"First, the bulb must want to change."**

[dyvinesweetness]

A while back I got into a conversation with Icy Boo about Attachment Theory. Then more recently it came up again in a convo with Mikey Mic. So I felt compelled to make an entry on it

Comments

no really

[jeriko]

1st: It's important to note that we all have the same inclinations and instincts. Some of us have developed different attachment styles to get our needs met. Some have developed coping strategies for how to respond when we don't get our needs met, but we all have the same basic needs.All the babies start off with the same needs. It's the parents'/parent's reactions that mold how the needs will be sought.

I guess I'm wired wrong because I don't want nor do I like attachments at all. Even when in relationships I don't care enough to the point that I miss any sleep if we fight / argue.

I haven't talked / acknowledge my sister for well over 10 years.
Thus the arsehole moniker, I don't really attach myself to anyone.

Until my downfall from grace....

So anyway... after everything that has happened, I fall into the first two categorizes; I assume, "You Know Who" falls into the latter two brackets.

After this post I'm thinking of posting it the way it is, I'm going to give it another read and see afterward.

Re: no really

[moneda]

Every time I see you or Dale expounding on how your personalities are sooooo different from everyone elses' I think you're talking out of your ass. You both constantly sound like you're trying to convince yourselves more than anyone else.

okay... here is the thing

[jeriko]

you are comparing me to someone who actually cares about people. Cares so much that he vents his frustration of society and the world around him in babble / ramblings through facebook & twitter, etc... A person who types out lyrics to songs because he has nothing else to do, A person that gets fixated on people; mostly women, very easily. A person who holds his memories of childhood to a high degree of value

Re: okay... here is the thing

[richirch2]

I don't have the ability to care, especially for women, I really don't. In honesty up till recently, I only cared about a few things. My Mother & Niece, Money & Films being at the top. Everything else doesn't register.

Interesting.

[imjustice]

this is interesting...i think there are too many constants off rip that i don't agree with that make me think this theory is hard to apply...like the "primary caregiver"...everybody doesn't have one, or just one.

[dyvinesweetness]

"like the "primary caregiver"...everybody doesn't have one, or just one."Agreed. Well, I kinda agree for the most part. I think everyone has at least one person that they can place in the position of primary caregiver, even if that person is inconsistent and so neglectful (emotionally or otherwise) that they hardly give care. Or maybe they have had multiple people who could potentially be placed in that title, but all have been fleeting or temp or also inconsistent and neglectful. Frankly, that's how folks in up in the categories other than secure. But I definitely agree about multiple caregivers and how it becomes hard to categorize. I don't remember the year it was developed, but I think the theory came about in a time when people assumed women were the sole people who parented. And that clearly taints things. I honestly believe few people can fit into one category. A situation can change your attachment style, temporarily or permanently. Still I find it kinda helpful in thinking about bonding and how we mimic the things we were

[donthurrycurry]

Interesting!

I definitely see myself in the attachment parenting (secure) model. I can already see its benefits, because once that trust is built that you will return, and their needs will be met, the child becomes more confident and secure in themselves. Granted I'm basing this off of 5 months experience (and we haven't reached the stranger anxiety 9 month adventure), but I can definitely see the positives

[dyvinesweetness]

"Granted I'm basing this off of 5 months experience (and we haven't reached the stranger anxiety 9 month adventure), but I can definitely see the positives."

Aaawww. Yay!

"It seems like any inconsistent actions could fall under ambivalent or disorganized?"

Yeah. When the parent is nurturing sometimes and neglectful sometimes it likely leads to disorganized. When they are more neglectful (especially emotionally) along with ignoring/dismissing the feelings of the child then it tends to be ambivalent. At least according to the theory.

"And, it seems like if someone received an inconsistent mix of security and ambivalence they could themselves steer towards the behaviors of the avoidant ones to avoid both the confusion and to stay detached?"

Yes! lol Absolutely. Again, at least how I interpret it.