Sakura Michi - Chapter 11 -
Title: Even Cherry Blossom Paths Can Lead Astray
Pairing: KoKame, KameDa (one-sided), MaruDa friendship, JinDa friendship
Rating: This chapter... PG-13-ish
Genre: romance, drama
Disclaimer: I don’t own them! I wish I did, but I never will (tear)
Warning: Lots of random guy-on-guy smut, some swearing and alcohol use. And another Uncommunicative!Ueda character (laugh)
Summary: (based between Cartoon KAT-TUN II You tour and Queen of Pirates) Kame and Ueda have been going steady since shortly after Jin left for L.A. and Kame finally decided to confess… but what happens when the little things start pushing the two apart? Will they be able to bridge the growing gap, and when Kame decides to take things into his own hands, how does it bode for his lover?
A/N: this story is modeled after my older writing: it alternates between Kame’s and Ueda’s P.o.V.
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3| Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |
| Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 |
Chapter 11
- Ueda’s P.o.V. -
Somewhere nearby, a phone rings. It rings, and rings, and keeps on ringing but I can’t find the strength to get up. Suddenly, the ringing cuts off and a low, soft voice answers it. So, Maru’s still here…
A few moments later, he walks in, pauses at the door. I open my eyes. He’s looking at me with that pensive expression that he always gets when he’s thinking, ‘Now, what am I supposed to do with this?’ He sighs.
“You know, you should just dye your hair grey and get it over with,” I say hoarsely, but there isn’t any teasing tone to it. I just don’t have the energy for that. “At least then you’ll look as old as you act.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “Well, if you’re awake enough to be cracking jokes, get up and let’s eat. That was our manager calling, by the way. I told him you wouldn’t be coming to work and that I’d be late.”
I frown. We weren’t supposed to have work today.
“No, we didn’t have work. But it’s not ‘the day after,’ Ueda. It’s Tuesday today.”
“I-I slept all-”
“No, you didn’t sleep a full day. But you were acting really strange; I don’t know what was wrong with you because you weren’t sick, just… I don’t know, Ueda. What the Hell happened to you and Kamenashi?”
“Me and… Kame?” cold fear grips my chest. I said something? How much did I say? Why can’t I remember any of it?
“Yeah, I didn’t know you two were together though I had my suspicions at times,” he sighs and sits down on the edge of the bed. “But besides the fact that you’d over-exerted yourself physically, you were a complete emotional wreck. It’s no wonder you can’t remember; you were out of your fricking mind. Do you know how hard it was to keep you from storming out to kill Koki?”
“…Koki?”
“You didn’t say that part, but I knew it was Koki you were after. Everyone’s been thinking lately that Kame and Koki had just gotten together, but I talked to Koki about it and he… well, anyway, Koki’s been as oblivious to you and Kame as the rest of us, and he’s only been hanging out with Kame as a friend,” he must see something in my expression because he continues quickly, “Ueda, I know this is hard for you, but understand that whatever’s happened exactly, it was purely Kame’s decision.”
“Somehow, I find that hard to believe,” I mutter and Maru narrows his eyes at me and hits me sharply on the head and I push myself into a sitting position. “Ow! What-”
“I’m telling you, Koki’s only been doing what any friend would do for Kame. I just had lunch with him the other day and I saw something was bothering him. He told me Kame’s been coming over to his place and hanging out with him a lot, looking for distraction. He said he’s been really stressed out lately and really insecure, but he refused to explain why. He said he couldn’t tell him, he said Kame would just keep asking these strange masked questions that always left Koki worried and confused.”
I hang my head and cover me face with my hands. They’re trembling and weak, probably just from lack of food, but I hate it anyway. I’m still weak, I still didn’t notice, I still couldn’t- another smack hits my head. “Ow! What the Hell was that for?”
Maru glares at me again. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, it’s your fault this is all screwed up; yeah, it’s your fault Kame’s been hurting, but you can’t do anything about it anymore. You missed your chance, so just try to remedy what you can. At least accept this gracefully. You don’t owe it to only him,” and here he bites his lip and looks away, “you owe it to us, too, you know.”
“Maru…” I reach for him, but he stands, brushes me off.
“Breakfast is ready,” he says over his shoulder when he reaches the door. “I’ll go set the table while you change. If you need help, give me a shout, okay?”
I hang my head and stare at my hands, limp in my lap. “Okay. Thanks, Maru.”
He nods, his back still turned, and walks out.
Crushing loneliness and guilt settles over my shoulders, clenches in my chest, and though a few tears escape and run down my face, I force myself to stand up, go to the bathroom with one hand on the wall for support and wash my face. I look up at my reflection, cringe at the pathetic sight, and slip into a fresh t-shirt and shorts. I make it to the kitchen and practically collapse into the chair. I hate over-sleeping. Groggy is one thing; weak-limbed is another case entirely. Maru sets a plate down in front of me, sits himself across the table. “Thank you… for everything, Maru,” I say softly.
He smiles, but it’s forced. “What are friends for? Now just get this over with so we can go back to our lives, okay?”
I decide the least I can do is fake a smile too. “Understood. Itadakimasu…” I pick up my fork and begin to eat Maru’s spiced omelette rice.
He leaves shortly after breakfast, telling me to do something useful like clean up the apartment or something on my day off. “And… take care of yourself, ‘kay?”
I nod, he leaves. I look around blankly, until my eyes finally settle on my keyboard. I sit down, and my fingers tap out some notes, then some chords, then some phrases. I look to the page where I had some of my solo scribbled down and grab my pencil. I write down some more, and a few words and lines here and there. I stare at the page for a long time, stare at the keys for a long time, and then I start to play. I play and play and eventually, I find what I’m trying to write. Once I have the melody, I write it out, edit it here and there, make some changes, and start to compose the piano part. I must play for hours and hours because suddenly, my doorbell rings and when I answer it, it’s Jin-kun standing outside. I stand, shocked, for a few minutes and Jin-kun takes the opportunity to stare at me intensely like he’s trying to read my mind.
Then he steps inside and I have to back up hurriedly so he doesn’t walk right into me. “Yo,” he says casually. He holds up a bag. “I brought beer, and I brought tea. Heard you were sick, so I thought tea might be better for you,” he frowns. “You don’t look sick. You don’t look healthy, either, not really, but just in your eyes.”
“W-what? And… what time is it?”
“7:30 in the evening. And what happened between you and Kame? He looked… ill today,” he takes off his shoes -what’s with this guy?-and closes the door behind him.
“Well, we had dinner together, right? And we decided to go for a walk, and then that damn storm hit and-”
“Then why was it Koki who took care of him, and Maru here?”
“We split up once the rain started. I didn’t know he was sick till just now,” which, of course, I didn’t really.
Jin-kun doesn’t look convinced. “And that’s why he looked like he was going to pass out when he heard you weren’t coming to work today? That’s why he twitches and gets a guilty look every time someone mentions your name? I’m not an idiot, Ueda. And I heard you playing just now. You don’t write something that complex in a day without some serious inspiration. Especially when you’ve had writer’s block for so long.” I wince. It’s all he needs. He grabs my collar, pulling me close and demands, “What happened, Ueda? Why did you lie to me? Why did you lie to all of us? Do you not trust us?”
I close my eyes briefly, open them again and look him straight in the eye. “I lied because I’d tried so hard to keep us a secret that I wasn’t going to let that be ruined by your big mouth,” I say coldly and he drops my shirt and backs away, looking hurt. Yeah, well, it’s true. “And we hid our relationship because we didn’t want to interfere with the workings of the group. We had enough trouble keeping together; we thought it would be best if--if Kazuya and I didn’t work out, that less people knew. A secret’s also easier to keep from the public when less people are able to give signs away,” I explain in a more gentle voice. Then I laugh: a dry, humourless sound. “Of course, not that it helped any. Not when he fell for Koki,” I look back to Jin-kun and try not to break into tears. “You were right, you know. I was bad for him. I did make him hide too much, bottle too much up, and Koki really is better for him, isn’t he?” my voice shakes and I hate myself for it, but I can’t help it.
Jin-kun takes a deep breath. “Ueda… I know I said those things, but-”
“I know, you can’t have known and I made sure you didn’t. But you were right, and it’s my fault things have turned out how they have. I just… I’m just not sure… what to think, yet. Or how I should feel. I can’t help but think Kazuya could have- could have waited just a day longer, and I can’t help but feel bitter towards him for the way he ran off, but… but I know it’s all my fault, and I know the helpless anger I feel isn’t for him, it’s entirely for me. I love him, I really do, but-he doesn’t love me anymore, so what am I supposed to do now? How do I face him? How do I act around him? What can I possibly tell him besides ‘I’m sorry’?” I exhale a shuddering breath and pinch the bridge of my nose, cover my eyes when I can’t stop the tears from falling.
And then Jin-kun does the last thing I expect him to. He walks up and hugs me ‘round the shoulders, trapping me there. “Ueda… you did what you could. You know, Kame doesn’t blame you, I don’t think. It was hard for him, it must have been for him to leave, but Kame’s the kind of guy who’ll tell you straight up is he hates you, and he’ll tell you if he’s mad at you, whether it’s when he blows up or if it’s by dropping hints. And whenever someone mentions you, his eyes don’t go dark, like they used to when I’d talk about Yamapi when they hated each other. They just get really, really sad. So… just talk to him again, when you can, ‘kay? Koki will help him understand how he feels, and though it’s different for you, you do have Maru and me when you want to talk.”
I bite my lip in an attempt to stop the tears so I can at least say ‘thanks’, but it’s no use. I nod silently. He backs away, squeezes my shoulder gently before walking into the kitchen. He sets the drinks on the table, glances over to the piano. “May I?” he asks, gesturing to the piano.
I nod. “Go ahead. It’ll be public soon anyway, and it’s just a draft.”
He walks over and picks up the page of lyrics almost hesitantly. I haven’t moved, he’s far away now, but I can see his eyes skimming over the lines and I can see the minute plays of emotion in his features. I can see how he blinks rapidly to clear his eyes, and how his breathing has gone from relaxed to shallow to almost non-existent. His hand trembles a little when he sets the page back down, and when he hits a single key on the keyboard, I can tell he’s fitting the words to the melody in his head. And I can tell he understands it all perfectly when he turns back to me and says in a strange tone, “S-seeing as you’re not actually sick, I guess we can share the beers, then?”
A humourless smirk. “Don’t we have work tomorrow?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll drink most of it.”
“… Okay, but you’re making dinner, too.”
A crooked grin. “Not like I’d trust you anywhere near a knife right now anyway,” he says.
My responding smile is a little truer than the last. “Come on, I’m not so weak as to give up without at least bringing a couple people down with me.”
He shivers. “I’ll get started on dinner,” he says, intelligently deciding to drop the subject.
“I’ll nap while you do that. Wake me up when you’re done?”
“Sure,” he replies, tying up his hair, one foot holding the fridge door open as he decides what to make.
I nod to myself and retreat to my bedroom. I flop down on the covers and barely have time to register how nice it feels before I black out.
“..da. Ueda, wake up, food’s done,” there’s a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake.
“Mmm… I wanna sleep….”
“Come on, you’ll really get sick if you don’t eat. You probably haven’t had anything since Maru was over this morning, right?”
“Un… yeah, I guess,” now that I’m awake, I am really hungry. I push myself up on one arm and rub the sleep from my eyes with the other.
“Need any help standing or are you okay?” Jin-kun asks. “You look pale.”
I shake my head. “Just hungry, probably. Um... what time do we have work tomorrow, again?”
“10:00 am. Will you make it?”
I give him a look. “I’m not so pathetic as to miss a day of work just because I don’t want to see someone. I wouldn’t have missed today, either, if Maru hadn’t called to say I wouldn’t be coming.”
Jin-kun frowns. “But… are you ready to face him? Maru’s been worried about you all day. He didn’t say it, but even Junno noticed.”
I sigh. I’m too tired for this. “The point of keeping our relationship a secret was so that exactly this didn’t happen. I don’t want to disrupt our work any more than I already have. I’ll deal with it. It’s the least I can do when the whole object of my efforts have been tossed out the fucking window.” It’s the least I can do when my reason for making Kazuya hurt as much as I did has been rendered one hundred percent meaningless. I push myself out of bed. Might as well start by eating something.
On to| Chapter 12 |