The Guardian's Secret 18/?
Title: The Guardian's Secret 18/?
Author: Hezikiah
Disclaimer: Not mine, the BBC's.
Rating: PG
Characters: Ella (OC), Donna, Eighth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Healer Koray (OC), Healer Akakios (OC)
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to " Witnessing the Protector," five years on. When the metacrisis begins to unravel on its own, a desperate Ella finds the Doctor...and winds up giving up more than she bargained for to save her best friend's life.
A/N: Where's Micah? Ella has a revelation...
A/N 2: Jesus, I am so sorry this took forever to get out. This is a LONG chapter, but a significant one...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
Oct. 13, 2016
I've done my best to dismiss Nevisth's threats about permanently detaining me on Gallifrey, but he must have frightened me enough that it's affecting my subconscious. I'm having nightmares again, the first ones I've really had since the concussion on the TARDIS all those years ago. I'm not prone to nightmares at all and so I know that his threats must have deeply disturbed my mind. Pregnancy hormones also might be the culprit, but I never had bad dreams when I was pregnant with Bastian.
Last night's dream was awful, but not frightening like a horror movie. It was more upsetting than scary. I dreamed that I was in an old English graveyard with mossy and crumbling headstones. An ancient chapel stood in the middle and I recognized it as Brian's home parish. This was the church where we'd been married in 2013, where Bastian had been christened.
Brian, Bastian, and some of my other family members, friends, and work colleagues were standing at a freshly dug grave. Everyone was dressed in black. The sparkling new marble tombstone had my name carved onto it: “Eloise Porter-Steinfield 1977-2016. Beloved mother and wife.” My own mother was sobbing and carrying on about there being no body, just my having gone missing and being declared dead. I tried to comfort her, to tell her that I wasn't dead and was on Gallifrey with Donna, but she couldn't see or hear me. I may as well have been a ghost.
Shaun, Peter, and Holly were behind the crowd. They were clearly in attendance at my funeral, but they were standing near another fresh grave nearby. It was Donna's. I looked around for Donna, but she wasn't there. As I moved over to take a closer look at her tombstone, I spotted Nevisth standing near the entrance to the ancient church, like he was some kind of perverse vicar watching over the whole scene. The look on his evil face was anything but holy; it was one of triumphant delight. The bastard was happy that he'd won and my family had no idea where I was and had given up hope of my returning.
Pure rage flooded through me and I stormed towards him. He stood his ground, that terrible sneer still on his face. I stopped in front of Nevisth and pulled back my fist to beat that expression into oblivion when a strong hand caught my wrist and squeezed hard. I turned my head and saw Koray holding me. As much as I struggled and tugged, I could not wrench my arm away from hers. Spinning around, I tried to lash out with my other hand to strike her, but she only snatched my other hand and then twisted my arms up behind my back. The pain and the pressure from her iron grip drove me down to my knees.
I raised my head to call out for help, but the graveyard was emptying. My family and friends were shuffling down the churchyard path to their cars. It's not like they could have heard me, anyway. Despair came over me at the thought of being alone with the two Time Lords and I struggled harder. Where was Donna? Where was the Doctor? I wasn't strong enough to take on both Nevisth and Koray and I needed them, but they weren't there.
As Koray tightened her grip and I whimpered, Nevisth started to laugh in delight that I was in pain. I noticed the oak tree nearby. It was ancient, its gnarled limbs reaching up towards the heavens and scraping the tiled roof of the church. Green moss covered the trunk and the roots that were visible above ground. There was a fresh carving in the trunk, though, the symbols standing out in stark white against the damaged wood. I squinted through the tears that had formed in my eyes and realized the carvings were a series of numbers: 776-45-452-9. Those were the numbers the Doctor had given me to relay to Donna in the dream all those weeks ago.
What kind of help was that?
A movement on the edge of my vision caught my eye and I turned my head. Brian stood at the gate of the churchyard, staring right at me. I could tell that he couldn't see me, though. Brian was looking at the church and he looked devastated. I struggled harder, trying to break free, wanting to go to him as I let out a scream that was filled with anger, loss, desperation, and fury. Nevisth only laughed harder.
I woke up with a start, the shriek dying on my lips. I felt embarrassed as I realized that I had been screaming in my sleep. My body was covered in sweat and I'd kicked off the covers. The damp sheets felt clammy and I shivered, suddenly feeling the ever present chill of the TARDIS (it's always bloody cold in there, but I've gotten used to blankets and wearing layers all the time). “It was only a dream,” I told myself as I took several deep breaths to calm my racing heart. Strangely enough, I could still feel the lingering pressure of Koray's hands on my wrists and my arms held the ghost of an ache from being twisted.
The door swung open, letting in a flood of light into the dark room. I cried out in surprise, throwing an arm over my eyes. The Doctor stuck his head in. “Ella? Are you all right? I heard you screaming like a pack of enraged Judoon were after you.”
“B...bad dream,” I croaked. My throat was dry and sore.
He came into the room, shutting the door behind him and the small artificial gas sconces on the wall began to glow with a soft light, which I found oddly comforting. The Doctor sat down on the red ottoman. “It's really not surprising considering everything you've been through. Would you like to talk about it?”
T'alk about deja vu! I'd been in this exact same situation five years ago when I'd had that nightmare about Donna dying. The Doctor had heard me calling out her name in my sleep and he'd come in and woken me up, then asked to me to tell him about my dreams.
I wiggled into an upright position, tugging the sweaty sheets and blankets back over me to stave off the cold. In a halting voice, I told the Doctor what had happened, but I left out the part about the numbers in the tree. The Tenth Doctor had forbade me from telling anyone about those numbers, except for Donna.
The Doctor's face softened when he heard my dream and he was silent after I'd finished as he contemplated what I'd told him. “I wonder...” he mused as he looked right at me. “Were you pregnant in the dream?”
I paused as I searched my memories. I had seen everything from my point of view, but I remembered looking down at the ground and being forced to my knees. My body had looked normal and I hadn't felt the weight of the baby. “No, I don't think so.”
“Hm.” He was silent again for another moment. “So, not pregnant but still held captive by the Time Lords.”
“I know what you're thinking,” I answered. “It's my subconscious trying to come to terms with Nevisth's threat that he won't let me go home.”
A small smile tugged at the Doctor's mouth. “Well, yes,” he admitted. “That's part of it, but not all. Not being pregnant means that your dream represents the future, after the baby's been born. Churches represent the circle of life because life and death are represented there, you see? Baptisms of babies, weddings...and funerals. The first two have occurred there for you, but the last...well, that's your empty grave. In the dream, Nevisth has aborted your participation in the circle of life and receiving final rites afforded to humans. You aren't dead, but your family and friends believes you are. It isn't natural to bury an empty coffin, not when the supposed deceased...” he reached out a hand and brushed his knuckles over my cheek in a reassuring gesture, “...is so very much alive.”
The fear from the dream came sneaking back. “What if he doesn't let me go home?”
He shook his head. “You said yourself that he can't do that. No one Time Lord has that much power. And besides,” a dark look crossed his face, “I won't let him do that you. I promised that I'd take you home and I will find a way, once all of this is over.”
“I know.” I hope that he can.
A sudden thought occurred to me then about the tree in the dream. Trees represent life and growing. Why were the numbers carved into the tree? When I'd looked around for help, the only thing I'd spotted the tree. Instead of finding clarity, I only found more confusion.
My thoughts were interrupted when the Doctor leaned back and crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face. “Healer Koray's presence, though,” he continued. “That doesn't make much sense. If anything, I'd imagine it should be Nevisth restraining you...oh!” He sat up straighter. “Wait a moment...you said Koray grabbed you when you were about to punch Lord Nevisth?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “I think she was trying to protect him.”
“I don't agree. I think she was trying to protect you.”
“What?!” I looked at him, confused.
“You know those two don't get along at all. They're both sticklers for the rules, but twice now Healer Koray has gone out of her way for you and the baby. The first time was when she participated in our plan to deceive the High Council so we wouldn't have to delay Donna's treatment. The second was when she helped find evidence to delay the genetic testing and defended your actions at the hearing. We've spoken about this before. As much as you don't like her and distrust her, she's almost consistently worked for your benefit. What would Nevisth had done if you'd managed to punch him?”
“Um...” I faltered. “I don't know. He's bigger and probably a lot stronger than me.”
“You wouldn't have stood much of a chance, Ella. I think you know that on some level. Koray is his cousin, but she's also your healer. She's not going to let you get yourself hurt and she's already proven that she places your safety above the wishes of her cousin. It's one of the reasons she called the medical center's guards when you ran, to bring you back to her. I think it's also why she tried to render you unconscious.” I shot a sharp look at him and he made a placating motion with his hands. “Hear me out. She didn't want you to be hurt or get into deeper trouble. She knew you'd be in a lot more trouble with the High Council if you had been caught, maybe even imprisoned. She only called the medical center guards. She didn't want the Citadel guards involved and it was only after you disappeared that they joined the search for you. It's lucky you made it to the embassy. Being unconscious and undergoing the test would have been a far more pleasant fate than what would have awaited you had Nevisth's guards caught you instead. She didn't want that to happen.”
“And you think my subconscious knows that?”
“I think you know it, have known it since Akakios and I told you ten days ago about the part she played in the inquiry, but you're having trouble coming to terms with it.”
“I can't stand her,” I mumbled.
“I know. She can be a difficult person to like. That doesn't mean she's some kind of monster, though. I think you're confused about her. Perhaps the dual part she played in the dream, as attacker but also your protector, is a reflection of that confusion.”
“You sound like Dr. Freud trying to interpret my dreams.”
He laughed, shoulders shaking in merriment. “Oh my goodness, no!” he chuckled. “Try Dr. Jung instead. He was a much more amiable chap than old Sigmund, and much less obsessed over my relationship with my mother!”
As awful as the dream had been, talking through it with the Doctor had made me feel better and I felt sleep trying to pull me back under. My small giggle at the Doctor's opinion of Sigmund Freud turned into an open yawn. The Doctor noticed and stood up. “You should go back to sleep now and take advantage of being able to have a lie-in when you wake up again. I'm sure the Council will find a new place to continue your lessons soon.”
“Ok, thanks Doctor.”
His smile was warm as he headed towards the door. “Anytime, Ella. Sleep well.”
I woke up later on with my thoughts on Micah and his disappearance. I haven't stopped thinking about where he might have disappeared. It's so perplexing and not like him at all, considering how much he fears the Time Lords and doesn't want to lose the little freedom he has. He's really in for punishment now, though, and it makes me sick to think what Lord Nevisth is going to do once he's found.
The Doctor swears that he must still be on the planet. All of the TARDIS and ships that left Gallifrey from the time he was last seen up until the explosion have been recalled and he's not on any of them. Micah's flat has been searched and there's no indication of where he might have gone. All of his clothes are in place, nothing is missing. He's just vanished and no one has any idea where he's gone.
I decided to visit Xenshi around noon to see how she's doing and if she had any ideas. She's known Micah longer than me, after all. Xenshi had some bad burns that have scorched off her beautiful white fur. She was on her way out of the classroom building when the dining hall exploded and she was caught in some flaming debris as it fell. She's expected to make a full recovery, but for now she's going to be at the embassy recovering for a few weeks.
Unfortunately, Xenshi didn't have much to offer, but I still had a lovely visit with her. I got back to the TARDIS a while before dinnertime. I still couldn't get my thoughts off of Micah and I walked back and forth across the control room so many times that the Doctor got tired of watching me and finally put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Ella, your pacing is going to wear a hole in that Chinese rug, of which I'm rather fond. Casanova gave it to me. It was his favorite.” He paused, remembering something and then grinned. “Oh! I still owe him a chicken. I really ought to take care of that one of these days.”
I've gotten used to the Doctor's dropping references to past adventures and their sheer randomness and I didn't blink. “A chicken? I don't even want to know what Casanova wanted with a chicken.” I paused. “Or why this was his favorite rug.”
The Doctor rubbed his chin. “Probably best not to ask,” he agreed. “I don't actually know why, either, but it's such a lovely rug! The rich colors! The deep pile!” He looked down and gestured at our feet.
I held back my snide remark about 'deep piles' and the infamous Italian lover. “I'm sorry,” I apologized instead. “I'm just worried about Micah.”
He looked back up and his expression softened. “I am as well. I know you've been trying to think of where he's disappeared, but I suspect that neither you nor I know enough about the lad to discern his current whereabouts. I just hope he's safe.”
“Is Gallifrey not safe?” I asked, feeling alarmed. “I mean, with the exception of random Dalek bombers, I thought it was!”
“Oh, it is! It is!” he replied, waving his hands in way that was meant to reassure me. “Well,” he conceded after a moment, “most of it is. There are a few places that are dangerous, but they're far from here.” Before I could comment, he added, “You know what we need to take our minds off all of the unfortunate business from the last few days? A night in.”
I looked at him sideways. “Do you even do nights in? You have trouble sitting still for more than 10 minutes with nothing to do.”
The Doctor looked a little hurt. “Of course I do nights in!” There was a long silence as I just stared at him. “Well,” he admitted, sounding sheepish, “...not that often, but even I like to relax sometimes. What shall we have for dinner? Takeaway?” Before I could even ask where he could get takeaway on Gallifrey, he brightened up and shouted, “No! Pizza and beer!” The Doctor glanced at me and chuckled for a second. “Perhaps not the latter, but pizza it is.” He put his hand on my back and gave me a small shove. “Away to the kitchen we go!”
I walked down the corridor in front of him and called back, “I don't like mushrooms. Or anchovies.”
“Right, no fungi or small salty fish for the picky human.”
“Hey!”
The Doctor and I threw together a pizza in a very short time. He had this device called a flash oven that can cook food in under a minute. It's really cool. The Doctor didn't want pepperoni, so we settled on ham and pineapple. I was about to sit down at the wooden table in the middle of the kitchen, but he pulled some plates and napkins from a cabinet and handed them to me. “Come on, we're going to the media room. If we're going to have a proper night in, then we're going to watch a movie.”
I followed him down the hall, the smell from the pizza making my mouth water. We went into the enormous Library, but he walked to a door set into the high wainscoting and opened it. Beyond was a room richly paneled in cherry wainscoting. A fireplace sat on the opposite side of where we entered and, to my surprise, roared to life as we stepped through the door. A full bar dominated the back wall. A three sided deep brown leather sofa sat in the middle of the room on top of a black, cream, and tan Chinese rug (I wondered if Casanova gave him that one, too). The fourth wall was comprised of an enormous screen. The entire room was very...nineteenth century mancave and I said as much.
The Doctor burst into laughter as he set the pizza down on the bar. “It was my seventh incarnation that decorated the TARDIS like this shortly before I regenerated,” he explained. “I haven't changed it because it seems a pity to redecorate and I still like it.” He went behind the bar and started messing around with apparatus I couldn't see that well. Seconds later, he handed me a tall Cherry Coke. He then made himself some kind of manly drink and I didn't ask what it was, but it smelled a little boozy and weird, like sandalwood mixed with paint varnish. I suspected it wasn't from earth.
TARDIS Media Room
We both got a few slices of pizza and settled in on the comfortable sofa. The room was very cozy with the fire roaring and I felt like I was a million miles away from Gallifrey. The Doctor had been right; I'd needed something like this to take my mind of Micah and my nightmares. “What do you want to watch?” he asked.
I thought for a second. “Nothing gory or sad. Something with a cheesy villain and a happy ending.” I bit into my pizza. It tasted amazing. “Oh, I missed this,” I sighed in contentment.
“I think I know just the movie. Ridiculous villain coming up,” he replied as he took a sip of his drink and messed with a control panel set into the arm of the sofa next to him. Seconds later, the giant screen lit up, the lights dimmed, and Anastasia started playing. “Hope you don't mind an animated film.”
“Oh, not at all.”
As Rasputin sold his soul to the devil, the Doctor regarded the screen and commented, “You know...change the hair color, put on about forty pounds, and Lord Nevisth could pass for Rasputin.”
I was drinking my Coke at that moment and I snorted so hard in mirth that it went right up my nose. I coughed and spluttered, reaching for the napkins as I blinked back tears of pain from the carbonation that had invaded my sinuses. The Doctor burst into laughter and apologized profusely, but I waved him off as I blew my nose and wiped the tears from my eyes.
I finished my pizza and settled in to watch the rest of the film. The Romanovs fell from power, Dmitri and Vladamir sang and danced about their con and the possibility that Princess Anastasia could still be alive (along with the rest of St. Petersburg), and Anya left the orphanage and started singing “Journey to the Past.”
I've seen Anastasia a few times and know the songs pretty well. About halfway through, Anya started singing, “Home, love, family: there was once a time I must have had them, too. Home, love, family: I will never be complete until I find you.” I'm not sure what happened, but those words resonated with everything that's been going on with Lord Nevisth and I burst into silent tears.
“One step at a time, one hope then another. Who knows where this road will go? Back to who I was, on to find my future. Things my heart still needs to know. Yes, let this be a sign. Let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past and bring me home at last.”
“Oh!” I cried out loud. I'm not kidding, but it was like a bolt of lightning struck my brain as I had a sudden revelation about Micah and I scrambled into a upright position, or tried to. My belly made it a bit hard, but my flailing got the Doctor's attention. “Ella?” he asked, peering at me through the flickering firelight. “What's wrong?”
“I know where Micah is!” The couch was slippery and I slid down onto the floor. “Oof! Ow.”
Bewildered, the Doctor stopped the movie and the lights came on. “What are you going on about?” He looked down at me, shaking his head, looking confused.
I pointed at the screen. “Anastasia's looking for her family. Maybe Micah is, too. He told me he's pissed off that no one will tell him anything about his dad, except that he wasn't a nice guy. He's tired of not getting answers, so it makes sense that maybe he's gone to look for his family because they could tell him.” I paused as the Doctor just stared at me. “I mean...” I faltered, “I don't know where he's gone, but...”
The Doctor cut me off as his face lit up in recognition. “Dr. Eloise Porter-Steinfield, you are a genius.” He stabbed at the controls as he got to his feet and the movie disappeared. He held out his hand to help me to my feet. “Come on, we need to hurry.”
Author: Hezikiah
Disclaimer: Not mine, the BBC's.
Rating: PG
Characters: Ella (OC), Donna, Eighth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Healer Koray (OC), Healer Akakios (OC)
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to " Witnessing the Protector," five years on. When the metacrisis begins to unravel on its own, a desperate Ella finds the Doctor...and winds up giving up more than she bargained for to save her best friend's life.
A/N: Where's Micah? Ella has a revelation...
A/N 2: Jesus, I am so sorry this took forever to get out. This is a LONG chapter, but a significant one...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
Oct. 13, 2016
I've done my best to dismiss Nevisth's threats about permanently detaining me on Gallifrey, but he must have frightened me enough that it's affecting my subconscious. I'm having nightmares again, the first ones I've really had since the concussion on the TARDIS all those years ago. I'm not prone to nightmares at all and so I know that his threats must have deeply disturbed my mind. Pregnancy hormones also might be the culprit, but I never had bad dreams when I was pregnant with Bastian.
Last night's dream was awful, but not frightening like a horror movie. It was more upsetting than scary. I dreamed that I was in an old English graveyard with mossy and crumbling headstones. An ancient chapel stood in the middle and I recognized it as Brian's home parish. This was the church where we'd been married in 2013, where Bastian had been christened.
Brian, Bastian, and some of my other family members, friends, and work colleagues were standing at a freshly dug grave. Everyone was dressed in black. The sparkling new marble tombstone had my name carved onto it: “Eloise Porter-Steinfield 1977-2016. Beloved mother and wife.” My own mother was sobbing and carrying on about there being no body, just my having gone missing and being declared dead. I tried to comfort her, to tell her that I wasn't dead and was on Gallifrey with Donna, but she couldn't see or hear me. I may as well have been a ghost.
Shaun, Peter, and Holly were behind the crowd. They were clearly in attendance at my funeral, but they were standing near another fresh grave nearby. It was Donna's. I looked around for Donna, but she wasn't there. As I moved over to take a closer look at her tombstone, I spotted Nevisth standing near the entrance to the ancient church, like he was some kind of perverse vicar watching over the whole scene. The look on his evil face was anything but holy; it was one of triumphant delight. The bastard was happy that he'd won and my family had no idea where I was and had given up hope of my returning.
Pure rage flooded through me and I stormed towards him. He stood his ground, that terrible sneer still on his face. I stopped in front of Nevisth and pulled back my fist to beat that expression into oblivion when a strong hand caught my wrist and squeezed hard. I turned my head and saw Koray holding me. As much as I struggled and tugged, I could not wrench my arm away from hers. Spinning around, I tried to lash out with my other hand to strike her, but she only snatched my other hand and then twisted my arms up behind my back. The pain and the pressure from her iron grip drove me down to my knees.
I raised my head to call out for help, but the graveyard was emptying. My family and friends were shuffling down the churchyard path to their cars. It's not like they could have heard me, anyway. Despair came over me at the thought of being alone with the two Time Lords and I struggled harder. Where was Donna? Where was the Doctor? I wasn't strong enough to take on both Nevisth and Koray and I needed them, but they weren't there.
As Koray tightened her grip and I whimpered, Nevisth started to laugh in delight that I was in pain. I noticed the oak tree nearby. It was ancient, its gnarled limbs reaching up towards the heavens and scraping the tiled roof of the church. Green moss covered the trunk and the roots that were visible above ground. There was a fresh carving in the trunk, though, the symbols standing out in stark white against the damaged wood. I squinted through the tears that had formed in my eyes and realized the carvings were a series of numbers: 776-45-452-9. Those were the numbers the Doctor had given me to relay to Donna in the dream all those weeks ago.
What kind of help was that?
A movement on the edge of my vision caught my eye and I turned my head. Brian stood at the gate of the churchyard, staring right at me. I could tell that he couldn't see me, though. Brian was looking at the church and he looked devastated. I struggled harder, trying to break free, wanting to go to him as I let out a scream that was filled with anger, loss, desperation, and fury. Nevisth only laughed harder.
I woke up with a start, the shriek dying on my lips. I felt embarrassed as I realized that I had been screaming in my sleep. My body was covered in sweat and I'd kicked off the covers. The damp sheets felt clammy and I shivered, suddenly feeling the ever present chill of the TARDIS (it's always bloody cold in there, but I've gotten used to blankets and wearing layers all the time). “It was only a dream,” I told myself as I took several deep breaths to calm my racing heart. Strangely enough, I could still feel the lingering pressure of Koray's hands on my wrists and my arms held the ghost of an ache from being twisted.
The door swung open, letting in a flood of light into the dark room. I cried out in surprise, throwing an arm over my eyes. The Doctor stuck his head in. “Ella? Are you all right? I heard you screaming like a pack of enraged Judoon were after you.”
“B...bad dream,” I croaked. My throat was dry and sore.
He came into the room, shutting the door behind him and the small artificial gas sconces on the wall began to glow with a soft light, which I found oddly comforting. The Doctor sat down on the red ottoman. “It's really not surprising considering everything you've been through. Would you like to talk about it?”
T'alk about deja vu! I'd been in this exact same situation five years ago when I'd had that nightmare about Donna dying. The Doctor had heard me calling out her name in my sleep and he'd come in and woken me up, then asked to me to tell him about my dreams.
I wiggled into an upright position, tugging the sweaty sheets and blankets back over me to stave off the cold. In a halting voice, I told the Doctor what had happened, but I left out the part about the numbers in the tree. The Tenth Doctor had forbade me from telling anyone about those numbers, except for Donna.
The Doctor's face softened when he heard my dream and he was silent after I'd finished as he contemplated what I'd told him. “I wonder...” he mused as he looked right at me. “Were you pregnant in the dream?”
I paused as I searched my memories. I had seen everything from my point of view, but I remembered looking down at the ground and being forced to my knees. My body had looked normal and I hadn't felt the weight of the baby. “No, I don't think so.”
“Hm.” He was silent again for another moment. “So, not pregnant but still held captive by the Time Lords.”
“I know what you're thinking,” I answered. “It's my subconscious trying to come to terms with Nevisth's threat that he won't let me go home.”
A small smile tugged at the Doctor's mouth. “Well, yes,” he admitted. “That's part of it, but not all. Not being pregnant means that your dream represents the future, after the baby's been born. Churches represent the circle of life because life and death are represented there, you see? Baptisms of babies, weddings...and funerals. The first two have occurred there for you, but the last...well, that's your empty grave. In the dream, Nevisth has aborted your participation in the circle of life and receiving final rites afforded to humans. You aren't dead, but your family and friends believes you are. It isn't natural to bury an empty coffin, not when the supposed deceased...” he reached out a hand and brushed his knuckles over my cheek in a reassuring gesture, “...is so very much alive.”
The fear from the dream came sneaking back. “What if he doesn't let me go home?”
He shook his head. “You said yourself that he can't do that. No one Time Lord has that much power. And besides,” a dark look crossed his face, “I won't let him do that you. I promised that I'd take you home and I will find a way, once all of this is over.”
“I know.” I hope that he can.
A sudden thought occurred to me then about the tree in the dream. Trees represent life and growing. Why were the numbers carved into the tree? When I'd looked around for help, the only thing I'd spotted the tree. Instead of finding clarity, I only found more confusion.
My thoughts were interrupted when the Doctor leaned back and crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face. “Healer Koray's presence, though,” he continued. “That doesn't make much sense. If anything, I'd imagine it should be Nevisth restraining you...oh!” He sat up straighter. “Wait a moment...you said Koray grabbed you when you were about to punch Lord Nevisth?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “I think she was trying to protect him.”
“I don't agree. I think she was trying to protect you.”
“What?!” I looked at him, confused.
“You know those two don't get along at all. They're both sticklers for the rules, but twice now Healer Koray has gone out of her way for you and the baby. The first time was when she participated in our plan to deceive the High Council so we wouldn't have to delay Donna's treatment. The second was when she helped find evidence to delay the genetic testing and defended your actions at the hearing. We've spoken about this before. As much as you don't like her and distrust her, she's almost consistently worked for your benefit. What would Nevisth had done if you'd managed to punch him?”
“Um...” I faltered. “I don't know. He's bigger and probably a lot stronger than me.”
“You wouldn't have stood much of a chance, Ella. I think you know that on some level. Koray is his cousin, but she's also your healer. She's not going to let you get yourself hurt and she's already proven that she places your safety above the wishes of her cousin. It's one of the reasons she called the medical center's guards when you ran, to bring you back to her. I think it's also why she tried to render you unconscious.” I shot a sharp look at him and he made a placating motion with his hands. “Hear me out. She didn't want you to be hurt or get into deeper trouble. She knew you'd be in a lot more trouble with the High Council if you had been caught, maybe even imprisoned. She only called the medical center guards. She didn't want the Citadel guards involved and it was only after you disappeared that they joined the search for you. It's lucky you made it to the embassy. Being unconscious and undergoing the test would have been a far more pleasant fate than what would have awaited you had Nevisth's guards caught you instead. She didn't want that to happen.”
“And you think my subconscious knows that?”
“I think you know it, have known it since Akakios and I told you ten days ago about the part she played in the inquiry, but you're having trouble coming to terms with it.”
“I can't stand her,” I mumbled.
“I know. She can be a difficult person to like. That doesn't mean she's some kind of monster, though. I think you're confused about her. Perhaps the dual part she played in the dream, as attacker but also your protector, is a reflection of that confusion.”
“You sound like Dr. Freud trying to interpret my dreams.”
He laughed, shoulders shaking in merriment. “Oh my goodness, no!” he chuckled. “Try Dr. Jung instead. He was a much more amiable chap than old Sigmund, and much less obsessed over my relationship with my mother!”
As awful as the dream had been, talking through it with the Doctor had made me feel better and I felt sleep trying to pull me back under. My small giggle at the Doctor's opinion of Sigmund Freud turned into an open yawn. The Doctor noticed and stood up. “You should go back to sleep now and take advantage of being able to have a lie-in when you wake up again. I'm sure the Council will find a new place to continue your lessons soon.”
“Ok, thanks Doctor.”
His smile was warm as he headed towards the door. “Anytime, Ella. Sleep well.”
I woke up later on with my thoughts on Micah and his disappearance. I haven't stopped thinking about where he might have disappeared. It's so perplexing and not like him at all, considering how much he fears the Time Lords and doesn't want to lose the little freedom he has. He's really in for punishment now, though, and it makes me sick to think what Lord Nevisth is going to do once he's found.
The Doctor swears that he must still be on the planet. All of the TARDIS and ships that left Gallifrey from the time he was last seen up until the explosion have been recalled and he's not on any of them. Micah's flat has been searched and there's no indication of where he might have gone. All of his clothes are in place, nothing is missing. He's just vanished and no one has any idea where he's gone.
I decided to visit Xenshi around noon to see how she's doing and if she had any ideas. She's known Micah longer than me, after all. Xenshi had some bad burns that have scorched off her beautiful white fur. She was on her way out of the classroom building when the dining hall exploded and she was caught in some flaming debris as it fell. She's expected to make a full recovery, but for now she's going to be at the embassy recovering for a few weeks.
Unfortunately, Xenshi didn't have much to offer, but I still had a lovely visit with her. I got back to the TARDIS a while before dinnertime. I still couldn't get my thoughts off of Micah and I walked back and forth across the control room so many times that the Doctor got tired of watching me and finally put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Ella, your pacing is going to wear a hole in that Chinese rug, of which I'm rather fond. Casanova gave it to me. It was his favorite.” He paused, remembering something and then grinned. “Oh! I still owe him a chicken. I really ought to take care of that one of these days.”
I've gotten used to the Doctor's dropping references to past adventures and their sheer randomness and I didn't blink. “A chicken? I don't even want to know what Casanova wanted with a chicken.” I paused. “Or why this was his favorite rug.”
The Doctor rubbed his chin. “Probably best not to ask,” he agreed. “I don't actually know why, either, but it's such a lovely rug! The rich colors! The deep pile!” He looked down and gestured at our feet.
I held back my snide remark about 'deep piles' and the infamous Italian lover. “I'm sorry,” I apologized instead. “I'm just worried about Micah.”
He looked back up and his expression softened. “I am as well. I know you've been trying to think of where he's disappeared, but I suspect that neither you nor I know enough about the lad to discern his current whereabouts. I just hope he's safe.”
“Is Gallifrey not safe?” I asked, feeling alarmed. “I mean, with the exception of random Dalek bombers, I thought it was!”
“Oh, it is! It is!” he replied, waving his hands in way that was meant to reassure me. “Well,” he conceded after a moment, “most of it is. There are a few places that are dangerous, but they're far from here.” Before I could comment, he added, “You know what we need to take our minds off all of the unfortunate business from the last few days? A night in.”
I looked at him sideways. “Do you even do nights in? You have trouble sitting still for more than 10 minutes with nothing to do.”
The Doctor looked a little hurt. “Of course I do nights in!” There was a long silence as I just stared at him. “Well,” he admitted, sounding sheepish, “...not that often, but even I like to relax sometimes. What shall we have for dinner? Takeaway?” Before I could even ask where he could get takeaway on Gallifrey, he brightened up and shouted, “No! Pizza and beer!” The Doctor glanced at me and chuckled for a second. “Perhaps not the latter, but pizza it is.” He put his hand on my back and gave me a small shove. “Away to the kitchen we go!”
I walked down the corridor in front of him and called back, “I don't like mushrooms. Or anchovies.”
“Right, no fungi or small salty fish for the picky human.”
“Hey!”
The Doctor and I threw together a pizza in a very short time. He had this device called a flash oven that can cook food in under a minute. It's really cool. The Doctor didn't want pepperoni, so we settled on ham and pineapple. I was about to sit down at the wooden table in the middle of the kitchen, but he pulled some plates and napkins from a cabinet and handed them to me. “Come on, we're going to the media room. If we're going to have a proper night in, then we're going to watch a movie.”
I followed him down the hall, the smell from the pizza making my mouth water. We went into the enormous Library, but he walked to a door set into the high wainscoting and opened it. Beyond was a room richly paneled in cherry wainscoting. A fireplace sat on the opposite side of where we entered and, to my surprise, roared to life as we stepped through the door. A full bar dominated the back wall. A three sided deep brown leather sofa sat in the middle of the room on top of a black, cream, and tan Chinese rug (I wondered if Casanova gave him that one, too). The fourth wall was comprised of an enormous screen. The entire room was very...nineteenth century mancave and I said as much.
The Doctor burst into laughter as he set the pizza down on the bar. “It was my seventh incarnation that decorated the TARDIS like this shortly before I regenerated,” he explained. “I haven't changed it because it seems a pity to redecorate and I still like it.” He went behind the bar and started messing around with apparatus I couldn't see that well. Seconds later, he handed me a tall Cherry Coke. He then made himself some kind of manly drink and I didn't ask what it was, but it smelled a little boozy and weird, like sandalwood mixed with paint varnish. I suspected it wasn't from earth.
TARDIS Media Room
We both got a few slices of pizza and settled in on the comfortable sofa. The room was very cozy with the fire roaring and I felt like I was a million miles away from Gallifrey. The Doctor had been right; I'd needed something like this to take my mind of Micah and my nightmares. “What do you want to watch?” he asked.
I thought for a second. “Nothing gory or sad. Something with a cheesy villain and a happy ending.” I bit into my pizza. It tasted amazing. “Oh, I missed this,” I sighed in contentment.
“I think I know just the movie. Ridiculous villain coming up,” he replied as he took a sip of his drink and messed with a control panel set into the arm of the sofa next to him. Seconds later, the giant screen lit up, the lights dimmed, and Anastasia started playing. “Hope you don't mind an animated film.”
“Oh, not at all.”
As Rasputin sold his soul to the devil, the Doctor regarded the screen and commented, “You know...change the hair color, put on about forty pounds, and Lord Nevisth could pass for Rasputin.”
I was drinking my Coke at that moment and I snorted so hard in mirth that it went right up my nose. I coughed and spluttered, reaching for the napkins as I blinked back tears of pain from the carbonation that had invaded my sinuses. The Doctor burst into laughter and apologized profusely, but I waved him off as I blew my nose and wiped the tears from my eyes.
I finished my pizza and settled in to watch the rest of the film. The Romanovs fell from power, Dmitri and Vladamir sang and danced about their con and the possibility that Princess Anastasia could still be alive (along with the rest of St. Petersburg), and Anya left the orphanage and started singing “Journey to the Past.”
I've seen Anastasia a few times and know the songs pretty well. About halfway through, Anya started singing, “Home, love, family: there was once a time I must have had them, too. Home, love, family: I will never be complete until I find you.” I'm not sure what happened, but those words resonated with everything that's been going on with Lord Nevisth and I burst into silent tears.
“One step at a time, one hope then another. Who knows where this road will go? Back to who I was, on to find my future. Things my heart still needs to know. Yes, let this be a sign. Let this road be mine. Let it lead me to my past and bring me home at last.”
“Oh!” I cried out loud. I'm not kidding, but it was like a bolt of lightning struck my brain as I had a sudden revelation about Micah and I scrambled into a upright position, or tried to. My belly made it a bit hard, but my flailing got the Doctor's attention. “Ella?” he asked, peering at me through the flickering firelight. “What's wrong?”
“I know where Micah is!” The couch was slippery and I slid down onto the floor. “Oof! Ow.”
Bewildered, the Doctor stopped the movie and the lights came on. “What are you going on about?” He looked down at me, shaking his head, looking confused.
I pointed at the screen. “Anastasia's looking for her family. Maybe Micah is, too. He told me he's pissed off that no one will tell him anything about his dad, except that he wasn't a nice guy. He's tired of not getting answers, so it makes sense that maybe he's gone to look for his family because they could tell him.” I paused as the Doctor just stared at me. “I mean...” I faltered, “I don't know where he's gone, but...”
The Doctor cut me off as his face lit up in recognition. “Dr. Eloise Porter-Steinfield, you are a genius.” He stabbed at the controls as he got to his feet and the movie disappeared. He held out his hand to help me to my feet. “Come on, we need to hurry.”