Well I dont think its denial I'm in. Or maybe it is. I understand the idea that Chris is gone but it doesn't feel real. I have so much guilt over not being closer to him. I have so much going on in my head. I feel so sad. And very angry. At everything and everyone. I just want life to stop and sit still for a while. I want to be able to cry my ( Read more... )

well today was chris'  funeral.  i still haven't really bawled my eyes out yet.  i'm not sure why. i know it's still in me. brian was terrible last night at the wake. not supportive or helpful at all. today he was a lot better. i dont think he really complained at all and he held my hand etc just like i needed him to ( Read more... )

ok so i must update if even for a moment. my brother chris died in a motorcycle accident on june 12. 2010 in arizona.  i'm so lost and confused and cant seem to grasp the reality of it yet. i dont get it?  we weren't the closest of siblings but i have many fond memories of our childhood.  he was starting to mature and we had quite a few deep ( Read more... )

So I'm getting married today. To the love of my life!!!!  I've been so crazy the past few days. Crying easily and fighting.  I'm just glad its here. Too bad the weather is so lousy. But thats ok. I can already sense that i'm going to be sad tonight when its all over.  but i'm nervous about the ceremony and everything. and people are going to be ( Read more... )

I'm so fuckin frustrated right now. I have literlly done all of the work for this wedding and even now that brian is unemployed he is still unwilling to help.  im stressed to the max and he keeps saying shit like "calm down" and "relax" but guess what.....how am i supposed to do that???? maybe if you would take care of a few of these for me while i ( Read more... )

so i was out for a walk with deb a little while ago. and we heard this bird chirping really loudly. as we got closer to the noise we looked up in the tree and it was a bright red cardinal. all of the sudden we heard an identical chirping in the distance. and the two birds just kept chirping to each other. it was so cute. i love birds. i wish i ( Read more... )

can you imagine being upemployed and still buying pot? like, wouldn't a sane, logical, NORMAL person save that money for oh lets say....rent,food,insurance and bills? apparently being unemployed also makes you a fuckin moron. or at the very least, partially retarded. this is total bullshit. i think 26 is a good age to quit smoking weed. at least ( Read more... )

 ugh. i dunno if things will ever get better at work. even afer the 'rules' and all that bullshit.  everyone is a hypocrite. and immature. i just want to get my own office that way i dont have to deal with them all day. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

my whole life is bullshit. i thought brian of all people would be understanding about what happend at work. but it turns out he wasn't. that really REALLY hurt. i know i shouldn't make things more difficult at work, but when you get so angry that you explode, i find it hard to believe that i should try and hold those feelings in somehow. i dont ( Read more... )

Your Sloth Quotient: 43%


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