I've come to terms with myself. i've come to term with the fact that Ian was and is a complete asshole an manipulative little shit. He planted these ideas in my head, and like an idiot i believed him. i'm upset that i gave a part of myself to him, a part of my soul, my heart, and my love. and yet i am not sorry. I've decided what i want to do with ( Read more... )

so i'm out of my apartment in like 8 days... and in these really difficult last few months i've realised alot of thing about myself and i really hate them. I've got some seriou problems. i have incredible anxiety and it spawns from attatchment ..... serious attachment. like scary attachment. and i'm deppressed about my weight, really depressed. and ( Read more... )

You Know it's Really bad when you can fit into your fathers pants. and they don't fall down.

x.x...............

I feel so alone. After spending a week with the one you love and then having them, just go away. It makes you feel so alone. I wish i could have him forever. just have him with me, have him be mine forever. Anyway i'm off to see a movie. God i miss him already.

God! why was i cursed with such a horrible body! I FUCKING HATE MYSELF. EUCK. i can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore with ut wanting to barf. I'm ugly fat and UGLY! i know i'm alwayys going to feel fat. ALWAYS for the rest of my life... becuase that is what happens when you've been fat all your life. struggle struggle struggle. FUCK ( Read more... )

NO BODY READS MY BORING JOURNAL DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Thnk you stewie)

any way time for bed... night night... just thought i'd comment.

VICTORY IS MINE!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Myriea was cool today... we were pretty noce to eachother and i think we have mutual respect for one another now... now that i can do everything bymyself and fast. Anyways work was pretty cool, worked with most of the people i like... and yesterday i met this really cute marine... he gave me comfort in telling me that Comanders of Artilery are ( Read more... )

Damn I can't belive it's almost over. Ian comes home in about a month... i'm so fucking excited. I can't even imagin what's going to happen with us... i hope it turn out good. i had a dream last night that he wouldn't speak to me.... and then later in the dream he asked me to marry him. I just want to know whats going to happen. i want us to be ( Read more... )

So Ian leaves for boot camp on the fifth... he's got four days left in California. He and Mandy Broke Up. She left him for another guy. typical. He came back to me. And chels if your reading this, don't freak out..... i'm fine, we have this mutual agreement, if i'm still single when he comes back in March then he'll have someone to come home to. ( Read more... )

I passed my Drug Test YAYAYAYAYA! and i am no longer speaking to Ian. He's..... so different now that he is with Mandy..... Oh my god.... he's with mandy... god it hurts to hear that. but anyways... i'm gonna try my best to stay clear of them. they are weird people... VERY weird people. i still love him to death. I always will. but you know i ( Read more... )