My mom called last night to explain that she might be hungover when she flies in tomorrow. Some Johnny Walker Red-themed party is interfering with her ability to travel sober she claims ( Read more... )

I didn't attempt to get up early and beat the rush to the polls. I knew it was fruitless (getting up early, not beating the rush). Besides, I had already laid the foundation for being late to work today and I don't mind lines when extreme people watching is involved ( Read more... )

I'm ready to get out of the house. Capitol Hill is alive and pulsing with everything from ghoulies to futurama characters. I can hear the revelry and alcohol consumption from every balcony around me and hear I sit, drinking a can of Pabst ( Read more... )

Last night I tried to replicate, at home, the kind of penne a la vodka they serve at the family-owned joint in the neighborhood in which I grew up. My cooking was no match for my nostalgia ( Read more... )

My best friend from college just called to tell me she's engaged ( Read more... )

Even by spinster standards, two days is a long time to go without receiving one phone call. I knew the phone was working though. Life has taught me that when people don't call (okay, when men don't call back) it is never because they are lying in a ditch (contrary to the fantasies of so many single women). Despite this knowledge, during the 48th ( Read more... )

Anytime I leave the apartment I wonder if cats will fight to the death. Internet research suggests that they will, but only under extreme circumstances. I'm hoping that an overcrowded shoe box of a living space does not qualify ( Read more... )

"Guess who I sauw at a fucking blawck paaty in Brooklyn," my oldest friend in the world in commanding me through the phone line.

"I have no idea. Philthy?," I respond bracing for the impact of learning that she ran into my seventh grade boyfriend or some other equally unsavory member of my past and casually passed on my e-mail address.

"No. The ( Read more... )

These days, it takes a mosquito bite to the ass to convince me that my underwear isn't appropriate attire for the entire day ( Read more... )

Job interviews are an all day affair for me ( Read more... )