Whatever son of a Trow saw fit to stick me to this cow-faced broad is going to find their internal organs painfully rearranged when I find them.

*ow, damn it, hands off the goods! Drop that knife before you lose that hand!*

And so the Bard found himself in quite the predicament. Stuck to a woman he, for once, wanted nothing to do with.

Truly the ( Read more... )

...

What the hell!?

((1% on the zombie dance-off))

Well, that went considerably worse than expected. A fine thanks I get, considering how much thought and consideration I put into that gift.

Well, that aside, let's take care of some unfinished business, shall we?.

*plays a melody on his lute and summons the Mercenary, a large sweaty guy with an axe.*

READY TO SCRAP!

Yes yes, go find the little white- ( Read more... )

*sailing through the air and landing in a crater conveniently near whoever wants to be near it*

*cough*

Medic

It seems the Bard managed to survive. A pity.

Well. As much as I hate hard work and just about everything remotely related to it, it's payed off.

All right folks, listen up. To liven up the dull experience here, we're opening up the coliseum. Now you, too, can come and partake in the viewing of blood sport for pleasure. Don't say you don't want to, I can see it in your eyes. It's all fun and ( Read more... )

Hmmm...

*plays some simple melodies on his lute, which get a bit more complex.*

That sounds about right. Now then, let's see here...

*plays some music while reading a scrap of paper. A large, burly, unwashed man with an axe appears*

HOLY SHIT!

READY TO SCRAP

Uh... that's nice?

TIME TA GET PAID!

Let's see... uhhh...

*plays another chord, man vanishes*

Hey, ( Read more... )

Oh come ON! Mistletoe, people, work with me! It should be illegal to slap a man under those circumstances. And my hand wasn't even THAT far down the bodice ( Read more... )

Say what you will about this island, but I suppose I can't fault it for all the free turkey.

Now then, my little beasts. How shall I kill you today?

Fortunately for the Bard these turkeys were not of the dire variety. Were that the case, I'm sure the rest of the world would be much better off.

I notice there's a coliseum here, but it's not working. I was going to bet on some good old blood sports, but I can't even do that! What happened to the bloody thing?

Come one, come all, ladies and gents. As a Bard of no small talent, I offer up to you this humble song in exchange for a bit of coin.

It was nice to see the Bard actually doing some honest work. For once.

Oh stuff it.

*ahem*
( Tale of the Knucklavee )