(no subject)
well today was chris' funeral. i still haven't really bawled my eyes out yet. i'm not sure why. i know it's still in me. brian was terrible last night at the wake. not supportive or helpful at all. today he was a lot better. i dont think he really complained at all and he held my hand etc just like i needed him to.
it still doesn't feel like any of this is real. i cant believe he is gone. it hurts alot but i feel like i may still be in shock. it's just weird cause it's like, is he just in arizona? amanda, loralei, sarah, dan and i looked at his hands this morning. i guess his face was just too beat-up from the accident. even his hands had marks on them. at first i thought it was helpful but right now i dont feel like anything is helping. since i've been spending so much time at dad's and with amanda and dom i miss them right now cause i'm not there. dan and i really have to step-up now. not that we could ever replace chris but it will certainly help if we all became closer. we were sitting in the library at the church waiting for the funeral to start and i swear my mind was playing tricks on me. i kept waiting for one more person and then i realized i was waiting for chris. it's so hard to think that our family has become smaller. he'll always be missing. i'm sure we'll ever get used to it. this sucks.
i need these tears to hurry up and come.
love you chris....
it still doesn't feel like any of this is real. i cant believe he is gone. it hurts alot but i feel like i may still be in shock. it's just weird cause it's like, is he just in arizona? amanda, loralei, sarah, dan and i looked at his hands this morning. i guess his face was just too beat-up from the accident. even his hands had marks on them. at first i thought it was helpful but right now i dont feel like anything is helping. since i've been spending so much time at dad's and with amanda and dom i miss them right now cause i'm not there. dan and i really have to step-up now. not that we could ever replace chris but it will certainly help if we all became closer. we were sitting in the library at the church waiting for the funeral to start and i swear my mind was playing tricks on me. i kept waiting for one more person and then i realized i was waiting for chris. it's so hard to think that our family has become smaller. he'll always be missing. i'm sure we'll ever get used to it. this sucks.
i need these tears to hurry up and come.
love you chris....