Got a suitcase, got regrets, but I'm hopeful yet

[onlydisappear]

[Matt's looking for someone while trying to pretend to himself and the mansion that he's not, and the show of exaggerated casualness he's putting on has gotten him in trouble before. It's not so bad this time, he thinks at first. This room's like a library, but all the volumes on the shelves are self-help books. There's a computer monitor in the

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[curtainwizard]

[Light's nametag sits on his jacket pocket, the way they do; cheap, tacky glue against fine, dark wool. He knows they won't allow it, but makes the effort to peel the thing off anyway - or rather, he doesn't. He can't move his arm towards the sticker, or to the lapels of his jacket to remove it.

The scowl is secret, barely there; something about this situation makes him want to decapitate small children and kittens. On the nametag, the text reads:

HI! My problem is: I still don't believe I'm dead.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt's lit his cigarette by now and is leaning back against the wall waiting for the door to reappear.]

We're in the same boat, then. Only I want you to have to believe yours without it meaning I have to believe mine.

[He takes a step back from Light. He didn't mean to say that.]

[curtainwizard]

[Light still hasn't forgiven Matt for that business with the bikini. As he opens his mouth to drop some dismissive response, something else floods out instead.]

You need to forget them. They aren't important, and it's unlikely they'll return. The place is a revolving door, but it's stupid to count on that.

[That he did not expect. It's honest advice, but indicative of how little he values personal attachments.]

[onlydisappear]

How can you say he's not important? You don't know.

[It's blurted out, but in Matt's usual way of letting his mouth get ahead of his brain.]

[onlydisappear]

Hey. Ya'qub, right?

You have to learn to deal with the stuff you can't change.

[He grimaces and shakes his head.] Sorry, man. I know I'm so not the person to be telling someone else that.

[onlydisappear]

Dude, really, I couldn't help but say that. [Putting his hands up in a calming gesture.]

And... I've tried. But I can't let go yet.

[firm_detective]

*More irritating to L than being in the room itself is the sticker:

HI! MY PROBLEM IS:
I AM BORED. The result is anxiety. I need something to do.

[onlydisappear]

Really? Have you already read every book in the library or something? I'd say play some games, but that doesn't seem like your thing. Is there, like, a project you can work on or something?

[Rubbing at the back of his neck, embarrassed at being made to offer L advice.]

[firm_detective]

*He takes a deep breath, then replies, calm, not quite biting,*

I read more than I would like to. I play games. I stumble into foolish rooms. I pass time with Misa. I am not sure of what kind of project you think I should be working on.

I was here for eight months, then I was sent home for five, and it has been more than five since I came back. That's a lot of time to fill, Matt.

*There is a slight suggestion of sarcasm in his tone, mostly the annoyance caused by the room itself.*

[onlydisappear]

One of my alts built a cabin? [He shrugs.] I dunno, I've got nothing but time myself. I mostly spend it trying not to think too hard.

[refractings]

[Light's been overdue for a trick room, and it could have been worse, really, so he just shrugs a bit and glances around. The nametags are the first sign that the room might be irritating after all, and Light looks down at himself to see that yes, he has his own, probably quite firmly affixed.

To his dismay, it reads:

HI! MY PROBLEM IS: I gave up my only scrap of the Death Note, and thereby lost the ability to reclaim the title of Kira, but I'm not sure this was the right decision.

Light makes a cursory attempt to rip the nametag off his shirt -- it doesn't work. His next idea is to cross his arms over his chest. It's not a pose he normally assumes, and it's about as subtle as a stampede of rhinos, but it'll conceal the tag. His arms rise only as far as his stomach. He almost rolls his eyes at the predictability of it all.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt stares at him for a moment.]

Of course it was the right decision. Have you seen how miserable other Lights are?

[refractings]

[Light's lips twitch.] I would think it's hard to miss. We're not a happy person, from what I've seen.

But I've seen alternates of mine who have never been Kira, and they followed this rule as well. It's probably unavoidable.

[onlydisappear]

Yeah, but they're not dead. They have the same chance to be happy as anyone else. And the other people who'd be involved in the case in their worlds, they're not dead either. Their lives mean something, yeah?

[righteous_pen]

[Teru hasn't seen this room before, and thinks, until he walks in and sees the tag on his shirt, that it's another library. His sticker reads:

Hi! My problem is: I've escaped what I once believed was my purpose in life, but don't know how to find a new one.

He quickly tries to raise his hand to his chest, only to find his arm frozen in place.]

...wonderful.

[onlydisappear]

I wish I could help you, man, but I'm kinda lost myself. [He thinks for a moment, taking a puff on his cigarette.] You said you were an attorney, yeah? You don't want to go back to that?

[righteous_pen]

I see - [He glances at Matt's sticker, and finds himself speaking before he can consider stopping it.] You'll have to face up to it sooner rather than later. The longer you spend deluding yourself, the harder it is to break free of.

[A pause, and a slight sigh, and then he can continue without the compulsion.] Whichever world I end up in, I'm still a convicted murderer, and while I'm sure A can provide a new identity for me in hers... I'd know. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

[onlydisappear]

I know that. But it hasn't been that long. I'd feel disloyal if I gave up hope so soon.

[It's true, but he wishes he could stop oversharing.]

It sounds like your real problem is that you have to find a way to live with yourself.