Fic: Don't Let Go (2/7)
Title: Don’t Let Go (2/7)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Reid, Luke/Noah, Ameera, Casey and OC
Summary: AU-When INS Agent Reid Oliver gets called to Oakdale, a simple case turns into the last thing he expects.
Warnings: None
Author’s Notes: Based upon this prompt. Thank you reilaroo for the wonderful prompt and your awesome beta work. Constructive criticism and comments are appreciated. And I have to thank all of you who stopped by and commented. Your enthusiasm means the world to me. I was extremely nervous about posting this, but you all have helped to make it easier. Thank you. ~Ali
{ Chapter One}
Chapter Two
Luke woke up and the familiar burning through his heart and torso greeted him. He used to think it was panic, panic over someone finding out about Noah and Ameera, the fake marriage, the lies, the pretending. He didn’t want Ameera to get sent back to Iraq; he agreed with Noah on that. He didn’t know the girl very well, but she was nice and didn’t deserve what she was going through.
But that didn’t mean Luke wanted to watch his boyfriend marry her, either. Squeezing his eyes shut, Luke tried to settle his thoughts, let his racing heart slow down, and hope the burning pain in his stomach would subside. He could rationalize it; he could tell himself that he understood all of the reasons why Noah and Ameera were married and why Luke had to pretend to be dating Casey. He knew about the risks to all of them if they got caught. In his head he knew all of this, but in his heart…
In his heart…
It wasn’t panic. It was the loss and pain. Luke didn’t want to believe it, but it was like his body was telling him he was going to lose Noah.
He was 20-years-old and in love for the first time. After all the weeks, it took for him to get Noah to admit that he felt the same about Luke, that he was gay and to come out to everyone, after the months in the wheelchair, after living together but in separate bedrooms, why couldn’t he have what any other 20-year-old had? Why couldn’t he have a boyfriend and be happy?
A loud buzzing pulled Luke from his thoughts. He glanced over at the alarm clock and knew it was time to get up. He hit the button, so as not to wake up anyone else, although his dad and grandmother were most likely awake.
Luke rubbed his hand over his eyes and into his hair a few times. Slowly his body started to move, his legs slid towards the edge of the bed, and he moved his torso, so he could sit up. He’d been out of the wheelchair for awhile now but still being able to move his legs without thought was surprising. He sat up, his feet touched the floor and his hands gripped the edge of the bed. With a sigh, Luke stood up, grabbed a towel, and headed down the hall to the bathroom.
Once again, he was reminded that Noah wasn’t there. Being raised by the Colonel, Noah was usually up before most of them-except Emma. And whenever Luke would head towards the bathroom in the mornings, he’d run into Noah coming out. They’d share a few smiles, a couple of stolen kisses, and promises of what could be.
But the hallway was empty, eerily silent, and Luke felt that burning pain in his chest and then lower as it worked its way toward his stomach. It wasn’t panic; it was disappointment and loss. And he had to keep it to himself. He had to be the good boyfriend, with the brave face and the encouraging smiles. He knew it was difficult for Noah, and Luke didn’t want to make it any harder. But in the mornings, when the reality of what his day could be like hit, Luke had this time to feel his pain and anger. He allowed himself this brief time before going back to being what Noah needed.
One lone thought always managed to snake its way in though. When is Noah going to think about me first?
*
The new semester was barely a week in, and Luke was already dreading his classes. The math and psychology courses didn’t look too bad. And before, he’d actually been looking to taking his 20th-Century Literature course. He’d talked Noah into taking it with him, so they’d had one class together. But that was before Ameera and now Casey. Noah had convinced the other two to sign up for the class as well. The brunette was so frightened all the time about keeping up appearances. Luke had reluctantly agreed that it was a good idea.
They’d all received an email from the English department chair, apparently their instructor had a family emergency, and they were scrambling to find a new one. The first few classes were cancelled, but they were to report today for their first meeting. Luke was tempted to call Noah, using the notification as an excuse to hear his boyfriend’s voice.
Luke knew he shouldn’t push Noah and that this class was an opportunity for them to spend time together. They could even study together, but that time was always spent with another person. Noah was constantly on edge, looking around, careful about the words he said, and he never even touched Luke any more, not even a handshake. Luke felt that more than anything: the loss of the physical affection. Even their emails and texts have become cool, innocuous words exchanged, because Noah was so afraid of something being misinterpreted.
Luke’s cell phone buzzed, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Hello?” he answered the phone without checking who it was.
“It’s me,” Noah’s soft voice greeted him.
Luke felt a smile forming at his lips. “Hi,” he answered back. His voice was a little lower. “How are you?”
“Good. Ameera and I had a nice evening.”
Luke squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t believe Noah honestly thought the INS would bug their cell phones. And the last thing he wanted to hear was his boyfriend talking about a quiet night at home with his wife. But Luke bit back his response.
“Did you, uh, get the notice about our class?” Noah continued.
“Yeah,” Luke said. “Are you sure…” He didn’t want to, but he had to ask. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Luke…” There was the usual sigh, the one full of frustration and a slight irritation that had manifested itself into all of their conversations. “I didn’t even want to take this class. It’s in conflict with the one on film history, but I agreed-”
“I know, I know,” the blonde was quick to cut off Noah. “I just… Nothing.” He couldn’t tell Noah. He couldn’t say everything he wanted to; he didn’t have that right any more. “I’m kind of tired this morning. I think I’ll head to Java before class. Will you…” He swallowed. “Do you and Ameera want to meet me and Casey there?”
“You’re going to be there with Casey?” there was a slight accusation in Noah’s tone.
Luke didn’t want to play games, but it was nice to get a little bit of confirmation that Noah was jealous or at least slightly annoyed by the time that Luke was spending with Casey. Noah had nothing to worry about, Luke realized. And small images of Noah and Maddie, kissing or touching, lying in bed together flashed before Luke’s eyes. It wasn’t so much what would happen if Noah and Ameera got caught in the lie. It was the fact that Noah had been with girls before Luke, and he was a little worried that given enough time Noah would leave him for Ameera.
The blonde shook his head, trying to get the images to disappear. He didn’t want to think about that; he didn’t want to even let that thought take root in his mind. He and Noah loved each other, that wasn’t going to change.
“Luke?”
He realized his silence had gone on too long. “Yeah, I was going to call Casey, see if he wanted to meet up before class.” He almost added, Is that all right with you, but decided against it. “If you and Ameera want to join us, that’d be nice.”
“I-I’ll check with Ameera, but I think that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m curious as to who they found to teach this class.”
“Yeah, me too.” There were still so many things Luke wanted to say, like how much he missed seeing Noah every morning, questions about how Noah is adjusting to life away from the Snyder farm, how much longer they are going to have to pretend. Does Noah still love him?
"Well, I'd better go," Noah finally said.
"Yeah," Luke agreed because he didn't know what else to say.
*
Taking a deep breath, Casey walked into Java. He hadn't been out of jail long and everything still felt different. He wasn't used to being able to come and go from his parents' house. He wasn't used to being outside and the quiet. There weren't people talking or yelling at all hours of the day. There wasn't the slam of the metal doors. Knowing all that he'd experienced, the last thing he wanted was to put Ameera, or Luke, or even Noah through that. So he'd agreed to be Luke's "boyfriend."
At first it was kind of weird, well it still was, and he knew that Luke was always teasing him. In a way, it was nice to get out of his own head for awhile. And there was Ameera. She was so sweet and kind, a little lost. She reminded Casey of Maddie and himself actually, in the way that she was a little fearful of life in Oakdale and uncertain about the future. Casey hadn't gotten too many opportunities to talk to her one-on-one, but each time he did, he felt something, a connection to this new life of his in Oakdale. He wanted to keep that; he wanted to hold on to that feeling, to bring himself back to who he was.
When he'd gotten Luke's call earlier, he wasn't sure he wanted to actually come. But Luke could be persuasive, and he knew his friend needed him. "Don't worry, Case," Luke had assured him. "Just because you have coffee with me, doesn't mean I'll turn you gay."
Casey had laughed nervously in response. Okay, so maybe he'd been a little afraid of that. But mostly he wanted to make sure Ameera knew that not all of the guys in her life were into men.
After getting his order, Casey turned and found Luke sitting at a table. His head was down, and he was writing in one of his journals. Casey had forgotten about Luke's writing. He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to disturb him. Casey was thinking about what Luke was doing. It couldn't be easy for him, to watch his boyfriend with another girl. Even when Casey broke up with Maddie, for her own good, it nearly killed him. He felt like Luke must be going through something similar. Casey wasn't one to focus on his feelings or even talk about them, but he was tempted to ask Luke if writing helped. Maybe if he could get some of these thoughts down on paper, it would make him feel better. But Casey just wanted to take his time in prison and lock it away.
As if he sensed someone's gaze on him, Luke's head popped up. His gaze met Casey's and he smiled.
Casey smiled in return and made his way over to the table. "Hey, Baby," he greeted him with an exaggerated wink. "Miss me?"
Luke chuckled. After the morning he had, Luke was grateful for some of the levity. "You know, for someone so concerned about what other people think you slip into the role of boyfriend quite easily."
"Yeah, well, you bring it out in me, Snyder," Casey replied and took a seat. "So the newlyweds are going to join us?"
A dark look crossed over Luke's eyes. "Yeah, Noah called to make sure I got the notice about our lit. class starting today."
"Yeah, and thanks for the call, man," Casey said, there was a slight tease in his voice. "I was hoping to sleep in another day."
Luke shook his head with a grin. He knew Casey didn't want to do this, but he appreciated having a friend he could talk to, especially someone who wouldn't let Luke wallow too much. "That's why I suggested Java," Luke told him.
"Is that all?" Casey asked.
Luke's mouth opened automatically to respond, to assure Casey that he was fine and there was nothing to worry about. But he didn't want to. He wasn't fine or happy, and he was tired of pretending that he was. Since he couldn't tell Noah, Casey would have to listen.
"I love my parents and all," Casey noted. Luke’s silence had gone on too long. "But living at home, with the questions and the sympathetic smiles, it can be a bit much."
"Exactly!" Luke replied, letting out an empathetic breath. "I just…I needed to get away, and coffee seemed like a good idea. And I can't tell Noah…" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."
Casey didn't respond at first, just looking at Luke. He wasn't sure that Luke was right though. If you couldn't tell the person you loved everything you were thinking and feeling, then what was the point? He'd learned that the hard way with Maddie.
"If I hadn't said it enough, thank you, Casey, for agreeing to help. We all appreciate it, especially Ameera."
Casey leaned over the table a little bit. "Yeah?" he checked. It was nice to have something to think about that wasn't tied to his past and that could lead to something hopeful.
"Of course," Luke assured him. "You're doing us a big favor. Noah and I can spend time together and Ameera has a new friend, someone other than us to talk about her problems." Luke leaned in closer to Casey as well. He didn't want anyone to overhear their conversation. "You don't have any idea how…" his voice trailed off.
Luke heard the door of Java open, and he hoped it was Noah and Ameera. He couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend. But the man who walked in definitely wasn't Noah. He was older, in his late twenties, maybe early thirties. He was wearing dark jeans and a black button down shirt, which was tucked into his pants. Luke swallowed as the man made his way over to the counter. He moved with a purpose. The stranger started talking to the barista, placing his order. He had reddish brown hair and from what Luke could decipher blue eyes. The man's fingers drummed on the counter while he waited for his order to be placed. Luke swallowed again. His mouth had gone dry, and he was mesmerized by the long, tapered fingers.
Reid was grateful that he found the coffee shop so close to the campus. He'd spent the last few days reviewing the Mayer/Aziz case file and preparing for the class lessons. He didn't like everything the previous professor planned to discuss, so Reid had to make a few changes. Plus, he wanted to know everything he could about Mayer, Aziz and the other parties involved. He'd done some Internet searching, reading newspaper articles about the Snyder family and the accident that had left the boy in a wheelchair for several months. He purposely tried to ignore any photos of the young man. Reid's initial reaction to Luke hadn't changed and if anything, he'd found himself more and more drawn to the wedding photograph. Reid tried to convince himself that he was looking at the body language, trying to see if there was something between the two boys. He knew that Aziz and Mayer didn't marry for love, no matter what they said, but he couldn’t figure out where Luke fit into this.
With a mental shake of his head, Reid tried to pull himself together. He had to focus on this class. The barista handed him his coffee, and he turned, looking for the sugar.
Reid stopped in his tracks, not more than five feet away from him was Luke Snyder. So many questions popped up into Reid’s head, like why was he even more attractive in person than he was in that photograph? For the first time in his life, the redhead found himself actually frozen in place. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know what to say (and he always had something to say). All he could do was stand there and stare at this kid and let his thoughts race.
Luke leaned back slightly in his chair, his eyes never leaving the stranger in front of him. As soon as the guy’s eyes met his, Luke felt a jolt of electricity shoot down his spine. He’d never been more aware of another person. His heart started to pound, his palms felt sweaty, and his pulse was racing. That guy is gorgeous. Even when he was giving Kevin that backrub, he wouldn’t allow himself to think about how great it felt. And the first time he and Noah’s hands touched over the videotapes…
Luke’s mouth fell open, but no sound came out. He’d never felt like this before.
Reid’s feet started to shuffle toward the young man. He didn’t know what he was going to do or say, but he didn’t want to miss an opportunity. A slight movement out of the corner of his eyes made Reid stop in his tracks.
Luke jumped slightly. He thought the stranger was going to come towards him, but then he stopped and someone had gripped his hand. The spell was broken, and Luke’s gaze finally tore itself away from the other man. He looked across at Casey, a question in his eyes.
Seeing the other blonde kid take Luke’s hand, Reid realized that he must be the boyfriend Sam mentioned, Casey Hughes. At least, that’s what Reid suspected. He didn’t want to think of Luke with anyone else. Quickly grabbing a couple of packets of sugar, Reid turned on his heel and headed towards the door. He stopped briefly, allowing himself one more glance back over his shoulder. Luke’s gaze met his for a moment, but the younger man was still holding hands with the guy Reid suspected to be Casey. With a sigh, Reid slammed into the door and headed to the Oakdale U. campus.
“What are you doing?” Luke finally asked. His voice was a little harsh, slightly accusatory.
Casey glanced over his shoulder. He saw the guy that Luke had been staring at was gone, although Casey probably could have figured that out because Luke seemed to finally snap out of the spell he was under. If he hadn’t been talking to Luke just a few minutes ago, Casey would have been convinced his friend had put something in his coffee.
“What are you doing?” Casey asked.
Tugging his hand free, Luke let out a pfft of air. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, so you weren’t completely checking out that guy that was just in here. You and Noah have been telling me since the beginning that you and I have to pretend to be together. If we ‘break-up,’ then how I am going to spend any time with Ameera?”
“We’re not ‘breaking-up’ because we’re not…” Luke sighed. Why couldn’t his life be normal for like five minutes?
“I saw you drooling over that guy, Luke.”
“Please.” He shook his head, and his cheeks felt inflamed. “I…I’ve never seen him before. I was just curious as to who he was. And if I was looking too long, well, then…” He took a breath and even though he knew it wasn’t possible, he still felt that guy’s eyes on him. “It’s the writer in me,” Luke finally said. “I like to make up stories, histories for people I don’t know.”
“The writer in you?” Casey asked skeptically.
“Yes,” Luke insisted.
“No, it was the gay in you.”
Luke laughed in response. Casey was right and for the first time in he couldn't be sure how long, he actually chuckled and didn't feel the weight of everything. It felt so good. When Casey saw his response, he started laughing as well, which made Luke laugh harder. Both guys had tears starting to form in their eyes, and they couldn't stop.
"What's so funny?"
Noah's voice was a little hard, and both guys immediately stopped laughing. Casey wiped at his eyes, and Luke immediately jumped out of his seat. His automatic response was to reach for Noah and give him a hug. Luke had to stop himself though, especially when he saw the cool look in Noah's eyes. More than that, he realized he was trying to hold Noah to reassure himself that they were okay. That even though Noah was married to another person and Luke had found himself attracted to some stranger, that they were still Luke and Noah and they would get through this.
Luke's hands had come up, and Noah held up his right hand to stop Luke. His left one was holding Ameera's. She was standing slightly behind Noah. Her gaze was directed at the table.
Luke took his seat again and tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. This was how it was going to be with them for the foreseeable future, and he would just have to deal with it.
"What's so funny?" Noah repeated.
Luke glanced at Casey for a moment. He wasn't sure how to answer Noah's question.
"It, uh, would get lost in translation," Casey replied, his own eyes seeking out Ameera. She met his gaze, and she blushed before turning her eyes back to the table.
"Yeah," Luke agreed. "We should probably head to the campus. Don't want to be late on the first class."
"Sure," Noah replied. He had felt the strain too, he wanted to tell Luke. He hated not being able to hold him or touch him, but he thought Luke understood. Coming into Java and seeing Luke and Casey sharing a laugh, free and comfortable, Noah missed that. But when he felt Ameera gently squeeze his hand, he was reminded of why they were doing this. He couldn't send her away. "Let's get to class."
Casey and Luke stood up and both guys hesitated for a moment. "Oh, come on, Honey," Casey said with exaggerated charm. He reached out, grabbed Luke's hand and tugged him close.
Luke stumbled for a moment and tried not to laugh. But when he saw the look on Noah's face, he held it in. "Don't call me, Honey," Luke instructed.
"But you said you liked that better than Baby," Casey replied with a waggle of his eyebrows. He was hoping to diffuse some of the tension he felt since he caught Luke checking out some guy. He didn't want Luke and Noah to break up and not just because Casey wanted to get to know Ameera better. He and Luke had grown up together. They were friends. He knew what being with Noah meant to him, and thinking back to his own relationship with Maddie and how he let circumstances get in the way of them being together, he didn't want to see Luke go through that as well.
Luke smiled softly, grateful to for some levity in everything. "Thanks, Casey."
The other blonde tugged again, and the boys followed Noah and Ameera out of the coffee shop.
*
When the two couples found the class, they noticed there were about a dozen other people there. Luke wondered if with the change in professors that maybe other students had dropped the course as well. Oakdale U. wasn't a large school, but his psychology class had close to 60 students compared to the 15 who appeared to be taking this one.
When Reid got changed as the professor, the school had worked to get other students out of the class. They didn't want Reid to be overwhelmed and the INS wanted to help foster a close environment. They figured a smaller class would help Reid “bond” better with his students. The redhead had snorted in response. The last thing he planned to do while he was in Podunk was to "bond" with anyone.
Luke and Noah immediately found two seats next to each other. They were about to sit down, but then Noah said, "Uh, Luke, I think I should sit next to Ameera."
The blonde swallowed thickly. He knew Noah was right, but it was just another reminder that to the outside world, they were no longer together and maybe they never had been. "Right, of course," he muttered his response. Luke took a seat in front of Noah, and Casey took the one in front of Ameera.
Luke quickly pulled out his notebook. A part of him was still thinking about the guy he had seen in Java earlier. He knew it was ridiculous. Oakdale was a small town, Luke might see him again but that didn't mean he should introduce himself or create a history for the guy. But he couldn't help it either. He reached for his pen and wanted to jot down just a few ideas before class started.
"Hello everyone, my name is Reid Oliver. If you are not signed up for ENG200, 20th-Century Literature, then get out."
The stranger, the object of Luke's thoughts, walked right past him toward the front of the room. The pen Luke had been holding slipped right out of his hand and his mouth fell open. He barely heard Casey snicker next to him because he could feel his heart pounding in his ears.
Reid glanced around the room. He had seen Luke immediately, his gaze drawn to the back of the young man's head. He was grateful that Luke hadn't dropped the class-for the case he assured himself. He looked briefly, assessing the room. He saw the boy who was with Luke earlier in the coffee shop, a brunette and a woman wearing a hijab. Reid deduced that all four were still in the class. He briefly glanced at the rest of his students, grateful for the small number.
Almost of their own accord, his legs led him up the aisle, so that he would walk by Luke on his way to the front of the class. He caught a whiff of coffee and a spicy cologne.
"So? No one's leaving?" Reid greeted them. "Great. I'm Professor Reid Oliver. You may call me, Professor Oliver. I'll hand out the syllabi, give you a few minutes to groan and bitch about the work assignments and then you can ask me questions." He opened his bag and pulled out a few stacks of paper. As he went to divide them into two groups for the students to pass along, his gaze met Luke's. Reid found he couldn't not look at the young man.
The blonde's gaze was just as intense as it had been in the coffee shop earlier. His eyes widened slightly, and they appeared to be a darker brown than Reid originally deduced. Luke's eyes tracked Reid's movements, and the redhead found himself smiling gently before turning to the board.
Luke swallowed thickly. It hadn't been that long since he'd seen Professor Oliver, now he had a name for the stranger, but he couldn't stop thinking about him. Luke believed after a few hours, by the end of the day, surely he would forget all about the gorgeous redhead, who made his palms sweat. But now, he was his professor, he was standing in front of the class, and… God, those jeans don't leave anything to the imagination, he thought.
"What story are you thinking now?" Casey whispered in his ear.
Luke shot him a dirty look. This was going to be more difficult than he thought.
==================
So Reid and Luke saw each other. What did you think? I promise they’ll talk in the next chapter. :-) ~Ali
Onto Chapter Three...