i totally forgot to update yesterday but when i finally did remember to update my mom was already home and i don't like to write in here when she's home. i watched mona lisa smile yesterday twice on fx. i love that movie. i wish i could go back into the 50's to see what it really was like ( Read more... )

its so dark outside. there's a storm and its like the middle of night outside but its only 5:30pm. we finally went grocery shopping yesterday. i haven't been hungry in 3 days but i still eat all the time. i hate eating. all i do now is think of food ( Read more... )

the last time i updated was october 19. wow that's nearly a month ago. lots has happened. not sure if i told this but in july i got a part time job where my sister works but now she's in a diffy location. i probably won't have a job that much longer. the condo's are almost all sold. i make $9 an hour. I get paid twice a month ( Read more... )

the last time i updated was on mark's birthday. i'm a lot better than at that time but i still hate being so fat!!! i have a new drug addiction that has started since april so i've had it about 6 months. only a few people know about it and that's because they either do it with me or have. no one online knows about it or even what it is ( Read more... )

its 3 days until my 21st bday and i'm not even excited. i'm faking it. i just read an meail and i'm really depressed. i don't care if my bday is in 3 days. i really wish i could die. i really want to kill myself. i just found a razor and i have 32 sleeping pills and i'll just end my life. i really want to leave the zine world, get rid of my aol ( Read more... )

so i've been feeling noraml i guess. right now i hate mark, i don't even want to look at him or speak to him. i feel tired of him i want to break up with him and kick his ass out of my house. that's how much i hate him. i wish i had a scale. i need a new one. i've been doing a whole lot better with not eating then i was a few weeks ago. i sleep a ( Read more... )

i worked out again today but quit early. my back is killing me frm yesterday. i just found out some really bad news from mark and he heard it from frank. melissa died from overdosing on herion. how can she do that. doesn't she know not to do that whole damn bag? i feel so bad for her family. it must be hard to find out that your daughter did drugs ( Read more... )

i just got done working out. it took me almost an hour to do what i did. ha i'm such a fat ass. i'm drinking water more again now. i just can't seem to get away from eating. i need to stay strong and not eat. i can not eat for two days but after that food like over powers me. stupid food. if i lived by myself i would go food shopping. so far i don' ( Read more... )

so mark finally came home last night and it felt like he never left. does that mean i didn't miss him? i'm so confused. last night when mark was home i didn't want him to leave the room for anything unless i was with him. i felt like if he left he'll be gone for 2 days again. we got so high last night. it felt so good. i think i'm getting a double ( Read more... )

so i've been slacking on everything. i've been trying to disconnet my self from everyone and everything. i barely come online or talk to anyone and its not like anyone wants to talk to me or notice. i blocked everyone from one of my sn's. my name one to be excat. i have 4 sn's all together. actually on two of them i have everyone blocked. i'm ( Read more... )