Sums up how i feel about stuff atm, can't start working towards anything because i'm not sure what i want. Climbing has lost it's shine, i know i'm getting better but it's happening so slowly i'm about ready to pack in it. Nothing comes from doing nothing. It's i've lost the ability to affect anything or effect anything for that matter. Still ( Read more... )

I swear to God some days i just want to die. Most days in fact.

Pushing away is like rejecting a part of yourself, your own soul, what you would be if you stopped trying to fit in and just accepted who you are. But saying yes is madness, to go on a path which will probably lead only to hurt and despair. What choice is there in that?

Grant me the guidance to see the path ahead of me
The wisdom to accept the path behind me
Strength to endure the darker times
And the determination to never give up, to never surrender

***Long rant follows, can't remember how to cut it ( Read more... )

Almost sure now that i wanna change to a three year degree. Tell the blatant truth: i don't like university now and i never have. Whether that's because Bristol is a particularly elite university -and hence so are its people- or whether the whole deal is not for me i don't know. I want to get the next two years over and done with and then just ( Read more... )

So yea wicked was pretty wicked. Took the world from a shite film [Wizard of oz]- Note: i hate that fucking movie with a passion, that and the God damn sound of Music - and made something amazing out of it. It does contain the sort of left wing political undertones that i hate seeing in movies/production but i still like it because how it's ( Read more... )

As ever i find the question is where to now? Whats the new direction, the new focus?. Yea this is going to be another rant if you don't like it don't read it. I've been realizing Lucifer too much, im starting to think like he talks; the same cynicism and lack of interest at whatever is going on around me. Only been climbing a couple of times but im ( Read more... )

You can beg for guidance from above all you like but at the end of the day all the decisions and (rarely) the clarity that comes when their made has to come from within yourself. They may be hard and take a long time to make, to face up to but thats all there is. I knew this, i did, but hey self deception can be fun at times. Thought there may be ( Read more... )

*Blows dust off journal* Well that was an interesting nine weeks ( Read more... )