Fandom Radio, Saturday, January 14th
Topher: Ohmygosh! I really get to go first? Ohmygosh this is so cool. And it’s gonna be on TV and everything? Okay. Um, I’m Topher Brink, I’m a programmer, and I’m competing on The Bachelor this year because I’m just, like, really looking for a guy I can connect with, you know? And build technology with, hopefully. That’d be crazy awesome. Like, especially if we can build a --
Peter: *thump*
Topher: ...who are you? Are you competing too? It is MY TURN. OKAY? YOU CAN WAIT.
Peter: And that brings it home: there really are squirrels spying on you... and they are reporting their findings to the local radio. Myth: Confirmed!
Topher: What are you doing? This is MY introduction.
Peter: But the question is: are squirrels bribable with rum? Stay tuned, as we keep administering larger and larger quantities of rum to the squirrels and measure the results!
Topher: ...I'm not here to make friends. Do you know that? I am, like, here for one reason. And if you steal my spotlight... I will cut you.
Peter: Oz and I will be testing a grenade made entirely out of scrap today. You should come and see us work. Help us out! That’ll put you in the spotlight...
Topher: ...okay, that sounds sort of cool.
Peter: Excellent.
SCHOOL
Peter: Chasing History’s Monsters was all about werewolves. Are they real, or are they myth? Stay tuned and catch the answer on next week’s Mythbusters! We’ll even take a peek at the real behavior of werewolves... if they exist.
Topher: Of course they don't!
Peter: Have you ever empirically tested it?
Topher: ...no.
Peter: Oz was busting myths in Everyday Skills! He had some keen kids on the job to find out... just how easy is it to blow up a kitchen when armed with a small handful of students and some chocolate?
Topher: Do not even get me started on people who bake. I just, like, cannot even deal with them. I just can't.
Peter: Leadership posed the old question of ‘is there a method to our madness’? Maybe instead of lecturing about it, Scott should ask Oz... the answer is ‘more explosions’! No, really. Your scenarios could do with some.
Is it possible to build armature out of scrap metal? You could’ve found out if you attended Art of Scrap. Just don’t go digging around the Mythyard for some - Oz is rigging up something special today! Probably more special than what the students came up with.
Topher: What is wrong with you?
Peter: Nothing? I’m just working out a couple of Mythsperiments in my head...
Peter: Over in the library, we examined the myth ‘can Wesley help himself?’ Myth: busted. Loki checked for us when he came in looking for spellbooks about flying witches. Call us back when it’s flying exploding witches, Loki.
Topher: Ugh. And apparently someone named Jaye was making up complaint forms for the radio. Okay, I have one. Where can I find these? Because SERIOUSLY. This is MY INTRODUCTION.
Peter: Look, Topher, all I need is a bottle, a goldfish, a jar of clay and some hydrochloric acid...
Topher: ...what?!
Peter: The public deserves to have these myths busted!
DORMS
Topher: Some girl named Gabrielle was meditating. Wait, is she another competitor? Because she'd just better know right now that I do not mess around, okay. I am, like, here to win. I'm not here to make friends.
Peter: Does winning lead to longterm happiness? It’s a common myth, but we haven’t checked it out yet...
Topher: Um, unless you SUCK, yeah, it totally does. Natalie was playing music, and same thing goes there, because, like, if you're gonna play music and try and be all sexy, like, you might as well just give up any chance of me liking you. Okay? It's just cheating. Anyway, then some guy named Sam showed up and they were fighting about Sam being a man*bleeeep*. Ugh. Seriously? Guys, you don't, like, brag about this stuff. Come on. And then… wait, they ended up making out. Ohmygosh! Does that mean they're out of the running? You should totally not be making out with, like, other people in the bachelor's own house. Oh my god.
Peter: Or should they?
Topher: ...No! There's rules!
Peter: Or are there?
Topher: Whatever, guy. Claudia was dancing in her room, but then she tripped over a gremlin. Oh no! I hope she's not injured or something! Unless that means she has to leave.
Peter: Are gremlins physical as well as mental dangers? I guess we’ll need a volunteer to figure that out...
Topher: Okay, like, NOT ME. I am BUSY, okay?
Then Nathan was listening to music in his room, which is good because at least he wasn't trying to get attention by playing it or anything, Natalie.
Luke was looking for his remote in a messy room or whatever. Then Loki came by and was all ticked that Luke doesn't have to share - ohmygod, seriously, who is the guy in my room, because I am NOT okay with this. I quit my job to come here, okay?
Peter: I got a job. Well, an internship... we can always trade.
Topher: No. I'm here for one reason, okay? ONE. GOD.
Anyway, that girl Claudia from before apparently got drunk and started making meatballs. Ugh. Why am I surrounded by all these attention *BEEP*s? Jack was concerned but decided to help, probably to score points with the Bachelor or something, and then Scully came in and tried to make sure no one exploded. And also she caught Claudia drinking out of a pickle jar. Ohmygod, ew.
Peter: Pickle jars aren’t actually dangerous to your health! But don’t try this at home!
Topher: Yeah, but they're, like, dangerous to the bachelor's willingness to kiss you, so... wait, actually she should keep doing that.
Peter: Pickles: bad kissing etiquette? Guess we’ll need to test that!
Topher: Then in the rec room, a girl named Sam and a guy named Freddie were putting on some kind of web show. And they kissed. Seriously, what is up with this, you guys? That is NOT how to win here. I mean, whatever, keep making out with each other, but seriously.
TOWN
Peter: Fandom’s recent spate of singing has come to an end, as Bod found out at Cafe Luke’s! But can you genuinely get green eggs and ham? Stay tuned! Toby served up a Shili Cheese Dog at Goodvalor’s Little Bivoli! Audrey wondered at the police station: does humming lead straight on back to singing? We’ll get into that in two weeks. Not a lot of exploding in singing. Or is there?
Topher: Not usually?
Peter: But what if you hit a high enough pitch?
Topher: Well then you just suck. Next.
Peter: Ben fiddled around with mechanical stuff, which is a euphemism for ‘blew things up’ - at least if you’re a Mythbuster. Ben and his cousin baffled about long vacation times and long lost siblings. The multiverse: genuine article, or mass delusion? We’ll test the water and find out... I’ll probably be drinking it. Topher here wanted to know if I’d be okay with him keeping some napkin from a fast food restaurant... and my sources tell me the answer is ‘no’. For some reason. Hey, Topher? Stop by the Mythyard sometime today...
Topher: Okay, I, like, don't even know who this Ben guy is, but if he thinks he's gonna be all tech-y and steal my spotlight, I am going to have to get up in his grill. Okay? I'm just not even kidding anymore. Oh my god.
Peter: Ender claims that he’s not there to see Ben, just to have lunch, but that myth has been EXPERTLY BUSTED by this squirrel. Go talk to Oz, squirrel. He’s always looking for another Mythtern, like me. Finally, Tony’s text messages got Ben to blush. What does get Ben Skywalker to go redder than an apple? Tomorrow we’ll try to strap him to a piece of junk and test it!
Topher: You know what, you should do that. Because if he's going to compete with me, like, I'm not even playing anymore. Ugh.
Peter: Stop by the Mythyard! We’re always looking for a fresh supply of new bodies!
Topher: ...maybe if I don't get the date today. At the Arms Hotel desk, Mary was looking at bridal magazines. Oh my god, you are getting way too ahead of yourself there, okay? Hold it right there. Wow.
Look, you guys, I'm not here to make friends. Okay? I'm really not. I am here to win. And if you're gonna go around walking and talking like you think you're gonna go home with this guy, you're just… I am just done. Okay? I quit my job to come here. I'm just done.
At some kind of sex store, Kenzi was looking at porn. Oh my GOD, why am I surrounded with these *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeep*s? Ugh.
Peter: Does censoring of language on television really work? Or is that just a myth we tell ourselves to sleep better at night?
Topher: ...I don't know!
Hope was cleaning at Turtle and Canary. And at the Devil's Nest, they were hiring, and Eric showed up late.
Ronan had a dinner party. Seriously, you guys? SERIOUSLY? Look, I get trying to win, but oh my GOD could you seem any more desperate? Except that guy who's some kind of man*bleeeeep*, because, yeah. That is PRETTY DESPERATE TO WIN. Jack and Isabel talked, and Isabel apparently invited Jack to her wedding. Wow. Just wow, you guys. Can you say jumping the gun? Emma arrived and had luggage, and Isabel was happy for her or something. Parker and Isabel talked about - whips? Seriously? Ugh. What a bunch of *bleeeeeeeeeeeep*s.
Wyatt and Isabel were all glad that they have freedom before the new semester. Then Isabel - okay, I already know I am Not Gonna Like Her - showed off some kind of dessert thing that she made and tried to get Ronan to take it home with him. Guys. We are all here for the same reason. If you're gonna, like, flirt with the other contestants, go right ahead. Because I'm not here to make friends. And I will cut you.
Peter: But with what kind of implement? How sharp? What size? Use the scientific method!
Topher: I just, like, don't even care. Like, whatever. You know?
Peter: SCIENCE CARES, TOPHER.
Topher: After dinner, Parker talked to Ronan about how weird it is that Jamie teaches a class and Ronan does radio. Whatever. Jack brought absinthe - are we, like, even allowed to drink in the house? - and then he and Ronan talked about sleeping situations. Really? COME ON.
Peter: Did you know that leading scientists have gone back and forth on the matter of healthy infant sleeping positions?
Topher: But they're not, like, infants. Duh.
Peter: But if they were, hypothetically, we’d still not be sure what type of sleeping position would be best for the development of the child.
Topher: Um, the kind where they're not being a bunch of *bleep*s. The end.
Parker was worried about the absinthe, probably because it is definitely against the rules, and then she decided that Burning Man had to be crazier. What? Like, what does that even mean?
Peter: Must be the guy Oz Mythbusted with last week.
Topher: And Isabel didn't have any because apparently she didn't want to be in any orgies. What? I mean, seriously, what?
Peter: Want me to find the dictionary definition of orgies?
Topher: NO. I just, like, don't see why people are going around and being all *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in people's faces. The point of this isn't to, like, make friends with each other. Oh my GOD.
Peter: Homo sapiens wouldn’t have achieved supremacy of the world if they hadn’t developed the ability to cooperate... friends that kill things together, kill bigger things together!
Topher: Ugh. Whatever. Okay? I am done with this. I just, like, really want to go in the hot tub. And get, like, face time. Okay? I am just... I am just DONE.
*stomping*
Peter: *thump*
Topher: ...who are you? Are you competing too? It is MY TURN. OKAY? YOU CAN WAIT.
Peter: And that brings it home: there really are squirrels spying on you... and they are reporting their findings to the local radio. Myth: Confirmed!
Topher: What are you doing? This is MY introduction.
Peter: But the question is: are squirrels bribable with rum? Stay tuned, as we keep administering larger and larger quantities of rum to the squirrels and measure the results!
Topher: ...I'm not here to make friends. Do you know that? I am, like, here for one reason. And if you steal my spotlight... I will cut you.
Peter: Oz and I will be testing a grenade made entirely out of scrap today. You should come and see us work. Help us out! That’ll put you in the spotlight...
Topher: ...okay, that sounds sort of cool.
Peter: Excellent.
SCHOOL
Peter: Chasing History’s Monsters was all about werewolves. Are they real, or are they myth? Stay tuned and catch the answer on next week’s Mythbusters! We’ll even take a peek at the real behavior of werewolves... if they exist.
Topher: Of course they don't!
Peter: Have you ever empirically tested it?
Topher: ...no.
Peter: Oz was busting myths in Everyday Skills! He had some keen kids on the job to find out... just how easy is it to blow up a kitchen when armed with a small handful of students and some chocolate?
Topher: Do not even get me started on people who bake. I just, like, cannot even deal with them. I just can't.
Peter: Leadership posed the old question of ‘is there a method to our madness’? Maybe instead of lecturing about it, Scott should ask Oz... the answer is ‘more explosions’! No, really. Your scenarios could do with some.
Is it possible to build armature out of scrap metal? You could’ve found out if you attended Art of Scrap. Just don’t go digging around the Mythyard for some - Oz is rigging up something special today! Probably more special than what the students came up with.
Topher: What is wrong with you?
Peter: Nothing? I’m just working out a couple of Mythsperiments in my head...
Peter: Over in the library, we examined the myth ‘can Wesley help himself?’ Myth: busted. Loki checked for us when he came in looking for spellbooks about flying witches. Call us back when it’s flying exploding witches, Loki.
Topher: Ugh. And apparently someone named Jaye was making up complaint forms for the radio. Okay, I have one. Where can I find these? Because SERIOUSLY. This is MY INTRODUCTION.
Peter: Look, Topher, all I need is a bottle, a goldfish, a jar of clay and some hydrochloric acid...
Topher: ...what?!
Peter: The public deserves to have these myths busted!
DORMS
Topher: Some girl named Gabrielle was meditating. Wait, is she another competitor? Because she'd just better know right now that I do not mess around, okay. I am, like, here to win. I'm not here to make friends.
Peter: Does winning lead to longterm happiness? It’s a common myth, but we haven’t checked it out yet...
Topher: Um, unless you SUCK, yeah, it totally does. Natalie was playing music, and same thing goes there, because, like, if you're gonna play music and try and be all sexy, like, you might as well just give up any chance of me liking you. Okay? It's just cheating. Anyway, then some guy named Sam showed up and they were fighting about Sam being a man*bleeeep*. Ugh. Seriously? Guys, you don't, like, brag about this stuff. Come on. And then… wait, they ended up making out. Ohmygosh! Does that mean they're out of the running? You should totally not be making out with, like, other people in the bachelor's own house. Oh my god.
Peter: Or should they?
Topher: ...No! There's rules!
Peter: Or are there?
Topher: Whatever, guy. Claudia was dancing in her room, but then she tripped over a gremlin. Oh no! I hope she's not injured or something! Unless that means she has to leave.
Peter: Are gremlins physical as well as mental dangers? I guess we’ll need a volunteer to figure that out...
Topher: Okay, like, NOT ME. I am BUSY, okay?
Then Nathan was listening to music in his room, which is good because at least he wasn't trying to get attention by playing it or anything, Natalie.
Luke was looking for his remote in a messy room or whatever. Then Loki came by and was all ticked that Luke doesn't have to share - ohmygod, seriously, who is the guy in my room, because I am NOT okay with this. I quit my job to come here, okay?
Peter: I got a job. Well, an internship... we can always trade.
Topher: No. I'm here for one reason, okay? ONE. GOD.
Anyway, that girl Claudia from before apparently got drunk and started making meatballs. Ugh. Why am I surrounded by all these attention *BEEP*s? Jack was concerned but decided to help, probably to score points with the Bachelor or something, and then Scully came in and tried to make sure no one exploded. And also she caught Claudia drinking out of a pickle jar. Ohmygod, ew.
Peter: Pickle jars aren’t actually dangerous to your health! But don’t try this at home!
Topher: Yeah, but they're, like, dangerous to the bachelor's willingness to kiss you, so... wait, actually she should keep doing that.
Peter: Pickles: bad kissing etiquette? Guess we’ll need to test that!
Topher: Then in the rec room, a girl named Sam and a guy named Freddie were putting on some kind of web show. And they kissed. Seriously, what is up with this, you guys? That is NOT how to win here. I mean, whatever, keep making out with each other, but seriously.
TOWN
Peter: Fandom’s recent spate of singing has come to an end, as Bod found out at Cafe Luke’s! But can you genuinely get green eggs and ham? Stay tuned! Toby served up a Shili Cheese Dog at Goodvalor’s Little Bivoli! Audrey wondered at the police station: does humming lead straight on back to singing? We’ll get into that in two weeks. Not a lot of exploding in singing. Or is there?
Topher: Not usually?
Peter: But what if you hit a high enough pitch?
Topher: Well then you just suck. Next.
Peter: Ben fiddled around with mechanical stuff, which is a euphemism for ‘blew things up’ - at least if you’re a Mythbuster. Ben and his cousin baffled about long vacation times and long lost siblings. The multiverse: genuine article, or mass delusion? We’ll test the water and find out... I’ll probably be drinking it. Topher here wanted to know if I’d be okay with him keeping some napkin from a fast food restaurant... and my sources tell me the answer is ‘no’. For some reason. Hey, Topher? Stop by the Mythyard sometime today...
Topher: Okay, I, like, don't even know who this Ben guy is, but if he thinks he's gonna be all tech-y and steal my spotlight, I am going to have to get up in his grill. Okay? I'm just not even kidding anymore. Oh my god.
Peter: Ender claims that he’s not there to see Ben, just to have lunch, but that myth has been EXPERTLY BUSTED by this squirrel. Go talk to Oz, squirrel. He’s always looking for another Mythtern, like me. Finally, Tony’s text messages got Ben to blush. What does get Ben Skywalker to go redder than an apple? Tomorrow we’ll try to strap him to a piece of junk and test it!
Topher: You know what, you should do that. Because if he's going to compete with me, like, I'm not even playing anymore. Ugh.
Peter: Stop by the Mythyard! We’re always looking for a fresh supply of new bodies!
Topher: ...maybe if I don't get the date today. At the Arms Hotel desk, Mary was looking at bridal magazines. Oh my god, you are getting way too ahead of yourself there, okay? Hold it right there. Wow.
Look, you guys, I'm not here to make friends. Okay? I'm really not. I am here to win. And if you're gonna go around walking and talking like you think you're gonna go home with this guy, you're just… I am just done. Okay? I quit my job to come here. I'm just done.
At some kind of sex store, Kenzi was looking at porn. Oh my GOD, why am I surrounded with these *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeep*s? Ugh.
Peter: Does censoring of language on television really work? Or is that just a myth we tell ourselves to sleep better at night?
Topher: ...I don't know!
Hope was cleaning at Turtle and Canary. And at the Devil's Nest, they were hiring, and Eric showed up late.
Ronan had a dinner party. Seriously, you guys? SERIOUSLY? Look, I get trying to win, but oh my GOD could you seem any more desperate? Except that guy who's some kind of man*bleeeeep*, because, yeah. That is PRETTY DESPERATE TO WIN. Jack and Isabel talked, and Isabel apparently invited Jack to her wedding. Wow. Just wow, you guys. Can you say jumping the gun? Emma arrived and had luggage, and Isabel was happy for her or something. Parker and Isabel talked about - whips? Seriously? Ugh. What a bunch of *bleeeeeeeeeeeep*s.
Wyatt and Isabel were all glad that they have freedom before the new semester. Then Isabel - okay, I already know I am Not Gonna Like Her - showed off some kind of dessert thing that she made and tried to get Ronan to take it home with him. Guys. We are all here for the same reason. If you're gonna, like, flirt with the other contestants, go right ahead. Because I'm not here to make friends. And I will cut you.
Peter: But with what kind of implement? How sharp? What size? Use the scientific method!
Topher: I just, like, don't even care. Like, whatever. You know?
Peter: SCIENCE CARES, TOPHER.
Topher: After dinner, Parker talked to Ronan about how weird it is that Jamie teaches a class and Ronan does radio. Whatever. Jack brought absinthe - are we, like, even allowed to drink in the house? - and then he and Ronan talked about sleeping situations. Really? COME ON.
Peter: Did you know that leading scientists have gone back and forth on the matter of healthy infant sleeping positions?
Topher: But they're not, like, infants. Duh.
Peter: But if they were, hypothetically, we’d still not be sure what type of sleeping position would be best for the development of the child.
Topher: Um, the kind where they're not being a bunch of *bleep*s. The end.
Parker was worried about the absinthe, probably because it is definitely against the rules, and then she decided that Burning Man had to be crazier. What? Like, what does that even mean?
Peter: Must be the guy Oz Mythbusted with last week.
Topher: And Isabel didn't have any because apparently she didn't want to be in any orgies. What? I mean, seriously, what?
Peter: Want me to find the dictionary definition of orgies?
Topher: NO. I just, like, don't see why people are going around and being all *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* in people's faces. The point of this isn't to, like, make friends with each other. Oh my GOD.
Peter: Homo sapiens wouldn’t have achieved supremacy of the world if they hadn’t developed the ability to cooperate... friends that kill things together, kill bigger things together!
Topher: Ugh. Whatever. Okay? I am done with this. I just, like, really want to go in the hot tub. And get, like, face time. Okay? I am just... I am just DONE.
*stomping*