.010 [Video--totally public, as usual]

[helpmejeeves]

What ho, Professor Fate! We never did finish that questionnaire, you know. Somehow we got on the topic of eggs instead and never quite came back around to the main point. In fact, not only did we not finish, we didn't really get much of a start, either. So I'm just going to assume that you answered "yes" to question number one, "Are you evil?"

Comments

[19centconstable]

Is it like him not to respond? It may be a coma.

[helpmejeeves]

It's not like him at all. He usually responds fairly promptly, and at high volume.

I didn't think that it might be a coma. I'd best check on him. These coma whatsits sound like very serious business.

[19centconstable]

They're quite disturbing to see in person. Shaking doesn't help a bit.

[helpmejeeves]

How awful! But they get better, yes?

private

[needshumility]

Oh no.

Bertie, are you in your room?

Private

[helpmejeeves]

I am at the moment. I was just getting my hat on to pop down and see if the Professor is in a coma. [Because clearly one cannot leave one's cabin without a hat.]

Re: Private

[needshumility]

[Eddie understands that one.]

Do you want me to come with you? If he is in a coma, you might need some help.

Private

[helpmejeeves]

That'd be awfully white of you. I don't think I could carry him all by myself.

[Video]

[yeahscience]

Yeah, I just went through this, too.

So, okay, you're dead, I guess, and this is like... Purgatory. Okay? And your friends can't hear you. So... sorry about that. Sucks.

[Video]

[helpmejeeves]

Dead? [Alarmed face.]

No, that can't be right. I'm fit as a fiddle.

I did die, once, and it was dashed unpleasant, but I'm sure I'd have remembered if I died again.

[Video]

[yeahscience]

Nah, see, this is this place called, like... the Barge, okay, and if you need to be redeemed and shit you come here when you die, and these Warden douchebags sit on you until you turn into a better person, I guess, or something.

I don't know, I don't really know how we're supposed to be "redeemed" or whatever, but that's the idea.

[Video]

[helpmejeeves]

[That *language.* Aunt Agatha would chew up his bones, spit them out, and stomp them into dust under her heel if she ever heard him say the word "shit." (The word "douchebag" is completely unfamiliar to him, but from the way the chap says it, Bertie suspects it's bad.) But it wouldn't be polite to comment on it, so other than his shocked face, he pretends not to notice.]

Oh, I know all about the Barge and the Admiral. It's a pretty poor cruise, if you ask me. He wouldn't even let me bring my valet, Jeeves.

I think the redemption bit is a corking idea, though. Tricky business, and not for the soft of mind, but well worth the effort.

audio

[damesuccubus]

Does that work, just asking an inmate why they're evil?

audio

[helpmejeeves]

I don't know. I haven't had a chance to try it before today.

audio

[damesuccubus]

Sadly for you, I think you would have found your method to be a failure.

audio

[helpmejeeves]

Oh. [Sadface.] Are you quite sure? I was considering the psychology of the individual. I thought to myself, "Wooster," I said to myself, "What makes this gentleman tick. You need to know. Get right on it." And so I did. Asking politely seemed the best approach.

Are you sure it wouldn't have worked?

[sharpememory]

Man, how much have you had to drink?

[helpmejeeves]

Two whiskey and s.'s. Why?

[sharpememory]

That explains a lot. You need to drink some coffee or something.

[helpmejeeves]

But...I usually have a whiskey or two this time of day.