(no subject)
so if you've talked to me in the past couple of weeks you know i've been really stressed and anxious and not doing much other than lying around. i hoped this would change when i got home, but it really hasn't. i am not really sure what's wrong with me; i know i get upset when routines change (ie school ending) but this is a little ridiculous. i talked with my psychiatrist and a psychologist who assured me i had a lot going on etc etc and that was helpful for one day but then i was right back where i started. i'm going to try to see someone when i go back up. it's really frustrating because here i was trying to reduce my medication and it seems like that's not going to be possible. at the same time i wonder how well it's working if i'm getting depressed so much again. i've realized i'm still pretty upset about my ex. on a level that needs to be fixed. so i have to see someone and talk about that because it just makes me nervous that any other guy who's into me will find some reason to stop liking me... and while things with my friend i've always liked seem to be going decently well - we've grown closer - all i can do is fret about it and be paranoid every time we're not together that he'll stop liking me or doesn't like me at all or something like that, even though he's said he cares about me and has been good to me when i've been upset. and i'm even still writing stuff and it's not making me as happy... i have a keyboard so i can learn to play but i have no ambition to do anything. i know that some things will make me happy, like learning to play an instrument or practicing drawing, but i can't even get up the energy to do them. ughhhhh.