The Guardian's Secret 6/?
Title: The Guardian's Secret 6/?
Author: Hezikiah
Disclaimer: Not mine, the BBC's.
Rating: PG
Characters: Ella (OC), Donna, Eighth Doctor, Healer Koray (OC), Healer Akakios (OC)
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to " Witnessing the Protector," five years on. When the metacrisis begins to unravel on its own, a desperate Ella finds the Doctor...and winds up giving up more than she bargained for to save her best friend's life.
Author's Note: All the owie stuff is over now, so don't worry. No more Ella whumping. This is a transition chapter before things really start getting crazy-go-nuts on Gallifrey...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5
August 19, 2016 (continued)
What seemed like ages later, but was only a few minutes, the pain began to subside to be a mere annoyance and I was left with a dull ache in my belly. The shock to my system left me shaking uncontrollably and the Doctor continued to hold me. “The worst is over now. No more pain. You're going to be all right.”
After a few minutes, the trembling lessened in intensity and he shifted so that I could lay down on my back. “Just rest now. You've had a rough ride.” I closed my eyes as he used his cloth to wipe my tears away. I again recalled the Tenth Doctor doing that. It was almost funny to me how much the two Doctors had and didn't have in common!
“Did somebody...somebody get the number of...of the bus that hit me?” I managed to get out and he chuckled. I felt bone tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. The first phase had taken a lot of out of me.
The door opened then and Healer Koray entered the room, followed by one of the automatic gurneys. Donna was lying on it, covered with a blanket. There was a strange blue glow around her. I looked at the Doctor in confusion. “Temporal stasis field,” he whispered.
Healer Akakios followed Donna in with three other healers I didn't recognize, making them all look like a macabre funeral procession. I chided myself for thinking such negative thoughts. Donna wasn't dead, just suspended in time. Akakios smiled, but then shot me a concerned look when he saw me lying down and looking so haggard. He gave me a small wave while the other healers placed Donna on the other bed. I wiggled my fingers at him. Healer Koray approached me, frowning, as if my obvious bad reaction to the catalyst had disappointed her somehow. “The first phase can be somewhat uncomfortable, perhaps it was more than I surmised?”
My eyes narrowed and I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my mind about just how “uncomfortable” it had been, but the Doctor's fingers tightened on my arm and he gave me an almost imperceptible shake of his head. I clammed up.
“You would be correct, Healer Koray. Ella was in considerable distress. You should be glad I was here to monitor her because had she not been so strong, the process might have damaged her permanently. I highly suggest you make a note that this procedure is excruciating and dangerous for human beings,” he said softly, but I could hear the steely edge in his voice.
A shocked expression crossed her hardened features and it was genuine. “Please accept my apologies, Dr. Steinfield. I sincerely did not know that you would experience such high levels of pain.”
Well, at least she'd apologized. It wasn't much, but it was something. She'd gone from unplugged toaster to plugged-in toaster in my eyes. “Just please don't...don't make me do that again, ever.”
“I hope that I will not have to.” She pulled a device the same size and shape of a cell phone out of her pocket and pressed it against my lower abdomen. I winced because my stomach was tender, but she didn't seem to notice. There was a soft beep and she pulled it off of me to read a screen, nodding to herself. “Fortunately, the first phase was successful and we will not have to make another attempt. We can begin the transference now.”
“Hooray,” I snarked under my breath. I wouldn't say it in front of her or the Doctor, but there was no way in hell I was going to undergo that procedure again. This surrogacy attempt was a one-shot deal, as far as I was concerned.
Koray ignored my sarcasm and looked at the Doctor. There was some kind of unspoken conversation between the two of them, almost like they were communicating through telepathy because the Doctor nodded once in understanding at her. She pulled the curtain between the beds and moments later I could hear the healers' voices as they got to work on Donna.
Somebody owes me cheesecake for this.
I rested the back of my hand on my forehead and took some deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. “How much longer will this take?”
“Another hour or two at the most.” He hesitated before asking, “Ella?”
“Yes?” I looked over at him and he seemed pensive.
“Healer Koray noticed you seemed upset when she described the procedure to you and she suggested you might prefer to be partially sedated for the second phase, but it's your choice.” His voice dropped, “Far be it from me to suggest it, but I think she's trying to be kind.”
“I sure wish she'd offered that for the first! I was taken off guard when she told me what's going to happen and it's not exactly...well...this is all a bit much. I wasn't expecting anything like what she described, so if being knocked out is an option, I think I'd like to go for the drugs.”
“Very well, but the trance doesn't involve being drugged.”
“Wait!” I sat up halfway, leaning on my elbows. “Trance? You're talking about Time Lord mojo, aren't you?” I have a real problem with anyone screwing around inside my head, especially after what the Tenth Doctor did last time when I couldn't tell him why I'd run off.
He chuckled and I was annoyed. This wasn't funny! “Time Lord mojo?” He held up his hands. “You're aware of our mental abilities?”
I nodded slowly, staring at him. “Yes. Your future self went strolling through my brain without my permission so he could read my memories.”
He looked appalled. “He must have had a good reason because I rarely use my telepathic abilities at all. The more I hear about this Tenth Doctor...” He stopped himself and shook his head. “So you know it doesn't hurt?”
“I know it doesn't. It just feels weird.”
“Yes, it does feel a little odd. You'll be aware of what's happening in a general sense, but you'll be in a calm and relaxed state and won't feel concerned about it.”
“Are you going to be here for the procedure?” Considering what they were about to do to me, I preferred that he not be there for that part.
He nodded towards the curtain. “No, I'll be over with Donna. They want to begin the conversion process right away since they've had to bring her out of stasis. It seems that they need some of my DNA, but I won't be far away.” Well, that was a relief.
Healer Koray appeared just then around the edge of the curtain and she raised an eyebrow at the Doctor. He nodded to her and then asked, “Do you still want me to put you into the trance?”
I looked down. “Yeah. It's probably best for everybody.” The first phase had just about shattered my courage and I knew I probably wasn't going to be able to stay calm during the second if I was awake.
“All right, then.” He motioned for me to lie back down and placed his fingers on my head when I did so and looked down into my eyes. He seemed to know how freaked out I was. “I swear I won't go into your memories, like he did. I know there are events in your mind that I am not supposed to see and those memories are yours and yours alone. I'll be here to wake you up when it's all over. Just close your eyes and relax now.” I obeyed and felt something like a nudge against my mind. All of the muscles in my body went slack and I drifted off to a place somewhere between asleep and awake.
I don't remember much about the procedure. I heard muted voices, mostly Healer Koray's, and the touch of hands manipulating my limbs. Fabric was moved around. I remember feeling cold. There were some injections because I remember the cold sensations my right hip. At one point, there was a lot of pressure and then a sharp pain in my lower abdomen that lasted a few seconds. I felt Akakios touch my face right under my eyes and he said something about them being almost done.
The Doctor brought me out of the trance a few minutes later. I'd been turned onto my left side and covered with a blanket. My face was wet; I was crying and hadn't realize it. The Doctor had put his coat back on and greeted me with a worried smile. “Hello, Ella. How do you feel?”
I buried my head in the pillow, knowing that I'd burst into sobs if I tried to talk. I couldn't seem to stop crying, so I just shook my head.
He must have understood because he said, “It's the extra doses of hormones they gave you. They can play havoc with your emotional equilibrium. Take all the time you need, there's no rush. ”
Several moments later, I was able to control myself enough to take a few deep breaths and sit up gingerly. “I feel really weird.” I can't think of a better word to describe the funky feeling that spun and buzzed through my body. I've never been high, but I wondered if that's what it feels like?
“Again, it's just the drugs. You'll feel strange for a day or two while your body adjusts, but it will pass. Healer Akakios would like you to help with something.”
“Oh?” I slid my feet off the bed to stand up. My knees didn't like that idea and the Doctor put his arm around my shoulders to steady my trembling body. “Easy now. You haven't had a thing to eat all day and you've been through a lot, but we'll take care of that soon. As for Akakios, Donna's received the first of the conversion treatments and he wants to allow her wake up to get a baseline of her normal human brain activity. It's still too early for her to know where she is, though, and the metacrisis is still in effect. She needs to think she's still on earth.” He'd guided me towards the bathroom while he'd spoken.
I stopped, leaning a hand on the doorframe. “All he wants me to do is speak with her?”
“Yes. Just a simple conversation. You can't mention anything you normally wouldn't and best to keep the baby a secret for now. Donna will drift back to sleep on her own after about five minutes.”
“I can do that.”
“Go ahead and get changed first. You need to appear as if you were back home.”
I went back into the bathroom and pulled the godawful gown off. I felt shaky and drained after what had happened to me and I didn't want to look at my stomach. Already I could feel the familiar aching pressure of early pregnancy low in my belly. My abdomen felt bruised and overstretched. When I tried to button my jeans, I discovered that I could barely fasten them around my waist. I had to pull them down to my hips to button them up. My mom always said you showed earlier with subsequent pregnancies. I know Donna had complained long and loud when she'd been pregnant with Peter about how much earlier she had to move into her “buffet britches” (it's what she called her maternity pants).
I tugged the rest of my clothes on and went back out, passing by the Doctor. He could tell that something was the matter because he followed and stopped me before I made it to the curtain. “Ella, what's wrong?”
Trembling slightly, I looked down and smoothed my hand over my tummy. There was a noticeable bump already there. “I'm already showing.” My voice broke and I silently cursed those stupid hormones! The reality of what I'd done hit hard. “This is like something out of a bad sci-fi film.”
The Doctor grinned. “Oh, now I wouldn't say that. There's not nearly enough underpaid actors in rubbery suits to make it a bad sci-fi film.”
I let out a shaky laugh, but it sounded hollow. “I'm going to have a baby on an alien planet thousands of light years from home.”
“Yes, but you won't go through this alone. I'm here, your healers are here, and Donna will be, too, once she's recovered from the conversion process.” The Doctor laid his hand on top of mine as it rested on my slightly rounded stomach and pressed lightly. “Time Lady or not, this is still her baby growing in here and she'll be there to see her child enter this world.” I knew Donna wouldn't miss the delivery for anything.
I looked over at the curtain, where Donna's body lay concealed. “Let's get this over with so she can start getting better.”
He gave me an encouraging smile and took my hand, leading me around the curtain. Healer Akakios flashed a concerned look at me before he repeated what the Doctor had told me. I assured him that I wouldn't reveal anything to Donna. He gave her an injection and stepped out of view on the other side. I looked around and realized that, with the curtains shut and blocking the view of the Citadel, the room really did look like any other treatment room on earth. The Doctor squeezed my hand and also disappeared.
Donna's last moments as a human, and she doesn't even know it.
I noticed the multicolored patchwork quilt that the Doctor had wrapped Donna up in when we'd left earth was folded at the foot of the bed. She'd had since it since she was a child and kept it in her living room, thrown over the back of the couch. Donna lay on her side and I took her hand as she started to stir. Her eyes cracked open and she swallowed once. I brushed her hair off her face. “Hi.”
“Ella?” Her voice sounded faint. Her eyes flickered around in confusion. “Where the bloody hell am I? I was at home.”
I concocted the best lie I could on the fly. “Yes, and you wouldn't wake up yesterday. Shaun brought you to the hospital.”
Donna lifted her head and looked around the room. “Which one?”
I took a breath. “A private hospital. Shaun wasn't happy with the care you received at Royal Hope.”
“Not the NHS? Good. Speaking of Shaun, where is he?”
“He's not here right now. He went home to see to the children and I offered to stay with you.”
Donna's eyebrows knit. “Oh good. They must be so worried about their mummy.” She stirred and pressed her fingers to her head. “I can't stay here, I need to go home.”
I put my hands on her shoulders to keep her still. “You will. Don't worry, the children are being cared for.” I pulled the quilt up over her. “See, I even brought you a touch of home. Isn't that nice?”
She smiled in contentment and snuggled down under the familiar old quilt. “Oh, that's lovely. I love this quilt.”
“Everyone just want you to get better, and you will.”
She looked me up and down and snorted. “Have you been here all night? You look knackered!”
I smiled. Leave it up to Donna to notice I wasn't my usual self. She doesn't miss anything. I gave her a gentle nudge. “Oh, gee, thanks! I'm ok. I was just up late with the kids.”
“Have Mum and Gramps been by?”
I shoved the guilt down because I hate lying. “Yes, earlier. Shaun called them this morning.”
She seemed to relax when I told her that. “What the hell is wrong with me, then? Why do I keep passing out?”
I thought fast. “They don't know yet. They still need to do some tests, but you're going to be ok. I promise.”
Donna was quiet for a moment and I could tell she was fighting off exhaustion. Her eyes slid shut and I think the drug was starting to wear off. “Ella, there's something I haven't told anyone.”
“You can tell me later, when you're feeling better.”
“No, it's...it's important.” Her eyes blazed open as she struggled to stay awake. “I think there's a bun in the oven.” A tired smile lit up her face. “They need to check, but isn't that brilliant?”
Donna knew. I'm proud that I was able to stay on top of my emotions despite the hormones because I felt like crying right then. “That's wonderful news. I'll be sure to tell the nurse.”
Her eyelids started to close again. “Why'm I so damn tired?”
“They gave you a sleeping drug. It probably hasn't worn off completely.” My voice caught. “Just...just get some sleep and I'll be here when you wake up again.”
“You're a good friend, Ella.”
My eyes misted over. “Yeah, well. I'm just thinking of all that wonderful cheesecake you're going to owe me.”
Donna smiled and then her face relaxed as she fell back into slumber.
I waited a few moments before I let go of her hand and went around the curtain. Akakios held a device in his hand and he nodded at me. “That was sufficient. Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” I looked at the Doctor, wiping my eyes. “Can we go now? Please?”
I think he could tell that I'd had enough. “Of course we can.” Healer Koray started to protest, but she stopped and pursed her lips when the Doctor shot her a dark look. “Dr. Steinfield has been through enough today. We'll be nearby should complications arise.”
She folded her arms, which I later learned was a sign that she was annoyed. “If you think that's what's best, Doctor.”
“I do know what's best when it comes to humans, more than you do, Healer. It's best you remember that.” His voice was quiet and calm, but I could hear the tone in his voice that said he wouldn't relent.
I followed the Doctor out of the room and down the hall. I waited until we rounded the corner before asking, “Complications?” No one had said anything to me about complications.
“Nothing life threatening, of course. There's a higher risk of miscarriage in the first 48 hours following embryonic transfer despite the massive amounts of drugs you've been given to prevent that, so please tell me if you start experience those symptoms.”
I promised I would and we returned to the TARDIS. I ate a light supper of soup and crackers for dinner, not feeling nearly as hungry as I thought I was. I seemed to have lost my appetite and I know the Doctor was worried because there was a huge frown on his face when he saw my half-empty bowl. “You really ought to eat more...” he started to say.
“Please don't give me the 'eating for two' spiel,” I cut him off. I was tired and irritable and didn't want to be lectured. “Because it's not true. I've been pregnant before, you know. I'm not going to break just because I only ate half my supper. I can take care of myself.” I'm not sure why I was so snippy, but I think it was a combination of hormones, exhaustion, and guilt.
The Doctor tilted his head to the side, unfazed by my outburst. “I know you can and I apologize if I sounded like I was implying otherwise.”
I took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I am. I know you're only trying to watch out for me. It's just...this whole day...” Shaking my head, I looked up at him. “When I set out to find you, it was to save Donna's life. It wasn't to come here, not to do this.” I waved a hand in the direction of my stomach.
He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and regarded me. “That isn't what's really upsetting you, though, is it?”
I think he's more perceptive than Ten in many ways. “No, it's...” my voice caught.
“Being forced into facing down one your biggest fears?”
I looked away, towards the kitschy mugs in the hutch. “How did you know?”
He settled onto the bench next to me and rested his chin in his hand. “There were signs. You mentioned that Bastian's birth had been long and difficult. You said you were done having children. When you wailed 'I can't' over and over again during the first phase, that wasn't the pain talking, that was you giving into fear. You wanted Brian as he's a source of comfort and strength for you. Akakios told me you started crying the moment Healer Koray implanted the baby, despite being in a trance. You shouldn't have responded to that unless it was a subconscious response to a deep-seated fear. You're scared of giving birth.”
I picked up my spoon and swirled it around in the bowl. “I was in labor for almost four days. It was terrible and painful and it was only by some miracle of God and a stubborn midwife that I didn't have a c-section. When I think about going through that again...” I sighed, “I just feel afraid.”
The Doctor took my hands, making me drop the spoon with a loud clatter. “But that's not going to happen this time, Ella! Don't you see? There's nothing to be frightened of!” He seemed very eager about putting me at ease and his eyes sparkled in earnestness. “Gallifrey's medical technology is far superior to earth's of your time. I guarantee that you won't have an excessively long or painful labor. That can't and won't happen here.”
I realized that everyone had assumed that I'd have the baby on Gallifrey, but why did I have to? Donna would be better by the time I was ready to deliver. “I understand that, but why do I have to have the baby here? Why can't I go home?” If I went home, then I could have Brian at the delivery.
The Doctor looked a little uncomfortable. “Under the circumstances, I'm not sure if that's going to be possible.”
My eyes went wide as I misinterpreted his meaning. “Wait, you're not telling me that I'm stuck here?”
He let out a small laugh. “No, of course not! I will return you to earth, but I'm not sure when.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It's...political. You see, there's never been a case like Donna's before and it's already caught the attention of the High Council. There's sure to be an inquiry.” The Doctor paused and then continued, “Protocol demands that I should have taken Donna's case to the Council first, but there wasn't time because she was dying and I wasn't going to risk her death while those stuffy old codgers debated for days about what to do. I asked for Akakios because he's an old friend of mine and we used to get in all kinds of trouble together back in our Academy days. I knew he would help. He explained the situation to Healer Koray and while she's not entirely happy with our choice to defy protocol, she understood the gravity of the situation. That's why we had to move so fast with the embryo transfer, Ella, so that we could get Donna started on the conversion procedure as soon as possible, before the Council could intervene. I wish there had been more time for you to get used to the idea of being a surrogate, and I'm sorry.”
“I understand, Doctor. I wish it could have happened differently, too, but it's done and over with now.”
He shook his head and muttered, “Yes,well, I'm not looking forward to that inquiry.”
“So the government's going to be pissed off at you, but I don't understand what that has to do with me or the baby?”
“My people have to decide what to do with Donna. In a sense, she will be a new type of Time Lord, the first of her kind. Born a human, genetically modified into a Time Lord, with ten regenerations of my memories in her mind. Her knowledge will be vast and powerful and...dangerous. I shudder to think of some of the events she's got hidden away inside her head, things that even I don't know about yet.”
I gave him a sharp look, feeling a stab of fear. “Are they going to imprison her?”
He shook his head. “I really don't know. Like I said, nothing like this has ever happened before in our history. I do know that it's highly unlikely that they'll allow her to return to earth to be with her family.”
“But they can't do that!” I wailed, turning towards him. “What about Shaun and Holly and Peter?”
His eyes filled with sorrow. “There's a good chance that she'll never see them again.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “Oh, she'll never stand for that. You don't know Donna like I do. Nothing comes between her and her family. She's stubborn enough as a human, but now that she'll have your brain, I don't think an exploding supernova could stop that woman.”
An amused grin broke out on his face. “Well, I've defied the Council more times than I can remember and if she's as ornery as you say, with my experience, then anything is possible.” He paused. “But you see why I said the baby will likely be born here? No one's going to separate Donna from her unborn child, even if they're no longer the same species.”
“And if Donna can't go back to earth, then neither can I.”
“Not until after the baby's born, no.”
Eight months away from my family was a long time. Just the thought was overwhelming...in fact, everything was overwhelming and I just wanted to go to bed. I said goodnight to the Doctor and headed for my room.
When I got to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and lifted my shirt to have a proper look at my stomach. There was definite bump there and not the normal pooch I had after Bastian's birth. I pressed my hand over my round belly. It felt firm, and very sore. “Ow,” I mumbled and let go.
This. Is. Bizarre.
I really wanted to take a shower, as if bathing could wash away all the sadness and pain of the day. In the shower, I couldn't stop touching my distended tummy. It seemed so surreal that I was suddenly pregnant and with Donna's baby to boot. The hormones were still messing with my emotions and I kept flipping from scared to sad to relieved and even to happy that everyone was going to live. The warm water helped me relax and I found myself swaying as I started to fall asleep on my feet. Afraid that I'd fall and hurt the baby, I got out and wrapped myself up in a fluffy robe that I'd found on the back of the door.
I went back out to my room and opened the wardrobe to look for some pajamas. The wardrobe was full of clothes, which hadn't the case that morning. Most of them had a loose fit and there were even a few maternity pieces scattered in. I touched the wall and said to the TARDIS, “Did you rob Marks and Spencer while I was gone? Um...thanks for not giving me any muumuus. I don't know what pregnant Gallifreyans wear, but I'd rather not look like a circus tent.”
After finding some jammies and changing into them, I crawled into bed and fell asleep before I even remember my head hitting the pillow.
Author: Hezikiah
Disclaimer: Not mine, the BBC's.
Rating: PG
Characters: Ella (OC), Donna, Eighth Doctor, Healer Koray (OC), Healer Akakios (OC)
Warnings: None
Summary: Sequel to " Witnessing the Protector," five years on. When the metacrisis begins to unravel on its own, a desperate Ella finds the Doctor...and winds up giving up more than she bargained for to save her best friend's life.
Author's Note: All the owie stuff is over now, so don't worry. No more Ella whumping. This is a transition chapter before things really start getting crazy-go-nuts on Gallifrey...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5
August 19, 2016 (continued)
What seemed like ages later, but was only a few minutes, the pain began to subside to be a mere annoyance and I was left with a dull ache in my belly. The shock to my system left me shaking uncontrollably and the Doctor continued to hold me. “The worst is over now. No more pain. You're going to be all right.”
After a few minutes, the trembling lessened in intensity and he shifted so that I could lay down on my back. “Just rest now. You've had a rough ride.” I closed my eyes as he used his cloth to wipe my tears away. I again recalled the Tenth Doctor doing that. It was almost funny to me how much the two Doctors had and didn't have in common!
“Did somebody...somebody get the number of...of the bus that hit me?” I managed to get out and he chuckled. I felt bone tired and all I wanted to do was sleep. The first phase had taken a lot of out of me.
The door opened then and Healer Koray entered the room, followed by one of the automatic gurneys. Donna was lying on it, covered with a blanket. There was a strange blue glow around her. I looked at the Doctor in confusion. “Temporal stasis field,” he whispered.
Healer Akakios followed Donna in with three other healers I didn't recognize, making them all look like a macabre funeral procession. I chided myself for thinking such negative thoughts. Donna wasn't dead, just suspended in time. Akakios smiled, but then shot me a concerned look when he saw me lying down and looking so haggard. He gave me a small wave while the other healers placed Donna on the other bed. I wiggled my fingers at him. Healer Koray approached me, frowning, as if my obvious bad reaction to the catalyst had disappointed her somehow. “The first phase can be somewhat uncomfortable, perhaps it was more than I surmised?”
My eyes narrowed and I opened my mouth to give her a piece of my mind about just how “uncomfortable” it had been, but the Doctor's fingers tightened on my arm and he gave me an almost imperceptible shake of his head. I clammed up.
“You would be correct, Healer Koray. Ella was in considerable distress. You should be glad I was here to monitor her because had she not been so strong, the process might have damaged her permanently. I highly suggest you make a note that this procedure is excruciating and dangerous for human beings,” he said softly, but I could hear the steely edge in his voice.
A shocked expression crossed her hardened features and it was genuine. “Please accept my apologies, Dr. Steinfield. I sincerely did not know that you would experience such high levels of pain.”
Well, at least she'd apologized. It wasn't much, but it was something. She'd gone from unplugged toaster to plugged-in toaster in my eyes. “Just please don't...don't make me do that again, ever.”
“I hope that I will not have to.” She pulled a device the same size and shape of a cell phone out of her pocket and pressed it against my lower abdomen. I winced because my stomach was tender, but she didn't seem to notice. There was a soft beep and she pulled it off of me to read a screen, nodding to herself. “Fortunately, the first phase was successful and we will not have to make another attempt. We can begin the transference now.”
“Hooray,” I snarked under my breath. I wouldn't say it in front of her or the Doctor, but there was no way in hell I was going to undergo that procedure again. This surrogacy attempt was a one-shot deal, as far as I was concerned.
Koray ignored my sarcasm and looked at the Doctor. There was some kind of unspoken conversation between the two of them, almost like they were communicating through telepathy because the Doctor nodded once in understanding at her. She pulled the curtain between the beds and moments later I could hear the healers' voices as they got to work on Donna.
Somebody owes me cheesecake for this.
I rested the back of my hand on my forehead and took some deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. “How much longer will this take?”
“Another hour or two at the most.” He hesitated before asking, “Ella?”
“Yes?” I looked over at him and he seemed pensive.
“Healer Koray noticed you seemed upset when she described the procedure to you and she suggested you might prefer to be partially sedated for the second phase, but it's your choice.” His voice dropped, “Far be it from me to suggest it, but I think she's trying to be kind.”
“I sure wish she'd offered that for the first! I was taken off guard when she told me what's going to happen and it's not exactly...well...this is all a bit much. I wasn't expecting anything like what she described, so if being knocked out is an option, I think I'd like to go for the drugs.”
“Very well, but the trance doesn't involve being drugged.”
“Wait!” I sat up halfway, leaning on my elbows. “Trance? You're talking about Time Lord mojo, aren't you?” I have a real problem with anyone screwing around inside my head, especially after what the Tenth Doctor did last time when I couldn't tell him why I'd run off.
He chuckled and I was annoyed. This wasn't funny! “Time Lord mojo?” He held up his hands. “You're aware of our mental abilities?”
I nodded slowly, staring at him. “Yes. Your future self went strolling through my brain without my permission so he could read my memories.”
He looked appalled. “He must have had a good reason because I rarely use my telepathic abilities at all. The more I hear about this Tenth Doctor...” He stopped himself and shook his head. “So you know it doesn't hurt?”
“I know it doesn't. It just feels weird.”
“Yes, it does feel a little odd. You'll be aware of what's happening in a general sense, but you'll be in a calm and relaxed state and won't feel concerned about it.”
“Are you going to be here for the procedure?” Considering what they were about to do to me, I preferred that he not be there for that part.
He nodded towards the curtain. “No, I'll be over with Donna. They want to begin the conversion process right away since they've had to bring her out of stasis. It seems that they need some of my DNA, but I won't be far away.” Well, that was a relief.
Healer Koray appeared just then around the edge of the curtain and she raised an eyebrow at the Doctor. He nodded to her and then asked, “Do you still want me to put you into the trance?”
I looked down. “Yeah. It's probably best for everybody.” The first phase had just about shattered my courage and I knew I probably wasn't going to be able to stay calm during the second if I was awake.
“All right, then.” He motioned for me to lie back down and placed his fingers on my head when I did so and looked down into my eyes. He seemed to know how freaked out I was. “I swear I won't go into your memories, like he did. I know there are events in your mind that I am not supposed to see and those memories are yours and yours alone. I'll be here to wake you up when it's all over. Just close your eyes and relax now.” I obeyed and felt something like a nudge against my mind. All of the muscles in my body went slack and I drifted off to a place somewhere between asleep and awake.
I don't remember much about the procedure. I heard muted voices, mostly Healer Koray's, and the touch of hands manipulating my limbs. Fabric was moved around. I remember feeling cold. There were some injections because I remember the cold sensations my right hip. At one point, there was a lot of pressure and then a sharp pain in my lower abdomen that lasted a few seconds. I felt Akakios touch my face right under my eyes and he said something about them being almost done.
The Doctor brought me out of the trance a few minutes later. I'd been turned onto my left side and covered with a blanket. My face was wet; I was crying and hadn't realize it. The Doctor had put his coat back on and greeted me with a worried smile. “Hello, Ella. How do you feel?”
I buried my head in the pillow, knowing that I'd burst into sobs if I tried to talk. I couldn't seem to stop crying, so I just shook my head.
He must have understood because he said, “It's the extra doses of hormones they gave you. They can play havoc with your emotional equilibrium. Take all the time you need, there's no rush. ”
Several moments later, I was able to control myself enough to take a few deep breaths and sit up gingerly. “I feel really weird.” I can't think of a better word to describe the funky feeling that spun and buzzed through my body. I've never been high, but I wondered if that's what it feels like?
“Again, it's just the drugs. You'll feel strange for a day or two while your body adjusts, but it will pass. Healer Akakios would like you to help with something.”
“Oh?” I slid my feet off the bed to stand up. My knees didn't like that idea and the Doctor put his arm around my shoulders to steady my trembling body. “Easy now. You haven't had a thing to eat all day and you've been through a lot, but we'll take care of that soon. As for Akakios, Donna's received the first of the conversion treatments and he wants to allow her wake up to get a baseline of her normal human brain activity. It's still too early for her to know where she is, though, and the metacrisis is still in effect. She needs to think she's still on earth.” He'd guided me towards the bathroom while he'd spoken.
I stopped, leaning a hand on the doorframe. “All he wants me to do is speak with her?”
“Yes. Just a simple conversation. You can't mention anything you normally wouldn't and best to keep the baby a secret for now. Donna will drift back to sleep on her own after about five minutes.”
“I can do that.”
“Go ahead and get changed first. You need to appear as if you were back home.”
I went back into the bathroom and pulled the godawful gown off. I felt shaky and drained after what had happened to me and I didn't want to look at my stomach. Already I could feel the familiar aching pressure of early pregnancy low in my belly. My abdomen felt bruised and overstretched. When I tried to button my jeans, I discovered that I could barely fasten them around my waist. I had to pull them down to my hips to button them up. My mom always said you showed earlier with subsequent pregnancies. I know Donna had complained long and loud when she'd been pregnant with Peter about how much earlier she had to move into her “buffet britches” (it's what she called her maternity pants).
I tugged the rest of my clothes on and went back out, passing by the Doctor. He could tell that something was the matter because he followed and stopped me before I made it to the curtain. “Ella, what's wrong?”
Trembling slightly, I looked down and smoothed my hand over my tummy. There was a noticeable bump already there. “I'm already showing.” My voice broke and I silently cursed those stupid hormones! The reality of what I'd done hit hard. “This is like something out of a bad sci-fi film.”
The Doctor grinned. “Oh, now I wouldn't say that. There's not nearly enough underpaid actors in rubbery suits to make it a bad sci-fi film.”
I let out a shaky laugh, but it sounded hollow. “I'm going to have a baby on an alien planet thousands of light years from home.”
“Yes, but you won't go through this alone. I'm here, your healers are here, and Donna will be, too, once she's recovered from the conversion process.” The Doctor laid his hand on top of mine as it rested on my slightly rounded stomach and pressed lightly. “Time Lady or not, this is still her baby growing in here and she'll be there to see her child enter this world.” I knew Donna wouldn't miss the delivery for anything.
I looked over at the curtain, where Donna's body lay concealed. “Let's get this over with so she can start getting better.”
He gave me an encouraging smile and took my hand, leading me around the curtain. Healer Akakios flashed a concerned look at me before he repeated what the Doctor had told me. I assured him that I wouldn't reveal anything to Donna. He gave her an injection and stepped out of view on the other side. I looked around and realized that, with the curtains shut and blocking the view of the Citadel, the room really did look like any other treatment room on earth. The Doctor squeezed my hand and also disappeared.
Donna's last moments as a human, and she doesn't even know it.
I noticed the multicolored patchwork quilt that the Doctor had wrapped Donna up in when we'd left earth was folded at the foot of the bed. She'd had since it since she was a child and kept it in her living room, thrown over the back of the couch. Donna lay on her side and I took her hand as she started to stir. Her eyes cracked open and she swallowed once. I brushed her hair off her face. “Hi.”
“Ella?” Her voice sounded faint. Her eyes flickered around in confusion. “Where the bloody hell am I? I was at home.”
I concocted the best lie I could on the fly. “Yes, and you wouldn't wake up yesterday. Shaun brought you to the hospital.”
Donna lifted her head and looked around the room. “Which one?”
I took a breath. “A private hospital. Shaun wasn't happy with the care you received at Royal Hope.”
“Not the NHS? Good. Speaking of Shaun, where is he?”
“He's not here right now. He went home to see to the children and I offered to stay with you.”
Donna's eyebrows knit. “Oh good. They must be so worried about their mummy.” She stirred and pressed her fingers to her head. “I can't stay here, I need to go home.”
I put my hands on her shoulders to keep her still. “You will. Don't worry, the children are being cared for.” I pulled the quilt up over her. “See, I even brought you a touch of home. Isn't that nice?”
She smiled in contentment and snuggled down under the familiar old quilt. “Oh, that's lovely. I love this quilt.”
“Everyone just want you to get better, and you will.”
She looked me up and down and snorted. “Have you been here all night? You look knackered!”
I smiled. Leave it up to Donna to notice I wasn't my usual self. She doesn't miss anything. I gave her a gentle nudge. “Oh, gee, thanks! I'm ok. I was just up late with the kids.”
“Have Mum and Gramps been by?”
I shoved the guilt down because I hate lying. “Yes, earlier. Shaun called them this morning.”
She seemed to relax when I told her that. “What the hell is wrong with me, then? Why do I keep passing out?”
I thought fast. “They don't know yet. They still need to do some tests, but you're going to be ok. I promise.”
Donna was quiet for a moment and I could tell she was fighting off exhaustion. Her eyes slid shut and I think the drug was starting to wear off. “Ella, there's something I haven't told anyone.”
“You can tell me later, when you're feeling better.”
“No, it's...it's important.” Her eyes blazed open as she struggled to stay awake. “I think there's a bun in the oven.” A tired smile lit up her face. “They need to check, but isn't that brilliant?”
Donna knew. I'm proud that I was able to stay on top of my emotions despite the hormones because I felt like crying right then. “That's wonderful news. I'll be sure to tell the nurse.”
Her eyelids started to close again. “Why'm I so damn tired?”
“They gave you a sleeping drug. It probably hasn't worn off completely.” My voice caught. “Just...just get some sleep and I'll be here when you wake up again.”
“You're a good friend, Ella.”
My eyes misted over. “Yeah, well. I'm just thinking of all that wonderful cheesecake you're going to owe me.”
Donna smiled and then her face relaxed as she fell back into slumber.
I waited a few moments before I let go of her hand and went around the curtain. Akakios held a device in his hand and he nodded at me. “That was sufficient. Thank you.”
“You're welcome.” I looked at the Doctor, wiping my eyes. “Can we go now? Please?”
I think he could tell that I'd had enough. “Of course we can.” Healer Koray started to protest, but she stopped and pursed her lips when the Doctor shot her a dark look. “Dr. Steinfield has been through enough today. We'll be nearby should complications arise.”
She folded her arms, which I later learned was a sign that she was annoyed. “If you think that's what's best, Doctor.”
“I do know what's best when it comes to humans, more than you do, Healer. It's best you remember that.” His voice was quiet and calm, but I could hear the tone in his voice that said he wouldn't relent.
I followed the Doctor out of the room and down the hall. I waited until we rounded the corner before asking, “Complications?” No one had said anything to me about complications.
“Nothing life threatening, of course. There's a higher risk of miscarriage in the first 48 hours following embryonic transfer despite the massive amounts of drugs you've been given to prevent that, so please tell me if you start experience those symptoms.”
I promised I would and we returned to the TARDIS. I ate a light supper of soup and crackers for dinner, not feeling nearly as hungry as I thought I was. I seemed to have lost my appetite and I know the Doctor was worried because there was a huge frown on his face when he saw my half-empty bowl. “You really ought to eat more...” he started to say.
“Please don't give me the 'eating for two' spiel,” I cut him off. I was tired and irritable and didn't want to be lectured. “Because it's not true. I've been pregnant before, you know. I'm not going to break just because I only ate half my supper. I can take care of myself.” I'm not sure why I was so snippy, but I think it was a combination of hormones, exhaustion, and guilt.
The Doctor tilted his head to the side, unfazed by my outburst. “I know you can and I apologize if I sounded like I was implying otherwise.”
I took a deep breath. “I'm sorry. I am. I know you're only trying to watch out for me. It's just...this whole day...” Shaking my head, I looked up at him. “When I set out to find you, it was to save Donna's life. It wasn't to come here, not to do this.” I waved a hand in the direction of my stomach.
He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and regarded me. “That isn't what's really upsetting you, though, is it?”
I think he's more perceptive than Ten in many ways. “No, it's...” my voice caught.
“Being forced into facing down one your biggest fears?”
I looked away, towards the kitschy mugs in the hutch. “How did you know?”
He settled onto the bench next to me and rested his chin in his hand. “There were signs. You mentioned that Bastian's birth had been long and difficult. You said you were done having children. When you wailed 'I can't' over and over again during the first phase, that wasn't the pain talking, that was you giving into fear. You wanted Brian as he's a source of comfort and strength for you. Akakios told me you started crying the moment Healer Koray implanted the baby, despite being in a trance. You shouldn't have responded to that unless it was a subconscious response to a deep-seated fear. You're scared of giving birth.”
I picked up my spoon and swirled it around in the bowl. “I was in labor for almost four days. It was terrible and painful and it was only by some miracle of God and a stubborn midwife that I didn't have a c-section. When I think about going through that again...” I sighed, “I just feel afraid.”
The Doctor took my hands, making me drop the spoon with a loud clatter. “But that's not going to happen this time, Ella! Don't you see? There's nothing to be frightened of!” He seemed very eager about putting me at ease and his eyes sparkled in earnestness. “Gallifrey's medical technology is far superior to earth's of your time. I guarantee that you won't have an excessively long or painful labor. That can't and won't happen here.”
I realized that everyone had assumed that I'd have the baby on Gallifrey, but why did I have to? Donna would be better by the time I was ready to deliver. “I understand that, but why do I have to have the baby here? Why can't I go home?” If I went home, then I could have Brian at the delivery.
The Doctor looked a little uncomfortable. “Under the circumstances, I'm not sure if that's going to be possible.”
My eyes went wide as I misinterpreted his meaning. “Wait, you're not telling me that I'm stuck here?”
He let out a small laugh. “No, of course not! I will return you to earth, but I'm not sure when.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It's...political. You see, there's never been a case like Donna's before and it's already caught the attention of the High Council. There's sure to be an inquiry.” The Doctor paused and then continued, “Protocol demands that I should have taken Donna's case to the Council first, but there wasn't time because she was dying and I wasn't going to risk her death while those stuffy old codgers debated for days about what to do. I asked for Akakios because he's an old friend of mine and we used to get in all kinds of trouble together back in our Academy days. I knew he would help. He explained the situation to Healer Koray and while she's not entirely happy with our choice to defy protocol, she understood the gravity of the situation. That's why we had to move so fast with the embryo transfer, Ella, so that we could get Donna started on the conversion procedure as soon as possible, before the Council could intervene. I wish there had been more time for you to get used to the idea of being a surrogate, and I'm sorry.”
“I understand, Doctor. I wish it could have happened differently, too, but it's done and over with now.”
He shook his head and muttered, “Yes,well, I'm not looking forward to that inquiry.”
“So the government's going to be pissed off at you, but I don't understand what that has to do with me or the baby?”
“My people have to decide what to do with Donna. In a sense, she will be a new type of Time Lord, the first of her kind. Born a human, genetically modified into a Time Lord, with ten regenerations of my memories in her mind. Her knowledge will be vast and powerful and...dangerous. I shudder to think of some of the events she's got hidden away inside her head, things that even I don't know about yet.”
I gave him a sharp look, feeling a stab of fear. “Are they going to imprison her?”
He shook his head. “I really don't know. Like I said, nothing like this has ever happened before in our history. I do know that it's highly unlikely that they'll allow her to return to earth to be with her family.”
“But they can't do that!” I wailed, turning towards him. “What about Shaun and Holly and Peter?”
His eyes filled with sorrow. “There's a good chance that she'll never see them again.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “Oh, she'll never stand for that. You don't know Donna like I do. Nothing comes between her and her family. She's stubborn enough as a human, but now that she'll have your brain, I don't think an exploding supernova could stop that woman.”
An amused grin broke out on his face. “Well, I've defied the Council more times than I can remember and if she's as ornery as you say, with my experience, then anything is possible.” He paused. “But you see why I said the baby will likely be born here? No one's going to separate Donna from her unborn child, even if they're no longer the same species.”
“And if Donna can't go back to earth, then neither can I.”
“Not until after the baby's born, no.”
Eight months away from my family was a long time. Just the thought was overwhelming...in fact, everything was overwhelming and I just wanted to go to bed. I said goodnight to the Doctor and headed for my room.
When I got to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and lifted my shirt to have a proper look at my stomach. There was definite bump there and not the normal pooch I had after Bastian's birth. I pressed my hand over my round belly. It felt firm, and very sore. “Ow,” I mumbled and let go.
This. Is. Bizarre.
I really wanted to take a shower, as if bathing could wash away all the sadness and pain of the day. In the shower, I couldn't stop touching my distended tummy. It seemed so surreal that I was suddenly pregnant and with Donna's baby to boot. The hormones were still messing with my emotions and I kept flipping from scared to sad to relieved and even to happy that everyone was going to live. The warm water helped me relax and I found myself swaying as I started to fall asleep on my feet. Afraid that I'd fall and hurt the baby, I got out and wrapped myself up in a fluffy robe that I'd found on the back of the door.
I went back out to my room and opened the wardrobe to look for some pajamas. The wardrobe was full of clothes, which hadn't the case that morning. Most of them had a loose fit and there were even a few maternity pieces scattered in. I touched the wall and said to the TARDIS, “Did you rob Marks and Spencer while I was gone? Um...thanks for not giving me any muumuus. I don't know what pregnant Gallifreyans wear, but I'd rather not look like a circus tent.”
After finding some jammies and changing into them, I crawled into bed and fell asleep before I even remember my head hitting the pillow.