Fic: Don't Let Go (3a/7)
Title: Don’t Let Go (3/7)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Luke/Noah, Ameera, Casey and OC
Summary: AU-When INS Agent Reid Oliver gets called to Oakdale, a simple case turns into the last thing he expects.
Warnings: None
Author’s Notes: Based upon this prompt. Thank you reilaroo for the wonderful prompt and your awesome beta work. Constructive criticism and comments are appreciated. And I have to thank all of you who stopped by and commented. Your enthusiasm means the world to me. And I’m trying to get this ready for all of you faster so you’re not waiting too long between updates. Thank you. ~Ali
Due to size of the chapter, broken into two parts.
{ Chapter One} { Chapter Two}
Chapter Three
After the last student shuffled out of the room, Reid breathed a sigh relief. He had made it through the first class. He could tell who was lying with the best of them, interview criminals for hours without taking a break, but put him in front of a class of 15 students, one of them, he found himself drawn to, and he was nervous. Reid didn’t like to feel that way, and he wasn’t sure how it was going to get any better.
Teaching was fine. He went through the syllabus, answered questions, and the whole time, he found himself staring at Luke, trying to get the younger man to say…anything. Reid had found him attractive from the photograph, but then to see him in person… Reid shook his head. It was one thing to be attracted to him. It made him uncomfortable: Luke was at least 10 years younger than him, involved in a case that Reid was working on. Worst of all, Reid knew that if Luke was involved in perpetuating a crime, Reid would have no choice but to turn him in.
Physical attraction Reid could deal with, but the few times Luke had spoken, and Reid heard his voice, it made everything worse. The hair on the back of Reid’s neck stood on end. More than that, though, unlike the rest of his classmates, the questions Luke asked were intelligent.
With a shake of his head, Reid made his way to his office. He had a job to do, and no matter what type of attraction he felt to Luke; it wasn’t going to go anywhere. He might look, but there was a giant “don’t touch” sign written all over him.
*
Three weeks later…
Luke smiled as he made his way toward his lit. class. After that first meeting, Luke was convinced that his professor realized that Luke was a complete idiot. Every time Professor Oliver would look at Luke, he’d felt his mouth go dry, and he’d let out a couple of “um”s or “uh”s before spitting out an answer.
After that, Luke made a point of knowing all of the readings, prepared his assignments and be ready to discuss anything. He’d never been one of those students to sit in the front and answer every question, but Luke found himself doing just that. He wanted Professor Oliver to see him, to think of him as intelligent and worthwhile. Luke felt that he didn’t have that with Noah anymore and he knew that wasn’t Noah’s fault but the circumstances. However, in a way, it was nice to have a crush-and Luke felt like a child just thinking that-but it was nice to have something outside of himself, something outside of Noah and Ameera to focus on.
Casey was trailing behind Luke. “Hey, man,” he called after his friend. “I know you’re anxious to see Professor Oliver-”
Luke swung around and rushed up to Casey. “I am not anxious to see Professor Oliver. I just don’t want to be late,” Luke insisted. He tried to keep his voice low so no one could hear them. The last thing Luke wanted was Noah or their professor to think that Luke had a crush on Reid.
Casey crossed his arms over his chest. “Luke, come on, this is me. If you can’t tell your fake boyfriend, who can you tell?”
Luke shook his head. “I’m just…” There was so much he wanted to say. He was tired of pretending not to be with Noah, he hated the way everyone walked on eggshells. For 50 minutes, three times a week, Luke felt free, like he could be himself and there was a guy who appreciated that and encouraged Luke to be that way. And yes, that guy happened to be their professor and not his so-called boyfriend, Noah.
“Hey.” Casey reached out and gently rubbed his hand up and down Luke’s arm. “I get it. When it’s new and you’re just starting to have these feelings… But Luke what you and Noah have…”
Reid rounded the corner and was just about to take the steps, to get to his class. He’d overslept trying to get through the first batch of essays. He was given a TA, but he felt that with so few students he could handle the assignments himself. They actually weren’t as bad as he expected, and Luke’s… Well, Reid didn’t think giving the young man an A+ was overkill. His essay read like a story, a window into Luke’s life. More and more Reid was convinced that the young man was hiding something, but above that, the little glimpse just enticed Reid to want to learn more (and not simply because of his case).
When he got to the foot of the steps, he saw the object of his thoughts and “the boyfriend,” Casey. Reid’s eyes narrowed slightly, focusing on Casey’s hand on Luke’s arm.
“Professor Oliver!” Luke squeaked and jumped away from Casey.
He grimaced and made his way toward the younger men. “Mr. Snyder, Mr. Hughes.”
Luke rolled his eyes. He hated that Professor Oliver referred to everyone as Mr. or Ms. Just once he wanted to insist that Professor Oliver call him Luke, because whenever he called him Mr. Snyder, Luke thought of his father. But he had a feeling, seeing the way Professor Oliver would argue with a student until he or she would give up or in one case, actually start to cry, Luke knew that if he tried, Professor Oliver would argue with him on that. Although, sometimes, Luke would try to push Professor Oliver’s buttons, deliberately argue a point against him, but for some reason, the professor would back down. He’d change the subject or call on another student. Luke wanted to stand out, but he felt like Professor Oliver wanted to keep him hidden sometimes. And he couldn’t figure out why.
“So I really enjoyed the readings for today,” Luke said.
“Which one?” Reid asked, and he immediately regretted it. Luke might have jumped away from Casey’s touch, but the young man wasn’t deterred, he’d reached for Luke’s hand and Luke didn’t appear to notice. It made Reid’s stomach twist.
“The Fitzgerald one,” Luke answered. He tried to tug his hand loose, but Casey’s grip was too tight.
“You liked Babylon Revisited?” the professor questioned. He had assigned the short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The story followed a man, a recovering alcoholic who was trying to regain custody of his daughter. But when friends from his past appear, it hindered his chances.
“Was that the one about the alcoholic?” Casey questioned.
Reid rolled his eyes. He knew today’s discussion would be enlightening.
“Casey,” Luke hissed.
“What? Did it bring back your memories of high school or something?”
Reid’s eyes became focused solely on Luke. There wasn’t anything in the notes about his high school years. He wasn’t sure if Luke was out then, and he wondered what the experience was like for him. If he wasn’t, Reid could understand if the young man turned to something to help him cope. And why did the older man suddenly wish he had been there to help him?
“Casey,” Luke hissed again.
“I thought it was Baby,” he asked innocently.
Reid had to get out of there. He was about to smack the Hughes kid on the back of the head. He knew as a “professor” he couldn’t lay a hand on a student, but the last couple of weeks, he’d been having dreams about doing more than that with Luke.
“I just, Professor Oliver…” Luke tried and finally pulled his hand out of Casey’s grasp.
“Save it for class, Mr. Snyder,” Reid instructed. He moved, trying to get past the two young men. He walked half-way up the steps, but he turned back, he couldn’t help himself. “I’ll be curious as to why you enjoyed that particular story,” he replied. He smiled briefly, so briefly Luke swore he’d missed it, before turning and heading into the building.
“Casey, what are you doing?” Luke demanded once Reid got out of earshot.
“Saving your ass, man,” Casey replied. “You’re supposed to be my boyfriend. I agreed to do this to help your boyfriend and his wife. It’s been over a month. You know those INS guys are everywhere. If you start hitting on our professor-which by the way is so gross and just wrong-especially with your ‘boyfriend’ right here.”
“I wasn’t-”
“Oh, Professor Oliver I just loved today’s readings,” Casey replied, his voice slightly higher and he started to bat his eyelashes.
Luke smacked Casey on the shoulder. “I was not…” He looked around and then leaned in closer to Casey. “Do I really sound like that? Oh, God, do you think he noticed?” Luke ran his hands through his hair a few times. “I’m such an idiot. I just…everything with Noah is so tense all the time. And when I come to class, I…”
“You have a crush on him,” Casey noted. “And you have since the first time you saw him.”
“Who do you have a crush on?” Noah asked.
Luke and Casey were so deep in their conversation that neither one of them noticed Noah and Ameera’s arrival. It wasn’t the first time Noah had found his boyfriend and their friend, with their heads together in some sort of private conversation. His stomach always burned with jealousy, and he hated that he couldn’t be the one sharing secrets with Luke.
Luke jumped slightly and a blush stained his cheeks. “You,” he whispered and offered a half-smile. “But you’re married.”
“Ameera, why don’t I walk you to class?” Casey offered.
Ameera looked at her husband and Luke for a moment. Noah wasn’t sleeping most nights, and she felt so bad for putting him in this situation. She wanted to do something to help Noah, and she knew that this might help. Besides, Casey was turning out to be a good friend and she wouldn’t mind spending a few more minutes with him. She nodded her head in assent and Casey and Ameera left the other guys alone to talk.
“Luke…” Noah wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He was aching to pull Luke close for a hug, to hold him, kiss him, and just walk around the campus holding his hand.
“I miss you,” Luke admitted.
“I miss you too,” Noah replied. He looked around, anxious to kiss Luke.
“We have to go to class,” the blonde replied. He knew the look in Noah’s eyes and he felt it too, the familiar want and the pull, but if they were caught, Luke also knew that Noah would never forgive himself or Luke.
“Yeah,” Noah agreed.
Both guys walked into the class together. Reid hoped that the agents were still outside trailing Mayer. He couldn’t go out and look for them, but he was ready to start class. Reid checked their faces, trying to get an impression of what had transpired. Neither guy looked too happy. But Reid noticed as well, that he’d never seen either guy look especially cheerful. There were times in class, when Luke would smile or start to argue, but Reid would move the conversation on to another student. Reid liked to argue, he liked to prove his point, sometimes it got out of hand, some of his best relationships were with a guy who gave almost as good as Reid (no one could give quite as good as Reid did, of course). It was like verbal foreplay, and Reid wasn’t about to engage in such behavior with a 20-year-old kid, especially one involved in a case.
Reid started to lead the class. He purposefully avoided Luke’s gaze and the anxious way he would raise his hand to express his opinion. Sometimes he couldn’t be stopped, and Luke would start to argue with a fellow student. The other student usually lost and Reid would sit back watch as Luke would rip apart the other student’s argument. It was actually a bit of a turn on and sometimes he would lose track of leading the class. Luckily, his students didn’t seem to notice.
“So, in Babylon Revisited, Charlie Wales loses an opportunity to get his daughter back. He lost her in the first place because of his drinking. Then an opportunity presents itself because of his so-called friends that is taken away. Do you think he was deserving of that?”
“You make it sound like alcoholism is a stigma, that makes someone less of a human being,” Luke’s voice rang out clear through the room.
“Mr. Snyder, you have an opinion? What a surprise,” Reid noted.
There were a few nervous chuckles throughout the room. Noah’s hand automatically reached out and gripped Luke’s shoulder.
Reid saw the gesture and it made him stand and walk up to the blonde. Noah immediately withdrew his hand. “Don’t you think Fitzgerald is placing that ‘stigma’ by noting that when given the opportunity to get his daughter back, he lets these ‘friends’ of his interfere. He could have-”
“No, he couldn’t!” Luke insisted, and he sat up more in his seat, leaning in closer.
Reid was standing in front of Luke's desk, and there wasn’t much room between the two men.
“Mr. Snyder-”
“Every day is a struggle,” Luke cut him off. “Some days you don’t even think about it, and others you can imagine the way the bottle feels in your hand and that first sip, the burn and then… Yes, Charlie should have known that his friends would seek him out, but his sister-in-law should have known better too. When you’re a drunk, you don’t have friends. Those people were leeches; they saw the money and what it could for them. But when you’re a drunk, you don’t care you. You want to feel normal; you want to feel like everyone else. And you put up with…you do things to make yourself feel normal, including letting people take advantage of you.”
Reid’s hand bounced against his thigh. Just like the first time he saw Luke, he had a dozen questions flash through his head. But most of all, he wanted to reach out and assure Luke that he could protect him, that Reid would make sure that no one would ever take advantage of him. His gaze locked onto the blonde’s. Luke didn’t look away, he couldn’t. His professor’s eyes darkened and Luke started to lean in closer again. He moved, placing his palms face down on his desk, using it as a way to push himself up. The air between them was charged and Luke completely forgot everyone else in the room. He just wanted to lean in and-
A cell phone buzzed from the back of the room and the spell was broken. Reid jumped slightly and looked to see who scrambled to answer the phone.
Luke fell back in his chair, feeling warm and confused.
“Ms. Reynolds, I told you on the first day of class, no cell phones. Get out,” Reid instructed.
The girl gasped in surprise.
“I mean it, Ms. Reynolds. Get out,” Reid said.
She quickly gathered her books and raced out of the room.
“Anyone else have an opinion or a cell phone they forgot to turn off?” Reid asked the room. He turned to go toward the white board and write a few notes. He used it as an excuse to get out of his own head. He didn’t know if Luke realized how much he’d given away. It wasn’t just the personal history, but Luke was the first guy Reid had met in a while who didn’t back down from him. Then there was the way Luke looked at him, and Reid knew he was looking back. The redhead didn’t know if he would have stopped himself from grabbing Luke without the interruption.
Taking a deep breath, Reid turned back to the class and finished the lecture. He made a point of avoiding Luke’s gaze as often as possible, and he was grateful that the blonde didn’t offer any more insights.
*
“Are you okay?” Noah asked Luke.
They had gone to Java after class. It had become a bit of a tradition. On the days, they had their literature class, Casey and Ameera had a World Civ. class afterwards. Casey would walk Ameera to class and then over to Java so she and Noah could head to the library or go home. Noah and Luke used that time to talk and be together.
Things were strained between Noah and Luke, and Noah longed to take Luke to the cottage, so they could talk in private, but it was too dangerous. Luke and Noah didn’t talk too much about his history with drinking. He’d admitted to the kidney transplant and his addiction one night last Fall. Noah knew how difficult it had been for Luke to admit that to him, and he couldn’t believe he would announce it to their class.
“I’m fine, Noah,” Luke replied, trying to keep the impatience out of his voice. He didn’t want to talk about what happened in class. Every time he thought back to the way he’d argued with his professor he felt his face flush and his pants were a little tight. The look in Reid’s eyes was so intense, and Luke wanted to live in that look. He wanted to know all of its secrets and share all of his own. He’d never felt that way about anyone. It was unnerving and welcoming at the same time.
“I’ve never heard you talk about yourself like that,” Noah admitted. “I know I’ve been caught up with Ameera, but, Luke, you can talk to me, about anything.”
“Not here,” Luke whispered. He didn’t feel like talking about what happened in class. He was afraid of letting something slip.
“We can’t go to the cottage, Luke,” Noah countered. “Ameera and I have been married just over a month and INS has already come for three ‘unexpected visits.’ I don’t know if they’ll show up again.” His hand tapped against the table. “I want to…touch you,” he whispered.
“I know.” Luke looked around the coffee shop. Part of the strain between them was that they could not touch. Luke felt like he was constantly walking on eggshells; he never knew who was watching them. “I hate what we’re going through. I hate that I can’t talk to you and hold your hand. I hate-”
“Do you think this is my fault?” the brunette asked.
Luke opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say anything. He wanted to say yes, but he knew it would lead to an argument or hurt feelings.
Reid walked into Java. He’d overslept and missed his morning caffeine fix. After his encounter with Luke, he needed to get some air and he thought a caramel latte would help. Of course, Luke would be there, Reid thought ruefully. Small town life, you can’t escape anyone or anything.
The redhead wasn’t really surprised to see Noah with Luke, either. He’d seen the way the brunette had gripped Luke’s shoulder when Luke started talking about his drinking. Interesting that his “boyfriend,” wasn’t there to check on Luke. He could still hear the comment the Hughes kid said about high school. And again, he wanted to smack the guy. Luke didn’t deserve someone like Casey Hughes; he deserved… He didn’t want to finish that thought.
“Luke, I asked you repeatedly if you were okay with me marrying Ameera.”
“How could I be okay with you marrying someone else?” Luke countered, and his response came out louder then had intended. He quickly looked around but didn’t see Reid. Horrified by his actions and worried that someone did hear him; Luke got up and walked out of the coffee shop.
Noah quickly stood up and started to follow him. Reid watched everything unfold and thinking that it could help the case (and not out of any concern for Luke, he assured himself), Reid threw his money at the barista, grabbed his drink and followed the other two guys.
Luke got to one of the benches in Old Town and finally stopped. He felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He quickly sat down and Noah joined him.
“Luke,” the brunette said.
Reid kept his distance. He could hear a little bit, but was afraid of getting too close. He didn’t want his presence to be known.
“Noah,” Luke replied. He kept his face forward, and moved slightly, so that there was some distance between them. “We never know who’s watching,” he replied automatically.
“I think we need to talk about this.” Noah tried to reach for Luke, but he hesitated, his hand hovering over the blonde’s shoulders. “Luke, I care about you. I hate what this is doing to us.”
Luke hastily shook his head. “I’m not sure there is an us anymore.”
“How can you say that?” Noah demanded. He needed Luke, after everything they’d been through, how could they not be together anymore?
“You’re married,” Luke replied. He shook his head. He didn’t want to make any hasty decisions and he didn’t want to lose Noah either, but he couldn’t go on like this. “Noah, I don’t want to say anything that we can’t take back.”
“And what was that?”
“Noah.” Luke turned and reached out, cupping the brunette’s face in his hand.
Reid’s eyes narrowed. He wanted to walk up to them and demand to know what was going on, but he couldn’t. Taking a deep breath, he turned and left.
The nagging questions started to get answers, but Reid wasn’t ready to face it yet. Noah and Luke clearly had some sort of relationship. Was everything an act?
“I have to go,” Luke finally said, dropping his hand into his lap. “I have to meet my advisor and…we have to keep up appearances, right?”
Luke quickly stood up and left. He couldn’t stay and hear Noah’s response. Nothing could make this feel better.
*
Due to posting size, the next part of Chapter 3 can be found here.