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Some Conclusions
1)There is no such thing as "good" karma. There is only bad. What good you do vanishes into the universe, never to be seen again, while the tiniest fuck-up will get you smacked on the head again and again and again and again, for infinity. You can't ever work off bad karma. It just builds and builds, returns and returns and returns, and never stops ( Read more... ) -
On Not Checking Out Early
the Rotund's Levelling Up Post has a whole lot of good stuff to read, but there's one bit that really spoke to me:
From the post itself:
I didn’t really want to kill myself. What I wanted was relief. To make it all stop, just for a little while if at all possible.
From a comment by Temporarily anon:
I could never actually kill myself because it ( Read more... ) -
You gotta be kidding me
I'm not in a good place, emotionally or mentally. Someone I care deeply about has gotten in trouble, and I can't do anything at all to help. I haven't even heard from him, which of course leads to panicking and catastrophizing. I'm trying hard to be hopeful and patient, but it's not easy ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I'm currently in a homeless shelter in Mass, which is not too bad except for the fact that they wake us up at the gawd-awful hour of 5:30 am and kick us out by quarter of 7. I've been doing a lot of walking during the day, as my car is not functioning the way it should. It randomly stalls when hot, but it's not overheating---it might be something ( Read more... ) -
I'm still alive
But that's about all I can claim. Life continues to suck beyond the telling of it, and every move I make to improve things continues to be blocked. I work to keep my spirits up, but it is increasingly difficult with each failure to improve.
I want to believe that things will get better soon. I don't know if I can do so, though, when they have ( Read more... ) -
Yet more nibbles
So I have orientation at Jo Ann Fabric tomorrow at 1pm. I have an interview with Pier 1 Imports Wednesday at 2pm and an interview at Best Buy on Friday at 11:30 pm. I also had an interview with Target today at 9am ( Read more... ) -
For the Record
Living in my car, eating mostly once a day and not necessarily knowing where my next meal is coming from, giving up hope of improvement completely, being fully aware of how much further I could fall and fully expecting it to happen, and having each carefully-thought-out decision I make wind up being the wrong decision that only makes things worse ( Read more... ) -
More job nibbles
So I just got off the phone with a very nice woman from Blinds to Go, discussing my resume and having an informal little phone interview. It went well enough that she gave me the name and number of a manager to call for a more formal interview. I, of course, called right away but he wasn't it, so I left a message and call-back number, and I will ( Read more... ) -
Happy Birthday To Me
So today I turned 37. I hope to all the Gods and Goddesses and Angels and anything else that cares about me that this will mark the end of the Year of Hell, just as last birthday was the start, when my shithead brother decided to get himself too drunk to drive over and see me on my birthday ( Read more... )