Sakura Michi - Chapter 16 -
Title: Even Cherry Blossom Paths Can Lead Astray
Pairing: KoKame, KameDa (one-sided), JinDa friendship?, MaruDa friendship
Rating: This chapter... PG-13-ish
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: I don’t own them! I wish I did, but I never will (tear)
Warning: Lots of random guy-on-guy smut, some swearing and alcohol use. And another Uncommunicative!Ueda character (laugh)
Summary: (based between Cartoon KAT-TUN II You tour and Queen of Pirates) Kame and Ueda have been going steady since shortly after Jin left for L.A. and Kame finally decided to confess… but what happens when the little things start pushing the two apart? Will they be able to bridge the growing gap, and when Kame decides to take things into his own hands, how does it bode for his lover?
A/N: this story is modeled after my older writing: it alternates between Kame’s and Ueda’s P.o.V. It’ll be marked, but try to keep track or you’ll get confused! (Believe me: I’ve done it XD )
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3| Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |
| Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 |
| Chapt. 11 | Chapt. 12 | Chapt. 13 | Chapt. 14 | Chapter 15 |
Chapter 16
- Kame's P.o.V. -
"Kame, you need to eat," Koki is trying to get me interested in the food in front of me but really, it's hopeless.
"I'm sorry Koki, I'm just not hungry..."
"Kame-chan! Try this!" Taguchi comes up and shoves a cup in my face.
"Jugo Juice?"
"This way, you don't even have to chew, but you're still getting enough nutrients. But you'll have to trade for your food cause I'm hungry too," he beams like a little kid.
I can't help but smile a little too. "Okay, sure. Thanks, Taguchi," I hand him the plate and. Take the big drink.
"Che, I should've thought of that. Are you just gonna live off of shakes now?" Koki complains.
"At least his dancing will improve!" Taguchi offers.
"I'll get it," Nakamaru-kun says and whacks Taguchi on the head.
"Ow..."
"Come on, quit picking on the poor kid," Jin's voice interrupts. "He's my punching bag."
"You're leaving already?" I ask. He's barely been up there for ten minutes.
"Yeah, I have plans with Ryo and I'm late. Tatsuya's fine and he's got work to do. Is someone picking him up tomorrow before work?"
"We are," Nakamaru-kun says, gesturing to himself and Taguchi. "He'll whine and complain he's fine but he can't fight off both of us."
Jin nods. "That's good...but I've gotta run: bye guys!"
"I guess we'd better get going too," Koki sighs. "Kame, wanna come to my place again?"
I hesitate, and shake my head slowly. "Not tonight... I think... I think I want to be alone tonight. I'm sorry."
He smiles reassuringly at me and I feel a grateful one tug at my lips. "Go on, I’ll ride back with Maru or something but eat something before you go to sleep, kay? That drink isn't going to be enough," he says.
"Yes, Dad," I tease, standing. "I'm gonna go now then. And…thanks, guys. For putting up with me-us-Tatsuya and me,” I scratch the back of my head, feeling awkward. “It means a lot to both of us.”
Taguchi smiles hugely. “Don’t worry Kame-chan: what else are friends for?”
I smile, and it wavers, but I guess that’s okay. “Thanks, Taguchi. Well, I’m off.”
“Take care,” Koki says softly.
I kind of nod at him and head off. When I reach my car, I fumble with the keys for a minute before I actually get in. I sigh and slump forward, resting my head on the steering wheel. What am I doing? What’s Jin doing? I reach into my pocket and pull out my cell phone. Flipping it open, I search down my contacts and hesitate on one. Yamashita Tomohisa. Can I call him? He’s probably out with Jin and Ryo. He probably won’t appreciate my poking into Jin’s business when he’s out having fun. He’ll probably tell me to go talk to Jin himself.
I hit “call”. The phone rings, and rings, and rings, and-
“Hello? Kame-kun?”
“H-hey Yamapi. Um… are you busy?”
“Not really. Ryo and Jin are deep in some conversation they’re too drunk to let me in on but… hey, what’s up? Are you sick?” I can hear somebody saying something in the background. I hear Yamapi say, “None of your business! Go back to ignoring me, it’s fine!” in a pouty voice and I can’t help but smirk. They’re such kids sometimes. “Hey, sorry about that,” Yamapi apologizes.
“Oh, that’s okay. I was just--- um… how do I say it? Has Jin… said anything, recently, about Tatsuya?”
“Ueda-kun?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm…. Don’t think so. He’s kind of been pointedly ignoring the subject of work lately. Ryo-chan might know something though. Want to talk to him? Has there been a fight?”
“Ah-that’s okay-and… kind of, yeah, but-”
“Kame-kun.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re stuttering and you’re probably practically hyperventilating right now. Breathe with me for a minute: in…one…two…three…hold…two…three… out…two…three…four…”
I follow his instructions; I let the big breath out slowly, lightly closing my eyes.
“Good?”
“Good.”
“Okay. Now. Is everything alright?”
“Not really. But it’s not…quite…falling apart either.”
“Take another deep breath,” a pause as I obey, “so it’s bad, but not the apocalypse?”
“It’s not the apocalypse.”
“Well, good. Next: why would Jin be talking about Ueda-kun?”
“That’s… I don’t quite know yet. He’s been acting strangely lately around him, and me, and all he does is drop cryptic hints.”
“He can do that?”
“I know, I was shocked too.”
“Huh. Well, sorry but I can’t help you. Oh… they’re glaring at me now. Sorry but I’ve gotta go. Bye Kame-kun.”
“Bye Yamapi. Thanks.”
He hangs up and I close my phone. I sigh again and start the car, deciding I might as well get home before any possible nervous breakdown occurs.
Somehow, I make it to my apartment. Somehow, I get in the door and somehow I make dinner without lighting the house on fire. It's too quiet, though. Is it always this quiet here?
I head to the living room, switch on my home theatre system.
"Bokura no Machi De" trickles out of the speakers. Or, slithers rather, I guess. Because water can't climb up a person's legs like that, moulding to every sinew, rushing through every vein to clench around a person's heart.
Shit. Now I can't even listen to my own drama's theme song. "What's wrong with me?" I reach out and turn on the TV instead, making sure it's not on a channel I'm bound to appear on at this hour and turn it up until the news anchor's voice is louder than the one in my thoughts. Only now can I sit down and eat my dinner.
Still, I need something to drink: my throat's too dry, but why? I'm hungry enough, and nothing should be bothering me, but...
But I still can't get their voices out of my head. Why? Why can't I do anything to redeem myself, to help out Tatsuya, at least, for all the hurt I've caused him? How did I fall to such a level as "the concerned co-worker"?
And what the Hell is Jin done "waiting" for?
I guess I know that, don't I?
I guess I know exactly what he means, and that's precisely why I can't eat this damn plate of fried rice in front of me.
All these years he's been watching me struggle to express my feelings for Tatsuya. All these years, he's helped me come to terms with the chaos Tatsuya's every whispered word creates inside of me.
And all these years, he's loved the man as much as I have, if not more.
He knew Tatsuya loved me back. He must have, else he would have told me about his feelings flat out. He would have faced me as a rival, because that's just the way he works.
But no, he stepped aside and helped me instead, so he wouldn't have to force Tatsuya to choose.
So not only have I ruined all of Tatsuya's efforts, but now Jin's too.
I sigh and slump against the chair, food forgotten. There's no way I could have stomached it anyway. And suddenly, my apartment is crushingly lonely. I pick up my phone, flip it open… and almost have a heart attack as it starts ringing in my hand. The little box reads, “Koki.” How did he know to call me? I hit “connect” and bring the phone to my ear. “H-hello?”
“Kame? Are you okay? I know you wanted to be alone but I couldn’t shake this feeling and--”
“Koki… can you come over?”
His rambling stops. “I’ll be right over,” he says firmly and hangs up.
I wait for him just inside my door, wishing away the major headache that’s decided to pound my brain with a meat tenderizer. Still, when he knocks, I jump, startled. I shake my head and open the door and Koki immediately rushes in and holds me tight.
“I don’t know what you’ve been thinking about, or what you’re going through right now, but just remember I’m here, ‘kay?” he mumbles against my hair. “And call me sooner rather than later; I worry about you.”
“I’m not a girl…” I grumble against his shirt, but hug him tighter.
I can feel his chuckle through his chest. “I know you’re not,” he says. “And if anything, you’re too strong and you take too good care of yourself. That’s exactly why I worry.”
I sniffle and close my eyes, deciding not to comment in favour of savouring his warmth.
“Do you want to talk about it or were you just lonely?” he asks softly.
I hesitate for a second before giving in and admitting, “I just needed you here.”
I feel him smile against my hair and he rubs my back before holding me closer. “Sounds good to me,” he sighs happily.
By midnight, Koki’s finally gotten me to eat something, and I’ve explained my turmoil as best I can.
Koki sighs next to me on the couch, but it’s just a thoughtful sound. “I really think…you just need to let Ueda figure things out for himself right now. I was thinking too and… I know I’ve been reckless but… I guess I don’t really know any other way to act, you know?” he smiles sheepishly. “Let’s just… well, I know it sounds selfish but let’s just focus on ‘us’ for now and let Ueda and Akanishi work out the rest. I think… I really think what Ueda needs to see right now if you being sure of yourself.”
I let his words sort of settle over my mind for a moment. Then I sigh. “You’re right… I guess that’s the best way,” I smile at him and he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close.
“It’ll work out, just wait and see.”
I close my eyes and lean my head on his shoulder. “I sure hope so.”
“Ne, Kame.”
“Hmm?”
“Look at me for a sec,” I obey and Koki sort of smirks before gently lifting my chin with his hand and bringing his lips to mine.
I close my eyes and respond to the kiss, ignoring the guilty throb in my heart. Unconsciously, my hand lifts to his chest and I can feel his heart beat too-fast beneath my touch.
“Kazuya,” Koki sighs against my lips, using my given name for the first time, and runs his fingers through my hair.
My chest clenches and I push away as tears prick my eyes. “D-don’t call me that… please…” I whisper, the hand that was on his chest on mine now, gripping the skin above my ribs as if I could tear that sickening pain straight from the flesh.
Koki looks hurt and confused, until he realizes. He reaches out and takes my hand, slipping his fingers between mine. “I’m sorry… I should have known.”
I shake my head and look at him apologetically. “You can’t have known. I didn’t know until just now…” the stupid tears threaten to fall and I hide my face with my free hand.
“Hey, don’t do that,” Koki pulls his arm from around my shoulders and tugs the hand away. “I’ve spent too many years waiting to see you as yourself,” he says, tilting his head to one side like a puppy. “Don’t hide from me now,” he whines and gives me puppy eyes, a playful smile tugging at his lips. I half laugh, half cough and he brushes the tear that’s escaped down one cheek. “I know this is hurting you as much as it’s hurting Ueda, but I’ll do my best to help you, ‘kay? If you don’t like something, or something bothers you, just tell me, alright?”
I smile waveringly at his and nod. “Okay,” I croak.
He kisses me sweetly and then guides my head to his shoulder. “It won’t hurt like this forever.”
Only until Tatsuya forgives me. I wrap me arms around his waist and sigh.
“You know, we should really get to sleep,” he says after says after a few minutes.
I nod.
“Do you want me to stay over?”
I nod again. “Please…”
I feel him smile against my hair. “Okay. Come on then, we still have work tomorrow, don’t we?”
I grimace. “Yeah, we do.”
He laughs and gets up, leads me to the bedroom so we can get ready for bed. Afterwards, he wraps an arm around me and tugs the blankets up, snuggling into the back of my neck with a contented sigh.
I chuckle lightly and he makes a questioning noise. I cuddle closer against his chest. “Despite your ‘badass’ image, you’re so cute,” I smirk.
“Oi, I’m not ‘cute’!” he protests.
“Yes you are,” I retort. “Like a puppy.”
He grumbles and then proceeds to tickle me for revenge. “Take it back,” he laughs over my breathless giggles. “I won’t stop ‘till you take it back!”
I try to hold out but my stomach hurts too badly and I can barely breathe.”Okay! Okay, okay I take it back!” I somehow gasp.
He stops and smiles brightly before kissing me before I can get my breath back. “That’s better,” he smirks, satisfied.
I stare at him for a moment before laughing ridiculously.
He pouts. “What?”
“After dating a true S Dictator for so long, it’s almost funny how not S you are,” it’s not that funny but I just can’t seem to stop laughing.
He frowns at my reaction, tilts his head to one side and waits for me to stop shaking from laughter. He doesn’t know how to react until the shaking changes from laughter to sobs and I curl up into a ball. “K-Kame?” he lies back down- he was kneeling- and wraps me up in his arms, stroking my hair and rubbing my back and trying to mutter comforting words.
And here I am: a shuddering, trembling, crying mess again. But how can I help it? I can’t control myself anymore and this ache in my chest… why am I hurting for a man I don’t love anymore? I thought this was all supposed to go away when you fall out of love with a person? Isn’t that how you know? Isn’t it the point?
“Kame, Kame can you hear me? Kame, answer me,” Koki’s worried voice breaks through my thoughts.
“I-I can hear you… I-I’m sorry, I’ll go get some w-water now… maybe w-wash my face…” I squirm in his grip, trying to get up.
“No, just stay here for a minute, please,” his voice sounds a little scared now. I look up at him and see the way he searches my face desperately. “Kame, do you need to go back to him? I know you regret this, I know it’s hurting you and I don’t want to let you go but-”
“No… no, I-” I choke at the horror of his words. “No, please, just give me time… I don’t know why I’m being such a girl, I can’t help it… I don’t know what’s going on anymore-”
Koki interrupts me with a kiss, successfully silencing me. When he pulls away, it’s just to lean his forehead against mine. “You’ve been under a lot of stress lately- we all have but you and Ueda most of all,” he says. “It’s no wonder you’re so emotional. It’s not your fault, ‘kay? It’s your body trying to protect you.”
I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath. Then I nod. “You’re right, of course. You always are.”
He smiles wryly. “I wish I was. But anyway, let’s get to sleep. I’m tired,” he kisses my forehead and lets me curl up against him.
Now I think of it, I’m exhausted too. But I still have to murmur a soft, “I love you Koki. I’m sorry for being so much trouble…”
His chest shakes a little with his laugh. “I love you too, ‘troublesome’ or not,” I can hear the air quotations clearly in his voice.
I smile faintly and nuzzle up against his neck. “’Night.”
“’Night Kame. Sleep well.”
On To | Chapter 17 |
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I'm sorry this is so late! I had writer's block and then I was too busy and then I just couldn't bring myself to deal with LJ's bitchiness >_> so, I'm giving you 2 chappies! I wanted to give 3 to be special nice, but I have so many mini stories going right now (all JunDa or JunDa-ish) that writing is really slow >_>;