Concrit Post 9

[hmd_meme]

How's My Driving?

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Comments

[lady_angelina]

At damned:

Manfred von Karma perfectrecord (Ace Attorney)

I welcome all crit, especially ICness and writing style. Also, if I have ever made him OOC in any way, past or present, I need to know that so that I will know not to repeat it. ^^;;; I am also painfully aware of the confidence issues, and though I've been trying to work on them, it's an uphill battle. XD; He has an individual crit post here at the top of his journal (anon enabled, IP logging disabled, all comments screened), if you'd rather use that.

I have other characters, and would welcome crit for them, too, if you know of them. They are listed here in my all-purpose HMD post, where anon is enabled, IP logging is disabled, and all comments are screened.

Thanks so much in advance.

FYI: I am posting this from my phone and may not be able to reply until I get home later.

[continuum]

I can't comment on ICness, but I think your posts are very well-thought out and while I'm not familiar with vK's voice in the canon, it's pretty obvious that he does have a distinct voice from your posts alone.

I'm...trying to think of some crit here. XD;; *IS BAD AT THIS* But well -- you mentioned writing style and I was reading a bit of the zombie attack post. It's not exactly a big thing PLUS I AM NEUROTIC AND A BIT BATTY, but I did notice you have a way of phrasing things that creates slightly longer sentences which slows an otherwise face-paced action scene.

For instance: he immediately braced the wall to return to a standing position

or the prosecutor demanded of it

I almost feel as if, he immediately braced the wall to stand and simply, the prosecutor demanded (as the of it is implied) might have sufficed? BUT THAT COULD JUST BE ME? *flails*

But yeah, you do a really great job with vK, especially since I imagine he's a challenge to play in a setting like this. And you already know you're awesome, so I don't need to say it.

[lady_angelina]

Fhfjdshd well, I do try, at least. X3 Thanks! <3

And... No, it's definitely not just you on the verbosity. 0_0 That's something I've known I needed to work on, and you're right, it does needlessly slow down the action, now that you mention it. That's probably a good chunk of my tl;dr-ness right there (the extraneous verbiage), so I will make sure to watch out for it more when writing. :3 Thank you so much for bringing that up! <33333 The examples you gave are especially helpful.

[itsabere]

I'm sorry that I don't follow vK enough to offer any actual crit; I'd really like to, since it must take a lot of guts to play a character like that. The posts that I do read, though? I like. I loved that one time on the bulletin, where Yuffie assaulted him with glitter. ♥ Also, I read over the Real Life profile you made for him; that was pretty amazing.

One question: how much time do you spend threading outside of his immediate circle? Throwing him into more situations--both on and off the bulletin--like the glitter incident could be fun.

[lady_angelina]

No worries! :3 *Is rather guilty of the same thing for many characters* XD;;; So many of them. :<

And, hehehe, yes, that board convo was awesome! X3 She really pwned him there, she did. <333 Yuffie was so feisty there, so ballsy, I love her. :D

And thanks, glad you liked the "real life" write-up! :D (I hope the mods do, too; it's still pending. XD; )

Well, right now, he's sort of caught in the middle of his own folly a crime investigation, so he's been spending a little extra "quality" time around his daughter. X3 However, I'm thinking of posting him to more shifts as "free" to see what happens

[valentinite]

Preface: I love threading with him and you're doing a great job. One piece of concrit -- you don't always have to give us the step-by-step on how he gets from point A to point B in the tl;dr. I realize you're doing it partly because you find it helpful when other people do it, but sometimes it can make the exact same leap of logic seem less clever on his part -- like if you wrote it out, and then figured out what the minimum possible thing you could say for it to be clear that there was a thought process was, then you just leave that

[lady_angelina]

Yo, whatchu doing answering HMD memes on teh Intarweb instead of party-hartying? X3 Hope it's going much better so far, btw. <33333Oooooh... This goes hand-in-hand with what Maia said, and very specific, too! :D Yeah, I was wondering just how much detail I really needed in the "inner monologue" parts, which tend to be my most tl;dr. So, basically, gloss some more over those but still keeping the crux of what's going on upstairs

[bleakwinters]

Since I can't comment on IC-ness, I'll comment on OOC. I think you are a thoughtful player and you worry too much. Damned is a stressful game and I think even the best have moments where they doubt their ability to write. Your posts are insightful and I like Manfred because I can understand him without knowing a lick of Ace Attorney.

Basically, I think you need to try and stress less (easier said than done, I know) because you're a fantastic player. :D