Sakura Michi - Chapter 12 -
Title: Even Cherry Blossom Paths Can Lead Astray
Pairing: KoKame, KameDa (one-sided), MaruDa friendship, JinDa friendship
Rating: This chapter... PG-13-ish
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: I don’t own them! I wish I did, but I never will (tear)
Warning: Lots of random guy-on-guy smut, some swearing and alcohol use. And another Uncommunicative!Ueda character (laugh)
Summary: (based between Cartoon KAT-TUN II You tour and Queen of Pirates) Kame and Ueda have been going steady since shortly after Jin left for L.A. and Kame finally decided to confess… but what happens when the little things start pushing the two apart? Will they be able to bridge the growing gap, and when Kame decides to take things into his own hands, how does it bode for his lover?
A/N: this story is modeled after my older writing: it alternates between Kame’s and Ueda’s P.o.V. It’ll be marked, but try to keep track or you’ll get confused!
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3| Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |
| Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 |
| Chapt. 11 |
Chapter 12
- Kame’s P.o.V. -
I raise my hand to knock, but it stills before it touched the cool metal of the door.
“You can do this, Kame. You wanted to be somewhere you could talk openly, right?”
I nod, take a breath and knock. I can hear a chair move inside, hear someone approaching. Only… those steps are too heavy to be Tatsuya’s…
A pause in movement behind the door. It unlocks slowly, almost like the person behind it is deciding what to say. The door swings open and I’m met with Jin’s furious expression.
“What are-”
“You have no business here,” he says quietly, but the undercurrent of rage undermines my resolve.
“Oi, Akanishi,” Koki sets a hand on my shoulder, seeing my doubt. “They have some things to talk over so let him through. You’re not Ueda’s guard-dog.”
Jin sends him a look that could freeze Hawaii solid. “I said he has no business here,” here he glances to me. “You lost any right to be here when you ran away.” He turns back to Koki. “And you are the last person Ueda wants to see right now, Tanaka.”
“What? Ran awa-” Koki’s cut off mid-question.
“Just go.”
“Jin-kun? What’s-” Tatsuya’s voice chokes off and I try to move past Jin so I can see him.
“T-Tatsuya! Tatsuya, please just listen to me, I need to talk to you…” Jin moves so Tatsuya can come up beside him and all the breath leaves my lungs when I see him. The bags under his eyes, the pallor to his skin, the deadness in his eyes. “Tatsuya… what… is it the nightmares again? Are you still sick? Why-”
“I haven’t had a single nightmare since you left,” he says and the bitterness is practically tangible, leaving my tongue dry and my stomach rolling. “Don’t worry, Kamenashi. This is all you,” for a second, I think I see something break in his eyes and I try to take the chance, but then he glances to Koki and his guard is up again in an instant. “When you want to talk, as if you hadn’t made yourself clear enough before, come alone. See you both at work tomorrow.”
I shudder at his voice and my resolve crumbles completely. Any hope of fighting my way to him to make myself heard is gone. My shoulders slump hopelessly forward and I think I see some guilt in his eyes when he senses my thoughts, but then as if to make up for my loss of strength, he squares off his shoulders and reaches behind Jin for the doorknob. Feeling that I can’t say anything, Tatsuya shakes his head as if disappointed. Koki’s about to say something, I feel him tense up to move forward, but I catch his arm. Tatsuya closes the door in our faces.
“Ue-!” the lock clicks shut. Koki looks like he’s going to kick the door, but decides against it. He lets out a sigh. “The guy could at least-”
“He’s got every right to act the way he is,” I say softly.
“But Kame… you said it was his fault this happened, right? So why won’t he listen to you? Doesn’t he owe you that? What did you fight about that he won’t listen to you and that he refuses to look at me for a second? What did I do?”
“Koki… we just… have some things to sort out. The fight was his fault, but I hid things too. You haven’t done anything but support me but I… there are some things I haven’t told you.”
His hand clenches into a fist at his side. “Then tell me, damnit! Even that idiot Jin seems to know more about this than I do!”
I bite my lip, look up at him. “Can we… go to your place? I can’t explain this just anywhere.”
He puts an arm around my shoulder. “I don’t care where we go, so long as I get answers.”
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I don’t think it was the full-out fury I see in every tense line of his body, in every glance my way as he paces. It’s not the feeling that I didn’t just wound him as a co-worker hiding something from another co-worker, or even a friend from a friend. “Y-you… you and Ueda were dating?! It’s been over half a fucking year and all this time…” he combs his fingers through his still-short hair as he takes a deep breath. “Why didn’t you just tell us? Why did you hide it from us? How did you hide it from us?”
“I didn’t tell you because it was a secret. We hid it so it wouldn’t tear the group apart if it didn’t work out. We hid it… very carefully. It took a lot of work, and we had to be very careful, and thanks to me it’s all for nothing.”
“But… you said it was his fault it didn’t work out,” he frowns, confused.
I nod. “He… wouldn’t-couldn’t tell me things. I know that’s just the way he is, but he still couldn’t tell me things. And… I don’t know. Something just clicked and suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore. But it’s me who ruined everything. I dragged you into it, and Maru doesn’t really know what’s going on, but he suspects something, and Jin… Jin’s dragged himself into it for a reason I can’t comprehend and… everything’s just wrong. A break-up was supposed to be a quiet affair but I… I ruined it for him. Now, everything he was fighting for has been completely dissolved, so it’s no wonder he’s as mad as he is. He’s probably hating himself right now, and even though I understand, even though I’m probably the only one who can understand, he can’t-”
Strong arms wrap around my shoulders. “Just… stop,” Koki whispers. “I get it, I understand, just… I just wish I’d known. We wouldn’t have let you guys break up the group, even with the stress of Akanishi leaving and we would’ve helped you guys, or at least tried to, when you had rough spots…”
“You did anyway,” I say softly. “I… I haven’t known what to think or what to feel the past few weeks and coming here has always helped me realize a little better what I want and what I need to do. And… I guess you could say there’s another reason I broke it off, and another reason I kept coming here…”
“Which is?”
I take a deep breath and release it in a sigh. “You probably won’t like having heard it, and I hope you can understand that it’s true and that I hope that you won’t think worse of me for saying it-”
“Just tell me, Kame.”
“Well… I don’t know when it started, but I’m sure of it now. Koki… I love you,” I force myself to look up at him and I try to read his expression like I would Tatsuya’s. “I-I really love you, Koki, and it’s part of the reason I couldn’t stay with Tatsuya. It hurt me to be with him after I fell out of love. And the more I came to visit you, the more I realized that you’re the one I need and somewhere along the way I just…”
Koki backs away to give himself space. He sits down across the table from me and puts his head in his hands. “Kame, I…”
“I-it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way,” I say hurriedly. “I understand it’s sudden and it’s only recently we’ve gotten close but-” suddenly, he stands and walks over, grabs my chin gently with one hand and stares into my eyes, observes my expression, like he’s looking for something. “Koki?”
He shakes his head. “Kame, do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you? The only reason I’ve held back is because you’ve always had this… this aura, or something, that says you’re someone else’s,” he shakes his head. “I always knew you had your eyes on someone and for a while I thought- we all thought- you and Akanishi were an item, but even after your fight, you still had that feeling. But knowing now it was Ueda…” he trails off. He looks away. When he looks back, he asks softly, sincerely, “Why him? You could have potentially been together for years if this… disconnect hadn’t come up.”
I look down. Why him? Why did I admire and love him as long as I did? “I guess… it was his strength? Like his determination, the way he never drops his mask, even if he makes it seem like he does? Maybe it’s the feeling that I’m really someone special when he does drop his guard for real?… I don’t know. Isn’t it hard to explain why you love me? It’s just… I was drawn to him, because he was him…”
Koki bows his head and sighs. He nods slowly. “I guess I can understand that.”
“So, um… what now?”
“Can I try something?”
I give him a confused look and he smiles teasingly at me and tugs me to my feet and against his chest. “Koki, what…?”
“Shh, you don’t want to ruin the moment, do you?” and then he leans in and his lips brush against mine, as if asking for permission, and when I don’t back away he presses closer and his tongue brushes against my bottom lip, asking entrance. I shiver briefly at the heat of him and my lips part, my head tilts for a deeper kiss and my hand reaches up to massage the nape of his neck to toy with the short hair. Koki backs away then, and I can almost feel his pulse his heart is racing so fast. When I take a starved breath of my own, I realize my heart is beating too-fast too. “Well, I got my answer, what about you?” he asks with that impish smile.
I’m about to argue that I didn’t have a question, but I stop myself. Of course I did. I blink a few times, as if it’ll help clear my head. “I- I’ve missed this feeling,” I confess, and a pang of heartache pierces my chest. “I hardly realized it was gone, but…”
Koki brushes away a tear I didn’t even feel fall. “It’s okay, at least we know it’s right, right?” I nod dumbly and he sets his hand against the back of my head, guiding it to his shoulder. “Just relax for now. We can deal with… other things later.”
On to | Chapter 13 |