For the "Forgiveness" challenge by KindKit

[kindkit]

Title: Five Confessions
Author: kindkit
Pairing: Ray K./Fraser
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ray really needs to tell somebody.
Notes: This is a little rougher than I'd like, but I wanted to get it posted before the challenge closes.

Comments

[lipsum]

> Ray puts the letter in an envelope, seals it, addresses it. And then burns it over the sink and rinses the ashes away.

Okay, ow. You got me. More ow:

> He rubbed dirt in his own memories.

> Ray'll miss Chicago, but that can be his penance, on the days when he needs one. His conscience is bound to nag him sometimes. If he starts to feel really bad about not telling, he'll just work that much harder at keeping Fraser happy.

> Anyway, he's pretty sure that after a while it'll stop being amends. It'll just be love.

Thanks, I liked it. The priest intrigued me.

[kindkit]

There is owieness, yeah. I hope it wasn't *all* owieness, though--as badly as Ray screwed up, I still think they'll be okay.

Thanks for your comments!

[lipsum]

I still think they'll be okay.

Ah, well, I have trouble imagining Ray (or anyone) could keep this secret without getting really fucked up inside. And then there'd have to be, like, a whole *saga* to explain how he'd get himself un-screwed-up, and it would have to involve confessing, and then it might be even harder for Fraser to get over it than if Ray had told him right away.

And then, after all that, I *think* they could be happy together.

[/pessimist]

[kindkit]

That makes a lot of sense.

I do tend to think Ray could keep the secret. Not easily, but the fact that it was just one time (as opposed to an affar) would help, as would the fact that it happened because he was lonely and missed Fraser, as would the fact that he's now put himself out of temptation's way and is living with Fraser. So I could see him sort of compartmentalizing off the memory, if that makes sense.

On the other hand, Ray is usually so open with Fraser, emotionally, and it would hurt him a lot to hold something back.

Poor guy. He really made a mess for himself.

[the_star_fish]

Wow.

I'm crying, a little.

[kindkit]

I feel slightly guilty for making you cry. (I really didn't think this story would have that effect on people, but it seems to have done.) On the other hand, I can't help being glad that you found it so emotionally affecting.

*gives you a handkerchief*

Thanks for commenting!

[ixchel55]

Wow.

Painful and messy and imperfect.

Just like real life.

Very well written.

Thanks for sharing.

[kindkit]

Glad you enjoyed--thanks so much.

[firesprite1105]

Oh, wow. I loved this. It's so fucked-up and perfect and real.

[kindkit]

Thank you.

[kindkit]

Thanks!