Fic: The Fire Within, chapter 7. AU Human. Liam/Spike. NC-17
Well, it's Thanksgiving and I hope my American peeps are having a good day with lots of good food and loving relatives. Me? I'm alone and had a grill sandwich. You better feel sorry for me. *pouts*
Anyway, I'm not really pitiful because look what I got!! Yes, a new chapter but that's not the woohoo part. The woohoo part is the icon *points to icon* and the banner mentalme85 made for my story (under the cut). Actually she made a bunch of icons and three banners and I'm feeling overwhelmed. And it was so hard to choose!! I'm probably gonna alternate between the banners and I might have to do that with the icons too. Sooo pretty!!!
So here you have it:
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 7
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Author's note: Dedicated to mentalme85 for the lovely art. Thank you, baby!!
Previous chapters are here
The Fire Within, Chapter 7
“Hey, Liam?”
“Uhm…”
Spike watched in amusement as Liam turned his head, trying to get away from the fingers tickling his cheek.
“Come on, pet. Wake up.”
Suddenly Liam jerked awake and abruptly sat up, pushing Spike so hard that he almost fell off the couch.
“Oi! Watch it, mate!”
“What…!” Liam was looking around in panic, his eyes finally settling on Spike and he blinked in confusion. “What happened?”
Spike frowned. “Nothing happened. You just fell asleep, that’s all.”
Liam stared at him and then he suddenly slumped, closing his eyes and rubbing them with his fingers. “I was dreaming. About…” He stopped, his lips settling in a thin line. “What time is it?”
About what? Billy? Spike wished for the hundredth time that he could see inside Liam’s pretty head. “Eight. Fancy a bite?”
Liam’s head snapped up, his eyes comically wide. “What?”
Spike only just managed to keep from rolling his own eyes. “Food. Are you hungry?”
He smiled as Liam glanced down at his stomach as if it could give him answers. “Uh… yeah. I guess.”
“I’d offer to cook but I wasn’t lying when I said spaghetti Bolognese was all I could make. And I made that for myself yesterday. Actually I’ve already had that twice this week so…”
“We can order something. Pizza, Chinese…”
“Chinese it is. Fits in with the movie.” Spike fished his cell out of his jeans. “Oh, maybe I can borrow it, eh? I’d love to see the whole thing.”
“You fell asleep.” Liam was watching him with an odd look on his face.
“Yeah.” Spike offered him an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.” He grinned. “We didn’t all spend the night dead to the world, you know. Some of us were cleaning and mopping up vomit.”
Liam blushed. Spike had to fight not to reach out and lay his palm on Liam’s cheek, feeling the heat flushing his skin. God, he was beautiful.
“You always so trusting of people?”
Spike frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Falling asleep in a stranger’s apartment. I could have done anything to you.”
Spike snorted. “Speak for yourself, Sleeping Beauty.” He grinned at Liam’s confused look. “I could have robbed you blind, mate. Taken the whole lot, including the sofa with you in it. You were dead to the world.”
That earned him a small smile and he laughed softly. “Besides, you probably wouldn’t have done anything I didn’t want you to do.”
Liam’s eyes turned almost instantly dark and Spike pulled away, cursing his big mouth. Always with the jokes and the saucy suggestions. He wasn’t ready for this, and more importantly, Liam wasn’t ready for this.
Liam was an emotional mess, not to mention the whole closet thing, and in the back of his mind Spike knew he was setting himself up for a heartache if he even let himself consider that they could be anything more than friends, with or without shagging. This morning… it had been a mistake and he was secretly happy that Liam had felt too faint to continue. He’d thought he’d been okay with having a fuck just for fuck’s sake, but in fact it had felt wrong on so many levels. He liked Liam, more than he’d liked any guy in a long time, and jumping straight into bed with someone you really liked was always a mistake. Friends first, fuck later. Turn it around and sure as hell it would stop with the fucking and never become anything more. And God, did he want more. Especially when Liam was looking at him like…
Spike averted his eyes. “Any particular place? The Oriental Express is quite tasty.”
Liam blinked. “Er… yeah. Sounds good.” He shifted awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair. He was looking pale, a thin sheet of sweat covering his forehead.
Spike nodded and stood up, fishing out the phone from his pocket as he walked into the kitchen. The Oriental Express was number 8 on his speed dial and he pushed it, eyes shifting to the fridge. Billy smiled at him. He shivered and cleared his throat before calling out, “Kung Pao chicken and Szechuan beef okay?”
“Sure.” Liam’s voice was muffled and Spike peeked around the corner as he waited for his call to be picked up. Liam was still sitting on the couch, shoulders slumped, head bowed down. He was breathing heavily, his hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at his temples.
“You all right?”
“I’m fine.”
Spike frowned and walked over, oriental music pinging in his ear. “Your side bothering you?”
“I said I’m fine!”
“Liam…”
Liam’s head snapped up, eyes narrowed in irritation. Sweat was running down his brow. “I need a fucking drink, ok? Go ahead, say it.”
“I’m not gonna say anything.” Spike sat down beside him, laying one hand on Liam’s thigh. “You still want food?”
Liam swallowed. “I… Yeah. I’m still hungry, it’s just…”
“Ok. Listen, it will take a while to get here, if I ever get through on this bloody line. Maybe you should take a shower, that will make you feel better. And then we can-“
“The Oriental Express, can I take your order?”
“Yes! Thank you!” Spike patted Liam’s thigh and stood up, walking back into the kitchen. Better order some sodas too.
“Then we can what?” Liam called after him but Spike only waved his hand dismissively and rattled off the order and their address, drying his sweaty palm on his jeans.
Finally clicking the phone shut he walked back into the living room. “They said forty min-“ He froze.
Liam had stood up and was pulling off his t-shirt, muscles rippling under his skin like snakes. Spike stood in the doorway, sweating, unable too take his eyes off Liam as he stretched and creaked his neck with a grunt.
Fuck, get a grip on yourself. It’s not been that long since you had a shag. Only about… two months, three weeks and five days.
Bugger.
“What are you doing?”
Liam turned around and frowned at him. “Shower?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. Sorry.” He willed down the blush travelling up from his neck.
Liam stood still, dark eyes watching him and he looked away, swallowing.
“Unless you want to do something else?”
Fuck. His whole body flushed, the warmth in his belly turning into a full blaze fire. “Look, Liam. About this morning…”
“Yes?”
Liam was moving toward him, slow but deliberate steps that made him look predatory. Like a panther getting ready to pounce. Spike took a step back, his breath hitching.
“Maybe we should…”
“Yes. We should.” Liam licked his lips, only a couple of steps away now. “Fuck, you’re hot.”
Spike sucked in his breath. He hadn’t meant it like that. Actually he’d meant quite the opposite. But Liam was staring at him with those big dark eyes and licking those soft lips and, Jesus, look at those muscles.
“Yeah?” What are you doing? No! Tell him to back off. Tell him...
“Yeah. I wanna fuck you so bad.”
His lips parted, staccato breath drying out his mouth. “Fuck. Liam…”
Liam took the final step and then he was crushing their lips together again, one hand grabbing the back of Spike’s head while the other palmed his ass.
Jesus!
Spike’s head was spinning and his knees started to feel weak so he grabbed Liam’s shoulder, holding on for support. 'Bad idea! Bad idea! Bad idea!' signs flashed before his eyes until thankfully his brain decided to shut down as Liam’s tongue slid in and started to fuck his mouth in earnest.
“Bedroom.”
He couldn’t answer, couldn’t think, just stumbled backward, trying not to trip over his own feet as Liam pushed him in the direction of the bedroom. They were kissing again, all lips and tongues and teeth clashing. Before he knew it the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell down on it, Liam towering over him for a moment before coming after him, his eyes dark and stormy. His right hand moved down to struggle with the buttons of Spike's jeans and when they proved too difficult Liam cursed and sat back, popping them open with both hands.
“Need to feel you.” He grinned in triumph as the trail of soft golden hairs was revealed and then pulled the jeans down, allowing Spike's cock to spring free. “Not small everywhere then?”
Spike smirked although his heart was thumping in his chest. “Fuck you.”
“No.” Liam grabbed him by the shoulder and rolled him over. “Fuck you.”
He tried to get his breathing under control as Liam pushed his legs apart with his thighs. His hand was still gripping Spike's shoulder, pinning him down and suddenly he could feel panic threatening to break out. This was moving way too fast. What did he know about this guy anyway? If things went wrong he wouldn't be able to fight back. Could hardly move as it was.
“Liam, wait...”
“I know.” Liam leaned over and drew open the bedside drawer. There was a half-empty bottle of lubrication and a squished pack of condoms among other things and he tossed them on the bed. “Been long?”
“What?” Spike struggled to look up, needing to read the look in Liam's eyes, but Liam was leaning to the other side and he only caught a glimpse of the side of his face.
“Been long since you did this?” A slick finger was probing at Spike’s entrance and he jerked away from the cold. “How much prep do you need?” The tip of Liam's finger popped in and the rest soon followed, pushing inside him steadily.
Okay. “Liam, wait. Liam, slow down!” Spike twisted his head to the other side trying to push his hands down on the mattress to heave himself up. “We need to...” The finger curled inside him and he collapsed, sparks of pleasure hitting his gut. “Oh god!”
“Good?” He could hear the smug smile in Liam's voice.
“Yeah, but...” The finger curled again and he moaned out loud. “Uh... Nevermind. Just do that again.”
“Come here, baby.” The heavy hand let go of his shoulder and he almost laughed in relief and at his own stupid fear. “Raise yourself up so I can reach your big cock.”
Oh my God. He stifled a giggle.
The finger stilled inside him. “What?”
“Nothing. Just...” He chuckled. “You sound like a bad porno.” He got up on his knees and pushed back against Liam's finger, moaning softly. “Come on and give it to me, my big fireman hero.”
Liam laughed, then abruptly stopped like the sound had surprised him. “Sorry. It's been too long. Think I've forgotten how real people speak.”
“You're doing fine. I rather liked that 'big cock' part.” He gasped as fingers wrapped around the part in question, squeezing it slightly.
“Well, no lying there. Just be glad I hadn't come to the quivering pale pectorals yet.”
He couldn't help it, he doubled over, laughter shaking his belly as he tried to hold it in. “They never say that!”
“In books they do. And then there's the 'sweet ass' and the 'tight hole' and...”
“Stop it!’ He shook his head, trying to smother his giggles. “You're killing me!”
“Killing you with my fiery passion, you mean.”
“You… Christ. Let’s skip the commentary, shall we?”
“Such a romantic, Spike.”
The fingers were pulled out so fast Spike sucked in his breath, only to hitch it further when Liam drove into him with one hard thrust. “Bloody hell! Jesus, Liam, slow… slow down! I can’t…”
“Fuck. God, you’re tight. So damn…” Liam pulled out to the tip, taking a few deep breaths before slamming in again so hard Spike’s arms gave way and he fell forward, face smothered by the pillow. “Fuck!”
He turned his head to the side, gasping for breath. “Lee, wait-“ Fingers closed over his mouth, digging into his cheek, and he panicked, flailing with his arms as he tried to wrench free.
“Don’t! Don’t call me that!” Liam’s other hand clenched around Spike’s cock, squeezing it brutally, his voice shaking. “Never call me that!”
Jesus! Spike managed to open his mouth and as soon as one finger slipped inside his mouth he bit down, hard.
“Ow! Fuck!” The hand was snatched away, only to grab his hair and push him further down into the pillow. “That’s how you wanna play this?”
“Liam! Stop! Stop it! Fucking Christ. Get the hell off me!”
He lay still, breathing raggedly as all movement froze and then Liam was rolling off him and out of bed, stumbling to his feet like a drunken calf as he pulled the condom off with shaky hands.
“Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Spike closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his wits, before rolling over, glaring up at Liam who was staring at him with wide eyes.
“Who the hell do you think I am? Some whore? Your bloody fucking bitch? Did we enter into some sodding sado-maso relationship and you forgot to tell me about it?”
“No! No, I didn’t mean to… I… God.”
“I don’t know what kind of thing you and Billy had going but I’m not him, Liam. Need to take out your anger on someone? Well, don’t fucking do it while you’ve got your bloody cock up my arse!”
“I didn’t mean…” Liam suddenly sank down to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Spike sighed and sat up, wincing at the sharp sting shooting up his arse. “Liam, you’ve got to get yourself under control.” He ran his fingers through his hair, his hands shaking slightly. “Hell, I don’t mind it rough but not on the first date. I’d like to know I can trust the bloke first to not fucking strangle me while he’s at it. And I don’t like being treated like a bloody whore. At any time.”
“I didn’t…”
“Yes, you did. Don’t do it again or I’m walking out.”
“I won’t. Never. I promise. God… Will.” Liam’s voice was muffled, his shoulders shaking.
They sat in silence, Liam still cradling his head, Spike watching him carefully. Finally he stood up and reached for his jeans.
“Food’s gonna be here soon.”
Liam shook his head, still refusing to look at him. “I’m not hungry.”
“Yes, you are. Liam…”
“Maybe you should go. Get away from me.”
Spike stopped, then slowly pulled on his t-shirt. “Do you want me to go?”
Liam finally looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and wet. “No. Please.”
“Then I’m not going.” The doorbell chimed and Spike straightened up. “Come on, put your clothes on." Liam cringed and Spike sighed. Enough of this. He toed Liam's thigh playfully. "Hey. I might be kinky but I draw the line at naked dinner parties.”
Liam gave him a cautious smile. “You do?”
“Nah, not really.” Spike smiled back. “As long as it’s not barbeque I’m good. Don’t wanna get my todger stuck in the grill, you know.”
He laughed as Liam blushed a deep red and went to open the door. “Yeah, yeah. I’m com-“
He stood frozen staring at the man outside the door who stared back with a shocked look on his face. “You’re not from The Oriental Express,” he finally managed to blurt out.
The man blinked. Then a big smile broke out on his face. “No, bro. Not exactly.”
“Right.” Spike braved a small grin. “Gunn, I presume?”
“Got it in one.” Gunn stuck out his hand and shook Spike’s vigorously. “I see you guys got together. I told Liam he should-”
“I’m paying. How much is-“ Liam stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the two of them in shock. “Gunn! What the hell are you doing here?”
“Can’t a man come by to see his buddy? Haven’t heard from you in a few days so I thought I’d better check up on you.” Gunn smirked. “Looks like you’re doing just fine.”
“It’s not… He’s not… Fuck you, Gunn.” Liam’s eyes were wide with panic and Spike suddenly felt nauseous.
“What do you know, my bladder’s full. Better pee.”
Spike turned on his heel and stalked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him before leaning against it, closing his eyes. Fuck. This was such a bloody mess.
If Liam couldn’t even tell his best friend, the only other person in the world that knew he was gay, that he was fooling around with Spike, how the hell was this ever going to work? Spike was done with hiding, done with pretending to be anyone else than he was. And Liam was still stuck in the bloody closet. Which meant they would never be able to go out anywhere, never be able to touch or even talk in public without Liam freaking out. Could he really live like that?
Shit. It wasn’t even as if they were dating. He was just here to make sure Liam didn’t try and top himself again. And being two healthy - well, more or less healthy - gay men they were putting the time spent together to some proper use. That was all. A casual sex thing. Right. If he kept telling himself that maybe he’d start to believe it.
A soft knocking on the door made him jump. “Food’s here.” Gunn.
“Yeah, okay.” His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat. “In a minute.”
He turned around and checked himself in the mirror. His face was flushed but otherwise he looked fine. He ran the tab, splashing his face and then running his wet fingers through his hair before drying his hands and face on the towel. Then he opened the door and almost walked into Gunn standing right outside.
“Oh. Sorry.”
He tried to walk past but Gunn grabbed his arm, pulling him close. “You all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He twisted his arm free and huffed indignantly. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Right. You know, I’m glad. He needs someone to-“
“I just dropped by to say thank you, alright?”
Gunn stepped back, dark brown eyes watching him. “He’s scared. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”
Spike tried for a bored smile. “Look, mate, I barely know him. He saved my life so I came by to thank him, that’s all.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Gunn slipped past Spike and into the bathroom. “That’s why you’ve got a hickey the size of an orange on the back of your neck,” he added with a smirk before closing the door.
Fuck! Spike’s hand flew to his neck and he glanced in the hall mirror. Ok, not an orange but definitely a grape. Maybe even a plum. Shit. He couldn’t even remember Liam sucking his neck. Was it just now or did it happen this morning? Had they gone to the diner with this evidence shining like a gay beacon on his neck?
And why the hell was he panicking? He wasn’t the one in the fucking closet. Bugger it. He was not going back there. He’d had enough of shame and fear and constantly looking over his shoulder, thinking people would be able to know he’d just been fucked just by looking at his arse. I can’t do this. I fucking can’t do this. Not again. Never again.
He took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen where he could hear Liam moving about. He looked up when Spike came in, scowling slightly, his face still flushed.
“What were you two talking about?”
“Football.”
Liam narrowed his eyes. “Liar.”
“Yeah well, I’m not the only one.” He reached for a can of coke, avoiding Liam’s glare.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what it means.” He looked up at Liam and sighed. “Look, Liam. I like you but we’re not gonna do any more of… that. Okay? I just can’t… I just can’t, all right?”
Liam froze, paling slightly. “I said I was sorry. I’ll never…”
“It’s not about that.” He’d actually forgotten all about that. “I’m out, Liam. Been for years. That means I made the conscious decision to never again hide who I am or what I am. Been wasting too many years feeling ashamed…” He raised his hand when Liam opened his mouth, shutting him up. “I know, you’re not ready. Maybe you never will be. But I can’t go back to that. I can’t be that person again. Not for you, not for anyone.”
“I never asked you to.”
“No, but you’re still expecting me to do it. To act like we barely know each other, even in front of your best mate that actually knows you’re gay. I just… I can’t do it, Liam.”
“Will…” Liam’s eyes flicked over Spike’s shoulder and froze.
“Am I interrupting something?”
Spike turned his head and looked up at Gunn who was watching them with a wary look in his eyes. “No. You’re not interrupting anything. I better go. I need… Need to get home. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He turned to Liam. “You gonna be all right?”
“Spike, please.”
“Are you? Because I’ll stay if you think you need me.” He kept his voice earnest while trying to make it clear that he needed the alone time.
“I… I’ll be okay.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. I won’t… do anything.” Liam avoided Gunn’s startled eyes.
“Good. If you need anything you can call me. Otherwise I’ll pop in tomorrow.”
He gave Liam a small smile then turned around, brushing past Gunn and out into the hall. He shuffled into his sneakers and grabbed his jacket. He could hear a quiet murmur starting up in the kitchen as he closed the door behind him. With each step down the stairs his heart felt heavier and by the time he was out and back in his car his throat was tight and his hands shaking. It was for the best. There were only so many times he was ready to get his heart broken.
Continued here.
Anyway, I'm not really pitiful because look what I got!! Yes, a new chapter but that's not the woohoo part. The woohoo part is the icon *points to icon* and the banner mentalme85 made for my story (under the cut). Actually she made a bunch of icons and three banners and I'm feeling overwhelmed. And it was so hard to choose!! I'm probably gonna alternate between the banners and I might have to do that with the icons too. Sooo pretty!!!
So here you have it:
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 7
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Author's note: Dedicated to mentalme85 for the lovely art. Thank you, baby!!
Previous chapters are here
The Fire Within, Chapter 7
“Hey, Liam?”
“Uhm…”
Spike watched in amusement as Liam turned his head, trying to get away from the fingers tickling his cheek.
“Come on, pet. Wake up.”
Suddenly Liam jerked awake and abruptly sat up, pushing Spike so hard that he almost fell off the couch.
“Oi! Watch it, mate!”
“What…!” Liam was looking around in panic, his eyes finally settling on Spike and he blinked in confusion. “What happened?”
Spike frowned. “Nothing happened. You just fell asleep, that’s all.”
Liam stared at him and then he suddenly slumped, closing his eyes and rubbing them with his fingers. “I was dreaming. About…” He stopped, his lips settling in a thin line. “What time is it?”
About what? Billy? Spike wished for the hundredth time that he could see inside Liam’s pretty head. “Eight. Fancy a bite?”
Liam’s head snapped up, his eyes comically wide. “What?”
Spike only just managed to keep from rolling his own eyes. “Food. Are you hungry?”
He smiled as Liam glanced down at his stomach as if it could give him answers. “Uh… yeah. I guess.”
“I’d offer to cook but I wasn’t lying when I said spaghetti Bolognese was all I could make. And I made that for myself yesterday. Actually I’ve already had that twice this week so…”
“We can order something. Pizza, Chinese…”
“Chinese it is. Fits in with the movie.” Spike fished his cell out of his jeans. “Oh, maybe I can borrow it, eh? I’d love to see the whole thing.”
“You fell asleep.” Liam was watching him with an odd look on his face.
“Yeah.” Spike offered him an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.” He grinned. “We didn’t all spend the night dead to the world, you know. Some of us were cleaning and mopping up vomit.”
Liam blushed. Spike had to fight not to reach out and lay his palm on Liam’s cheek, feeling the heat flushing his skin. God, he was beautiful.
“You always so trusting of people?”
Spike frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Falling asleep in a stranger’s apartment. I could have done anything to you.”
Spike snorted. “Speak for yourself, Sleeping Beauty.” He grinned at Liam’s confused look. “I could have robbed you blind, mate. Taken the whole lot, including the sofa with you in it. You were dead to the world.”
That earned him a small smile and he laughed softly. “Besides, you probably wouldn’t have done anything I didn’t want you to do.”
Liam’s eyes turned almost instantly dark and Spike pulled away, cursing his big mouth. Always with the jokes and the saucy suggestions. He wasn’t ready for this, and more importantly, Liam wasn’t ready for this.
Liam was an emotional mess, not to mention the whole closet thing, and in the back of his mind Spike knew he was setting himself up for a heartache if he even let himself consider that they could be anything more than friends, with or without shagging. This morning… it had been a mistake and he was secretly happy that Liam had felt too faint to continue. He’d thought he’d been okay with having a fuck just for fuck’s sake, but in fact it had felt wrong on so many levels. He liked Liam, more than he’d liked any guy in a long time, and jumping straight into bed with someone you really liked was always a mistake. Friends first, fuck later. Turn it around and sure as hell it would stop with the fucking and never become anything more. And God, did he want more. Especially when Liam was looking at him like…
Spike averted his eyes. “Any particular place? The Oriental Express is quite tasty.”
Liam blinked. “Er… yeah. Sounds good.” He shifted awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair. He was looking pale, a thin sheet of sweat covering his forehead.
Spike nodded and stood up, fishing out the phone from his pocket as he walked into the kitchen. The Oriental Express was number 8 on his speed dial and he pushed it, eyes shifting to the fridge. Billy smiled at him. He shivered and cleared his throat before calling out, “Kung Pao chicken and Szechuan beef okay?”
“Sure.” Liam’s voice was muffled and Spike peeked around the corner as he waited for his call to be picked up. Liam was still sitting on the couch, shoulders slumped, head bowed down. He was breathing heavily, his hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at his temples.
“You all right?”
“I’m fine.”
Spike frowned and walked over, oriental music pinging in his ear. “Your side bothering you?”
“I said I’m fine!”
“Liam…”
Liam’s head snapped up, eyes narrowed in irritation. Sweat was running down his brow. “I need a fucking drink, ok? Go ahead, say it.”
“I’m not gonna say anything.” Spike sat down beside him, laying one hand on Liam’s thigh. “You still want food?”
Liam swallowed. “I… Yeah. I’m still hungry, it’s just…”
“Ok. Listen, it will take a while to get here, if I ever get through on this bloody line. Maybe you should take a shower, that will make you feel better. And then we can-“
“The Oriental Express, can I take your order?”
“Yes! Thank you!” Spike patted Liam’s thigh and stood up, walking back into the kitchen. Better order some sodas too.
“Then we can what?” Liam called after him but Spike only waved his hand dismissively and rattled off the order and their address, drying his sweaty palm on his jeans.
Finally clicking the phone shut he walked back into the living room. “They said forty min-“ He froze.
Liam had stood up and was pulling off his t-shirt, muscles rippling under his skin like snakes. Spike stood in the doorway, sweating, unable too take his eyes off Liam as he stretched and creaked his neck with a grunt.
Fuck, get a grip on yourself. It’s not been that long since you had a shag. Only about… two months, three weeks and five days.
Bugger.
“What are you doing?”
Liam turned around and frowned at him. “Shower?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course. Sorry.” He willed down the blush travelling up from his neck.
Liam stood still, dark eyes watching him and he looked away, swallowing.
“Unless you want to do something else?”
Fuck. His whole body flushed, the warmth in his belly turning into a full blaze fire. “Look, Liam. About this morning…”
“Yes?”
Liam was moving toward him, slow but deliberate steps that made him look predatory. Like a panther getting ready to pounce. Spike took a step back, his breath hitching.
“Maybe we should…”
“Yes. We should.” Liam licked his lips, only a couple of steps away now. “Fuck, you’re hot.”
Spike sucked in his breath. He hadn’t meant it like that. Actually he’d meant quite the opposite. But Liam was staring at him with those big dark eyes and licking those soft lips and, Jesus, look at those muscles.
“Yeah?” What are you doing? No! Tell him to back off. Tell him...
“Yeah. I wanna fuck you so bad.”
His lips parted, staccato breath drying out his mouth. “Fuck. Liam…”
Liam took the final step and then he was crushing their lips together again, one hand grabbing the back of Spike’s head while the other palmed his ass.
Jesus!
Spike’s head was spinning and his knees started to feel weak so he grabbed Liam’s shoulder, holding on for support. 'Bad idea! Bad idea! Bad idea!' signs flashed before his eyes until thankfully his brain decided to shut down as Liam’s tongue slid in and started to fuck his mouth in earnest.
“Bedroom.”
He couldn’t answer, couldn’t think, just stumbled backward, trying not to trip over his own feet as Liam pushed him in the direction of the bedroom. They were kissing again, all lips and tongues and teeth clashing. Before he knew it the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell down on it, Liam towering over him for a moment before coming after him, his eyes dark and stormy. His right hand moved down to struggle with the buttons of Spike's jeans and when they proved too difficult Liam cursed and sat back, popping them open with both hands.
“Need to feel you.” He grinned in triumph as the trail of soft golden hairs was revealed and then pulled the jeans down, allowing Spike's cock to spring free. “Not small everywhere then?”
Spike smirked although his heart was thumping in his chest. “Fuck you.”
“No.” Liam grabbed him by the shoulder and rolled him over. “Fuck you.”
He tried to get his breathing under control as Liam pushed his legs apart with his thighs. His hand was still gripping Spike's shoulder, pinning him down and suddenly he could feel panic threatening to break out. This was moving way too fast. What did he know about this guy anyway? If things went wrong he wouldn't be able to fight back. Could hardly move as it was.
“Liam, wait...”
“I know.” Liam leaned over and drew open the bedside drawer. There was a half-empty bottle of lubrication and a squished pack of condoms among other things and he tossed them on the bed. “Been long?”
“What?” Spike struggled to look up, needing to read the look in Liam's eyes, but Liam was leaning to the other side and he only caught a glimpse of the side of his face.
“Been long since you did this?” A slick finger was probing at Spike’s entrance and he jerked away from the cold. “How much prep do you need?” The tip of Liam's finger popped in and the rest soon followed, pushing inside him steadily.
Okay. “Liam, wait. Liam, slow down!” Spike twisted his head to the other side trying to push his hands down on the mattress to heave himself up. “We need to...” The finger curled inside him and he collapsed, sparks of pleasure hitting his gut. “Oh god!”
“Good?” He could hear the smug smile in Liam's voice.
“Yeah, but...” The finger curled again and he moaned out loud. “Uh... Nevermind. Just do that again.”
“Come here, baby.” The heavy hand let go of his shoulder and he almost laughed in relief and at his own stupid fear. “Raise yourself up so I can reach your big cock.”
Oh my God. He stifled a giggle.
The finger stilled inside him. “What?”
“Nothing. Just...” He chuckled. “You sound like a bad porno.” He got up on his knees and pushed back against Liam's finger, moaning softly. “Come on and give it to me, my big fireman hero.”
Liam laughed, then abruptly stopped like the sound had surprised him. “Sorry. It's been too long. Think I've forgotten how real people speak.”
“You're doing fine. I rather liked that 'big cock' part.” He gasped as fingers wrapped around the part in question, squeezing it slightly.
“Well, no lying there. Just be glad I hadn't come to the quivering pale pectorals yet.”
He couldn't help it, he doubled over, laughter shaking his belly as he tried to hold it in. “They never say that!”
“In books they do. And then there's the 'sweet ass' and the 'tight hole' and...”
“Stop it!’ He shook his head, trying to smother his giggles. “You're killing me!”
“Killing you with my fiery passion, you mean.”
“You… Christ. Let’s skip the commentary, shall we?”
“Such a romantic, Spike.”
The fingers were pulled out so fast Spike sucked in his breath, only to hitch it further when Liam drove into him with one hard thrust. “Bloody hell! Jesus, Liam, slow… slow down! I can’t…”
“Fuck. God, you’re tight. So damn…” Liam pulled out to the tip, taking a few deep breaths before slamming in again so hard Spike’s arms gave way and he fell forward, face smothered by the pillow. “Fuck!”
He turned his head to the side, gasping for breath. “Lee, wait-“ Fingers closed over his mouth, digging into his cheek, and he panicked, flailing with his arms as he tried to wrench free.
“Don’t! Don’t call me that!” Liam’s other hand clenched around Spike’s cock, squeezing it brutally, his voice shaking. “Never call me that!”
Jesus! Spike managed to open his mouth and as soon as one finger slipped inside his mouth he bit down, hard.
“Ow! Fuck!” The hand was snatched away, only to grab his hair and push him further down into the pillow. “That’s how you wanna play this?”
“Liam! Stop! Stop it! Fucking Christ. Get the hell off me!”
He lay still, breathing raggedly as all movement froze and then Liam was rolling off him and out of bed, stumbling to his feet like a drunken calf as he pulled the condom off with shaky hands.
“Oh God. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Spike closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his wits, before rolling over, glaring up at Liam who was staring at him with wide eyes.
“Who the hell do you think I am? Some whore? Your bloody fucking bitch? Did we enter into some sodding sado-maso relationship and you forgot to tell me about it?”
“No! No, I didn’t mean to… I… God.”
“I don’t know what kind of thing you and Billy had going but I’m not him, Liam. Need to take out your anger on someone? Well, don’t fucking do it while you’ve got your bloody cock up my arse!”
“I didn’t mean…” Liam suddenly sank down to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Spike sighed and sat up, wincing at the sharp sting shooting up his arse. “Liam, you’ve got to get yourself under control.” He ran his fingers through his hair, his hands shaking slightly. “Hell, I don’t mind it rough but not on the first date. I’d like to know I can trust the bloke first to not fucking strangle me while he’s at it. And I don’t like being treated like a bloody whore. At any time.”
“I didn’t…”
“Yes, you did. Don’t do it again or I’m walking out.”
“I won’t. Never. I promise. God… Will.” Liam’s voice was muffled, his shoulders shaking.
They sat in silence, Liam still cradling his head, Spike watching him carefully. Finally he stood up and reached for his jeans.
“Food’s gonna be here soon.”
Liam shook his head, still refusing to look at him. “I’m not hungry.”
“Yes, you are. Liam…”
“Maybe you should go. Get away from me.”
Spike stopped, then slowly pulled on his t-shirt. “Do you want me to go?”
Liam finally looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and wet. “No. Please.”
“Then I’m not going.” The doorbell chimed and Spike straightened up. “Come on, put your clothes on." Liam cringed and Spike sighed. Enough of this. He toed Liam's thigh playfully. "Hey. I might be kinky but I draw the line at naked dinner parties.”
Liam gave him a cautious smile. “You do?”
“Nah, not really.” Spike smiled back. “As long as it’s not barbeque I’m good. Don’t wanna get my todger stuck in the grill, you know.”
He laughed as Liam blushed a deep red and went to open the door. “Yeah, yeah. I’m com-“
He stood frozen staring at the man outside the door who stared back with a shocked look on his face. “You’re not from The Oriental Express,” he finally managed to blurt out.
The man blinked. Then a big smile broke out on his face. “No, bro. Not exactly.”
“Right.” Spike braved a small grin. “Gunn, I presume?”
“Got it in one.” Gunn stuck out his hand and shook Spike’s vigorously. “I see you guys got together. I told Liam he should-”
“I’m paying. How much is-“ Liam stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the two of them in shock. “Gunn! What the hell are you doing here?”
“Can’t a man come by to see his buddy? Haven’t heard from you in a few days so I thought I’d better check up on you.” Gunn smirked. “Looks like you’re doing just fine.”
“It’s not… He’s not… Fuck you, Gunn.” Liam’s eyes were wide with panic and Spike suddenly felt nauseous.
“What do you know, my bladder’s full. Better pee.”
Spike turned on his heel and stalked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him before leaning against it, closing his eyes. Fuck. This was such a bloody mess.
If Liam couldn’t even tell his best friend, the only other person in the world that knew he was gay, that he was fooling around with Spike, how the hell was this ever going to work? Spike was done with hiding, done with pretending to be anyone else than he was. And Liam was still stuck in the bloody closet. Which meant they would never be able to go out anywhere, never be able to touch or even talk in public without Liam freaking out. Could he really live like that?
Shit. It wasn’t even as if they were dating. He was just here to make sure Liam didn’t try and top himself again. And being two healthy - well, more or less healthy - gay men they were putting the time spent together to some proper use. That was all. A casual sex thing. Right. If he kept telling himself that maybe he’d start to believe it.
A soft knocking on the door made him jump. “Food’s here.” Gunn.
“Yeah, okay.” His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat. “In a minute.”
He turned around and checked himself in the mirror. His face was flushed but otherwise he looked fine. He ran the tab, splashing his face and then running his wet fingers through his hair before drying his hands and face on the towel. Then he opened the door and almost walked into Gunn standing right outside.
“Oh. Sorry.”
He tried to walk past but Gunn grabbed his arm, pulling him close. “You all right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He twisted his arm free and huffed indignantly. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Right. You know, I’m glad. He needs someone to-“
“I just dropped by to say thank you, alright?”
Gunn stepped back, dark brown eyes watching him. “He’s scared. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”
Spike tried for a bored smile. “Look, mate, I barely know him. He saved my life so I came by to thank him, that’s all.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Gunn slipped past Spike and into the bathroom. “That’s why you’ve got a hickey the size of an orange on the back of your neck,” he added with a smirk before closing the door.
Fuck! Spike’s hand flew to his neck and he glanced in the hall mirror. Ok, not an orange but definitely a grape. Maybe even a plum. Shit. He couldn’t even remember Liam sucking his neck. Was it just now or did it happen this morning? Had they gone to the diner with this evidence shining like a gay beacon on his neck?
And why the hell was he panicking? He wasn’t the one in the fucking closet. Bugger it. He was not going back there. He’d had enough of shame and fear and constantly looking over his shoulder, thinking people would be able to know he’d just been fucked just by looking at his arse. I can’t do this. I fucking can’t do this. Not again. Never again.
He took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen where he could hear Liam moving about. He looked up when Spike came in, scowling slightly, his face still flushed.
“What were you two talking about?”
“Football.”
Liam narrowed his eyes. “Liar.”
“Yeah well, I’m not the only one.” He reached for a can of coke, avoiding Liam’s glare.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means what it means.” He looked up at Liam and sighed. “Look, Liam. I like you but we’re not gonna do any more of… that. Okay? I just can’t… I just can’t, all right?”
Liam froze, paling slightly. “I said I was sorry. I’ll never…”
“It’s not about that.” He’d actually forgotten all about that. “I’m out, Liam. Been for years. That means I made the conscious decision to never again hide who I am or what I am. Been wasting too many years feeling ashamed…” He raised his hand when Liam opened his mouth, shutting him up. “I know, you’re not ready. Maybe you never will be. But I can’t go back to that. I can’t be that person again. Not for you, not for anyone.”
“I never asked you to.”
“No, but you’re still expecting me to do it. To act like we barely know each other, even in front of your best mate that actually knows you’re gay. I just… I can’t do it, Liam.”
“Will…” Liam’s eyes flicked over Spike’s shoulder and froze.
“Am I interrupting something?”
Spike turned his head and looked up at Gunn who was watching them with a wary look in his eyes. “No. You’re not interrupting anything. I better go. I need… Need to get home. I’ll be back tomorrow.” He turned to Liam. “You gonna be all right?”
“Spike, please.”
“Are you? Because I’ll stay if you think you need me.” He kept his voice earnest while trying to make it clear that he needed the alone time.
“I… I’ll be okay.”
“Promise?”
“Yes. I won’t… do anything.” Liam avoided Gunn’s startled eyes.
“Good. If you need anything you can call me. Otherwise I’ll pop in tomorrow.”
He gave Liam a small smile then turned around, brushing past Gunn and out into the hall. He shuffled into his sneakers and grabbed his jacket. He could hear a quiet murmur starting up in the kitchen as he closed the door behind him. With each step down the stairs his heart felt heavier and by the time he was out and back in his car his throat was tight and his hands shaking. It was for the best. There were only so many times he was ready to get his heart broken.
Continued here.