The $64,000 Conundrum: Chapter 18
Title: The $64,000 Conundrum: Chapter 18
Authors: fernedakki
Pairing: Daniel Agger / Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard / Xabi Alonso, David Beckham / Iker Casillas, GerardPiqué / Cesc Fabregas (Robin Van Persie / Cesc Fabregas, Gerard Piqué / Lionel Messi for now)
Rating: PG-13 (This part)
Genre: AU / Romance
Word Count: 5,787 Words
Disclaimer: This is not real.
Summary: Do you know what love is? Why do humans fall in love? Do we all have 'soul mate' waiting for us? What does it take for one to love another? Does 'love at first sight' really exist?
David Beckham will court Victoria Adams with Iker Casillas' help. Gerard Piqué will conduct an experiment because he has this bullshit love theory about dogs. Fernando Torres loves piano and hates Daniel Agger. And Xabi Alonso has this penchant of solving every mystery in the world.
Their journeys through the teenage years will lead you to the discovery of the biggest conundrum in the universe, and back.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17
The $64,000 Conundrum
Chapter 18
"What did you say?" Cesc found his voice raspy and it sounded very strange to his own ears. He looked at Gerard and wished a smirk would break out on his naughty face and then Gerard would tell him he was just kidding. Though it’s crossing the line to joke about someone's death, it would still be better than the truth. Cesc kept on looking at him and realized he must look pathetic because the race of his heart was faster and faster until he just wished desperately for Gerard to burst out laughing, punch him on the shoulder and tell him he'd got him.
Or for him to just simply wake up from this nightmare.
Or rather, to go back into his dream and never wake up to this reality again.
But Gerard's static stance betrayed it all. He didn't break into a laughter or smile mischievously like he always did but kept looking at him sympathetically. Cesc felt like he needed a seat right now so he slowly sat on a sofa. He scanned the floor looking for the little puppy, sometimes he liked to sleep under the couch because it's warm there, maybe he's under it now. "Arsenal," he called. Robin squeezed his hand hard and he didn't understand why he did that, it hurt. "Arsenal," the Spaniard called again but there's still no movement from wheresoever on the floor which he kept looking over. Sometimes Arsenal’s like that, he heard Cesc but he’s too lazy to budge, he'd know when it's not time for food yet. So if he wanted to sleep, he would sleep and Cesc couldn't deter him from doing it.
"Arsenal." Cesc flopped down on the floor and looked underneath all the couches. Robin caught his forearm.
"Cesc, Cesc stop it." His voice was hoarse and he looked stern. Cesc didn't understand why he acted like that. Arsenal must be under a sofa right here, he just had to find him and bring him to show everyone especially Gerard that he's not dead like his friend had claimed.
"Robin, let me go. I have to find him," he said in a dead-serious tone.
"Cesc, he's not here." Robin swallowed like he was disturbed by the idea. Cesc's heart raced and he felt hot streaks running down his cheeks.
"How?" He asked helplessly in surrender.
The Dutch looked at him, and then looked up at Gerard. He's not in the position to answer this.
"A car. He's hit by a car," Gerard answered in a low voice and the stress seemed to leave Robin a bit when he realized he didn't have to handle this alone.
"When?" Cesc turned to look at Gerard whose face was unreadable.
"Two days ago," the other Spaniard answered. Cesc stared at him but didn't actually see him, his head was blank.
"Why?"
Gerard didn't actually know how to answer this one but his eyes never wavered from Cesc's. "No one saw it happen. Your sister said that he sort of slipped out of the back door. The next things they heard were horn and break and everything was too late."
Cesc couldn't believe this. If he's here that day everything would have been different, wouldn’t it? He knew it would have been different somehow. Suddenly Cesc regretted that he decided to leave everything behind and go to Amsterdam. Arsenal hadn't done anything wrong. The one he wanted to spite was Gerard so it's him he intended to leave here. Had Arsenal felt that he'd abandoned him? Did he feel lonely that's why he went out to find Cesc? Or Bazooka? Fuck, where's Bazooka?
"Where's Bazooka?" He asked aloud, voice shaky, his heart beat faster in apprehension. No, please God, this can't happen to Bazooka, too.
"He's at my house. He's safe, Cesc," Gerard murmured. And though a part of his heart felt relieved, tears ran down his cheeks noiselessly.
"Cesc." Robin's arms wrapped around him. Cesc immediately pushed them away.
"No," he rejected feebly. He didn't feel like receiving condolences from the Dutch right now. It's Robin's fault that everything went wrong like this. He shouldn't have gone to The Netherlands, Robin shouldn't have invited him. The only reason that he said okay was that Gerard was going to Barcelona with Lionel so he needed to go somewhere, too, preferably with Robin, his so-called boyfriend. He shouldn't have decided to do that, Christ, though he liked the city: its festive atmosphere and constant insobriety. He called home only once on the Christmas Day to say Happy Christmas to every one of his family but didn't ask about Arsenal because it would inevitably make him think about Gerard whom he didn't want in his head at that moment.
How could he be so heartless? Cesc felt hot tears trickling down his cheeks further. Arsenal hadn't done anything but he left him alone here and didn't even want to think about him because he's the reminder of Gerard. The result of this was as severe as Arsenal's death. This was all his fault.
Cesc cried noiselessly, then he sobbed. Robin tried to put his arms around him but Cesc pushed him away. This happened twice then he heard Gerard's voice by his ear, "Cesc, this is me, alright?" Then Gerard hugged him, and Cesc didn't know why he didn't feel like shoving his friend away. Instead he clung to him like he's the only thing he had left in the world and sobbed against his chest.
He didn't know how long time had passed but when he looked up again, eyes still tearful, the living room had only the two of them.
***
'According to the Rutherford scattering experiments, the alpha particles in head-on collisions were scattered at angles of?'
Xabi looked at the incoming text this morning and felt that he should just be polite enough to answer it, but not now. A couple of days ago, he finally answered the question about the radioactive nuclide, not that late, just like two days after Mr. X had sent him the said question. And they'd been silent on both sides for a couple of days now. Xabi didn't have that much time to think about it though with his head mostly full of Steven and how to handle this situation without hurting Mikel too much. Mr. X seemed so far away from the equation, he'd never even met him in person, how can one have feelings for someone only via texts?
Xabi looked at the time on his phone screen, he had a date with Steven this evening, again. After Monday, he also ditched Mikel yesterday to go out with the Scouser. Mikel looked at him oddly lately and Xabi knew it, his alibi that he had to run errands with his mother wouldn't buy time for him much longer and Xabi didn't like lying, no. He'd never thought he could become this kind of person, but then he kept on doing it, for his benefits even. He knew it's evil and he felt very repentant, but still.
Mikel let him go for another evening easily, he stopped badgering him after the previous two evenings. His mien was calm but his eyes betrayed something else, they’re full of questions and confusion that made Xabi feel guilty to the max but he still turned and walked away.
He met Steven at Plaza de España, it's Friday today and they could linger until very late. He found the Scouser sitting on a fence playing with his phone.
"Oh, you arrive," he looked up to greet the Basque as Xabi approached him. "What do you want to do today?"
They rented bicycles and cycled around the park. The sun was low in the sky and soon the winter darkness would blanket Madrid but they're in no hurry still, except that the wind that blew over his face was getting colder every second the night creeping over.
"You're slack, old man, it's been only half an hour," Steven teased, he slowed his bike to keep pace with Xabi who rode a bit slower.
"Why rush?" the Spaniard asked. "The park is not that big. We ride to take a rest, not to win a race."
"Wow, homophone, couldn't even distinguish with your Basque accent."
"Steven Gerrard, you're English and I couldn't even tell apart when you say 'doughnut' and 'do not'. I bet your Scouser accent is sucker."
Steven's laugh was brighter than the sun. Speaking of which, it's scarce in winter time like this and Steven's laughter could be a great substitute for the warmth that was deficient, as well as the light, like right now. He could light up his world in the dark, could be the fireplace in a cold night, Steven Gerrard could be the summer to his winter.
When they're tired, they returned the bikes and headed out of the park for something to eat. The world was dark now but Madrid was illuminated by millions of lights and people poured out of their abodes to stroll leisurely in town for a Friday night, because it's just the Spanish way of life to be fully alive under the stars.
"What do you wanna eat?" The British asked, putting his hands in his pockets. It's getting colder and this time both Steven and Xabi had scarves around their necks.
"Anything that isn't far. I'm starving now so don't you dare leading me on a detour like last time."
"Xabi, you're a spoilsport. I'm thinking about taking a bypass to Liverpool and back before dinner." The Basque laughed at Steven's silliness. "And by the way, this is your hometown, not mine. You should be the one who leads the way and doesn't get lost, not the other way around."
They said even the Venetians could get lost in Venice. For Xabi, a Madrileño like him could get lost in a city as easy as Madrid.
They walked along a road, skimming for some nice dining places.
"Do you do not want a doughnut?" The Scouser asked in the Scouser accent and Xabi knew he just fooled around so he replied in the Basque accent,
"It's chilly so I'd prefer some chilis, they will make me warm."
"With some breads, because if you eat only chilis, your breaths would be on fire."
"And some pieces of pizza, in peace, please."
"More food? I'd scream if you'd ask for ice-cream, too, chubby."
"You called me 'chubby', hubby?!"
Xabi didn't even know what he's saying, it's just a slip of tongue because this conversation was going too fast for his brain to think twice, or even think in the first place. Steven had an advantage over him, at least he's the native speaker of the language, come on! And now, now when he slipped, he couldn't think of anything to say that could be more embarrassing than this. Damn.
Steven laughed, his breaths condensed in the night air and Xabi felt his cheeks flush red. The Scouser laughed and laughed. "Xabi baby, those words aren't homophones so you lose."
Xabi snarled, grabbed an end of the Scouser's scarf and pulled him in. Steven still chuckled and didn't act like he's surprised by one bit, not even when the Spaniard tugged the scarf to close the gap between them.
Steven's lips were hot unlike the chill of other things in the world around them. The warmth made the Basque gasp into the kiss and his heart raced as his rational brain gave way to the undetainable desire. Fuck Mikel, fuck Mr. Anonymous. Fuck the chemistry, and the physics as well, for that matter. He didn't care anymore that he was more compatible with Mr. X or even Mikel. As the taste of Steven's lips shot straight to his brain, the same taste as he remembered he'd savoured three years ago, all he could think of was Steven's flavour, Steven's skin, Steven's smell.
Fuck, he must be crazy, but he didn't care. Because this, this felt so right, in the most illogical way, it went against all theories in Xabi's head. All he'd heard of, everyone always said all it took for one to love another was the chemistry. Sure, not only that birds of a feather flock together, but also opposites could attract. But this, this thing between him and Steven, it went against all the rules that had accounted for. They're not that much alike, less than Mikel that he was certain. Nor they're completely opposite, at least Steven had some interests in science like him and was good at it to some extent otherwise he wouldn't have made it to that summer camp. This held no possible logical reason he could think of but it still felt so, so right until Xabi didn't want to let him go.
Steven groaned and kissed back hungrily, and he tasted like Liverpool. He tasted smoky like the harbour city's re-kindled spirit and smouldering like the burning summer grass under his feet in the midst of winter, the same as he'd remembered three years ago. But this time there's also a new flavour on the tip of Steven's tongue, sweet, maybe. He'd never thought of Liverpool as sweet before, but as he clung to the Scouser's forearm, dazed by the blazing kiss and drunk in love with Steven holding him close in his arms in return, Xabi thought he knew why,
It’s sweet like he’d just arrived home.
***
Fernando didn't go to practice today.
He went straight home after class, told his parents that he had a headache and only went down for dinner. He didn't go down when his mom knocked on his door and told him that Daniel was downstairs. He told her to tell the Dane that he had a headache.
The next day he went to school and Agger approached him at his table. Daniel Agger had deigned to visit him at his desk which had never happened before in the history of this school so it drew quite a lot of attention from his friends as well as Agger's.
"Your mom said you're unwell," the Dane stated.
"Yes, I had a headache," Fernando didn't look the other boy in the eyes but at the book on his desk.
"How are you feeling now?"
"I don't know, still not that well," he lied.
"Will you let me into your room if I go later tonight?"
The Spaniard felt his cheeks burn, mostly because he's fuming. "Agger, I'm ill."
"I think it's only you that keep thinking below the belt, you know?" Agger smirked amusingly and Fernando's face heated up further. "And call me 'Daniel'."
"Hey, is there something I don't know?" Sergio raised his brow after the Dane had walked away. Fernando gnarled.
"No!"
That evening Fernando still didn't go to practice and told his mom that he felt too ill to welcome any guest before shutting his bedroom door. He didn't know whether Agger came since his mom didn't disturb him but he doubted that he did. He knew this alibi would get old soon enough but as long as it worked, Fernando would stick to it.
The next day, Agger didn't approach him in the classroom, but as Fernando walked along the corridor, he was caught on his forearm and dragged to a nearby alcove. "Wha-?!" He yelled, and suddenly shut his mouth when he realized it's Agger.
"You know what? This isn't going to work as long as you think," the Dane said, putting both hands in his pocket.
"What doesn't work?" The Spaniard feigned innocence.
"Your lies."
"I didn't lie!"
"You did, too. You aren't sick."
"I was!" That's a lie, though.
"You just used that excuse to avoid me." Agger stared, his face's serious and Fernando felt his heart race fast.
"Listen, Agger. I really didn't feel well so I wasn't in the mood to rehearse or anything like that," he tried to reason out.
"Why don't you let me in last night?"
"Agger, I was sick. I was too tired to tolerate your abhorrent manners as well as didn't want you to catch the flu." And he saw the Dane smirk at the corner of his mouth.
"You seem better now. So I will see you at the studio this evening?"
Fernando swallowed hard. Or should he just talk it out with the Dane now? Of course, he didn't plan on practicing in the evening, he didn't plan on practicing again ever that's why he made up about his flu in the first place. Agger would keep badgering him like this every day and he would keep using alibis so if he'd stick to that decision, he should just tell him now.
"Umm, maybe not," so the Spaniard answered, didn't look Agger in the eyes. The Dane raised his brow.
"Why?"
"I don't like playing electric guitar." Fernando looked up this time. "It's just not my cup of tea. Sorry Agger, but I think I can't play with you on School Music Festival Day."
The Dane stared at him, his look indecipherable.
"You have to play more, then you'll soon start to like it," he said like it's the most reasonable thing in the world. This time it's Fernando's turn to stare.
"Agger, did you even listen to me?" His voice was parched.
"It's just that simple, Fernando," the Dane said. "You've done really well so far. I want you to keep on playing it a bit more then you'd soon start to like it-"
"How about we talk about something that I want, not you?!" The Spaniard fumed. "I don't want to play it, Agger, and I'll not play more of it!"
"You have to compromise." Suddenly Agger changed tack and Fernando stared at him in disbelief. "You don't like it, but I do. And I want you to play it for me, Fernando. Why can't you play it for me? Why can't you compromise if you love me?"
The Spaniard couldn't believe his own ears. He stared at the Dane. They'd never said anything about 'love' before, they'd never discussed what was between them and now Agger had the guts to bring it up and assume that he loved him.
He did love him, he thought, though, but now he felt cheated. So it'd never been anything about love at all for the Dane, it's just Agger who tried to use it to control him like he was a fool. So this is it then. "You know what?" Fernando looked at him but didn't actually see anything. Everything seemed so blurred and he felt so weak. "I had tried, you know? But I shouldn't be the only one who keep trying and compromising. If you really love me, you would have loved me the way I am, not the way you want me to be."
Agger stared at him, he opened his mouth like trying to come back with something but Fernando didn't wait for it. Turning his back to the Dane and somehow with a broken heart, Fernando walked straight away.
***
Gerard was with him until dinner time.
They moved upstairs, Gerard helping with Cesc's luggage, and Cesc took a shower. When he got out, Gerard was still there, lying on Cesc's bed and leafing through a movie magazine. Cesc stopped crying by now but his eyes were still swollen and he didn't feel like staying alone, his mind was still unstable and he doubted if he's left to his own device, he might actually lose it. But Gerard didn't say anything, he just lay there like he knew his presence could calm Cesc somewhat and Cesc felt grateful for it.
After dinner and helping with the dishwashing, - with the whole table asking about Amsterdam just for the sake of it since Cesc's grieving countenance told them he didn't give a damn about Amsterdam - they went upstairs and Gerard simply announced, "I'll stay over tonight." He opened Cesc's drawer looking for his favourite pajamas he always borrowed when he came to sleep over.
Cesc felt tired but didn't feel sleepy at all. He lay in bed looking at the ceiling, didn't feel like moving or reading or even playing games, nothing. His mind was occupied by Arsenal mostly and he felt tears brimming on the corners of his eyes again so he wiped them away. Gerard came into the room after a shower and Cesc feigned being asleep because he didn't want to talk to Gerard either.
After a time, Gerard got into bed. His arm wrapped around Cesc's torso and tugged him closer. Cesc's heart raced. He didn’t know why it reacted like that but he tried to calm it down afraid that Gerard would realize he wasn't actually asleep. But Gerard didn't seem to notice his erratic heartbeats, though there's a second that he went still. He wondered what's on his friend's mind if not the suspicion when he felt a soft kiss on his lips and it's his turn to go all frozen.
What the hell is going on?!
He didn't move or yell, he just lay there still pretending that he didn't feel or realize anything, mostly because he's completely paralyzed by shock. It's just a peck and after a second, Gerard pulled away. Still, they had never kissed before, and Cesc had never known that Gerard wanted to do this, with him, of all people. But Gerard had Lionel now. Cesc was confused and in his head one question kept echoing over and over, 'why?'
His phone rang and Cesc knew from the ringtone that it's Robin. Shit, he had totally forgotten about him, he must have been worried. But he didn't move, and he felt Gerard shift to snatch the phone from the nightstand. Cesc knew he must look at the screen to see who's calling before turning off the volume.
Cesc didn't protest, of course. His mind still raced by the thought of Gerard kissing him and all its implications. It couldn't be mistaken, he did feel his friend's lips on his. So what does this all mean? When Gerard put his arm back around his torso, Cesc automatically snuggled up against him and he felt something flutter in his stomach, the feeling he always felt when he's around Gerard since two and many more years ago. It hadn't changed, he still felt like that toward his friend and Cesc felt stunned because he thought this feeling had already died down since now he had Robin. He's quite okay with the Dutch and thought he'd love him the way he deserved in no time, especially after Christmas in Amsterdam.
But it didn't. Of course, nothing went according to plan. And now after sleeping with Robin for almost a week, Arsenal was dead and he's in Gerard's arm in his own bed, completely forgot about Robin until he just called to remind the both of them that he's still alive and was Cesc's official boyfriend.
Fuck, he needs weed, maybe it would make him feel better and everything less complicated.
***
Could one love two people with all his heart at the same time?
Iker didn't pick up his phone though David had tried and tried until he'd lost his count how many calls he'd made. Victoria called him once, he picked up and made the conversation as brief as possible and then resumed trying to chase Iker down, in vain, of course.
When he kind of yielded, he called Álvaro.
"What's up?" Álvaro picked up.
"Álvaro, is Iker with you?"
There's silence on the other end of the line. "Why should Iker be with me?" He asked eventually, a bit cautiously.
"He didn't pick up my calls."
"Are you guys fighting again?"
David was a bit surprised because Álvaro sounded so calm. "No, not really. But I need to talk to him."
"What for, David?"
Now, that sounded weird. "What do you mean by that, Álvaro?"
"What do you want to talk to him about? David, you already have Victoria."
The English boy almost dropped his phone, he gaped. "Álvaro, do you have anything to do with what Iker said to me today?"
Álvaro was silent for a couple of seconds. "Iker broke up with you then." It's a statement though he sounded surprised by that, too.
"You could say that," David's voice turned low and dangerous.
"Good for him."
"What?!" David couldn't believe his own ears. "And how do you even know about Iker and me in the first place anyway? Did Iker tell you?"
"No, he didn't. But I'm not an idiot, you know?"
David was silent. "You're telling me you had it all figured out by yourself?" He sounded disbelief.
"Yes, and don't sound too surprised. It makes me feel disparaged."
"Whatever. Do you know where Iker is now?"
"No. And my suggestion is you should leave him alone."
"But we need to talk!"
"At least for now, David. Don't rush into something, it'd do you no good."
David cut the line because he’s in no mood of listening to Álvaro’s preaching, he'd already heard enough of it for a day. He called Iker for another hundred times and texted for another two hundred but there's no response from the Spaniard. At the end of the day, he realized he should just let him go for tonight, so David went home.
Sunday came and the first thing that came across David's mind was had Iker called him back. He snatched his phone to check the screen and his heart sank because there were no missed calls or replied texts. None. He felt down for a second then hit call to Iker again.
The Spaniard didn't pick up, as usual. David didn't panic much, actually, Iker could avoid him now but he couldn't do that forever. At least, tomorrow they'd see each other at school, he wouldn't plan to ditch class, would he? But even if he actually ditched, there were tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, and Iker couldn't keep running away from him ever and ever and ever.
But David still wanted to test the Spaniard's limit, he wanted to know how long Iker would be able to withstand his persistency, because Iker had never resisted him before, ever. David knew Iker's weak spot and he knew how to make his friend cave in, they had been best friends for years anyway so it's almost impossible that he didn't know Iker inside out. Iker always succumbed to him, David just had to ask the right way or say the right things and he'd always have his way with him. David knew that this time would be just like other times, Iker would yield eventually.
David was certain about that though they never actually had a fight this severe before, especially not with issues like this. This was a new territory but David was still confident of his charm, it worked on Iker before so it would always work on him.
David stopped calling after around ten missed calls and got up to take a shower. When he returned, there's a new message awaiting in his phone.
'U r a relentless bastard, rn't u?'
David smiled very wide. Finally! He knew Iker would cave in eventually but this surprised him nonetheless.
'I'm importunate like dat n u know the best. Can I call u?'
'No, n stop doing dat. It's freaking disturbing.'
'Doing what?'
'Calling me a hundred times a day like a psychopath.'
'If u pick up just once, it wouldn't have tallied up 2 a hundred times.'
'I didn't need 2 pick up, we have nothing 2 talk. Stop calling me.'
David stared at the message. 'We have a lot of things 2 talk.' He typed back.
'No, we don't. I had already finished talking 2 u.'
'Iker, I'm going 2 say it right here if u won't let me talk 2 u on the phone. I know why u'r so angry. But I've been thinking about it n maybe I don't want 2 break up with u.'
He knew this one was going to work, he just knew it. And like he speculated, Iker was silent longer than usual this time so David used this chance to call the Spaniard hoping he would pick up.
But he didn't.
And he still didn't reply. David called him again, still not picking up. The British started to get frustrated.
'As long as I am ur friend with benefits, we won't keep doing this.'
'You're not my friend with benefits!'
'Then what am I? Dave, pray tell.'
David took in a deep breath. This is it. 'Listen, Iker, I think I love you.' He stared at the words, tried reading it out loud to find whether it sounded weird. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and hit send.
It took a minute before Iker replied: 'What?'
'Can I call u?' He sent then without waiting for a permission, hit call again. Iker still didn't pick up the phone.
'No, n u can't say something like that. That's so heartless!'
David quirked his brow. 'I just told u I think I love u, how could that be so heartless?'
'What about Victoria?!'
''I think I love her, too...'
'U'r so selfish, David. U can't do this.'
'What would u do if I say I love both u and Victoria equally?'
'Bullshit, David. U can't love two people equally!'
'Is that so?'
'Stop fucking fooling around n get real! U and I can't happen n that's that!'
'Iker, I mean it.'
'No, u don't.'
'I mean it n I'll show u that what I said was true.'
'I don't need that, I don't want any kind of proof! If I can't be the only one for u, I'd rather not be anything!'
'Iker, I can't just break up with Victoria.'
'Of course, u can't.'
'U know what? I don't fucking care.' David could practically feel patience running out of him. 'I want u and I'd never let u go!'
***
D: So?
A: ...
B: So what?
D: We haven't had a session for quite a time. Haven't you guys discovered something interesting about love?
C: Oh, you go first.
D: Hmm, are you alright? Normally you wouldn't let a chance to prattle slip away this easily. Love makes you speechless these days?
C: Not really. I just realized that if I ever want someone, I should never ignore my feelings, I should just act on it. I should have done this long ago but I didn't. I had been afraid that if he didn't think the same and I did something unseemly, I would lose a friend. But it seemed that I was wrong, I'd been giving up without even trying all along and it hurts more than rejection to have to keep wondering what it would be like to be more than a friend to him. You would never know unless you try, right? So right now I'm trying my best to make things between us right again.
A: Beware, my friend. You're certain it isn't too late?
C: I don't think so. Why would it be too late?
A: I don't know. Because there's already someone else who would be there for him? Because you'd already hurt him too much that you couldn't make amends and things between you couldn't be the same again?
D: Aww, seems like someone is hurt. What happen, A?
A: I used to think that love is about giving and not taking. As long as the other is happy, I'm glad to be there and make everything work out. But he didn't appreciate my effort, he's just being selfish! He wants to take but he never gives, and love doesn't work that way! He said he loved two people equally at the same time, that’s just bullshit! How could that even possible?!
C: Love is not always about giving, sometimes it's about taking. I used to think if you love someone, you have to let him go. They said if he's yours, he'll eventually come back. But that's not 100% true, you know? Sometimes you have to fight for it otherwise you’d lose it forever.
A: Oh, you start talking like him now, he said he'd never let me go!
B: Did he really say that?
A: Yes, he did. I always know he's a persistent kind of guy and I always capitulate. But that was the first time he said something that despotic, and it scared me.
D: I wouldn't like that much, too, if I were you. What about you, B?
B: Well, at first I thought love was about compromising. But then I know it would never work out if only one of the parties is the only one who keeps doing the compromises, which is me. He said that I should try harder, that I should keep making myself compatible with him. He doesn't even care what I want, he doesn't even love me for who I am!
D: Have you tried having a conversation with him about this?
B: No, I don't want to fight anymore and this would definitely be an inevitable fight. We kept fighting and fighting since the day we knew each other so this time I just told him that I didn't want to change myself for him anymore and just walked away.
D: If I were you, I would try making points with him one last time. Sometimes relationship doesn't work out because of the lack of proper communication.
B: If you know him like I do, you'd know that normal communication with him doesn't work, let alone a proper one. Anyway, let's talk about you. What happen lately, D?
D: Well, just like all of you, I guess, at first I had a preconception of love. I thought all it takes to love someone was chemistry, either it be that they're so much alike or totally different. They say birds of a feather flock together as well as opposites attract, so I'm prepared for either. But no, when love actually happens, it doesn't occur according to rules or any assumptions, there're no laws of attraction. It just...sort of happens.
C: Aww, somebody's smitten around here. How sweet.
A: I think it's the same as you, even though yours just didn't 'sort of happen'. You have to fight for it.
C: Yes, that's the difference, isn't it? I had never fought for it before but I'll do it now. So he'll know that I care. It’s worth a shot, though. If it's love, everything’s worth giving a try.
B: Is it?
B looked dubious. A grimaced.
A: Oh, I, too, don't think so.
To be continued in Chapter 19.
.
Authors: fernedakki
Pairing: Daniel Agger / Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard / Xabi Alonso, David Beckham / Iker Casillas, GerardPiqué / Cesc Fabregas (Robin Van Persie / Cesc Fabregas, Gerard Piqué / Lionel Messi for now)
Rating: PG-13 (This part)
Genre: AU / Romance
Word Count: 5,787 Words
Disclaimer: This is not real.
Summary: Do you know what love is? Why do humans fall in love? Do we all have 'soul mate' waiting for us? What does it take for one to love another? Does 'love at first sight' really exist?
David Beckham will court Victoria Adams with Iker Casillas' help. Gerard Piqué will conduct an experiment because he has this bullshit love theory about dogs. Fernando Torres loves piano and hates Daniel Agger. And Xabi Alonso has this penchant of solving every mystery in the world.
Their journeys through the teenage years will lead you to the discovery of the biggest conundrum in the universe, and back.
Previous chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17
The $64,000 Conundrum
Chapter 18
"What did you say?" Cesc found his voice raspy and it sounded very strange to his own ears. He looked at Gerard and wished a smirk would break out on his naughty face and then Gerard would tell him he was just kidding. Though it’s crossing the line to joke about someone's death, it would still be better than the truth. Cesc kept on looking at him and realized he must look pathetic because the race of his heart was faster and faster until he just wished desperately for Gerard to burst out laughing, punch him on the shoulder and tell him he'd got him.
Or for him to just simply wake up from this nightmare.
Or rather, to go back into his dream and never wake up to this reality again.
But Gerard's static stance betrayed it all. He didn't break into a laughter or smile mischievously like he always did but kept looking at him sympathetically. Cesc felt like he needed a seat right now so he slowly sat on a sofa. He scanned the floor looking for the little puppy, sometimes he liked to sleep under the couch because it's warm there, maybe he's under it now. "Arsenal," he called. Robin squeezed his hand hard and he didn't understand why he did that, it hurt. "Arsenal," the Spaniard called again but there's still no movement from wheresoever on the floor which he kept looking over. Sometimes Arsenal’s like that, he heard Cesc but he’s too lazy to budge, he'd know when it's not time for food yet. So if he wanted to sleep, he would sleep and Cesc couldn't deter him from doing it.
"Arsenal." Cesc flopped down on the floor and looked underneath all the couches. Robin caught his forearm.
"Cesc, Cesc stop it." His voice was hoarse and he looked stern. Cesc didn't understand why he acted like that. Arsenal must be under a sofa right here, he just had to find him and bring him to show everyone especially Gerard that he's not dead like his friend had claimed.
"Robin, let me go. I have to find him," he said in a dead-serious tone.
"Cesc, he's not here." Robin swallowed like he was disturbed by the idea. Cesc's heart raced and he felt hot streaks running down his cheeks.
"How?" He asked helplessly in surrender.
The Dutch looked at him, and then looked up at Gerard. He's not in the position to answer this.
"A car. He's hit by a car," Gerard answered in a low voice and the stress seemed to leave Robin a bit when he realized he didn't have to handle this alone.
"When?" Cesc turned to look at Gerard whose face was unreadable.
"Two days ago," the other Spaniard answered. Cesc stared at him but didn't actually see him, his head was blank.
"Why?"
Gerard didn't actually know how to answer this one but his eyes never wavered from Cesc's. "No one saw it happen. Your sister said that he sort of slipped out of the back door. The next things they heard were horn and break and everything was too late."
Cesc couldn't believe this. If he's here that day everything would have been different, wouldn’t it? He knew it would have been different somehow. Suddenly Cesc regretted that he decided to leave everything behind and go to Amsterdam. Arsenal hadn't done anything wrong. The one he wanted to spite was Gerard so it's him he intended to leave here. Had Arsenal felt that he'd abandoned him? Did he feel lonely that's why he went out to find Cesc? Or Bazooka? Fuck, where's Bazooka?
"Where's Bazooka?" He asked aloud, voice shaky, his heart beat faster in apprehension. No, please God, this can't happen to Bazooka, too.
"He's at my house. He's safe, Cesc," Gerard murmured. And though a part of his heart felt relieved, tears ran down his cheeks noiselessly.
"Cesc." Robin's arms wrapped around him. Cesc immediately pushed them away.
"No," he rejected feebly. He didn't feel like receiving condolences from the Dutch right now. It's Robin's fault that everything went wrong like this. He shouldn't have gone to The Netherlands, Robin shouldn't have invited him. The only reason that he said okay was that Gerard was going to Barcelona with Lionel so he needed to go somewhere, too, preferably with Robin, his so-called boyfriend. He shouldn't have decided to do that, Christ, though he liked the city: its festive atmosphere and constant insobriety. He called home only once on the Christmas Day to say Happy Christmas to every one of his family but didn't ask about Arsenal because it would inevitably make him think about Gerard whom he didn't want in his head at that moment.
How could he be so heartless? Cesc felt hot tears trickling down his cheeks further. Arsenal hadn't done anything but he left him alone here and didn't even want to think about him because he's the reminder of Gerard. The result of this was as severe as Arsenal's death. This was all his fault.
Cesc cried noiselessly, then he sobbed. Robin tried to put his arms around him but Cesc pushed him away. This happened twice then he heard Gerard's voice by his ear, "Cesc, this is me, alright?" Then Gerard hugged him, and Cesc didn't know why he didn't feel like shoving his friend away. Instead he clung to him like he's the only thing he had left in the world and sobbed against his chest.
He didn't know how long time had passed but when he looked up again, eyes still tearful, the living room had only the two of them.
***
'According to the Rutherford scattering experiments, the alpha particles in head-on collisions were scattered at angles of?'
Xabi looked at the incoming text this morning and felt that he should just be polite enough to answer it, but not now. A couple of days ago, he finally answered the question about the radioactive nuclide, not that late, just like two days after Mr. X had sent him the said question. And they'd been silent on both sides for a couple of days now. Xabi didn't have that much time to think about it though with his head mostly full of Steven and how to handle this situation without hurting Mikel too much. Mr. X seemed so far away from the equation, he'd never even met him in person, how can one have feelings for someone only via texts?
Xabi looked at the time on his phone screen, he had a date with Steven this evening, again. After Monday, he also ditched Mikel yesterday to go out with the Scouser. Mikel looked at him oddly lately and Xabi knew it, his alibi that he had to run errands with his mother wouldn't buy time for him much longer and Xabi didn't like lying, no. He'd never thought he could become this kind of person, but then he kept on doing it, for his benefits even. He knew it's evil and he felt very repentant, but still.
Mikel let him go for another evening easily, he stopped badgering him after the previous two evenings. His mien was calm but his eyes betrayed something else, they’re full of questions and confusion that made Xabi feel guilty to the max but he still turned and walked away.
He met Steven at Plaza de España, it's Friday today and they could linger until very late. He found the Scouser sitting on a fence playing with his phone.
"Oh, you arrive," he looked up to greet the Basque as Xabi approached him. "What do you want to do today?"
They rented bicycles and cycled around the park. The sun was low in the sky and soon the winter darkness would blanket Madrid but they're in no hurry still, except that the wind that blew over his face was getting colder every second the night creeping over.
"You're slack, old man, it's been only half an hour," Steven teased, he slowed his bike to keep pace with Xabi who rode a bit slower.
"Why rush?" the Spaniard asked. "The park is not that big. We ride to take a rest, not to win a race."
"Wow, homophone, couldn't even distinguish with your Basque accent."
"Steven Gerrard, you're English and I couldn't even tell apart when you say 'doughnut' and 'do not'. I bet your Scouser accent is sucker."
Steven's laugh was brighter than the sun. Speaking of which, it's scarce in winter time like this and Steven's laughter could be a great substitute for the warmth that was deficient, as well as the light, like right now. He could light up his world in the dark, could be the fireplace in a cold night, Steven Gerrard could be the summer to his winter.
When they're tired, they returned the bikes and headed out of the park for something to eat. The world was dark now but Madrid was illuminated by millions of lights and people poured out of their abodes to stroll leisurely in town for a Friday night, because it's just the Spanish way of life to be fully alive under the stars.
"What do you wanna eat?" The British asked, putting his hands in his pockets. It's getting colder and this time both Steven and Xabi had scarves around their necks.
"Anything that isn't far. I'm starving now so don't you dare leading me on a detour like last time."
"Xabi, you're a spoilsport. I'm thinking about taking a bypass to Liverpool and back before dinner." The Basque laughed at Steven's silliness. "And by the way, this is your hometown, not mine. You should be the one who leads the way and doesn't get lost, not the other way around."
They said even the Venetians could get lost in Venice. For Xabi, a Madrileño like him could get lost in a city as easy as Madrid.
They walked along a road, skimming for some nice dining places.
"Do you do not want a doughnut?" The Scouser asked in the Scouser accent and Xabi knew he just fooled around so he replied in the Basque accent,
"It's chilly so I'd prefer some chilis, they will make me warm."
"With some breads, because if you eat only chilis, your breaths would be on fire."
"And some pieces of pizza, in peace, please."
"More food? I'd scream if you'd ask for ice-cream, too, chubby."
"You called me 'chubby', hubby?!"
Xabi didn't even know what he's saying, it's just a slip of tongue because this conversation was going too fast for his brain to think twice, or even think in the first place. Steven had an advantage over him, at least he's the native speaker of the language, come on! And now, now when he slipped, he couldn't think of anything to say that could be more embarrassing than this. Damn.
Steven laughed, his breaths condensed in the night air and Xabi felt his cheeks flush red. The Scouser laughed and laughed. "Xabi baby, those words aren't homophones so you lose."
Xabi snarled, grabbed an end of the Scouser's scarf and pulled him in. Steven still chuckled and didn't act like he's surprised by one bit, not even when the Spaniard tugged the scarf to close the gap between them.
Steven's lips were hot unlike the chill of other things in the world around them. The warmth made the Basque gasp into the kiss and his heart raced as his rational brain gave way to the undetainable desire. Fuck Mikel, fuck Mr. Anonymous. Fuck the chemistry, and the physics as well, for that matter. He didn't care anymore that he was more compatible with Mr. X or even Mikel. As the taste of Steven's lips shot straight to his brain, the same taste as he remembered he'd savoured three years ago, all he could think of was Steven's flavour, Steven's skin, Steven's smell.
Fuck, he must be crazy, but he didn't care. Because this, this felt so right, in the most illogical way, it went against all theories in Xabi's head. All he'd heard of, everyone always said all it took for one to love another was the chemistry. Sure, not only that birds of a feather flock together, but also opposites could attract. But this, this thing between him and Steven, it went against all the rules that had accounted for. They're not that much alike, less than Mikel that he was certain. Nor they're completely opposite, at least Steven had some interests in science like him and was good at it to some extent otherwise he wouldn't have made it to that summer camp. This held no possible logical reason he could think of but it still felt so, so right until Xabi didn't want to let him go.
Steven groaned and kissed back hungrily, and he tasted like Liverpool. He tasted smoky like the harbour city's re-kindled spirit and smouldering like the burning summer grass under his feet in the midst of winter, the same as he'd remembered three years ago. But this time there's also a new flavour on the tip of Steven's tongue, sweet, maybe. He'd never thought of Liverpool as sweet before, but as he clung to the Scouser's forearm, dazed by the blazing kiss and drunk in love with Steven holding him close in his arms in return, Xabi thought he knew why,
It’s sweet like he’d just arrived home.
***
Fernando didn't go to practice today.
He went straight home after class, told his parents that he had a headache and only went down for dinner. He didn't go down when his mom knocked on his door and told him that Daniel was downstairs. He told her to tell the Dane that he had a headache.
The next day he went to school and Agger approached him at his table. Daniel Agger had deigned to visit him at his desk which had never happened before in the history of this school so it drew quite a lot of attention from his friends as well as Agger's.
"Your mom said you're unwell," the Dane stated.
"Yes, I had a headache," Fernando didn't look the other boy in the eyes but at the book on his desk.
"How are you feeling now?"
"I don't know, still not that well," he lied.
"Will you let me into your room if I go later tonight?"
The Spaniard felt his cheeks burn, mostly because he's fuming. "Agger, I'm ill."
"I think it's only you that keep thinking below the belt, you know?" Agger smirked amusingly and Fernando's face heated up further. "And call me 'Daniel'."
"Hey, is there something I don't know?" Sergio raised his brow after the Dane had walked away. Fernando gnarled.
"No!"
That evening Fernando still didn't go to practice and told his mom that he felt too ill to welcome any guest before shutting his bedroom door. He didn't know whether Agger came since his mom didn't disturb him but he doubted that he did. He knew this alibi would get old soon enough but as long as it worked, Fernando would stick to it.
The next day, Agger didn't approach him in the classroom, but as Fernando walked along the corridor, he was caught on his forearm and dragged to a nearby alcove. "Wha-?!" He yelled, and suddenly shut his mouth when he realized it's Agger.
"You know what? This isn't going to work as long as you think," the Dane said, putting both hands in his pocket.
"What doesn't work?" The Spaniard feigned innocence.
"Your lies."
"I didn't lie!"
"You did, too. You aren't sick."
"I was!" That's a lie, though.
"You just used that excuse to avoid me." Agger stared, his face's serious and Fernando felt his heart race fast.
"Listen, Agger. I really didn't feel well so I wasn't in the mood to rehearse or anything like that," he tried to reason out.
"Why don't you let me in last night?"
"Agger, I was sick. I was too tired to tolerate your abhorrent manners as well as didn't want you to catch the flu." And he saw the Dane smirk at the corner of his mouth.
"You seem better now. So I will see you at the studio this evening?"
Fernando swallowed hard. Or should he just talk it out with the Dane now? Of course, he didn't plan on practicing in the evening, he didn't plan on practicing again ever that's why he made up about his flu in the first place. Agger would keep badgering him like this every day and he would keep using alibis so if he'd stick to that decision, he should just tell him now.
"Umm, maybe not," so the Spaniard answered, didn't look Agger in the eyes. The Dane raised his brow.
"Why?"
"I don't like playing electric guitar." Fernando looked up this time. "It's just not my cup of tea. Sorry Agger, but I think I can't play with you on School Music Festival Day."
The Dane stared at him, his look indecipherable.
"You have to play more, then you'll soon start to like it," he said like it's the most reasonable thing in the world. This time it's Fernando's turn to stare.
"Agger, did you even listen to me?" His voice was parched.
"It's just that simple, Fernando," the Dane said. "You've done really well so far. I want you to keep on playing it a bit more then you'd soon start to like it-"
"How about we talk about something that I want, not you?!" The Spaniard fumed. "I don't want to play it, Agger, and I'll not play more of it!"
"You have to compromise." Suddenly Agger changed tack and Fernando stared at him in disbelief. "You don't like it, but I do. And I want you to play it for me, Fernando. Why can't you play it for me? Why can't you compromise if you love me?"
The Spaniard couldn't believe his own ears. He stared at the Dane. They'd never said anything about 'love' before, they'd never discussed what was between them and now Agger had the guts to bring it up and assume that he loved him.
He did love him, he thought, though, but now he felt cheated. So it'd never been anything about love at all for the Dane, it's just Agger who tried to use it to control him like he was a fool. So this is it then. "You know what?" Fernando looked at him but didn't actually see anything. Everything seemed so blurred and he felt so weak. "I had tried, you know? But I shouldn't be the only one who keep trying and compromising. If you really love me, you would have loved me the way I am, not the way you want me to be."
Agger stared at him, he opened his mouth like trying to come back with something but Fernando didn't wait for it. Turning his back to the Dane and somehow with a broken heart, Fernando walked straight away.
***
Gerard was with him until dinner time.
They moved upstairs, Gerard helping with Cesc's luggage, and Cesc took a shower. When he got out, Gerard was still there, lying on Cesc's bed and leafing through a movie magazine. Cesc stopped crying by now but his eyes were still swollen and he didn't feel like staying alone, his mind was still unstable and he doubted if he's left to his own device, he might actually lose it. But Gerard didn't say anything, he just lay there like he knew his presence could calm Cesc somewhat and Cesc felt grateful for it.
After dinner and helping with the dishwashing, - with the whole table asking about Amsterdam just for the sake of it since Cesc's grieving countenance told them he didn't give a damn about Amsterdam - they went upstairs and Gerard simply announced, "I'll stay over tonight." He opened Cesc's drawer looking for his favourite pajamas he always borrowed when he came to sleep over.
Cesc felt tired but didn't feel sleepy at all. He lay in bed looking at the ceiling, didn't feel like moving or reading or even playing games, nothing. His mind was occupied by Arsenal mostly and he felt tears brimming on the corners of his eyes again so he wiped them away. Gerard came into the room after a shower and Cesc feigned being asleep because he didn't want to talk to Gerard either.
After a time, Gerard got into bed. His arm wrapped around Cesc's torso and tugged him closer. Cesc's heart raced. He didn’t know why it reacted like that but he tried to calm it down afraid that Gerard would realize he wasn't actually asleep. But Gerard didn't seem to notice his erratic heartbeats, though there's a second that he went still. He wondered what's on his friend's mind if not the suspicion when he felt a soft kiss on his lips and it's his turn to go all frozen.
What the hell is going on?!
He didn't move or yell, he just lay there still pretending that he didn't feel or realize anything, mostly because he's completely paralyzed by shock. It's just a peck and after a second, Gerard pulled away. Still, they had never kissed before, and Cesc had never known that Gerard wanted to do this, with him, of all people. But Gerard had Lionel now. Cesc was confused and in his head one question kept echoing over and over, 'why?'
His phone rang and Cesc knew from the ringtone that it's Robin. Shit, he had totally forgotten about him, he must have been worried. But he didn't move, and he felt Gerard shift to snatch the phone from the nightstand. Cesc knew he must look at the screen to see who's calling before turning off the volume.
Cesc didn't protest, of course. His mind still raced by the thought of Gerard kissing him and all its implications. It couldn't be mistaken, he did feel his friend's lips on his. So what does this all mean? When Gerard put his arm back around his torso, Cesc automatically snuggled up against him and he felt something flutter in his stomach, the feeling he always felt when he's around Gerard since two and many more years ago. It hadn't changed, he still felt like that toward his friend and Cesc felt stunned because he thought this feeling had already died down since now he had Robin. He's quite okay with the Dutch and thought he'd love him the way he deserved in no time, especially after Christmas in Amsterdam.
But it didn't. Of course, nothing went according to plan. And now after sleeping with Robin for almost a week, Arsenal was dead and he's in Gerard's arm in his own bed, completely forgot about Robin until he just called to remind the both of them that he's still alive and was Cesc's official boyfriend.
Fuck, he needs weed, maybe it would make him feel better and everything less complicated.
***
Could one love two people with all his heart at the same time?
Iker didn't pick up his phone though David had tried and tried until he'd lost his count how many calls he'd made. Victoria called him once, he picked up and made the conversation as brief as possible and then resumed trying to chase Iker down, in vain, of course.
When he kind of yielded, he called Álvaro.
"What's up?" Álvaro picked up.
"Álvaro, is Iker with you?"
There's silence on the other end of the line. "Why should Iker be with me?" He asked eventually, a bit cautiously.
"He didn't pick up my calls."
"Are you guys fighting again?"
David was a bit surprised because Álvaro sounded so calm. "No, not really. But I need to talk to him."
"What for, David?"
Now, that sounded weird. "What do you mean by that, Álvaro?"
"What do you want to talk to him about? David, you already have Victoria."
The English boy almost dropped his phone, he gaped. "Álvaro, do you have anything to do with what Iker said to me today?"
Álvaro was silent for a couple of seconds. "Iker broke up with you then." It's a statement though he sounded surprised by that, too.
"You could say that," David's voice turned low and dangerous.
"Good for him."
"What?!" David couldn't believe his own ears. "And how do you even know about Iker and me in the first place anyway? Did Iker tell you?"
"No, he didn't. But I'm not an idiot, you know?"
David was silent. "You're telling me you had it all figured out by yourself?" He sounded disbelief.
"Yes, and don't sound too surprised. It makes me feel disparaged."
"Whatever. Do you know where Iker is now?"
"No. And my suggestion is you should leave him alone."
"But we need to talk!"
"At least for now, David. Don't rush into something, it'd do you no good."
David cut the line because he’s in no mood of listening to Álvaro’s preaching, he'd already heard enough of it for a day. He called Iker for another hundred times and texted for another two hundred but there's no response from the Spaniard. At the end of the day, he realized he should just let him go for tonight, so David went home.
Sunday came and the first thing that came across David's mind was had Iker called him back. He snatched his phone to check the screen and his heart sank because there were no missed calls or replied texts. None. He felt down for a second then hit call to Iker again.
The Spaniard didn't pick up, as usual. David didn't panic much, actually, Iker could avoid him now but he couldn't do that forever. At least, tomorrow they'd see each other at school, he wouldn't plan to ditch class, would he? But even if he actually ditched, there were tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, and Iker couldn't keep running away from him ever and ever and ever.
But David still wanted to test the Spaniard's limit, he wanted to know how long Iker would be able to withstand his persistency, because Iker had never resisted him before, ever. David knew Iker's weak spot and he knew how to make his friend cave in, they had been best friends for years anyway so it's almost impossible that he didn't know Iker inside out. Iker always succumbed to him, David just had to ask the right way or say the right things and he'd always have his way with him. David knew that this time would be just like other times, Iker would yield eventually.
David was certain about that though they never actually had a fight this severe before, especially not with issues like this. This was a new territory but David was still confident of his charm, it worked on Iker before so it would always work on him.
David stopped calling after around ten missed calls and got up to take a shower. When he returned, there's a new message awaiting in his phone.
'U r a relentless bastard, rn't u?'
David smiled very wide. Finally! He knew Iker would cave in eventually but this surprised him nonetheless.
'I'm importunate like dat n u know the best. Can I call u?'
'No, n stop doing dat. It's freaking disturbing.'
'Doing what?'
'Calling me a hundred times a day like a psychopath.'
'If u pick up just once, it wouldn't have tallied up 2 a hundred times.'
'I didn't need 2 pick up, we have nothing 2 talk. Stop calling me.'
David stared at the message. 'We have a lot of things 2 talk.' He typed back.
'No, we don't. I had already finished talking 2 u.'
'Iker, I'm going 2 say it right here if u won't let me talk 2 u on the phone. I know why u'r so angry. But I've been thinking about it n maybe I don't want 2 break up with u.'
He knew this one was going to work, he just knew it. And like he speculated, Iker was silent longer than usual this time so David used this chance to call the Spaniard hoping he would pick up.
But he didn't.
And he still didn't reply. David called him again, still not picking up. The British started to get frustrated.
'As long as I am ur friend with benefits, we won't keep doing this.'
'You're not my friend with benefits!'
'Then what am I? Dave, pray tell.'
David took in a deep breath. This is it. 'Listen, Iker, I think I love you.' He stared at the words, tried reading it out loud to find whether it sounded weird. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and hit send.
It took a minute before Iker replied: 'What?'
'Can I call u?' He sent then without waiting for a permission, hit call again. Iker still didn't pick up the phone.
'No, n u can't say something like that. That's so heartless!'
David quirked his brow. 'I just told u I think I love u, how could that be so heartless?'
'What about Victoria?!'
''I think I love her, too...'
'U'r so selfish, David. U can't do this.'
'What would u do if I say I love both u and Victoria equally?'
'Bullshit, David. U can't love two people equally!'
'Is that so?'
'Stop fucking fooling around n get real! U and I can't happen n that's that!'
'Iker, I mean it.'
'No, u don't.'
'I mean it n I'll show u that what I said was true.'
'I don't need that, I don't want any kind of proof! If I can't be the only one for u, I'd rather not be anything!'
'Iker, I can't just break up with Victoria.'
'Of course, u can't.'
'U know what? I don't fucking care.' David could practically feel patience running out of him. 'I want u and I'd never let u go!'
***
D: So?
A: ...
B: So what?
D: We haven't had a session for quite a time. Haven't you guys discovered something interesting about love?
C: Oh, you go first.
D: Hmm, are you alright? Normally you wouldn't let a chance to prattle slip away this easily. Love makes you speechless these days?
C: Not really. I just realized that if I ever want someone, I should never ignore my feelings, I should just act on it. I should have done this long ago but I didn't. I had been afraid that if he didn't think the same and I did something unseemly, I would lose a friend. But it seemed that I was wrong, I'd been giving up without even trying all along and it hurts more than rejection to have to keep wondering what it would be like to be more than a friend to him. You would never know unless you try, right? So right now I'm trying my best to make things between us right again.
A: Beware, my friend. You're certain it isn't too late?
C: I don't think so. Why would it be too late?
A: I don't know. Because there's already someone else who would be there for him? Because you'd already hurt him too much that you couldn't make amends and things between you couldn't be the same again?
D: Aww, seems like someone is hurt. What happen, A?
A: I used to think that love is about giving and not taking. As long as the other is happy, I'm glad to be there and make everything work out. But he didn't appreciate my effort, he's just being selfish! He wants to take but he never gives, and love doesn't work that way! He said he loved two people equally at the same time, that’s just bullshit! How could that even possible?!
C: Love is not always about giving, sometimes it's about taking. I used to think if you love someone, you have to let him go. They said if he's yours, he'll eventually come back. But that's not 100% true, you know? Sometimes you have to fight for it otherwise you’d lose it forever.
A: Oh, you start talking like him now, he said he'd never let me go!
B: Did he really say that?
A: Yes, he did. I always know he's a persistent kind of guy and I always capitulate. But that was the first time he said something that despotic, and it scared me.
D: I wouldn't like that much, too, if I were you. What about you, B?
B: Well, at first I thought love was about compromising. But then I know it would never work out if only one of the parties is the only one who keeps doing the compromises, which is me. He said that I should try harder, that I should keep making myself compatible with him. He doesn't even care what I want, he doesn't even love me for who I am!
D: Have you tried having a conversation with him about this?
B: No, I don't want to fight anymore and this would definitely be an inevitable fight. We kept fighting and fighting since the day we knew each other so this time I just told him that I didn't want to change myself for him anymore and just walked away.
D: If I were you, I would try making points with him one last time. Sometimes relationship doesn't work out because of the lack of proper communication.
B: If you know him like I do, you'd know that normal communication with him doesn't work, let alone a proper one. Anyway, let's talk about you. What happen lately, D?
D: Well, just like all of you, I guess, at first I had a preconception of love. I thought all it takes to love someone was chemistry, either it be that they're so much alike or totally different. They say birds of a feather flock together as well as opposites attract, so I'm prepared for either. But no, when love actually happens, it doesn't occur according to rules or any assumptions, there're no laws of attraction. It just...sort of happens.
C: Aww, somebody's smitten around here. How sweet.
A: I think it's the same as you, even though yours just didn't 'sort of happen'. You have to fight for it.
C: Yes, that's the difference, isn't it? I had never fought for it before but I'll do it now. So he'll know that I care. It’s worth a shot, though. If it's love, everything’s worth giving a try.
B: Is it?
B looked dubious. A grimaced.
A: Oh, I, too, don't think so.
To be continued in Chapter 19.
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