Got a suitcase, got regrets, but I'm hopeful yet

[onlydisappear]

[Matt's looking for someone while trying to pretend to himself and the mansion that he's not, and the show of exaggerated casualness he's putting on has gotten him in trouble before. It's not so bad this time, he thinks at first. This room's like a library, but all the volumes on the shelves are self-help books. There's a computer monitor in the

Comments

[curtainwizard]

[Light's nametag sits on his jacket pocket, the way they do; cheap, tacky glue against fine, dark wool. He knows they won't allow it, but makes the effort to peel the thing off anyway - or rather, he doesn't. He can't move his arm towards the sticker, or to the lapels of his jacket to remove it.

The scowl is secret, barely there; something about this situation makes him want to decapitate small children and kittens. On the nametag, the text reads:

HI! My problem is: I still don't believe I'm dead.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt's lit his cigarette by now and is leaning back against the wall waiting for the door to reappear.]

We're in the same boat, then. Only I want you to have to believe yours without it meaning I have to believe mine.

[He takes a step back from Light. He didn't mean to say that.]

[curtainwizard]

[Light still hasn't forgiven Matt for that business with the bikini. As he opens his mouth to drop some dismissive response, something else floods out instead.]

You need to forget them. They aren't important, and it's unlikely they'll return. The place is a revolving door, but it's stupid to count on that.

[That he did not expect. It's honest advice, but indicative of how little he values personal attachments.]

[onlydisappear]

How can you say he's not important? You don't know.

[It's blurted out, but in Matt's usual way of letting his mouth get ahead of his brain.]

[curtainwizard]

Of course I know, Matt. I'm objective.

[Probably better than you do, it wouldn't surprise me.]

Anyway, I shouldn't make too much of it. The stickers aren't true.

[onlydisappear]

It's not about objectivity.

[He takes a long drag on his cigarette.]

And I don't see one between the two of us that's a lie.

[curtainwizard]

Since you can't be objective, I'd expect you to dismiss the value of objectivity.

[His tone's sneering; he really isn't interested in Matt's boring love life. The advice he's giving is honest enough, though - precisely because he thinks Matt won't take it.]

There's nothing about this - [one finger taps on his sticker] that I need to believe. I know it's true. I was there.

[Realising what he's done, he looks down at the sticker with a quirked eyebrow.]

[onlydisappear]

You can't care about people, so of course you don't get it.

Yeah, well, I know I'm dead, but that doesn't mean I grok it. ...fuck.

[Muttering the last; he didn't mean to say that either.]

[curtainwizard]

Really, the assumptions you people make never cease to astonish me.

[Distracted by the sticker, it comes off as disdain. As for "grok", Heinlein is another author Light's never got around to - but he's picked the word up in quite another context.]

You're talking about the distinction between knowledge and acceptance? It seems an overrated thing.

[onlydisappear]

If you could prove me wrong, you'd be doing that instead of snarking about "assumptions."

The room doesn't think it's overrated. It made both our stickers about it, yeah?

[curtainwizard]

Yes, because I would point the people I care for out to you.

[It's not quite acid, before it softens back to silk.]

On a more general scale, the fact that you're here at all should be proof enough, isn't that right?

[onlydisappear]

Dude, what do you think I'm gonna do? I'm perfectly cool with hating you from afar.

[He frowns, flipping his cigarette around between his fingers.] What the hell does that mean?

[curtainwizard]

I don't plan to take your word for that any time soon.

[For all that there's only one piece of information any of them need - Light is Kira - he's not fool enough - humble enough? - to think any of them wouldn't dearly love to know more.]

What, you can't work it out? If I didn't care for people, you wouldn't be here at all, Matt. There would have been no Kira supporters to kill you.

[Odd, that. It's too level, trips off his tongue too rhythmically, almost as if he didn't approve.]

[onlydisappear]

Oh, right, my mistake. You did it 'cause you love the world so fucking much. [He rolls his eyes.] Other-me may've been drunk when he said it was all about your ego, but he wasn't wrong.

[curtainwizard]

Was that before or after he stamped on my hand?

[It's snippy, as he turns his back to walk away; what most see as his egomania crushing the world, Light sees as recognition for his accomplishments, and gratitude; nothing but what he deserves. I'll do so much that they'll have to worship me; there'll be no choice. What I'm doing makes me a god.]

I shan't get in between you and your prejudices any longer. Find yourself a corner to cry in.

[onlydisappear]

[Matt calls after him.] I'll save a place for you, for when you realize you're dead!