The $64,000 Conundrum: Chapter 20
Title: The $64,000 Conundrum: Chapter 20
Authors: fernedakki
Pairing: Daniel Agger / Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard / Xabi Alonso, David Beckham / Iker Casillas, Gerard Piqué / Cesc Fabregas
Rating: PG-13 (This part)
Genre: AU / Romance
Word Count: 4,127 Words
Disclaimer: This is not real.
Summary: Do you know what love is? Why do humans fall in love? Do we all have 'soul mate' waiting for us? What does it take for one to love another? Does 'love at first sight' really exist?
David Beckham will court Victoria Adams with Iker Casillas' help. Gerard Piqué will conduct an experiment because he has this bullshit love theory about dogs. Fernando Torres loves piano and hates Daniel Agger. And Xabi Alonso has this penchant of solving every mystery in the world.
Their journeys through the teenage years will lead you to the discovery of the biggest conundrum in the universe, and back.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19
A/N: On the occasion of David Beckham's 40th birthday, I'm gonna post this, lol. Happy Birthday, David!
The $64,000 Conundrum
Chapter 20
"Hey,"
"Hey," Victoria turned around as recognizing David's voice to find the English boy standing there, a bouquet of colorful flowers comprising of carnations, daisies and gerberas in his arm. "Oh, that's beautiful," she looked at it, curiosity in her eyes, "what happen?"
"Hmm, what do you mean 'what happen'?" David gave the bouquet to her and kissed her on the corner of her lips. "I want to give you flowers, does it need occasions?"
"Well, I'm just surprised, it'd never happened." She sniffed them. "Thank you anyway." Then kissed him on the lips as a thank you.
David smiled, though that smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He put his arm around Victoria's shoulder. "Let's go, what do you wanna eat today?"
They ate Nando's, and David was talkative than usual. He laughed a lot, more than half of it was fake, and when he didn't laugh or talk shit, his mind strayed to a far-away place beyond the grasp of reality. There were more than once that Victoria quirked her brow and looked at him suspiciously, so many times that David felt like she's about to say something but changed her mind. He knew Victoria found his behaviour a bit weird and he knew he's not quite himself, but he couldn't help because he didn't have Iker now, he'd lost him.
"And then Zinedine said he'd kick my ass across the English Channel if I ever joke about his hair again." David laughed aloud. "Come on, who couldn't joke about his hair?!"
"David, you know what? You should go," Victoria said to her plate. David was paralyzed.
"What?"
"You should go," the girl said slowly, raising her head so she could look David in the eyes. "You've never wanted to be here anyway."
"What do you mean?" He looked shocked and anxious. "Of course I want to be here."
"No, you don't," Victoria said. "It's not me that you've always wanted."
The English boy was thunderstruck, he argued feebly, "no, that's not-"
"You know what you want, David, even I can see through it from the start," Victoria said. "I've seen you struggling so hard, trying to live your life without him as normal as you could but it doesn't work out. In the end, you still need him, he's the only one who could make you sane, make you complete. I understand everything and I don't blame you, I'm not angry at you at all." She looked at him and David knew from the depth of her brown eyes that she meant it. "I know you like me, David, but somehow, we're not meant to be."
"What do you mean?" The British asked in a hushed voice, didn't want to accept the truth within his heart yet, still didn't want to let her go.
"You know what I mean, you've gotta follow your heart," Victoria got up. "And you know what? You should buy some roses to make up to him." She walked past him, leaving David sitting there like a stunned statue. Then she paused, turning around. "I wish you all the best, David."
David sat there staring at his plate, his mind blank and his heart numb.
***
Fernando walked up on the stage in the midst of welcoming applause after the host announced him the next musician and the music piece he’d perform. It's the School Music Festival Day before the Easter holiday and there were three pianists' performing this year: Sergio Canales, the new boy Alberto Moreno, and him. He'd play Yiruma's ‘River Flows In You’.
The hall went quiet as he stationed at the grand piano, inhaling a big gulp of air before laying his fingers on the ivories.
It's four minutes of tranquility and Fernando truly appreciated that: no rambunctious electronic instruments, rowdy rhythm nor turbulent beat. The atmosphere was peaceful and also his mind, it's what he loved the most about playing piano: serenity. As the piece ended and he rose from his seat, grand applause roared all over the hall. The Spaniard bowed down to the audiences before getting to the backstage while the applause wore off and the MC announced that Moreno would play Giovanni Allevi's ‘Back To Life’.
He walked past Agger and his friends, sans Raul, behind the curtain, they’re checking up their instruments. He nodded at the boys fleetingly, made eye contacts with Nicklas and Simon but never looked at Agger, or even Martin.
***
His arms hold a bouquet of flowers, white and red roses.
He stood in front of Iker's house, heart beat fast, Victoria's words echoed in his head: 'You know what you want, David, you should follow your heart.'
He took her advice and his feet took him here. The afternoon Madrid sunlight slanted on the bustling street like the lonesome star wanted to reach out to the children it had given lives to, like it wanted to be a part of the recreation happening on the world below. A group of noisy kids not older than ten years old ran past David, screaming and chasing after one another like having no cares in the world. A couple of ladies were gossiping while stroller walking their babies and a house nearby turned on Enrique Iglesias's ‘Escape’ (oh, please!) on the radio so loud that the whole neighborhood felt alive after having a siesta on a Saturday's sunny afternoon.
David took in a deep breath and walked over.
He'd been on Iker's doorsteps a hundred times before, he told himself to calm his soul as his heart drummed in his chest and his feet were looking for a chance to sprint away the moment his mind lapsed. He rang the bell.
It took too long for his liking until someone opened the door.
Iker's mom stood in front of him.
"Oh, David." The lady smiled at him, then her eyes shifted to the roses in his arm and she quirked her brow questioningly. David's heart almost broke out of his ribcage. "What are the flowers for?"
The Londoner found that he had no answer for this. "Umm, I want to ask Iker about something."
"Umm, yeah, he's upstairs." She made way for David to get inside, eyes still fixed on the bouquet curiously. Then she glanced up at him, looked down at the flowers again, then looked up at him one more time. She parted her lips like she was thinking about saying something but thinking better of it. "You can go up to his room," so she said.
David was grateful to her for not restraining him downstairs for interrogation and waited for Iker who'd never ever come down to fetch him. He walked up the stairs with cold feet, almost stumbled on a step once. He reached the hallway, stopped in front of Iker's room and knocked softly.
He heard the Spaniard get up and shuffle to the door. He held his breath even before it was opened. This time, it's Iker who stood there in front of him, wide-eyed and thunderstruck.
"Hi," David whispered.
***
"You should get out of my house."
Gerard was paralyzed, he'd just finished taking a shower and was putting on his t-shirt. Cesc was sitting on the edge of his bed, already dressed up and poker-faced.
"What?" Gerard didn't understand.
"I said you should go," Cesc looked at him, his countenance unreadable and Gerard found his heart drumming in his chest, with a bad feeling.
"Why?"
"Why not?" Cese raised his brow.
"Cesc." Inhaling deeply, Gerard walked over to where Cesc was sitting and put his hand on the other's shoulder. "What's wrong? If there's something I need to know, you have to tell me."
"I don't want to talk to you right now." Cesc didn't meet his eyes and Gerard's heart sank.
"Cesc-"
"I want you to leave me alone."
Robin called him, Cesc didn't pick up. He'd tried quite a couple of times more before giving up. Cesc skipped breakfast and instead just lay there in bed, staring at some dots in the air unbeknownst to others.
First, he'd lost his pet. In the middle of the melancholy, all he could think of was the distraction in the form of Gerard's arms and how they fit around his body, all he wanted in the moment of loss was Gerard's warm body to lean on providing him solace. He'd totally forgotten about Robin, his official boyfriend, who had loved him and been trying to be there for him. And Cesc just simply betrayed him. Then when he couldn't think Gerard could fuck with his heart even more than this, it's time for his body to be fucked by his best friend whom he'd trusted his entire life.
Fuck, his life's so messed up. He doesn't know what's going on, what does this all mean? Gerard just ditched the Barcelona trip with Lionel because he said he couldn't leave Cesc alone after all this shit. What does Gerard want? What does HE want?
More importantly: why now?
Gosh, he felt so fucked up right now.
His phone rang again and Cesc grunted, thinking it's Robin again. He grabbed his cell to look at the screen and found that it's Carles.
Thank God.
"Hola," Cesc said into the mics.
"Cesc," Carles' voice was a bit uncertain, "I heard you're back."
"Yes, I'm home."
"Umm, how's the trip?" Carles was testing the water, he could actually feel the probe.
"Not bad," Cesc grumbled.
"Umm, you know, Gerard told me about what happened..."
Cesc's eyes snapped wide. "He did what?!"
Carles' voice was suddenly nervous, "Well, he told me and I feel bad for you, I'm so sorry, Cesc."
"Is that all you could say?!" Cesc felt his anger flare, he sprang up, eyes hard on the drifting dust that the slanting late-morning sunlight through the cloudy window shone on. "Did you just sit listening to his conquest and simply feel sorry for me?! Didn't you call him down or something? His behaviour was atrocious, Carles! Appalling! To think that I used to trust him so much but now he did this to me!"
"Cesc, what conquest? And it's not his fault at all that everything ends this way, are you out of your fucking mind?! He'd tried his best and this was all he could do. He'd never meant it to be this way."
"The fuck he didn't mean it! He pushed my face onto my bed while forcing it into me, if that's not his strong-minded will then nothing is!"
Carles was silent on the other end of the line that at one moment he thought the line had been cut. "Cesc, what are you talking about?!" He asked faintly.
"What?!" Cesc was seething, "I'm talking about the barbaric behavior that he did to me last night, of course!"
Carles was silent again, then, "What did Gerard do to you last night?"
Oh, prick!
"Carles," Cesc's voice was uncertain, what the fuck? So Carles didn't know?! "I thought you told me Gerard told you." He felt nauseous.
"Gerard told me about what happened to your puppy." Cesc could feel that Carles was feeling unwell as well now as an unexpected truth revealed itself before his eyes, well, his ears, actually. "Cesc, what did Gerard do to you last night?" His voice tight and it felt like he'd made up his mind to prepare for the worst.
"Ummmm," Cesc didn't know what to say, he felt so embarrassed.
"Cesc," Carles' voice was serious, "did he rape you?"
"It's not rape, it's just..." He flushed crimson as realizing that this was also his fault, he let Gerard do it without fighting with all his life. This wasn't rape per se because after some feeble struggles, he partly consented to the other's peremptory vulgar request. It's not rape because actually he wanted it as much as Gerard.
"It's just what, Cesc?" Carles sounded restless. "You said 'he forced it into you', if that's not it then what is it?! And how did you guys end up doing it?! I thought you just came back from a happy couple foray with Robin and Gerard planned to go to Barcelona with Lionel, which I heard by the way that it's cancelled because of the incident of your dog which at first I was kind of wonder why would that be a part of the decision, but I understand it now. Actually I've understood it for so long even before you both got a grip of it, I just can't believe the truth would come out now, and in this outrageous style!"
Cesc swallowed hard, "What truth?"
Carles inhaled sharply. "Geez, both of you are such idiots. Stop hurting other people by making them substitutes and start on solely damaging one another instead from now on would benefit the world. If you want me to clarify it, I'm saying it now, starting with, you guys so deserve each other."
***
C: Shit, if it's actually too late?!
Iker: I told you..., what have you done then?
C: I tried to make up to him, try to fix things but I've got carried away, though I knew he wanted it, too, and I knew he felt good when we did it, but in the morning after he just kicked me out. What the hell should I do?!
B: Wait, you forced yourself on him?! That's not an ingenious move at all, my friend, I'm telling you. And I'm not saying about your literal moves, though, I don't think I'm in the position to comment on that.
Xabi: I think you know the answer already, first thing first, you have to break up with Lionel.
C: And then what? What if I break up with him and Cesc doesn't take me? I've fucked things up again, how do I make amends?
F: You have to stop using Lionel as a substitute, Gerard. That's simply cruel. You have played him for too long and you know that it doesn't really work like you've hoped. The first right thing to do is to let people whom you have dragged in but aren't really involved in your fucked up so-called friendship go.
B: Hey, who are you?!
F: I'm Carles Puyol, nice meeting you all. Now let me finish my little speech, what I've said included Robin, do you hear me, Cesc?
Cesc grunted.
Xabi: My two cents, you should try talking to him about your true feelings. Have you tried that move? He might be confused about what you really want and thought he couldn't trust you like he believed because he realized he couldn't read you. That's because you didn't speak all the truth to him.
B: I agree, I think the best way to fix any broken relationship is a proper communication. But speaking from first experience, my relationship totally failed that. Though I second you to have a go at it, bring your intellect with you this time and don't fuck things up, also don't fuck anything until you're clear on both grounds about what you're doing, there are broken glasses that cannot be repaired if you don't do it right. And even if you do it right, you might find that there are some missing pieces that are lost to you forever.
Xabi: That sounds really heartbroken. So everything's not quite alright on your front?
B: I'm good, actually, and I feel like I've got myself back after it's been lost for quite some time. I understand now that if you love someone and you have to change yourself, then that's not love. To be able to love someone, you have to love yourself first, but if you've lost yourself and become what he likes you to be, then whom to love? That's just lust or infatuation or whatever. If you don't love yourself then who else is going to love you? To conclude, love in its purest form would create 'us' without destroying 'me'.
David: Profound!
David applauded energetically. Iker grunted.
Iker: My God, David, go away!
David smiled cunningly.
David: Did you just call me your God, baby?
***
"Go away!" Iker tried to shut the door to David's face but the English boy swiftly put his foot in between the door and the frame.
"Ouch!" It fucking hurt when the Spaniard slammed the door. "Iker, that hurts!"
"It would hurt more if you don't back off because I'm gonna shut the door real hard next time," he threatened.
"Iker, come on, I bought roses for you, see?" He thrust the bouquet in front of Iker who now half-hid behind the door leaving only his eyes staring hatred at David.
"Get out with your roses, I don't want them!" He slammed the door again and this time David leaned his shoulder against the board, pushing it open with all his weight.
"Iker, listen up just for a second, Iker!" He's in a push of war with the Spaniard right now. "Victoria told me to buy these roses for you. Iker, she and I have broken up!"
Frozen to the spot, Iker halted his slamming business immediately. "She told you?!" His voice was incredulous. "Why?"
"Well," the colour of David's cheek reddened, "I guess she knows me better than I do."
Iker looked at him confusedly. "Which means?"
"Umm, it means that she knows I don't love her." He stared at the flowers then looked up at Iker. "And made me realize that the only one I've ever loved is you."
***
Fernando was with Sergio, drinking Virgin Mojito when Agger's band performed.
They performed the song he used to practice with them, ‘I Want To Know Your Plans’ by Say Anything. The blonde didn't look up but kept sipping his drinks and talking to Sergio. The crowd danced and sang along loudly and Fernando feigned ignorance to the whole world. The first song ended and Simon greeted the audience, introducing himself then other band members took turn, all the while was accompanied by teenage girls' high-pitched screams. He noticed that the cheer after Agger's introduction was one of the loudest, almost as loud as Simon himself.
Foo Fighter's ‘The Pretender’ was played, then another song he couldn't remember the name and also didn't have a chance to practice. After that song, their time was up but the audience's shouts for encore was deafening.
"Gosh, all these chicks. Why do they have to be so loud and high-pitched?" Sergio grunted into his drink.
The scream was even louder. Fernando didn't know why because he didn't look up from Sergio and his Virgin Mojito and he didn't actually care to know. It wasn't until the cheers abruptly died down and a voice spoke into the mics that the blonde found his heart suddenly beating fast.
It's Agger's voice, he recognized that immediately.
"I practically have to beg my friends to give me this chance for the encore," he said and the girls screamed. "Well, this might not be the encore that you all expect because I'm going to solo it." To Fernando's surprise, the screams were louder. Sergio nudged him with an elbow.
"Well, well, well, isn't that thug a heartthrob? Geez, these stupid girls have such a low taste and never learned to avoid boys who are nothing but troubles."
Fernando choked on his drink, didn't dare making eye contact with Sergio.
"This song, well, I would like to dedicate to someone. You know who you are." Murmurs broke out all over the hall about the secret identity of that 'someone', but they died down as soon as they started since Agger had already strummed his guitar, a Spanish guitar - Fernando realized when he finally glanced up at the stage - to his surprise, again. "This is 'All Out of Love'."
Fernando stared at him.
Agger started with a slow melody and soft rhythm so unlike himself. Fernando couldn't take his eyes off him: those awkward miens he remembered the Dane always exhibited when he played an acoustic guitar, so in contrast with his personality which suited the electric guitar better: wild, insolent, rebellious, and strumming to an Air Supply's song to top it all off. What a sappy song, by the way.
Well, he hadn't seen anything yet, not until Agger parted his lips and sang:
'I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart'
It's the first time Fernando had heard the Dane sing, ever, in his full-volume voice and not just all the whisperings. He's rooted to the spot, seemed almost in shock. Suddenly he's afraid of who that 'someone' might be. To whom is Agger dedicating this song? He doesn't want to flatter himself so he tried not to think that it could be him. It'd been more than three months, of awkwardness and estrangement, there were a hundred reasons that 'someone' wouldn't be him, that Agger might have already found someone else. Scary enough that that thought made his heart constrict in his chest, long time ago might it seems and already forget him might he thinks.
Agger kept singing, and his voice was beautiful that Fernando was surprised why he'd never sung more often before.
'I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know'
Agger's eyes scanned the room as he sang and Fernando realized he's looking for someone. His heart beat faster, he wanted to run away but he's simply paralyzed. He's scared, and at the moment he realized he wasn't afraid that the Dane might find him eventually, he's afraid that he might pick someone else rather than him.
And with that, something clicked, like a puzzle that finally fell into place. At that moment those fierce brown eyes found him in the crowd, and they stared at one another, couldn't look away.
'I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong'
Fernando flushed crimson. Well, that's beyond his expectation of their reconciliation. Agger did apologize to him, playing an acoustic guitar and actually singing on stage, in front of hundreds of people.
He actually said it.
After all this time, eventually you speak your mind...
'And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone'
I wish you mean it, though...
'I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong'
***
Xabi's heart beat to the rhythm of the Basque folk dance. He walked to the meeting point of which they had arranged a long time ago but they had never got through the encounter. So this was the perfect rounding off of their story, so they could end it properly without unfinished matters of heart. It's three minutes to four o'clock and Xabi's walk was half-hurry, half-restrained that the gaits looked weirdly robotic. He couldn't breathe properly. If Mr.X wasn't Mikel, then who could he be?
Xabi slowed the pace as he neared the corner of the gymnasium, the spot where a few months ago Mikel accosted him and the table turned. The Basque turned around to check had anyone followed him, but there's nobody in his wake. Everyone in sight seemed to tend to their business, being starting their sporty exercises with their friends on a normal after-school evening.
Xabi looked around one more time, to make sure that no one would appear to interrupt the meeting like last time as well as to brace himself for whatever was going to come.
He took in a deep breath then stepped around the corner.
There's someone there already, standing with his back to him and Xabi was surprised, not with his presence anyway but with his stance. There's something so familiar about it, very familiar that Xabi's heart beat even faster. He knew this bearing, this particular boy, and his mind was full of unanswerable questions of hows and whys. When the other heard the shuffle on the yard, he turned around.
Xabi knew it's coming even before the words tumbled out of Steven Gerrard's smiling mouth.
"Hello, there."
To Be Continued in Chapter 21 Part 1.
.
Authors: fernedakki
Pairing: Daniel Agger / Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard / Xabi Alonso, David Beckham / Iker Casillas, Gerard Piqué / Cesc Fabregas
Rating: PG-13 (This part)
Genre: AU / Romance
Word Count: 4,127 Words
Disclaimer: This is not real.
Summary: Do you know what love is? Why do humans fall in love? Do we all have 'soul mate' waiting for us? What does it take for one to love another? Does 'love at first sight' really exist?
David Beckham will court Victoria Adams with Iker Casillas' help. Gerard Piqué will conduct an experiment because he has this bullshit love theory about dogs. Fernando Torres loves piano and hates Daniel Agger. And Xabi Alonso has this penchant of solving every mystery in the world.
Their journeys through the teenage years will lead you to the discovery of the biggest conundrum in the universe, and back.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19
A/N: On the occasion of David Beckham's 40th birthday, I'm gonna post this, lol. Happy Birthday, David!
The $64,000 Conundrum
Chapter 20
"Hey,"
"Hey," Victoria turned around as recognizing David's voice to find the English boy standing there, a bouquet of colorful flowers comprising of carnations, daisies and gerberas in his arm. "Oh, that's beautiful," she looked at it, curiosity in her eyes, "what happen?"
"Hmm, what do you mean 'what happen'?" David gave the bouquet to her and kissed her on the corner of her lips. "I want to give you flowers, does it need occasions?"
"Well, I'm just surprised, it'd never happened." She sniffed them. "Thank you anyway." Then kissed him on the lips as a thank you.
David smiled, though that smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He put his arm around Victoria's shoulder. "Let's go, what do you wanna eat today?"
They ate Nando's, and David was talkative than usual. He laughed a lot, more than half of it was fake, and when he didn't laugh or talk shit, his mind strayed to a far-away place beyond the grasp of reality. There were more than once that Victoria quirked her brow and looked at him suspiciously, so many times that David felt like she's about to say something but changed her mind. He knew Victoria found his behaviour a bit weird and he knew he's not quite himself, but he couldn't help because he didn't have Iker now, he'd lost him.
"And then Zinedine said he'd kick my ass across the English Channel if I ever joke about his hair again." David laughed aloud. "Come on, who couldn't joke about his hair?!"
"David, you know what? You should go," Victoria said to her plate. David was paralyzed.
"What?"
"You should go," the girl said slowly, raising her head so she could look David in the eyes. "You've never wanted to be here anyway."
"What do you mean?" He looked shocked and anxious. "Of course I want to be here."
"No, you don't," Victoria said. "It's not me that you've always wanted."
The English boy was thunderstruck, he argued feebly, "no, that's not-"
"You know what you want, David, even I can see through it from the start," Victoria said. "I've seen you struggling so hard, trying to live your life without him as normal as you could but it doesn't work out. In the end, you still need him, he's the only one who could make you sane, make you complete. I understand everything and I don't blame you, I'm not angry at you at all." She looked at him and David knew from the depth of her brown eyes that she meant it. "I know you like me, David, but somehow, we're not meant to be."
"What do you mean?" The British asked in a hushed voice, didn't want to accept the truth within his heart yet, still didn't want to let her go.
"You know what I mean, you've gotta follow your heart," Victoria got up. "And you know what? You should buy some roses to make up to him." She walked past him, leaving David sitting there like a stunned statue. Then she paused, turning around. "I wish you all the best, David."
David sat there staring at his plate, his mind blank and his heart numb.
***
Fernando walked up on the stage in the midst of welcoming applause after the host announced him the next musician and the music piece he’d perform. It's the School Music Festival Day before the Easter holiday and there were three pianists' performing this year: Sergio Canales, the new boy Alberto Moreno, and him. He'd play Yiruma's ‘River Flows In You’.
The hall went quiet as he stationed at the grand piano, inhaling a big gulp of air before laying his fingers on the ivories.
It's four minutes of tranquility and Fernando truly appreciated that: no rambunctious electronic instruments, rowdy rhythm nor turbulent beat. The atmosphere was peaceful and also his mind, it's what he loved the most about playing piano: serenity. As the piece ended and he rose from his seat, grand applause roared all over the hall. The Spaniard bowed down to the audiences before getting to the backstage while the applause wore off and the MC announced that Moreno would play Giovanni Allevi's ‘Back To Life’.
He walked past Agger and his friends, sans Raul, behind the curtain, they’re checking up their instruments. He nodded at the boys fleetingly, made eye contacts with Nicklas and Simon but never looked at Agger, or even Martin.
***
His arms hold a bouquet of flowers, white and red roses.
He stood in front of Iker's house, heart beat fast, Victoria's words echoed in his head: 'You know what you want, David, you should follow your heart.'
He took her advice and his feet took him here. The afternoon Madrid sunlight slanted on the bustling street like the lonesome star wanted to reach out to the children it had given lives to, like it wanted to be a part of the recreation happening on the world below. A group of noisy kids not older than ten years old ran past David, screaming and chasing after one another like having no cares in the world. A couple of ladies were gossiping while stroller walking their babies and a house nearby turned on Enrique Iglesias's ‘Escape’ (oh, please!) on the radio so loud that the whole neighborhood felt alive after having a siesta on a Saturday's sunny afternoon.
David took in a deep breath and walked over.
He'd been on Iker's doorsteps a hundred times before, he told himself to calm his soul as his heart drummed in his chest and his feet were looking for a chance to sprint away the moment his mind lapsed. He rang the bell.
It took too long for his liking until someone opened the door.
Iker's mom stood in front of him.
"Oh, David." The lady smiled at him, then her eyes shifted to the roses in his arm and she quirked her brow questioningly. David's heart almost broke out of his ribcage. "What are the flowers for?"
The Londoner found that he had no answer for this. "Umm, I want to ask Iker about something."
"Umm, yeah, he's upstairs." She made way for David to get inside, eyes still fixed on the bouquet curiously. Then she glanced up at him, looked down at the flowers again, then looked up at him one more time. She parted her lips like she was thinking about saying something but thinking better of it. "You can go up to his room," so she said.
David was grateful to her for not restraining him downstairs for interrogation and waited for Iker who'd never ever come down to fetch him. He walked up the stairs with cold feet, almost stumbled on a step once. He reached the hallway, stopped in front of Iker's room and knocked softly.
He heard the Spaniard get up and shuffle to the door. He held his breath even before it was opened. This time, it's Iker who stood there in front of him, wide-eyed and thunderstruck.
"Hi," David whispered.
***
"You should get out of my house."
Gerard was paralyzed, he'd just finished taking a shower and was putting on his t-shirt. Cesc was sitting on the edge of his bed, already dressed up and poker-faced.
"What?" Gerard didn't understand.
"I said you should go," Cesc looked at him, his countenance unreadable and Gerard found his heart drumming in his chest, with a bad feeling.
"Why?"
"Why not?" Cese raised his brow.
"Cesc." Inhaling deeply, Gerard walked over to where Cesc was sitting and put his hand on the other's shoulder. "What's wrong? If there's something I need to know, you have to tell me."
"I don't want to talk to you right now." Cesc didn't meet his eyes and Gerard's heart sank.
"Cesc-"
"I want you to leave me alone."
Robin called him, Cesc didn't pick up. He'd tried quite a couple of times more before giving up. Cesc skipped breakfast and instead just lay there in bed, staring at some dots in the air unbeknownst to others.
First, he'd lost his pet. In the middle of the melancholy, all he could think of was the distraction in the form of Gerard's arms and how they fit around his body, all he wanted in the moment of loss was Gerard's warm body to lean on providing him solace. He'd totally forgotten about Robin, his official boyfriend, who had loved him and been trying to be there for him. And Cesc just simply betrayed him. Then when he couldn't think Gerard could fuck with his heart even more than this, it's time for his body to be fucked by his best friend whom he'd trusted his entire life.
Fuck, his life's so messed up. He doesn't know what's going on, what does this all mean? Gerard just ditched the Barcelona trip with Lionel because he said he couldn't leave Cesc alone after all this shit. What does Gerard want? What does HE want?
More importantly: why now?
Gosh, he felt so fucked up right now.
His phone rang again and Cesc grunted, thinking it's Robin again. He grabbed his cell to look at the screen and found that it's Carles.
Thank God.
"Hola," Cesc said into the mics.
"Cesc," Carles' voice was a bit uncertain, "I heard you're back."
"Yes, I'm home."
"Umm, how's the trip?" Carles was testing the water, he could actually feel the probe.
"Not bad," Cesc grumbled.
"Umm, you know, Gerard told me about what happened..."
Cesc's eyes snapped wide. "He did what?!"
Carles' voice was suddenly nervous, "Well, he told me and I feel bad for you, I'm so sorry, Cesc."
"Is that all you could say?!" Cesc felt his anger flare, he sprang up, eyes hard on the drifting dust that the slanting late-morning sunlight through the cloudy window shone on. "Did you just sit listening to his conquest and simply feel sorry for me?! Didn't you call him down or something? His behaviour was atrocious, Carles! Appalling! To think that I used to trust him so much but now he did this to me!"
"Cesc, what conquest? And it's not his fault at all that everything ends this way, are you out of your fucking mind?! He'd tried his best and this was all he could do. He'd never meant it to be this way."
"The fuck he didn't mean it! He pushed my face onto my bed while forcing it into me, if that's not his strong-minded will then nothing is!"
Carles was silent on the other end of the line that at one moment he thought the line had been cut. "Cesc, what are you talking about?!" He asked faintly.
"What?!" Cesc was seething, "I'm talking about the barbaric behavior that he did to me last night, of course!"
Carles was silent again, then, "What did Gerard do to you last night?"
Oh, prick!
"Carles," Cesc's voice was uncertain, what the fuck? So Carles didn't know?! "I thought you told me Gerard told you." He felt nauseous.
"Gerard told me about what happened to your puppy." Cesc could feel that Carles was feeling unwell as well now as an unexpected truth revealed itself before his eyes, well, his ears, actually. "Cesc, what did Gerard do to you last night?" His voice tight and it felt like he'd made up his mind to prepare for the worst.
"Ummmm," Cesc didn't know what to say, he felt so embarrassed.
"Cesc," Carles' voice was serious, "did he rape you?"
"It's not rape, it's just..." He flushed crimson as realizing that this was also his fault, he let Gerard do it without fighting with all his life. This wasn't rape per se because after some feeble struggles, he partly consented to the other's peremptory vulgar request. It's not rape because actually he wanted it as much as Gerard.
"It's just what, Cesc?" Carles sounded restless. "You said 'he forced it into you', if that's not it then what is it?! And how did you guys end up doing it?! I thought you just came back from a happy couple foray with Robin and Gerard planned to go to Barcelona with Lionel, which I heard by the way that it's cancelled because of the incident of your dog which at first I was kind of wonder why would that be a part of the decision, but I understand it now. Actually I've understood it for so long even before you both got a grip of it, I just can't believe the truth would come out now, and in this outrageous style!"
Cesc swallowed hard, "What truth?"
Carles inhaled sharply. "Geez, both of you are such idiots. Stop hurting other people by making them substitutes and start on solely damaging one another instead from now on would benefit the world. If you want me to clarify it, I'm saying it now, starting with, you guys so deserve each other."
***
C: Shit, if it's actually too late?!
Iker: I told you..., what have you done then?
C: I tried to make up to him, try to fix things but I've got carried away, though I knew he wanted it, too, and I knew he felt good when we did it, but in the morning after he just kicked me out. What the hell should I do?!
B: Wait, you forced yourself on him?! That's not an ingenious move at all, my friend, I'm telling you. And I'm not saying about your literal moves, though, I don't think I'm in the position to comment on that.
Xabi: I think you know the answer already, first thing first, you have to break up with Lionel.
C: And then what? What if I break up with him and Cesc doesn't take me? I've fucked things up again, how do I make amends?
F: You have to stop using Lionel as a substitute, Gerard. That's simply cruel. You have played him for too long and you know that it doesn't really work like you've hoped. The first right thing to do is to let people whom you have dragged in but aren't really involved in your fucked up so-called friendship go.
B: Hey, who are you?!
F: I'm Carles Puyol, nice meeting you all. Now let me finish my little speech, what I've said included Robin, do you hear me, Cesc?
Cesc grunted.
Xabi: My two cents, you should try talking to him about your true feelings. Have you tried that move? He might be confused about what you really want and thought he couldn't trust you like he believed because he realized he couldn't read you. That's because you didn't speak all the truth to him.
B: I agree, I think the best way to fix any broken relationship is a proper communication. But speaking from first experience, my relationship totally failed that. Though I second you to have a go at it, bring your intellect with you this time and don't fuck things up, also don't fuck anything until you're clear on both grounds about what you're doing, there are broken glasses that cannot be repaired if you don't do it right. And even if you do it right, you might find that there are some missing pieces that are lost to you forever.
Xabi: That sounds really heartbroken. So everything's not quite alright on your front?
B: I'm good, actually, and I feel like I've got myself back after it's been lost for quite some time. I understand now that if you love someone and you have to change yourself, then that's not love. To be able to love someone, you have to love yourself first, but if you've lost yourself and become what he likes you to be, then whom to love? That's just lust or infatuation or whatever. If you don't love yourself then who else is going to love you? To conclude, love in its purest form would create 'us' without destroying 'me'.
David: Profound!
David applauded energetically. Iker grunted.
Iker: My God, David, go away!
David smiled cunningly.
David: Did you just call me your God, baby?
***
"Go away!" Iker tried to shut the door to David's face but the English boy swiftly put his foot in between the door and the frame.
"Ouch!" It fucking hurt when the Spaniard slammed the door. "Iker, that hurts!"
"It would hurt more if you don't back off because I'm gonna shut the door real hard next time," he threatened.
"Iker, come on, I bought roses for you, see?" He thrust the bouquet in front of Iker who now half-hid behind the door leaving only his eyes staring hatred at David.
"Get out with your roses, I don't want them!" He slammed the door again and this time David leaned his shoulder against the board, pushing it open with all his weight.
"Iker, listen up just for a second, Iker!" He's in a push of war with the Spaniard right now. "Victoria told me to buy these roses for you. Iker, she and I have broken up!"
Frozen to the spot, Iker halted his slamming business immediately. "She told you?!" His voice was incredulous. "Why?"
"Well," the colour of David's cheek reddened, "I guess she knows me better than I do."
Iker looked at him confusedly. "Which means?"
"Umm, it means that she knows I don't love her." He stared at the flowers then looked up at Iker. "And made me realize that the only one I've ever loved is you."
***
Fernando was with Sergio, drinking Virgin Mojito when Agger's band performed.
They performed the song he used to practice with them, ‘I Want To Know Your Plans’ by Say Anything. The blonde didn't look up but kept sipping his drinks and talking to Sergio. The crowd danced and sang along loudly and Fernando feigned ignorance to the whole world. The first song ended and Simon greeted the audience, introducing himself then other band members took turn, all the while was accompanied by teenage girls' high-pitched screams. He noticed that the cheer after Agger's introduction was one of the loudest, almost as loud as Simon himself.
Foo Fighter's ‘The Pretender’ was played, then another song he couldn't remember the name and also didn't have a chance to practice. After that song, their time was up but the audience's shouts for encore was deafening.
"Gosh, all these chicks. Why do they have to be so loud and high-pitched?" Sergio grunted into his drink.
The scream was even louder. Fernando didn't know why because he didn't look up from Sergio and his Virgin Mojito and he didn't actually care to know. It wasn't until the cheers abruptly died down and a voice spoke into the mics that the blonde found his heart suddenly beating fast.
It's Agger's voice, he recognized that immediately.
"I practically have to beg my friends to give me this chance for the encore," he said and the girls screamed. "Well, this might not be the encore that you all expect because I'm going to solo it." To Fernando's surprise, the screams were louder. Sergio nudged him with an elbow.
"Well, well, well, isn't that thug a heartthrob? Geez, these stupid girls have such a low taste and never learned to avoid boys who are nothing but troubles."
Fernando choked on his drink, didn't dare making eye contact with Sergio.
"This song, well, I would like to dedicate to someone. You know who you are." Murmurs broke out all over the hall about the secret identity of that 'someone', but they died down as soon as they started since Agger had already strummed his guitar, a Spanish guitar - Fernando realized when he finally glanced up at the stage - to his surprise, again. "This is 'All Out of Love'."
Fernando stared at him.
Agger started with a slow melody and soft rhythm so unlike himself. Fernando couldn't take his eyes off him: those awkward miens he remembered the Dane always exhibited when he played an acoustic guitar, so in contrast with his personality which suited the electric guitar better: wild, insolent, rebellious, and strumming to an Air Supply's song to top it all off. What a sappy song, by the way.
Well, he hadn't seen anything yet, not until Agger parted his lips and sang:
'I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart'
It's the first time Fernando had heard the Dane sing, ever, in his full-volume voice and not just all the whisperings. He's rooted to the spot, seemed almost in shock. Suddenly he's afraid of who that 'someone' might be. To whom is Agger dedicating this song? He doesn't want to flatter himself so he tried not to think that it could be him. It'd been more than three months, of awkwardness and estrangement, there were a hundred reasons that 'someone' wouldn't be him, that Agger might have already found someone else. Scary enough that that thought made his heart constrict in his chest, long time ago might it seems and already forget him might he thinks.
Agger kept singing, and his voice was beautiful that Fernando was surprised why he'd never sung more often before.
'I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know'
Agger's eyes scanned the room as he sang and Fernando realized he's looking for someone. His heart beat faster, he wanted to run away but he's simply paralyzed. He's scared, and at the moment he realized he wasn't afraid that the Dane might find him eventually, he's afraid that he might pick someone else rather than him.
And with that, something clicked, like a puzzle that finally fell into place. At that moment those fierce brown eyes found him in the crowd, and they stared at one another, couldn't look away.
'I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong'
Fernando flushed crimson. Well, that's beyond his expectation of their reconciliation. Agger did apologize to him, playing an acoustic guitar and actually singing on stage, in front of hundreds of people.
He actually said it.
After all this time, eventually you speak your mind...
'And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone'
I wish you mean it, though...
'I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong'
***
Xabi's heart beat to the rhythm of the Basque folk dance. He walked to the meeting point of which they had arranged a long time ago but they had never got through the encounter. So this was the perfect rounding off of their story, so they could end it properly without unfinished matters of heart. It's three minutes to four o'clock and Xabi's walk was half-hurry, half-restrained that the gaits looked weirdly robotic. He couldn't breathe properly. If Mr.X wasn't Mikel, then who could he be?
Xabi slowed the pace as he neared the corner of the gymnasium, the spot where a few months ago Mikel accosted him and the table turned. The Basque turned around to check had anyone followed him, but there's nobody in his wake. Everyone in sight seemed to tend to their business, being starting their sporty exercises with their friends on a normal after-school evening.
Xabi looked around one more time, to make sure that no one would appear to interrupt the meeting like last time as well as to brace himself for whatever was going to come.
He took in a deep breath then stepped around the corner.
There's someone there already, standing with his back to him and Xabi was surprised, not with his presence anyway but with his stance. There's something so familiar about it, very familiar that Xabi's heart beat even faster. He knew this bearing, this particular boy, and his mind was full of unanswerable questions of hows and whys. When the other heard the shuffle on the yard, he turned around.
Xabi knew it's coming even before the words tumbled out of Steven Gerrard's smiling mouth.
"Hello, there."
To Be Continued in Chapter 21 Part 1.
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