Some Conclusions
1)There is no such thing as "good" karma. There is only bad. What good you do vanishes into the universe, never to be seen again, while the tiniest fuck-up will get you smacked on the head again and again and again and again, for infinity. You can't ever work off bad karma. It just builds and builds, returns and returns and returns, and never stops. Ever.
2) God hates me and wants me to suffer. He has no intention of ever stopping, ever cutting me a break, ever letting me see daylight at the end of the tunnel. It's all just trains, trains, trains with Him, because He's cruel and vicious and selfish and mean and likes to fuck with people. The "heavenly father" is an asshole, just like my corporeal father.
3) Jesus came only for the boys. He is no savior of women, and in fact doesn't seem to consider us actual people at all. I don't think Jesus hates me like His father clearly does. I just don't think He much cares what happens to me, because I'm not who He came to save, which was the boys and ONLY the boys.
4) The Goddess is asleep, or missing, or dead, or something, since She can't reign in either of those two fuckers. She seems to have no choice but to let Them break Her toys, because that's what They do.
5) There is no glory or beauty in suffering, there is no thankfulness in it, there is no upside to suffering. There is only suffering, and pain, and trauma, and it does nothing but get worse. "Things fall apart, the center cannot hold." Anyone who claims otherwise, Deity or Corporeal, is a bully at best and more likely a sadist.
6) If I live out this year, I will be very, very surprised.
7) Fuck it all. Life sucks, it doesn't get better, and there's no point to anything. You can be as "good" as you want, as "faithful" as is called for, as "righteous" and "kind" as you need to be, and you will STILL just get fucked, because God is an asshole, Jesus doesn't care, the Goddess is dead, and there is no such thing as "good karma."
I hate the world right now, and everything in it.
2) God hates me and wants me to suffer. He has no intention of ever stopping, ever cutting me a break, ever letting me see daylight at the end of the tunnel. It's all just trains, trains, trains with Him, because He's cruel and vicious and selfish and mean and likes to fuck with people. The "heavenly father" is an asshole, just like my corporeal father.
3) Jesus came only for the boys. He is no savior of women, and in fact doesn't seem to consider us actual people at all. I don't think Jesus hates me like His father clearly does. I just don't think He much cares what happens to me, because I'm not who He came to save, which was the boys and ONLY the boys.
4) The Goddess is asleep, or missing, or dead, or something, since She can't reign in either of those two fuckers. She seems to have no choice but to let Them break Her toys, because that's what They do.
5) There is no glory or beauty in suffering, there is no thankfulness in it, there is no upside to suffering. There is only suffering, and pain, and trauma, and it does nothing but get worse. "Things fall apart, the center cannot hold." Anyone who claims otherwise, Deity or Corporeal, is a bully at best and more likely a sadist.
6) If I live out this year, I will be very, very surprised.
7) Fuck it all. Life sucks, it doesn't get better, and there's no point to anything. You can be as "good" as you want, as "faithful" as is called for, as "righteous" and "kind" as you need to be, and you will STILL just get fucked, because God is an asshole, Jesus doesn't care, the Goddess is dead, and there is no such thing as "good karma."
I hate the world right now, and everything in it.