After I wrote the angry letter, I felt so much better. There were a lot of things in it that I just needed to say...and once I said them, all that anger disappeared. I've decided not to send him the angry letter...but I did send him a final goodbye letter..which I don't mind sharing. I cried after I sent it...but it wasn't earth-shattering sobs.. ( Read more... )

I have backed up 3000 photos from my FB...holy shit. And maybe 100 of those were me.. mostly they were the kids. I guess I literally wanted to remember every moment? Anyway... took a pause tonight. I've been having a hard time breathing every time I sit at the computer.. now I'm sorry to wonder if it's psychological. Like.. currently my computer ( Read more... )

So.. I left IRC. I've decided that along with blocking him on FL, I'll be leaving IRC and deactivating my facebook as well. So.. goodbye internet world. Instead, I'm going to focus on me - and the kids, obviously. I plan to channel my boredom into RL activities and job searching.

Fetlife is like a facebook for kinky people. DO NOT look at it if you're not open minded...lol. Kyle and I both had accounts on there..but they do not have a way to have your profile private, like they do on facebook. I've been working up the nerve to block him for days, to prevent him from knowing what is happening in my life..and tonight, I ( Read more... )

Wow... so.. I have the best girlfriend in the world. I do. She's...been one of the people I lean against in this past week. I've been telling her all the depressing stuff that crosses my mind, showing her emails, crying to her, etc.. basically just unloading all of my emotions. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. I haven't been sleeping well ( Read more... )

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I'm a bad person. With everyone going on today, I can't bring myself to care about any of it. The only thing that has made me feel emotional is a random memory that popped into my head when my GF asked me what I needed...do you know what instantly popped into my head ( Read more... )

Dear heart,

Please, please stop hurting now. Please see past today and realize that someday the pain will numb. Someday you will go to sleep without tears on your pillow and will wake up without that hollow ache in your chest. It will get better. Please, heart...try to stop hurting because you make my entire body want to shut down.

For the first time in days, when I looked in the mirror, I saw me. About 6 months ago..it took a lot of effort.. but I started to see myself as beautiful. Yes.. I'm overweight.. I have a big nose..but I am beautiful, especially in the unique way that is "Dana." I still get shy when people tell me it, but it's not because I don't believe it. I'm ( Read more... )

Since Kyle apparently runs so easily from anything that requires effort, I've made a decision. I've been talking to a lot of good friends recently and they helped me with this. Kyle..is not going to be involved with the kids. Really..he was involved for two months and that's it. He hasn't earned the title of dad and at this point, it might hurt ( Read more... )