i do not know how to handle my life ( Read more... )

i've abandoned this for quite a while. i still might be abandoning it.

but i am on the precipice of a huge learning experience and overhaul of my life. i think. emotions wise. it's not entirely clear right now.

but for anyone that still reads this, thank you. thank you for being there for me. it really helps me pull through.

Life observation: It is always going to be kind of awkward being a young adult and having to tell people your mom's dead in a graceful manner. Or, forgetting they don't know and doing it in a less graceful manner. Oops. At least when it's a good friend you can look back on it as almost funny. Well, I hope she can. Damn. So awkward ( Read more... )

i just want to go to bed and wake up undepressed. i'm so sick of fighting it. and i'm so sick of trying so hard to find a fucking therapist to help me. i barely have the motivation to do anything and i have to call around multiple times to multiple places so i can get help. wtf ( Read more... )

so if you've talked to me in the past couple of weeks you know i've been really stressed and anxious and not doing much other than lying around. i hoped this would change when i got home, but it really hasn't. i am not really sure what's wrong with me; i know i get upset when routines change (ie school ending) but this is a little ridiculous. i ( Read more... )

am pretty much losing my mind and can't get out of bed due to anxiety. but i think it's because of transition time. and who knows what else. but am talking to people (ie. psychia/psychol) about it. improvement will hopefully follow.

sometimes i feel like i am going to turn into one of those people who just wants to sleep around and not get too involved because i don't want to end up hurting.

i hate caring sometimes.

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i should probably post good news here to sometimes i guess. but i seem to only use it for whining. in that regard, i am so sick of having depression, so sick of having back and forth moods, so sick of having relapse times where i want to crawl away and not do anything. will probably see if i can't see the therapist or something when i go back to ( Read more... )

i think i'm still in partial denial now, but what am i going to do when i go home and my dog isn't there? ... i do not know. i've been talking about it with other people, but i've also sort of been pushing it out of my mind. when i go home it'll hit me but at least i'll be with my family.