, and would welcome crit for them, too, if you know of them. They are listed here in my all-purpose HMD post, where anon is enabled, IP logging is disabled, and all comments are screened.

Thanks so much in advance.

FYI: I am posting this from my phone and may not be able to reply until I get home later.

[continuum]

I can't comment on ICness, but I think your posts are very well-thought out and while I'm not familiar with vK's voice in the canon, it's pretty obvious that he does have a distinct voice from your posts alone.

I'm...trying to think of some crit here. XD;; *IS BAD AT THIS* But well -- you mentioned writing style and I was reading a bit of the zombie attack post. It's not exactly a big thing PLUS I AM NEUROTIC AND A BIT BATTY, but I did notice you have a way of phrasing things that creates slightly longer sentences which slows an otherwise face-paced action scene.

For instance: he immediately braced the wall to return to a standing position

or the prosecutor demanded of it

I almost feel as if, he immediately braced the wall to stand and simply, the prosecutor demanded (as the of it is implied) might have sufficed? BUT THAT COULD JUST BE ME? *flails*

But yeah, you do a really great job with vK, especially since I imagine he's a challenge to play in a setting like this. And you already know you're awesome, so I don't need to say it.

[lady_angelina]

Fhfjdshd well, I do try, at least. X3 Thanks! <3

And... No, it's definitely not just you on the verbosity. 0_0 That's something I've known I needed to work on, and you're right, it does needlessly slow down the action, now that you mention it. That's probably a good chunk of my tl;dr-ness right there (the extraneous verbiage), so I will make sure to watch out for it more when writing. :3 Thank you so much for bringing that up! <33333 The examples you gave are especially helpful.

[itsabere]

I'm sorry that I don't follow vK enough to offer any actual crit; I'd really like to, since it must take a lot of guts to play a character like that. The posts that I do read, though? I like. I loved that one time on the bulletin, where Yuffie assaulted him with glitter. ♥ Also, I read over the Real Life profile you made for him; that was pretty amazing.

One question: how much time do you spend threading outside of his immediate circle? Throwing him into more situations--both on and off the bulletin--like the glitter incident could be fun.

[misstakin]

Each of them has their own concrit post at the top of their journals, be harsh, etc.

@discedo
Azula || Avatar: The Last Airbender || bends_lightning
Kurogane || Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle || mages_game
Eli Bradley || Young Avengers || notquitecap

@campfuckudie
Santo Vaccarro [Rockslide] || New X-Men || rockslidegoboom

@theoregontrail
Chase Stein || Runaways || brainsoftheop

[misstakin]

I love you for apping Santo. ♥

[misstakin]

Thank you anon ♥

I'm having a lot of fun with him.

[litzplosion]

ew adri you smell

[envisioned]

@ discedo

protectyourtwin | Kamui | Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle

@

[envisioned]

I've looked at your Kamui journal and while things look pretty good, I have one major complaint. Almost every single one of his entries have a question to the general populace that get answered. I don't see why he keeps doing this and I also don't understand why you keep doing it. Scroll back down your journal. You do it often, almost every single time.

I don't know if that means that you don't have a lot of material to post for or what but try to cut down on it. It gets really annoying and from a lurker it looks stupid and OOC.

[pissedkitty]

...orz. I've been cutting down on this lately, but occasionally, the need for a question does pop up. I'll definitely cut it down more, anon!

[envisioned]

You have been and it's good! His responses are also IC but it's just the act on several of the entries to constantly ask a question that gets annoying. Don't be upset because you are doing it right. Your entries leading up to this one were just fine.

[wakuchan]

@ campfuckudie:
Zima (jstalovemachine) | Chobits
Rakushun (chewitover) | Twelve Kingdoms

[hotandcoldrp]

@ kingdoms_rp
knifebending - Mai - [Avatar: The Last Airbender]
one_punched - Guy Gardner/Green Lantern - [DC Comics]
saltyseatrap - Mary "Jacky" Faber - [Bloody Jack]
samuraiderpderp - Will Powers/The Steel Samurai - [Ace Attorney]

@ memento_eden
future_is_gold - Michael Jon Carter/Booster Gold - [DC Comics]
great_cleavage - Roy Greenhilt - [The Order of the Stick]
halberdvshield - Miles Edgeworth - [Ace Attorney]
semper_fi_bitch - Sgt. Dexter Grif - [Red vs. Blue]

I'll also be apping Waspinator rather shortly and gave him a run here. Crit on him is also appreciated.