Nothing reveals my humanity more than to write. To appeal to another human being with pithy words, laden deceitfully with the pretext that we must live, painfully dredges into view the vestiges of hope and expectation and desire. So I stopped writing.

And when I stopped writing, I became afraid.

It's like panic. The world is shaking. The part of me that has sense for the time left, the time we will have to do something, is exasperated and frantic, reviling me violently. My mouth is dry. My legs are sore. My neck is stiff. My heart beats strongly ( Read more... )

Living life with only two aspirin and a handful of phone numbers to my name. I can no longer tell the difference between things. I wonder what it is that the heart moves toward with such cosmic inertia ( Read more... )

I'm a jerk. I'm sorry, Ellie. I was a really shitty jerk.

Listening to this song reminds me of girls I have loved. I never knew what Amara wanted, nor what Vera saw in her photos, nor how to impress Ellie. I daydream about times when I was close to them. About furtive, meaningless glances across the gymnasium. About a first kiss that like wine was not altogether unpleasant yet was beyond me to appreciate ( Read more... )

Jesus Christ. I keep saying that. Fuck.

The whiteness between these words are really comforting. I just stopped thinking forever. The strands of words escaping my fists until everything is on the floor and I hold nothing. But between these letters is something. I can feel it.

I have been awake all night. I drove my cousin to school and got some food from Del Taco. I like the hashbrown and steak burrito, but the chili-cheese fries were unsatisfying. I only ate a few bites while reading a manga online. I wonder if it is a virtue to eat until one is satiated. Whether people without two dollars and fifty cents to spend ( Read more... )

I like this song. It is difficult to explain why. Since it was introduced to me, I have followed it along its winding melodies and over the drum rolls and attempted to see that far destination where all of its efforts lead. I have enjoyed many songs. It has become necessary for me since I was young to listen constantly, as if silence were blindness ( Read more... )

I sat and looked out the window at the snow drifting. The snow fell so slowly, quietly, like the sound of time passing. I sat, amazed and absorbed, watching something happen ( Read more... )

I never get anything done as I make time for people who want things from me. It's not that I hate people. I don't like people. I never meant to think anything of people. I imagine my apathy would disgust any other person and instead of trying to reconcile myself with society, I just avoid people who assume that I want anything of them. This is why ( Read more... )