"It's OK, love. It was an accident" 2/2 Tentacle sex.

[p0wdermonkey]

TITLE: Blessed Curse, chapters 4-9  ( Read about 1-3 here.)
CULPRIT: Yamirenamon

MAJOR, MAJOR WARNING!  Jack/Barbossa mpreg.  You heard me.  Leading to Davy/Jack non-con tentacle sex.  Which ought to make further warnings redundant, but I’m rating this one NC-170 because really, in a perfect world, no-one should be reading shit like this.  The

Comments

[veronica_rich]

Without a second thought Barbossa threw Norrington overboard for his purpose was served.

“Well that was fast,” Elizabeth said.

I always knew Elizabeth was a little cold (especially after her "staring" role of screwing corpses in other badfic), but ... BZUH?!

[p0wdermonkey]

Blessed Curse: the fic that makes Jack/Will fans stand up for Elizabeth!

[veronica_rich]

*sporfle*

Hey, I've said it a million times - I don't mind Elizabeth so much; it's her overzealous fans I'd like to maroon on a deserted island. *G* I've actually always treated her very well in my slash fic, probably because I can sympatheize with how frustrating it might be to have two pretty boys at your disposal and neither one of them wants anything to do with you. ;-)

[p0wdermonkey]

I'm really trying not to attack it for just being mpreg - not even mpreg with tentacly foetal rape. For all I know, there may be good tentacle mpreg out there. (If you know of any, please do NOT tell me where it is.)

As someone who's written Jack/Barbossa slash from the point of view of a transgender monkey, I'd have to be pretty dumb to get into a slanging match about what authors choose to write. But nothing - nothing at all - should be written this badly.

[p0wdermonkey]

Exactly! I could cope with the mpreg - or just leave it alone and read something else - but I found myself compelled to read on to know what she'd do next. Is Barbossa going to say, "I'm here for you, Jack"? Are we going to jump scene/tense/pronoun without warning? Can it actually get any worse?

I'm guessing her first language is not English, which makes it pretty impressive really. But - for heathen godssakes - that's what beta readers are for! There is no sign she even tried to get a beta to look this through before she posted it.

[justawench]

Wait. I just skimmed over this before, so as to not let the horror soak in. Was that whole snarky getting dressed scene taking place *during* the battle? Who was fighting, cause it seemed like everyone was in Jack's cabin for the fashion show?

No offense to Norrington, but the thought of Barbossa casually pitching him over the side with nary a glance makes me laugh.

This makes me want to quote the robot devil from Futurama: "You can't have your characters going around declaring how they feel; that makes me feel angry!"

Captain Precious Doll! - ROTFL

My head whirls at the author's ability to change scenes with no indication of the new setting.

Jack himself was soaked in blood, sweat, and tears. - I think the album "Child Is Father to the Man" is actually somehow appropriate to this strange form of reproduction.

Is breastfeeding normal for mpreg? Not in naotalba's world, it isn't. *shudder* ;)

[veronica_rich]

Not in naotalba's world, it isn't. *shudder*

Oh God. Wasn't that sad? I mean, it was Mpreg and crack and all, but still ... heartbreaking, man.

[p0wdermonkey]

Yeah, I read that one. Don't think I managed to comment because it still freaked me out, but it was well written and truly haunting.

[p0wdermonkey]

To my mind, the mid-battle dress-fitting is probably the highlight of the whole thing. (I adore Elizabeth's sales pitch.) I guess the "gang" - i.e. crew - were doing the actual fighting, although if I remember rightly "the rugged Norrington" hadn't joined them yet.

[kittykaite]

Barbossa waited a few hours to wake his koi. I’ve been holding fire all paragraph. But since when does Barbossa keep pet fish?!?!? The second time he woke up he felt his cravings kick in.

*delurks* Koi = Japanese endearment ('love').

[p0wdermonkey]

I kinda guessed it must be a yaoi thing, which I accept I'm pretty ignorant about, but you have to admit it's a bit weird suddenly popping up after chapters and chapters with not a hint of Japanese anything. My first though really was that he got a fish to keep the monkey company. Maybe he has a hamster too...

[mafdet]

Of course, the writer could have said to her/himself, "If I use the word 'koi' most people will think that Barbossa is keeping a fish for a pet. Anyhow, Barbossa's British [so far as we know], and I doubt a British pirate would be tossing around Japanese terms of endearment. So I'll just use a plain English word, like 'love' or something."

Fangirl Japanese in a story where it doesn't belong is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

[p0wdermonkey]

You know, I googled "koi" just in case the Japanese sense had taken over the internet while I wasn't looking, but all I found was pages and pages about fish.
I happen to think Barbossa likes pets and would fill his cabin with as many as he could get his decomposing hands on. I'm just worried about the mechanics of keeping what would need to be a pretty large fish tank on sailing ship. Not to mention keeping it full of fresh water.

[agtmacgyver]

Ok, so, Jack is wearing a corset while nine months pregnant, goes through most of labor with said corset on, then, after birth, proceeds to breastfeed. What sort of bizarro dimension is this author from?

[p0wdermonkey]

I almost commented on the corset, but by that point I was kind of numb. With a fic like this, there's a lot you just have to let go by unless you have several months to waste on sporking.
But yeah, bizarro. Truly bizarro.