The fact that she's doing well with the trainer and not for you comes done to one thing that I can read in this summary: You are not treating her like a horse. You are hugging her, you are anthropomorphizing human emotions onto an animal that needs to know that you are IN CHARGE and she is to submit. I'm not saying you should go out and beat her every day, I'm just saying you may be the one needing training, rather than the horse. It is a very hard mindset to break, but in "loving" a horse, you can't treat it like a teddy bear. A little bit of re-programming the way you think, in regards to the relationship that you have with your horse, will help you to reach the level that your trainer has reached, which, in the end, will provide the bond that you are seeking.
I'm going to join the crowd here and say GET A TRAINER, NOW. The horse sounds very dangerous.
BUT -- get a trainer who will work with you both. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Horse trainers do what they do because they (usually) "know horse" very well, which means that horses behave better around them to start with. But if they don't transfer their skills to you, well, as you are finding out, horses can tell the difference between a trainer and a pushover :)
I was in a much less bad situation with my horse, but we had some similar dominance issues to work out. It took me a couple of months, but I did eventually spring for a trainer. Unlike your horse, my horse was basically a good girl with good manners and good training to start with, but she's wicked smart and if you let her take advantage, she will.
It all had a happy ending but I STILL have a pro ride her every week, and take a lot of lessons.
Seriously, this. OP, when I bought my horse she was an older well-mannered calm mare who'd been a lesson horse for years. Every BO has loved her because she has sterling ground manners.
Well, even this good mannerly horse got my number pretty quickly when I bought her and moved barns. When she didn't want to go somewhere she learned that walking backwards and lowering her butt would make me give up pretty quickly, since I thought she was threatening to rear (she never actually reared, for all I know this horse hasn't reared in her life, but another horse once reared on me and this action was a definite "OMG I will stop trying to make you go forward, just don't kill me" trigger for me).
Get an instructor or more advanced rider on her though, and she'd go where she was pointed without argument. They're not stupid, they know who will let them get away with stuff and who won't.
My horse came well-trained already. My instructor's biggest task was training me not to take that crap from her - and she never even did anything remotely
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Pretty much what everyone else said, cut the grain to zero, she doesn't need it. She doesn't need SmartPaks either unless she has very specific needs which you can address once she's better trained. Right now she probably doesn't need to be on SmartCombo Ultra because honestly, she's not doing much of anything.
Get a trainer, or send her to a trainer. Take lessons with her or without her. But do both. Would you attempt surgery on yourself? Or try to build an entire house from scratch? Horse training is easily as complicated as both of those things and unless you have years of experience, you are NOT going to be able to train this horse to be ridden safely. In fact, the horse right now is training you. She has your number and she does whatever the hell she wants.
But when i take her out and just brush her and love on her, she loooves the attention liek always, and will sidestep just for me to pat her if i stop.
I'm guessing she takes this step TOWARDS you?
Violation of Rule #1, which is: THE HUMAN'S PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE IS THE LAWThe first thing you need to do with this horse aside from hire a professional immediately is to get it to BACK OFF. Blah blah blah lovey dovey snuggle wuggle GTFOUTOFMYSPACE. Rule number 1 with horses: get them AWAY from you and SENSITIVE to any pressure you apply. If they are "dragging" or "leaning" on you, be snappy and get them to lead/handle/whatever LIGHTLY
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You are hugging her, you are anthropomorphizing human emotions onto an animal that needs to know that you are IN CHARGE and she is to submit. I'm not saying you should go out and beat her every day, I'm just saying you may be the one needing training, rather than the horse. It is a very hard mindset to break, but in "loving" a horse, you can't treat it like a teddy bear.
A little bit of re-programming the way you think, in regards to the relationship that you have with your horse, will help you to reach the level that your trainer has reached, which, in the end, will provide the bond that you are seeking.
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BUT -- get a trainer who will work with you both. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Horse trainers do what they do because they (usually) "know horse" very well, which means that horses behave better around them to start with. But if they don't transfer their skills to you, well, as you are finding out, horses can tell the difference between a trainer and a pushover :)
I was in a much less bad situation with my horse, but we had some similar dominance issues to work out. It took me a couple of months, but I did eventually spring for a trainer. Unlike your horse, my horse was basically a good girl with good manners and good training to start with, but she's wicked smart and if you let her take advantage, she will.
It all had a happy ending but I STILL have a pro ride her every week, and take a lot of lessons.
Reply
Well, even this good mannerly horse got my number pretty quickly when I bought her and moved barns. When she didn't want to go somewhere she learned that walking backwards and lowering her butt would make me give up pretty quickly, since I thought she was threatening to rear (she never actually reared, for all I know this horse hasn't reared in her life, but another horse once reared on me and this action was a definite "OMG I will stop trying to make you go forward, just don't kill me" trigger for me).
Get an instructor or more advanced rider on her though, and she'd go where she was pointed without argument. They're not stupid, they know who will let them get away with stuff and who won't.
My horse came well-trained already. My instructor's biggest task was training me not to take that crap from her - and she never even did anything remotely ( ... )
Reply
Get a trainer, or send her to a trainer. Take lessons with her or without her. But do both. Would you attempt surgery on yourself? Or try to build an entire house from scratch? Horse training is easily as complicated as both of those things and unless you have years of experience, you are NOT going to be able to train this horse to be ridden safely. In fact, the horse right now is training you. She has your number and she does whatever the hell she wants.
Please go find a trainer for both of your sakes.
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I'm guessing she takes this step TOWARDS you?
Violation of Rule #1, which is: THE HUMAN'S PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE IS THE LAWThe first thing you need to do with this horse aside from hire a professional immediately is to get it to BACK OFF. Blah blah blah lovey dovey snuggle wuggle GTFOUTOFMYSPACE. Rule number 1 with horses: get them AWAY from you and SENSITIVE to any pressure you apply. If they are "dragging" or "leaning" on you, be snappy and get them to lead/handle/whatever LIGHTLY ( ... )
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Horse training, the Judge Dredd way?
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"It is thus decreed."
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