Dean/Cas Big Bang - I Do(not) Want to Set the World on Fire 5/10
Part 1: Worldly Acclaim (I've Lost All) | Part 2: I'm Dreaming of (the Goal) | Part 3: Admission (and with Your) | Part 4: Believe (me)
It takes them a bit to get to the Regulators, because the Lyon’s Pride finds them first. Sarah Lyons and Lisa Braedon are one-part amazed he’s alive, and two-or-three-parts pissed at him for not sending word he was alive. Explaining he’s only been out of Enclave torture-chambers for a few days eases the ‘pissed’ part, at least.
Castiel is silent, as per usual, while watching them interact, and Lisa is obviously unnerved by Cas’ presence and what looks like his lack of weaponry. Dean doesn’t blame the Brotherhood for their wariness of people with little gear - considering what he’d seen Meg do, as well as the fact that the worse thing to come across in the Wastes was a Deathclaw, not an Enclave guy in full gear, a person with little armoring was either very dangerous, or really crazy.
Still, Dean gets their wariness of Cas, and their wish to walk and talk with Dean as he goes to try and convince the Regulators to join with them. He’s done his best to not think about how long he’s been gone, or how bad things are starting to look at the outskirts of the DC ruins and elsewhere.
So far things are touch and go, with Alastair’s group holding the Memorial and a few other places while the Brotherhood and it’s allies hold smaller areas. Despite everything, the Super mutants are still a threat, to both groups, and it only means that they have to divide their time between saving ammo for a major fight or having skirmishes between the three groups.
Speaking of skirmishes...yeah, the second major setback was when a group of Super mutants and their centaurs decided to attack them. Luckily there were no behemoths this time, but the Master guy was not so much fun, as he seemed to take perverse pleasure in shooting off that mini-gun at them.
It’s the first fight where he can see Castiel’s strengths and weaknesses. They break off from the main grouping of the Pride, Sarah calling out after them as Dean attracts the attention of the abomination centaur, ducking the spit of some radioactive goop to shoot it down. Castiel looks angry, as if the presence of the Super mutants and centaurs offends him, and his disappears only to reappear behind the Master, shoving a blade into the giant’s skull and ending the main threat. One of the things lets out a yell and comes at Cas with a nail board, but Dean is fast enough to pick the bastard off, even as Cas moves again, blinking out of existence and back again to cut down a few more of the things.
Dean isn’t paying attention to the Brotherhood until the battle’s over, Castiel appearing next to him and looking him over. Despite being in some pretty gory areas, Cas doesn’t have any blood on him, and Dean finds himself grinning like an idiot.
“Cas, that was awesome!”
Castiel blinks, because Dean knows that whatever set Cas off, it ended when the threat was gone. Because, despite knowing him for all of three days, Dean trusts Cas. He trusts him and knows that, even if one day he’ll mess this up and Cas will realize he’s not the Righteous anything, Cas is at least here now, and can fight well with Dean’s own style. Even if it’s just Cas and knives and that freaky ability he has (which explains how they got into Megaton when Cas was naked), he can handle himself, and that Dean won’t have to worry about him unless he asks for help.
Castiel’s wings are a bit nervous, flickering and moving up and spreading out before finally settling, Cas saying, “I was doing what was necessary. They are...tainted.”
“Too much FEV,” Lisa says, approaching but staying a short distance away. Dean knows he’s freaked her out, or at least Cas has freaked them out, and Sarah dislikes being freaked out. “We’re still trying to work out more on how they’re created. Dean, can we speak to you in private?”
Dean glances over to Cas, who nods before Dean moves away, following Lisa to where the Pride is, Sarah pacing and looking angry.
“The hell is he?”
“What?”
“I asked you what the hell that...that...”
Dean held up his hand, trying to calm Sarah down. “Sarah, look--.”
“Don’t you start that with me! That wasn’t natural! You think someone being able to...to...”
Dean decides to nip this in the bud. “He’s an angel, he says. I...look, Sarah, he saved me from Alastair, got me patched up. Trust me, I wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t helped me.”
It at least stops Sarah from pacing, shifting a bit and confused. “Wait, what? He...you’re joking, right?”
Dean wishes he was, but...at the same time, he’s beginning to suspect only he can see Cas’ wings. It’s a frightening concept, but also one that, he hopes, will allow him to stay by Cas’ side after the inevitable loss of his attention. “I just know he healed me, Sarah. They pumped me full of meds, I’m kinda amazed I even made it out the damned door.” Both Sarah and Lisa look concerned now, and Dean finally shrugs. “He helped me out, Sar. Like I did with you, when we got to GNR. I didn’t know he could do that, I just know he’s...”
“Good for you,” Lisa finishes, getting Dean to blink and look at her. She smiles a bit at him. “Dean, you wouldn’t have gone for the ‘awesome’ unless you were serious. I know that much about you.” He looks away, to where he can see Cas waiting, near some old picnic tables. “We should be back at the Citadel in a few days. You want to go in and explain it all then?”
Sarah smiles at him in a way that says she knows Dean will probably say yes, and adds, “That guy, Autumn? He’s gonna be there. We’ve been hashing out a truce, and kinda need someone to talk about what the other guys are doing.”
Dean manages a smile. Those two always manage to get him to smile, even after they had to hold off a wave or two of Super mutants. “Ok. We’ll try to be back by then.”
It’s so odd, yet so easy...to just think of him and Cas as ‘we’ instead of Dean alone. Maybe it’s because he’s been alone for too long, and now he’s not. Not yet, but Dean can imagine it’ll last longer than it normally does.
The Lyon’s Pride leave him and Cas as they head off, further north than Dean and Cas are going, to the east, and Dean dislikes that the attack and talk have made things too dark to move safely in. If they keep going, they’ll probably end up running into something during the night, and Dean’s also not ready for treks during the night. He’s still recovering, still not all there.
“We need to find some shelter,” Dean tells Cas as he comes back, “We’ll probably make it to the Regulator’s tomorrow.”
Castiel nods, following Dean to a good waypoint, an abandoned farm that got cleared out of Raiders and that Dean booby-trapped the last time he was here, hoping to make sure the bastards didn’t try to retake it. The scatterings of blood and body parts from the missing makeshift minefield around it tells Dean that the place hasn’t been breached, and he’s able to get around the mines he planted with some ease before getting inside and upstairs. Castiel follows, tripping none of the mines, and frowns as he looks around at some of the covered up stuff.
“Raiders aren’t known for making the places look...nice,” Dean mutters as an explanation before heading upstairs to where most of the beds are still located. He doesn’t really focus on if Cas follows him, instead just checking over the place to make sure it’s still safe and no one else can get in before going to the main bedroom. The larger bed is still there, the skeletons long moved off and, luckily, no stains to signal it’s use with butchering bodies for the Raider’s ‘decorative’ streak.
Dean sits on it as Cas comes in, looking around with a frown. Dean wonders what he’s looking at, or at least what he’s seeing. His wings are close to him, as if afraid to touch any of the walls. “Raiders used to hide here,” Dean says, as way of explanation, as Cas looks over at him.
“Their actions left a taint in this place,” Castiel says, sounding unhappy, and Dean lets out a breath. “Why are we staying here?”
“It’s safe,” Dean tells him feeling uneasy, “They can’t come back in, and I’m not up for traveling at night...not right now.” He doesn’t want to mention what Alastair did in the darkness of the cell Dean was kept in, or the fact that traveling at night was twice as dangerous as traveling in the day.
Cas seems to be considering this before moving over to the other side of the bed, Dean ignoring him as he lay down, letting out a breath and relaxing. Cas slowly mimicked his motions, though he doesn’t close his eyes or attempt to sleep, instead turning to watch Dean while he settled in for the night.
It doesn’t take long, at least by the watch in his Pip-Boy, for Dean to waken from a nightmare, starting and gripping the warmth next to him before he realizes he’s pulled Cas close, gripping him as tightly as Cas had held him in that Church. Dean starts to move away when a wing curled around him, enough that he could see it and stopped, swallowing.
“Cas…”
“There are still spots in you, places I did not heal,” he says, sounding frustrated and staring at Dean in a way that makes him feel…Dean isn’t sure. He swallows, his shivering slowly subsiding as warmth from Castiel seeps into his body, though both are still fully clothed. He blinks as Dean shifts them on the bed, so Dean’s laying back down and he’s leaning over him, their eyes locked, while Cas seems to be trying to figure something out.
Dean feels at peace, despite the lack of personal space, and is surprised by how comforted he is when he notices the wings surround them, Castiel all but over him and watching him as Dean feels himself starting to slowly close his eyes…
Its daylight when Dean wakes, Castiel moving over to the other side of the bed as Dean slowly sits up and shifts, blushing and quickly standing up, hoping to hide his erection. Shit.
Dean knew what he was, knew that he enjoyed the company of men and women. He didn’t really look at men, except a few. But this was the quickest he’d really fallen for someone. The problem was that Cas was a damned Angel, and whatever that meant, Dean doubted it included loving or having a lot of physical relations with someone like Dean. Cas was there because he thought Dean was important, and Dean had to remember that.
Dean moves and closes the bathroom door, trying to focus on all things unsexy and not the man in the other room. He looked at himself in the mirror, the cracked image of himself working to remind him of what he was, of what it was that Cas would be tied to if they even tried anything. It wasn’t fair to something like an Angel, especially not one that was looking for someone Righteous, someone to save the world.
Dean goes back out after he’s gone soft, shifting when he sees Castiel watching him curiously from the doorway, as if he knows and is trying to figure out what to say.
“Let’s get going,” Dean says, going to get the food he left in the working fridge, “We’ve wasted enough time.”
--
They don’t get far, a sudden and frantic attack by some Talon Company, who apparently were still pissed at Dean for reasons. Castiel dispatched them quickly, but one got in a good strike, a knife going into Dean’s leg as he hissed in pain before shooting the man, falling to the ground and groaning while Castiel finished the last one off.
Dean had left the knife in, looking at it as Castiel returned, his face pale and his soul and body shaking from the pain. Castiel hated to see that, remembering how he’d looked when Castiel first saw him.
“sonuvabitch,” Dean muttered, pulling out a small hypo of some sort before taking a few deep breaths, pulling out the knife and cursing loudly, then jabbing the needle into his leg. Castiel frowned, watching the chemicals work and stitch Dean back together, leaving a long, pale scar under the clothing while Dean took in a few breaths, calming.
Castiel hates it. He doesn’t want Dean to use the chemicals, to instead wanting to heal Dean himself. Seeing him in pain, and the fact that the chemical healing item left a scar, makes Castiel feel odd, as if the reminder that Dean can be hurt is some strange, physical sensation.
“Cas? Are you ok?”
Castiel puts his hand over the scar, feeling the skin heal fully, once more back to how it looked before the knife and attack, Dean swallowing and looking confused.
“Why didn’t you let me heal you?” Castiel demands, Dean leaning back against one of the broken cars he’d taken refuge behind, though he said that sometimes, such tactics could be dangerous.
“I…I mean, I have stimpacks, Cas, you don’t…”
“I do not spend any energy, it is something I can do. Why didn’t you let me heal you?”
Dean’s eyes are bright and colored with emotions that Castiel cannot identify, fear and something else shining in them. Castiel gets closer, trying to see into Dean and figure out what they are.
“I…I haven’t…”
Castiel recalls the long memories, that Dean is almost always alone, besides a dark dog he left behind when Alastair took him. Besides the dog, Dean has been alone, with no one to help heal him when hurt, and that vulnerability and self-reliance means that Castiel cannot just expect him to know there is help. He must be there, remind him until he becomes a second nature.
The dark spots begin to shift again, like they had earlier, moving away from something but also trying to smother the strange light that was coloring Dean’s soul, making it spark and shine like a sunrise.
Castiel tilted his head, trying to get a better look at the colors as Dean looked away, Castiel’s eyes now drawn to Dean’s physical body, and the arousal that was growing in his mind, soul, and body. He can see that Dean is frightened, that the dark spots are trying to eat at him, and the colors within him.
“Dean,” Castiel says, getting Dean’s eyes to lock onto his own. The dark spots are in the back of his mind, clouding the coloring Castiel enjoys, and he leans forward, trying to see, when his lips brush against Dean’s own. Dean jerks back, sparks of light being swallowed by darkness, but that they spark, that there’s some light chasing away the things that Castiel couldn’t heal, makes Castiel curious. He leans forward again, touching Dean’s lips again, blinking and seeing more light behind his closed eyelids as well as feeling Dean tense then, slowly, relax into the contact.
It feels odd, the pressure steady, the feel of Dean’s breath a sign of his worry but also his life. Castiel knows they are alone and safe, but wraps his wings around them anyway, to hide them from view. He feels Dean shift at a brief break of contact, and relax even more, as he does whenever Castiel’s wings are around him. It’s odd, to see the light now beating back the darkness, though spots of it still remain.
“Cas…Cas what are you…” Dean mutters, the two still very close, the feel of Dean’s arousal through his clothing making Castiel’s own feel so odd, sparking like the spots of light in the dark spots within Dean.
“the dark things in you, that I could not heal,” Castiel says, trying to explain, “they disappear when I’m close, but…others eat up the light.” He does the action again, pressing his lips against Dean’s, feeling him physically as their bodies react, Dean moaning and sending a strange and pleasant vibration through their bodies, shifting and making them both gasp at the friction against their skins. “you’re so bright, like this.”
Dean blinks, as if confused, but the darkness is nearly gone, only stuck like the scars Castiel hates. Those are deeper in Dean, at places Castiel cannot reach yet.
Dean licks his lips, swallowing and looking worried, the light dimming. “You…do you…I mean…” he flushes, bringing out the freckles on his skin. “Cas, I…I have to know.”
Castiel tilts his head, frowning. “What, Dean?”
“Do you want this? Want me?”
Castiel blinks at the question. He remembers what Zachariah said, about sex and how they didn’t create angels as the humans did, stuck in the Wastes. He has never felt his body physically - how he is now is how he’s always been, how Father created him. He has not aged, nor has he had a reason to desire anyone. Yet after he touched Dean, after Dean gripped him back, Castiel knew he cared for Dean on multiple levels. Beyond him simply being the Righteous One, Castiel wants Dean’s soul to shine, to be seen by all for the wonderful thing it is. And beyond that, Dean is…beautiful, physically. Castiel enjoyed the feel of Dean pressed against him, of Dean’s body under him and relaxed, sleeping soundly without the nightmares that had woken him.
“I would not do this if I did not,” Castiel answers, watching as some of the dark patches disappear completely, Dean surging forward to wrap a hand around the back of Castiel’s head, his lips finding Castiel’s and pushing them together. The surge and change, the loss of darkness, makes Dean so much brighter in his soul, makes his body both ready and relaxed, that Castiel can only shudder as his own body reacts in kind. He feels no shame in it, despite what he’d been taught. He sees no reason for shame, nor for denying his body pleasure, since it brings Dean pleasure as well and makes him shine, like a polished beacon.
Dean deepens the kiss when Castiel’s hand grips the location of the scar, his body pushing against Castiel’s as they rocked together. The sensations brought out gasps, his body starting to react almost naturally as he tried to get closer to Dean, the kisses moving from mouth to cheeks and necks. Castiel wanted to find somewhere safe, so they could explore each other’s bodies more freely, but Dean muttered something that had Castiel frowning, shifting back to rock a bit against him as Dean let out a moan.
“Cas…we…ah…we need to get going.”
“dean…”
“I…I want..but…please.”
Castiel understood, despite the lack of words. They needed to speak to the Regulators, needed more support from others, and they were not safe here to do what they wanted. Castiel slowly moved off, willing his body back to normal and, as he saw Dean struggling, lightly touching him to will it back as well. Dean blinked in surprise and looked over at him.
“That’s handy,” he muttered, a smile on his face as Castiel helped him stand. Castiel finds himself returning it as Dean heads over to the bodies nearby, using some of the armor to fix his own and looking disgusted at a piece of paper one of them has on them.
“What?” Castiel asks, walking up to look at him and the paper. It appears to be a contract of some sort, describing Dean and the reward for killing him.
“Talon takes all the jobs that no one else wants,” Dean offers as an explanation, “and someone likes to contract them out to kill all the people doing good in the Wastes.” He shrugs, as if someone trying to rid the world of good is nothing to focus on, “They’re assholes anyway.”
“They want to kill you for the good you’re doing.”
“They don’t,” Dean muttered back, taking a gun and looking it over before adding it to his arsenal, “but they’ll take the contract about it.” He lets out a sigh and looks over at Castiel, who is trying hard to not be angry, and failing miserably. He wants to find all of Talon and smite them, as Uriel would, to leave nothing behind but bones and dust. “Hey, come on Cas. It’ll be ok. You can’t let one group of guys get you down.”
Dean’s closeness and concern doesn’t ease Castiel’s anger at them. He wants to punish those that would harm Dean, that are responsible for the dark spots Castiel couldn’t heal when he first found Dean. He wants him healed, the scars less than a memory, so Dean can shine as he did when they were kissing. He knows that, if he does this, Dean will become so bright a blast would seem dull by comparison.
But he pushes it down for another time. Castiel knows they need to get moving, that the deeper spots in Dean’s mind and soul will take time to heal, and ways that he hasn’t learned. He can heal Dean physically, at least, but mentally and spiritually will take time.
“I...am not used to feeling like that. To being so angry.”
Dean smiles a bit and kisses his cheek. “I can see that. It’s ok.” He shrugs, “Anyway, let’s get going. We can deal with Talon later.”
Castiel smiles a bit at that. Yes, that sounds like something they need to do.
Part 6: Be the One (You Love)
It takes them a bit to get to the Regulators, because the Lyon’s Pride finds them first. Sarah Lyons and Lisa Braedon are one-part amazed he’s alive, and two-or-three-parts pissed at him for not sending word he was alive. Explaining he’s only been out of Enclave torture-chambers for a few days eases the ‘pissed’ part, at least.
Castiel is silent, as per usual, while watching them interact, and Lisa is obviously unnerved by Cas’ presence and what looks like his lack of weaponry. Dean doesn’t blame the Brotherhood for their wariness of people with little gear - considering what he’d seen Meg do, as well as the fact that the worse thing to come across in the Wastes was a Deathclaw, not an Enclave guy in full gear, a person with little armoring was either very dangerous, or really crazy.
Still, Dean gets their wariness of Cas, and their wish to walk and talk with Dean as he goes to try and convince the Regulators to join with them. He’s done his best to not think about how long he’s been gone, or how bad things are starting to look at the outskirts of the DC ruins and elsewhere.
So far things are touch and go, with Alastair’s group holding the Memorial and a few other places while the Brotherhood and it’s allies hold smaller areas. Despite everything, the Super mutants are still a threat, to both groups, and it only means that they have to divide their time between saving ammo for a major fight or having skirmishes between the three groups.
Speaking of skirmishes...yeah, the second major setback was when a group of Super mutants and their centaurs decided to attack them. Luckily there were no behemoths this time, but the Master guy was not so much fun, as he seemed to take perverse pleasure in shooting off that mini-gun at them.
It’s the first fight where he can see Castiel’s strengths and weaknesses. They break off from the main grouping of the Pride, Sarah calling out after them as Dean attracts the attention of the abomination centaur, ducking the spit of some radioactive goop to shoot it down. Castiel looks angry, as if the presence of the Super mutants and centaurs offends him, and his disappears only to reappear behind the Master, shoving a blade into the giant’s skull and ending the main threat. One of the things lets out a yell and comes at Cas with a nail board, but Dean is fast enough to pick the bastard off, even as Cas moves again, blinking out of existence and back again to cut down a few more of the things.
Dean isn’t paying attention to the Brotherhood until the battle’s over, Castiel appearing next to him and looking him over. Despite being in some pretty gory areas, Cas doesn’t have any blood on him, and Dean finds himself grinning like an idiot.
“Cas, that was awesome!”
Castiel blinks, because Dean knows that whatever set Cas off, it ended when the threat was gone. Because, despite knowing him for all of three days, Dean trusts Cas. He trusts him and knows that, even if one day he’ll mess this up and Cas will realize he’s not the Righteous anything, Cas is at least here now, and can fight well with Dean’s own style. Even if it’s just Cas and knives and that freaky ability he has (which explains how they got into Megaton when Cas was naked), he can handle himself, and that Dean won’t have to worry about him unless he asks for help.
Castiel’s wings are a bit nervous, flickering and moving up and spreading out before finally settling, Cas saying, “I was doing what was necessary. They are...tainted.”
“Too much FEV,” Lisa says, approaching but staying a short distance away. Dean knows he’s freaked her out, or at least Cas has freaked them out, and Sarah dislikes being freaked out. “We’re still trying to work out more on how they’re created. Dean, can we speak to you in private?”
Dean glances over to Cas, who nods before Dean moves away, following Lisa to where the Pride is, Sarah pacing and looking angry.
“The hell is he?”
“What?”
“I asked you what the hell that...that...”
Dean held up his hand, trying to calm Sarah down. “Sarah, look--.”
“Don’t you start that with me! That wasn’t natural! You think someone being able to...to...”
Dean decides to nip this in the bud. “He’s an angel, he says. I...look, Sarah, he saved me from Alastair, got me patched up. Trust me, I wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t helped me.”
It at least stops Sarah from pacing, shifting a bit and confused. “Wait, what? He...you’re joking, right?”
Dean wishes he was, but...at the same time, he’s beginning to suspect only he can see Cas’ wings. It’s a frightening concept, but also one that, he hopes, will allow him to stay by Cas’ side after the inevitable loss of his attention. “I just know he healed me, Sarah. They pumped me full of meds, I’m kinda amazed I even made it out the damned door.” Both Sarah and Lisa look concerned now, and Dean finally shrugs. “He helped me out, Sar. Like I did with you, when we got to GNR. I didn’t know he could do that, I just know he’s...”
“Good for you,” Lisa finishes, getting Dean to blink and look at her. She smiles a bit at him. “Dean, you wouldn’t have gone for the ‘awesome’ unless you were serious. I know that much about you.” He looks away, to where he can see Cas waiting, near some old picnic tables. “We should be back at the Citadel in a few days. You want to go in and explain it all then?”
Sarah smiles at him in a way that says she knows Dean will probably say yes, and adds, “That guy, Autumn? He’s gonna be there. We’ve been hashing out a truce, and kinda need someone to talk about what the other guys are doing.”
Dean manages a smile. Those two always manage to get him to smile, even after they had to hold off a wave or two of Super mutants. “Ok. We’ll try to be back by then.”
It’s so odd, yet so easy...to just think of him and Cas as ‘we’ instead of Dean alone. Maybe it’s because he’s been alone for too long, and now he’s not. Not yet, but Dean can imagine it’ll last longer than it normally does.
The Lyon’s Pride leave him and Cas as they head off, further north than Dean and Cas are going, to the east, and Dean dislikes that the attack and talk have made things too dark to move safely in. If they keep going, they’ll probably end up running into something during the night, and Dean’s also not ready for treks during the night. He’s still recovering, still not all there.
“We need to find some shelter,” Dean tells Cas as he comes back, “We’ll probably make it to the Regulator’s tomorrow.”
Castiel nods, following Dean to a good waypoint, an abandoned farm that got cleared out of Raiders and that Dean booby-trapped the last time he was here, hoping to make sure the bastards didn’t try to retake it. The scatterings of blood and body parts from the missing makeshift minefield around it tells Dean that the place hasn’t been breached, and he’s able to get around the mines he planted with some ease before getting inside and upstairs. Castiel follows, tripping none of the mines, and frowns as he looks around at some of the covered up stuff.
“Raiders aren’t known for making the places look...nice,” Dean mutters as an explanation before heading upstairs to where most of the beds are still located. He doesn’t really focus on if Cas follows him, instead just checking over the place to make sure it’s still safe and no one else can get in before going to the main bedroom. The larger bed is still there, the skeletons long moved off and, luckily, no stains to signal it’s use with butchering bodies for the Raider’s ‘decorative’ streak.
Dean sits on it as Cas comes in, looking around with a frown. Dean wonders what he’s looking at, or at least what he’s seeing. His wings are close to him, as if afraid to touch any of the walls. “Raiders used to hide here,” Dean says, as way of explanation, as Cas looks over at him.
“Their actions left a taint in this place,” Castiel says, sounding unhappy, and Dean lets out a breath. “Why are we staying here?”
“It’s safe,” Dean tells him feeling uneasy, “They can’t come back in, and I’m not up for traveling at night...not right now.” He doesn’t want to mention what Alastair did in the darkness of the cell Dean was kept in, or the fact that traveling at night was twice as dangerous as traveling in the day.
Cas seems to be considering this before moving over to the other side of the bed, Dean ignoring him as he lay down, letting out a breath and relaxing. Cas slowly mimicked his motions, though he doesn’t close his eyes or attempt to sleep, instead turning to watch Dean while he settled in for the night.
It doesn’t take long, at least by the watch in his Pip-Boy, for Dean to waken from a nightmare, starting and gripping the warmth next to him before he realizes he’s pulled Cas close, gripping him as tightly as Cas had held him in that Church. Dean starts to move away when a wing curled around him, enough that he could see it and stopped, swallowing.
“Cas…”
“There are still spots in you, places I did not heal,” he says, sounding frustrated and staring at Dean in a way that makes him feel…Dean isn’t sure. He swallows, his shivering slowly subsiding as warmth from Castiel seeps into his body, though both are still fully clothed. He blinks as Dean shifts them on the bed, so Dean’s laying back down and he’s leaning over him, their eyes locked, while Cas seems to be trying to figure something out.
Dean feels at peace, despite the lack of personal space, and is surprised by how comforted he is when he notices the wings surround them, Castiel all but over him and watching him as Dean feels himself starting to slowly close his eyes…
Its daylight when Dean wakes, Castiel moving over to the other side of the bed as Dean slowly sits up and shifts, blushing and quickly standing up, hoping to hide his erection. Shit.
Dean knew what he was, knew that he enjoyed the company of men and women. He didn’t really look at men, except a few. But this was the quickest he’d really fallen for someone. The problem was that Cas was a damned Angel, and whatever that meant, Dean doubted it included loving or having a lot of physical relations with someone like Dean. Cas was there because he thought Dean was important, and Dean had to remember that.
Dean moves and closes the bathroom door, trying to focus on all things unsexy and not the man in the other room. He looked at himself in the mirror, the cracked image of himself working to remind him of what he was, of what it was that Cas would be tied to if they even tried anything. It wasn’t fair to something like an Angel, especially not one that was looking for someone Righteous, someone to save the world.
Dean goes back out after he’s gone soft, shifting when he sees Castiel watching him curiously from the doorway, as if he knows and is trying to figure out what to say.
“Let’s get going,” Dean says, going to get the food he left in the working fridge, “We’ve wasted enough time.”
--
They don’t get far, a sudden and frantic attack by some Talon Company, who apparently were still pissed at Dean for reasons. Castiel dispatched them quickly, but one got in a good strike, a knife going into Dean’s leg as he hissed in pain before shooting the man, falling to the ground and groaning while Castiel finished the last one off.
Dean had left the knife in, looking at it as Castiel returned, his face pale and his soul and body shaking from the pain. Castiel hated to see that, remembering how he’d looked when Castiel first saw him.
“sonuvabitch,” Dean muttered, pulling out a small hypo of some sort before taking a few deep breaths, pulling out the knife and cursing loudly, then jabbing the needle into his leg. Castiel frowned, watching the chemicals work and stitch Dean back together, leaving a long, pale scar under the clothing while Dean took in a few breaths, calming.
Castiel hates it. He doesn’t want Dean to use the chemicals, to instead wanting to heal Dean himself. Seeing him in pain, and the fact that the chemical healing item left a scar, makes Castiel feel odd, as if the reminder that Dean can be hurt is some strange, physical sensation.
“Cas? Are you ok?”
Castiel puts his hand over the scar, feeling the skin heal fully, once more back to how it looked before the knife and attack, Dean swallowing and looking confused.
“Why didn’t you let me heal you?” Castiel demands, Dean leaning back against one of the broken cars he’d taken refuge behind, though he said that sometimes, such tactics could be dangerous.
“I…I mean, I have stimpacks, Cas, you don’t…”
“I do not spend any energy, it is something I can do. Why didn’t you let me heal you?”
Dean’s eyes are bright and colored with emotions that Castiel cannot identify, fear and something else shining in them. Castiel gets closer, trying to see into Dean and figure out what they are.
“I…I haven’t…”
Castiel recalls the long memories, that Dean is almost always alone, besides a dark dog he left behind when Alastair took him. Besides the dog, Dean has been alone, with no one to help heal him when hurt, and that vulnerability and self-reliance means that Castiel cannot just expect him to know there is help. He must be there, remind him until he becomes a second nature.
The dark spots begin to shift again, like they had earlier, moving away from something but also trying to smother the strange light that was coloring Dean’s soul, making it spark and shine like a sunrise.
Castiel tilted his head, trying to get a better look at the colors as Dean looked away, Castiel’s eyes now drawn to Dean’s physical body, and the arousal that was growing in his mind, soul, and body. He can see that Dean is frightened, that the dark spots are trying to eat at him, and the colors within him.
“Dean,” Castiel says, getting Dean’s eyes to lock onto his own. The dark spots are in the back of his mind, clouding the coloring Castiel enjoys, and he leans forward, trying to see, when his lips brush against Dean’s own. Dean jerks back, sparks of light being swallowed by darkness, but that they spark, that there’s some light chasing away the things that Castiel couldn’t heal, makes Castiel curious. He leans forward again, touching Dean’s lips again, blinking and seeing more light behind his closed eyelids as well as feeling Dean tense then, slowly, relax into the contact.
It feels odd, the pressure steady, the feel of Dean’s breath a sign of his worry but also his life. Castiel knows they are alone and safe, but wraps his wings around them anyway, to hide them from view. He feels Dean shift at a brief break of contact, and relax even more, as he does whenever Castiel’s wings are around him. It’s odd, to see the light now beating back the darkness, though spots of it still remain.
“Cas…Cas what are you…” Dean mutters, the two still very close, the feel of Dean’s arousal through his clothing making Castiel’s own feel so odd, sparking like the spots of light in the dark spots within Dean.
“the dark things in you, that I could not heal,” Castiel says, trying to explain, “they disappear when I’m close, but…others eat up the light.” He does the action again, pressing his lips against Dean’s, feeling him physically as their bodies react, Dean moaning and sending a strange and pleasant vibration through their bodies, shifting and making them both gasp at the friction against their skins. “you’re so bright, like this.”
Dean blinks, as if confused, but the darkness is nearly gone, only stuck like the scars Castiel hates. Those are deeper in Dean, at places Castiel cannot reach yet.
Dean licks his lips, swallowing and looking worried, the light dimming. “You…do you…I mean…” he flushes, bringing out the freckles on his skin. “Cas, I…I have to know.”
Castiel tilts his head, frowning. “What, Dean?”
“Do you want this? Want me?”
Castiel blinks at the question. He remembers what Zachariah said, about sex and how they didn’t create angels as the humans did, stuck in the Wastes. He has never felt his body physically - how he is now is how he’s always been, how Father created him. He has not aged, nor has he had a reason to desire anyone. Yet after he touched Dean, after Dean gripped him back, Castiel knew he cared for Dean on multiple levels. Beyond him simply being the Righteous One, Castiel wants Dean’s soul to shine, to be seen by all for the wonderful thing it is. And beyond that, Dean is…beautiful, physically. Castiel enjoyed the feel of Dean pressed against him, of Dean’s body under him and relaxed, sleeping soundly without the nightmares that had woken him.
“I would not do this if I did not,” Castiel answers, watching as some of the dark patches disappear completely, Dean surging forward to wrap a hand around the back of Castiel’s head, his lips finding Castiel’s and pushing them together. The surge and change, the loss of darkness, makes Dean so much brighter in his soul, makes his body both ready and relaxed, that Castiel can only shudder as his own body reacts in kind. He feels no shame in it, despite what he’d been taught. He sees no reason for shame, nor for denying his body pleasure, since it brings Dean pleasure as well and makes him shine, like a polished beacon.
Dean deepens the kiss when Castiel’s hand grips the location of the scar, his body pushing against Castiel’s as they rocked together. The sensations brought out gasps, his body starting to react almost naturally as he tried to get closer to Dean, the kisses moving from mouth to cheeks and necks. Castiel wanted to find somewhere safe, so they could explore each other’s bodies more freely, but Dean muttered something that had Castiel frowning, shifting back to rock a bit against him as Dean let out a moan.
“Cas…we…ah…we need to get going.”
“dean…”
“I…I want..but…please.”
Castiel understood, despite the lack of words. They needed to speak to the Regulators, needed more support from others, and they were not safe here to do what they wanted. Castiel slowly moved off, willing his body back to normal and, as he saw Dean struggling, lightly touching him to will it back as well. Dean blinked in surprise and looked over at him.
“That’s handy,” he muttered, a smile on his face as Castiel helped him stand. Castiel finds himself returning it as Dean heads over to the bodies nearby, using some of the armor to fix his own and looking disgusted at a piece of paper one of them has on them.
“What?” Castiel asks, walking up to look at him and the paper. It appears to be a contract of some sort, describing Dean and the reward for killing him.
“Talon takes all the jobs that no one else wants,” Dean offers as an explanation, “and someone likes to contract them out to kill all the people doing good in the Wastes.” He shrugs, as if someone trying to rid the world of good is nothing to focus on, “They’re assholes anyway.”
“They want to kill you for the good you’re doing.”
“They don’t,” Dean muttered back, taking a gun and looking it over before adding it to his arsenal, “but they’ll take the contract about it.” He lets out a sigh and looks over at Castiel, who is trying hard to not be angry, and failing miserably. He wants to find all of Talon and smite them, as Uriel would, to leave nothing behind but bones and dust. “Hey, come on Cas. It’ll be ok. You can’t let one group of guys get you down.”
Dean’s closeness and concern doesn’t ease Castiel’s anger at them. He wants to punish those that would harm Dean, that are responsible for the dark spots Castiel couldn’t heal when he first found Dean. He wants him healed, the scars less than a memory, so Dean can shine as he did when they were kissing. He knows that, if he does this, Dean will become so bright a blast would seem dull by comparison.
But he pushes it down for another time. Castiel knows they need to get moving, that the deeper spots in Dean’s mind and soul will take time to heal, and ways that he hasn’t learned. He can heal Dean physically, at least, but mentally and spiritually will take time.
“I...am not used to feeling like that. To being so angry.”
Dean smiles a bit and kisses his cheek. “I can see that. It’s ok.” He shrugs, “Anyway, let’s get going. We can deal with Talon later.”
Castiel smiles a bit at that. Yes, that sounds like something they need to do.
Part 6: Be the One (You Love)