"It's OK, love. It was an accident" 2/2 Tentacle sex.
TITLE: Blessed Curse, chapters 4-9 ( Read about 1-3 here.)
CULPRIT: Yamirenamon
MAJOR, MAJOR WARNING! Jack/Barbossa mpreg. You heard me. Leading to Davy/Jack non-con tentacle sex. Which ought to make further warnings redundant, but I’m rating this one NC-170 because really, in a perfect world, no-one should be reading shit like this. The offences against English syntax and canon characterisation are actually worse than the foetal tentacle rape threesome.
SUMMARY (mine): Rags and Pintel get a comedy slash cameo. Jack gets a dress. Davy Jones turns up and kidnaps pregnant Jack for evil tentacle rape. Norrington appears. Barbossa makes everything better (except Norrington, who dies, but we’re used to that now). Birth. Happy End. Snuggles.
BEST LINE: Weeks passed since Jack had been separated from his love. His undesired diet and unsatisfied cravings continued to irritate his stomach. Though that was nothing compared to being raped constantly by the captain of the Flying Dutchman.
EVERYTHING ELSE: see post on Chapters 1-3
EXCERPT : Jack’s body became weary and tired after hours of sitting and moving about in the gallows. [She means “brig”.] The hem of his dress was soaked along with a few other parts that touched the boards of the ship. Jack wasn’t obvious to how long or even when he fell asleep. He tried to stay awake as to hopefully avoid what he just woke up to.
If you're looking for the mid-battle maternity dress fitting scene, it's in chapter 5.
Chapter 4. Love Boat
Barbossa was once again holding Jack as he fell asleep into another afternoon nap. The peaceful sight made Barbossa almost wish that Jack would be like this forever. If only he could think of a way to make Jack lie motionless forever, just the rise and fall of his breath… Come to think of it, breath was definitely optional. Suddenly, Barbossa felt more like his old self.
“How is he?”
“All the stress today has made him tired.” But only for a brief instant.
Elizabeth visited Jack’s cabin since the couple was absent from dinner. She’d never imagine that the two pirates could ever be so soft and affectionate. She just knew she’d never imagine it. Not if she lived to be 100.
’How different would it have been if they were this close years ago?’ Elizabeth thought. Well, Jack probably wouldn’t have got marooned, for starters, and the Black Pearl would have needed a Kindergarten.
“So what did Tia say was wrong with him?” She asked.
The question that escaped her lips made Barbossa flinch. He knew it was coming, but it still made him nervous. Looking down at his sleeping beauty Did we just switch Disney movies? Barbossa said, “Jack’s not sick. He’s pregnant.”
“What!”
“Not so loud!” Hissed Barbossa, “You’ll wake him.”
Elizabeth stared at Jack for a moment to be sure she didn’t stir him. Because staring sure beats stirring when it comes to pregnant, hermaphrodite pirates.
“But how!” She whispered.
“We don’t know. Miss Dalma thinks it has to do with his genes, or something of that nature.” She said he was a hermaphrodite, which at least was a known term at the time. Eighteenth-century genes are about as plausible as Elizabethan jeans. “Oh. Poor Jack must be scared to death.” That was certainly my first thought.
“Very much,” Barbossa said, brushing a stray hair off Jack’s face. The touch made the sleeping man turn his face to the other side without waking.
“Pregnant!”
“Are you sure you’re not hearing things? Move over,” Pintel said, shoving Ragetti to the side to eavesdrop on the interesting conversation. The two were waiting for the right opportunity for Barbossa or Jack to spill the beans their traditional comedy cameo. They were outside the cabin door not too long after they saw Elizabeth enter in.
“Is it true? I mean, can it happen to us?” Ragetti whispered.
“Don’t say such things!” Pintel hushed.
“I guess this isn’t a good time to tell them about us then,” Ragetti said in a light tone. How sweet! Pint and Rags are planning a little announcement.
“Someone’s coming!” Pintel whispered.
The two of them darted out of sight when they heard Elizabeth leaving the cabin.
“I’m serious, we need to be more careful,” Ragetti whined.
The two were hiding in their make-out spot under in the storage. Whew! Teleporting gay pirates! Ragetti was trying to have a serious conversation. But with his shirt half off and Pintel making hickies over any visible skin on his neck and chest, it was difficult not to give into the temptation. As for what Pintel was doing on the invisible skin…
“We need to be careful before...ah!”
Pintel slipped his hand into Ragetti’s trousers, teasing him. This made Ragetti arch his back and buck his hips forward into the touch.
“Is this safe enough for you?” Pintel said before passionately kissing his partner. At that same moment Pintel busied his hand on Ragetti’s already hard member. It didn’t take long for them to come, crying out each other’s name. And after experiencing this ‘sample treat’ Ragetti finally gave into the heat of the moment. Heat? This has to be the coldest slash I’ve ever read. “Sample treat?” Good grief!
“So how long should we wait to tell them?” Ragetti panted.
“Let them adjust to the other’s first.” Definite typo, but is it “others first” or “other’s fist”?
Jack woke up at the crack of dawn with morning sickness again. He felt kind of bad that the same bucket had to be used and cleaned on a daily basis. But it was 200 years to soon for disposable sick bags. He then crawled back into bed to rest his stomach before officially getting up.
“How are you feeling?” Barbossa asked Jack as he sat on the end of the bed.
“Tired,” Mumbled Jack, “And hungry.”
“AHHH!”
Will Turner’s blood curling cry disturbed the crew on the ship the second time that week. Nobody likes a cry-baby, and curly blood is a serious medical condition.
“The hell is his problem this time?” Barbossa said as he looked outside the cabin door.
Will was on the edge of the deck as if he was about to jump ship or become sick.
“Does anyone on this ship have any dignity!”
Turner had found the other love birds down in the storage. Pintel and Ragetti had fallen asleep before they had the chance to dress and return above the decks.
“So much for waiting,” Ragetti laughed as the two saw Will huddled in the fetal position on deck. Now, I’m not normally a Will fan, but the lad has been orphaned, shipwrecked, attacked (and leered at) by zombie pirates, almost eaten by cannibals and generally eyed-up, insulted and fondled by Jack Sparrow for years. Even without AWE, I’d say he was a little tougher than this.
“He’ll get used to it,” Pintel added, “It would be easier for him to understand if he spent ten years on a ship with no women in sight.” It’s almost like Pint has seen AWE.
Barbossa returned back into the cabin and saw that Jack had easily fallen back to sleep. It was a surprise that he could sleep after all the noise Will made. And what usually woke him, Barbossa’s pet monkey was sitting on Jack’s chest hoping to be of a nuisance. Barbossa waited a few hours to wake his koi. I’ve been holding fire all paragraph. But since when does Barbossa keep pet fish?!?!? The second time he woke up he felt his cravings kick in.
“Slow down, love. You don’t want to get sick again.”
Jack was eating multiple apples in such a short time as if they were disappearing off the face of the earth. You what?
“But I don’t get sick from eating apples,” Jack said with his mouth still full.
Barbossa scanned the other man’s figure as he continued to eat. Even though it had only been a few weeks Jack would soon start to show.
Chapter 5. Invasion and Capture
“Load the cannons!”
It was his fault, he knew it. To even think that encountering Davy Jones again would be a joy had jinxed his fate. They were able to avoid Davy Jones and his cursed crew when they were busy freeing Jack from death’s prison. But this situation did not suit Davy Jones. This time Jones was determined to deal with Sparrow one-on-one. At the moment the summoned monster, Kraken, worked on destroying another unlucky ship. Does this set a record for the most plot jammed into a single paragraph?
“We haven’t enough ammo to keep fighting!” Those automatic repeating cannons go through ammo like Barbossa goes through apples.
’It’s not enough,’ Jack thought as he saw his shipmates desperately trying to fight off the beast. Barbossa stayed in Jack’s cabin as they both tried their best to stay as safe as possible. *Is speechless* It was all happening too fast for them. *Is homicidal*
“I have to wear this!” Jack shouted. In the middle of a supernatural sea-battle, Jack Sparrow worries about what to wear-and Barbossa offers fashion advice.
Three months had past Lalalala! Not listening. Not looking. Not commenting. since he found out that he was pregnant. Jack’s morning sickness came less frequent and he was now more familiar with the foods that his stomach didn’t get along with. Presumably because he got to taste them twice as often as the ones that stayed down. Though his cravings never ceased. By this time Jack wasn’t able to fit into most of his clothes (Like he ever changes what he wears...). Isn’t five chapters in a bit late to start with the snarky authorial interventions? Too embarrassed to go out in public, he left Will and Elizabeth the responsibility of shopping. But when he saw what they came back with he knew that it was a big mistake.
“Come on Jack. In your state we’d have to keep buying you new clothes. And it’s not easy finding pants in your growing size,” Elizabeth said. As a matter of fact, it’s not easy finding pants in the eighteenth century.
“I am not wearing a dress!” Jack protested.
’But you’ll sleep with another man,’ Will thought to himself. *Eyeroll*
“It’s a maternal dress. It just loves to take care of small children. It’s made to easily adjust and to help support the growing baby,” Elizabeth continued as she held up the dark gray dress. In this AU, Elizabeth used to have a Saturday job in the Port Royal branch of Waifs and Stays. (Supplying all your maternity corsetry needs since 1684.)
“And you’ll look pretty too,” Ragetti giggled.
“You stay out of this!” Jack shouted at Ragetti as he pointed his pistol at him.
“I don’t think you should be having this right now,” Barbossa said, taking the weapon out of Jack’s hand.
“Well if you don’t like it then you can do the shopping yourself,” Elizabeth said.
“Fine,” Jack said stiffly as he took the dress.
The sound of another cannon disrupted Jack’s reflective thoughts. He instinctively put his arm around his waist and moved closer into Barbossa’s protective arms.
“Ow! That’s too tight!”
“Stop whining, Jack Sparrow.”
“CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!” Finally. But it’s way too little, and way too late.
“Very well, captain,” said Elizabeth in a sarcastic tone as she tightened one of the strings on the specially made corset.
“Easy on those!”
“Well don’t you look like such a doll,” Barbossa said once Elizabeth was done helping Jack into the new dress.
Jack blushed at his comment.
“But I feel like such a girl,” Jack said.
It was a bit of a strange sight to see Jack’s not-so-feminine figure in a dress. The full skirt reached to the floor, hiding his old boots that he was still wearing. The top that barely covered Jack’s flat chest showed the white, laced under layer. The white sleeves also showed from under the close fitting, three-quarter gray sleeves. Jack in a dress was one of my favourite kinks. Was.
There’s a lot more. I’ll summarise. In the course of a life-and-death battle with Davy Jones and the Kraken, everyone gets used to Jack wearing his maternal dress, but Jack vanishes. Hector runs all over the ship looking for him, quite ignoring the attacking giant squid beastie. But Jack is (how?) on the Flying Dutchman.
Davy likes the dress. “He” (either Jack or Davy, I dunno) “could feel the unrequited tension forming between them.” Davy says:
“Throw him in the gallows!” Presumably the brig, although an exceptionally wet one because it’s situated quite literally down under the ship.
Chapter 6. The Way of a Heartless A heartless what?
Jack’s body became weary and tired after hours of sitting and moving about in the gallows. At least it’s consistent. Wrong, but consistent. The hem of his dress was soaked along with a few other parts that touched the boards of the ship. Jack wasn’t obvious to how long or even when he fell asleep. He tried to stay awake as to hopefully avoid what he just woke up to. Huh?
“Mornin’ sleepy.”
Jack barely lifted his head to see Davy Jones through his sleep-deprived eyes. Jack’s shallow and irregular breathing was an obvious sign of distress. He tried to calm himself, but it was no use, far too late. Jones loomed over him even closer than earlier when they were on deck and surrounded by the crew. And to make matters worse, Jack could feel his beard of cold, slippery tentacles roam over his chest inside his top. Jack was sure that he could feel his panic-stricken heart with such close contact. Just when you thought the depths had been plumbed: tentacle rape.
I’ll spare you the gory details but there follows a gruesome, bloody and grammatically bizarre scene in which Davy does unspeakable things with his appendages and Jack shrieks “Don’t touch my baby! Get out of me! Then Davy goes away and Jack cries on Bootstrap’s shoulder. Bootstrap is embarrassed. He’s not the only one.
Chapter 7. Treasure Hunt
Much cut in the name of getting this over with.
The rugged Norrington now faced Barbossa’s impatient wrath. I love that line.
Will and Elizabeth volunteered to watch the ship as the pirates “negotiated” with Lord Beckett after having kidnapped Norrington. In reality the couple was just trying to have some free time to themselves. It had been a while since they had an intimate moment together that it was too tempting. So Jack and his unborn daughter are being held captive by Davy Jones; Barbossa and Norrington are attempting to do a deal with Beckett; and all Will’n’Liz can think about is that they might be able to fit in a quick shag while the proper pirates are away. But knowing Barbossa he’d want to get what he wanted as fast as possible. It was only natural for anyone to fight for the one they truly loved. Will could easily recall his journey to save Elizabeth, his now beloved wife, when Captain Barbossa was a fiend to them. I am now so lost I can’t even decide if that’s meant to say friend. Probably fiend is right: by now, who cares?
“I think it would be great,” Elizabeth said.
She always dreamed of her own children, to see a few of them with Will’s dark hair tightly clutched in their vicious little fists.
“Just a little longer. I promise. I can’t bare to lose you again,” Will said who was obviously referring to Davy Jones. Well, obviously?!?! Be grateful he kept his clothes on.
…
Just then Barbossa and the gang stormed back onto the ship. The gang here means Norrington and others.
“Hey, hey!”
Without a second thought Barbossa threw Norrington overboard for his purpose was served. Once again the anticipation of AWE is nigh uncanny.
“Well that was fast,” Elizabeth said .
In short, Barbossa has the heart and the compass. (Jack forgot to move it into his dress.) They sail to the rescue. Meanwhile on the Flying Dutchman…
“Augh!”
Jack awoke with morning sickness …
Davy taunts, the baby kicks, Bootstrap comforts, Jack suffers and pines for Barbossa-and apples. But those are the least of his problems.
Weeks passed since Jack had been separated from his love. His undesired diet and unsatisfied cravings continued to irritate his stomach. Though that was nothing compared to being raped constantly by the captain of the Flying Dutchman. It wasn’t a daily routine much to Jack’s surprise.
There’s more, but if you want it you’ll have to go read it yourself. I’ve had enough.
Chapter 8. Rescue and Labor
Let’s just say Jack’s waters break (he’s still confined in the “gallows” of the Flying Dutchman) just as Barbossa comes to his rescue.
Jack held the side of his sore cheek as he let the signs of abuse from the latest months run down his face. Not sure if that’s tears, slime or the reader’s vomit.
“I’m sorry. Did I hurt yer precious doll?” Jones said sarcastically, pulling Jack close to him by his waist. “Captain Precious Doll,” squeaked Jack.
“Get your hands off him!”
“He’s a pretty satisfying boy toy. But he would be more so if he wasn’t pregnant,” Davy continued as he licked Jack’s ear. Boy toy? Oh never mind. Davy’s ability to speak and lick at the same time must be something to do with having gills.
Barbossa *is manly* Davy *is sadistic* Jack *is mewlingly, pukingly pathetic* Really, I can’t bear to quote it.
The sound of shouting voices ringed in Jack’s ears. And that’s one of the OK bits.
Suddenly they are somewhere else, with different characters.
Jack opened his eyes and turned to see Lady Tia at the foot of his bed. He realized that he was back in his own cabin and lying on his comfortable bed. Lady Tia? Wasn’t she married to Prince Charles?
“Tia?”
“Ye don’t want to sleep through the arrival of yer child now do you?” she smiled. Not really an option before epidurals.
Birth happens, bloodily. Elizabeth brings stacks of clean sheets, presumably from the ship’s state-of-the-art laundry. Tia comes over like she’s auditioning for ER.
“The contractions are just minutes apart now,” Tia said, pulling up the top sheet and Jack’s skirt up to his knees.
“On the next one, I need you to breathe and push.”
(Snipped. Be grateful.)
A few hours passed since Jack woke up. Will started to worry if child labor would be this strenuous for Elizabeth. The whelps only think of themselves. Anyway, Elizabeth’s a bit old for child labour.
He waited outside along with the rest of the crew, so Will could only imagine what could be going on. Elizabeth removed and replaced another blood-stained sheet. It was the ninth sheet soiled and yet Jack’s bed and dress were ruined even more. Jack himself was soaked in blood, sweat, and tears. How Churcillian. Barbossa helped him out of the top layer of his heavy dress and corset to help cool him and to make his breathing easier. But Jack still struggled to end this agonizing experience. His body took it harder than it would have if he’d been a “proper” girl. Just fill in your own comments, please.
“Ow! Ow! Ow!” Jack screamed as he leaned forward to push again.
“You’re doing great, just keep it up Jack,” Tia said.
More. With suspense. Is Jack going to die?
“Before I blacked out...Davy Jones told me something,” Jack said between his rapid breathing pattern, “He said you’ll lose something precious.”
The baby gets born. Jack lives. Barbossa weeps. As do Jesus and a large number of cute furry animals.
Only one more chapter and it’s a short one!
Chapter 9. Pearl of My Eye
Is breastfeeding normal for mpreg? Jack breastfeeds. And you’ll be relieved to hear he’s back in his normal clothes already.
“So what’s her name?” Elizabeth asked.
“Pearl. We named her after the ship we once sailed,” Jack said. See? The ship they’re on now isn’t the Pearl. No, I don’t know what it’s called-maybe the Love Boat after Chapter 4. Odd that Elizabeth doesn’t remember the Black Pearl, the ship on which she was kidnapped by undead pirates, to whose mast she chained Jack when she left them both to the Kraken. But I guess we’ve all been through a lot since then.
The couple decided to give Barbossa as her last name since he was “the father” of Pearl. Pearl had a small patch of curly, dirty blonde hair that she got from Barbossa. Those grabby little fingers… And she looked up at the crowd around her with dark brown eyes like Jack’s. I wonder what kind of a beard she has…
’But what about Davy’s threat?,’ Barbossa thought as he watched Jack sleep soundly.
After all the work he endured Jack was too tired to stay awake much longer. Barbossa was forced to stay awake as Pearl didn’t want to be put down. His lover and his child were doing just fine, so what was there to lose? Um, let me think. His lover and child maybe? Barbossa tried not to think much of it anymore as he put Pearl between Jack and himself before falling asleep next to them for the first time in months.
- End
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I plan to write a sequal following this fan-fic. Hope you all enjoyed.
Sequal is now writtan. I escaped its clutches after only a few pages. (Cute shipboard domesticity. Jack subtly lets a delighted Barbossa know he’s “expecting” again. Doom-as it will-looms. You get the picture.)
There is one genuinely funny moment when they try to tell little Pearl that she’ll soon have a new playmate. “A monkey?” she asks, cutely. “A kitten? An undead puppy?”
That’s it. Finished. No more. Thank you for keeping me company. I hope I’ve now got this fic out of my system!