i hate myself
its 3 days until my 21st bday and i'm not even excited. i'm faking it. i just read an meail and i'm really depressed. i don't care if my bday is in 3 days. i really wish i could die. i really want to kill myself. i just found a razor and i have 32 sleeping pills and i'll just end my life. i really want to leave the zine world, get rid of my aol account and just die. no one would care. i want to let mark go so he can find someone better. i hate my life and i hate me. no one would even notice if i stop coming online or eating, or anything. i'm just going to keep to myself and cut and go back to how i use to be when i was luis. i loved not eating and cutting and throwing up. i want that life back.