Our Dad
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Last week, Alex Vergara of the Philippine Daily Inquirer emailed me, asking for input in a compilation he's doing for the paper. He asked for the 5 things I learned from my dad.
I could list more than a thousand things. Im a self-confessed and proud Daddy's girl. Being the eldest girl, I had more time at home with my dad than my two younger sisters did. By the time they were growing up, we already moved to Canada and my dad was busy getting his flying career 'off the ground' again. During my and my older brother's childhood, my dad could stay home when there was no flight. His office (the helicopter squadron) was just a few blocks away from our residence. We lived in the air base.
I was his only girl for 6 years - before Johanna and Pauline were born. I was like his little doll in every way. He wanted me to be a certain way - a perfect little lady. Sent me to all the classes I could possibly attend to make me a "well-rounded" and confident person - ballet, piano, swimming, tennis clinic, art classes and even got me a guitar teacher once. I was extremely shy as a child. He and my mom exposed us to travel and lots of unique experiences. My sisters are more like his buddies/friends.
When Alex asked for my list, I thought it would be nice if I asked my siblings - Cyrus, Johanna and Pauline - what they learned from our Dad. He had different relationships with each of us. But it seems he focused on all of us just the same. I thought I was the only Daddy's girl. But so are Hanni and Tipsy.
Here's the summarized version of our list, as it was printed in yesterday's Philippine Daily Inquirer:
Full article here
There are a few more items that I wasn't able to put on the top 5
From my older brother, Cyrus:
I learned to think before I speak. And that there are times when it is better to just shut up and listen... Still learning that, actually...
I learned that when going to an unfamiliar bar, to sit at a table with my back against the wall and to never get into a situation that I couldn't get out of.
I learned the value of integrity and of living with a clear conscience, even though my head is kicking my ass throughout and my wallet is not as thick as others'.
I learned to check my driver's side mirrors before initiating a left turn in an intersection (in case some impatient mope decides to cut me off from the inside).
I learned that the best things in life are also the simplest - Brady bunch picnics in the park, a day at the market in St. Jacobs and coming back with 20 lbs of sausages, mid-afternoon meals at Kom Jug, yada, yada, yada... And yes, sometimes you just have to drive 3 hours to the Benmiller Inn just to have a cup of coffee...
From our youngest sister, Pauline:
I learned (from his example) to always be generous, to give the royal treatment to your guests and to treat everyone fairly and with respect.
and ... to add to Kuya's back against wall comment ...
I learned to always look for the emergency exits when you're in a new place, so that if there's a fire or a stampede I'll be the first one out.
Oh yeah, and always be cautious of strangers ;-)
More on my lessons:
To add to being security conscious -
- My dad always inspected all the apartments and dorm rooms I moved in to. He installed smoke detectors in all of them. He would even demonstrate how to safely exit a window in case I had to use it as a fire escape.
- He taught me how to survive a stampede. Stand against the wall.
- He wanted me to wear a bullet proof vest when I was a new reporter covering Malacanang.
- "When you hear gunfire, get down on the floor." I was in Manila, seeing my sister and BIL off on a bus ride to Banaue and Ifugao. We stopped at Max's or Jolibee for a quick meal. We heard gun fire. I hit the floor instantly. Everyone else hid behind something, or stuck their heads out to look at what's going on. After the "warfare" they laughed at me. I was the only one ducked down on the floor. But I learned that from my dad...
"Don't make yourself too available. People might get sick of you." He said this over and over as I was going through my teen years. He didn't allow me to attend all the parties. Just a few every season. He told me that there will be more and better parties to go to when I turned 18. I didn't understand it then and felt deprived. But I'm glad they taught me that at an early age. Up to now, I really don't accept all invitations. Not because I'm scared people will get sick of me. I just really don't have the time and energy to attend all social functions. I need to be with my kids at home.
"Get the best education Canada can give you. One day you can contribute to the Philippines." This was mind-boggling. We went through A LOT in the 1980's. We left the Philippines on a temporary diplomatic assignment, got stuck in Canada because of EDSA Revolution, had our Philippine passports revoked because of vindictiveness political instability and became Canadians as a result of needing a new home. We were technically exiled. But my dad never had any ill feelings towards the old country. He was a true patriot and still is. I didn't understand him them. And I certainly was the least likely of us 4 siblings to return to the Philippines. And look at us now...
"Don't be pikon." Ma pikon, talo.
"People pick the best fruits from the tree, not the bulok ones. So be strong and ignore those that pick on you." I used to be bullied by other kids. My dad gave me courage to fight back and believe in myself. I believed too much I think. I eventually grew up thinking I was better, stronger, smarter and prettier than I really was. But for that, I thank him. Haha
"Drink your milk, it'll help you sleep better." I still drink milk before going to bed.
"No one is good enough for you." A bit exaggerated and it could have screwed me up big time. But this was his way of protecting me from the sharks. My parents were very strict towards me (and only me) - when it came to dating and boy issues. I guess it's a good way to make your daughter feel a strong sense of self-worth. Note: they love Patrick... :)
"Never forget your roots. Always go back." My dad loves his birthplace Lopez, Quezon. And now I've been delegated to fix important matters there. It's so faaaar (by land). Where's the chopper when we need it most?
"This house is Philippine territory. We have Philippine rules here." This is in light of us growing up in Toronto. My dad made sure my brother and I went home at the same time after school (he went to a boys' school and I went to a girls' school a couple of blocks away. I had curfews. I wasn't allowed to go to parties or stay out late. I couldn't talk on the phone with boys in high school. For my high school formal (prom) my dad picked up my date and drove us to and from the prom.
"You can be anything you want to be." Once in Lopez, Quezon he showed me the view of the mountains (Sierra Madre?) outside the window. And he said that as a boy he used to stare out the window and wonder what was on the other side. He was a child of the war, born in 1940. He witnessed the Japanese invasion and airplanes flying overhead, dropping bombs. He said he wanted to fly over the mountains and see the other side. It was his one and only goal. And it was amazing that a young boy with very little resources achieved what he was able to achieve... not because of status or connection... but only because of hard work and education.
"Save your ammunition. Don't let it all out at once." He was referring to my being impatient when facing adverse situations (and I've had many). He always would say, "remember, you still have this..." or "you can always do this..." But he always reminded me not to reveal my secret ammunition.
"Love." My dad showed us every single day, how much he loves and adores my mom. He'd tell us stories about how out of this world beautiful she was (and still is). Because of this, I subconsciously wanted to marry someone who could be the same partner my dad is to my mom. I think we 3 girls picked the right ones.
There are hundreds more... deep thoughts and little tips for living. I'd like to keep this list going on... but I have to pick up my daughters from school.
I'm constantly learning from my Dad. Up to now.
I hope and pray for more Fathers' Day with him. Until September, Dad. See you in Manila.
How about you? What are the 5 things you learned from your Dad?
.
Last week, Alex Vergara of the Philippine Daily Inquirer emailed me, asking for input in a compilation he's doing for the paper. He asked for the 5 things I learned from my dad.
I could list more than a thousand things. Im a self-confessed and proud Daddy's girl. Being the eldest girl, I had more time at home with my dad than my two younger sisters did. By the time they were growing up, we already moved to Canada and my dad was busy getting his flying career 'off the ground' again. During my and my older brother's childhood, my dad could stay home when there was no flight. His office (the helicopter squadron) was just a few blocks away from our residence. We lived in the air base.
I was his only girl for 6 years - before Johanna and Pauline were born. I was like his little doll in every way. He wanted me to be a certain way - a perfect little lady. Sent me to all the classes I could possibly attend to make me a "well-rounded" and confident person - ballet, piano, swimming, tennis clinic, art classes and even got me a guitar teacher once. I was extremely shy as a child. He and my mom exposed us to travel and lots of unique experiences. My sisters are more like his buddies/friends.
When Alex asked for my list, I thought it would be nice if I asked my siblings - Cyrus, Johanna and Pauline - what they learned from our Dad. He had different relationships with each of us. But it seems he focused on all of us just the same. I thought I was the only Daddy's girl. But so are Hanni and Tipsy.
Here's the summarized version of our list, as it was printed in yesterday's Philippine Daily Inquirer:
Full article here
There are a few more items that I wasn't able to put on the top 5
From my older brother, Cyrus:
I learned to think before I speak. And that there are times when it is better to just shut up and listen... Still learning that, actually...
I learned that when going to an unfamiliar bar, to sit at a table with my back against the wall and to never get into a situation that I couldn't get out of.
I learned the value of integrity and of living with a clear conscience, even though my head is kicking my ass throughout and my wallet is not as thick as others'.
I learned to check my driver's side mirrors before initiating a left turn in an intersection (in case some impatient mope decides to cut me off from the inside).
I learned that the best things in life are also the simplest - Brady bunch picnics in the park, a day at the market in St. Jacobs and coming back with 20 lbs of sausages, mid-afternoon meals at Kom Jug, yada, yada, yada... And yes, sometimes you just have to drive 3 hours to the Benmiller Inn just to have a cup of coffee...
From our youngest sister, Pauline:
I learned (from his example) to always be generous, to give the royal treatment to your guests and to treat everyone fairly and with respect.
and ... to add to Kuya's back against wall comment ...
I learned to always look for the emergency exits when you're in a new place, so that if there's a fire or a stampede I'll be the first one out.
Oh yeah, and always be cautious of strangers ;-)
More on my lessons:
To add to being security conscious -
- My dad always inspected all the apartments and dorm rooms I moved in to. He installed smoke detectors in all of them. He would even demonstrate how to safely exit a window in case I had to use it as a fire escape.
- He taught me how to survive a stampede. Stand against the wall.
- He wanted me to wear a bullet proof vest when I was a new reporter covering Malacanang.
- "When you hear gunfire, get down on the floor." I was in Manila, seeing my sister and BIL off on a bus ride to Banaue and Ifugao. We stopped at Max's or Jolibee for a quick meal. We heard gun fire. I hit the floor instantly. Everyone else hid behind something, or stuck their heads out to look at what's going on. After the "warfare" they laughed at me. I was the only one ducked down on the floor. But I learned that from my dad...
"Don't make yourself too available. People might get sick of you." He said this over and over as I was going through my teen years. He didn't allow me to attend all the parties. Just a few every season. He told me that there will be more and better parties to go to when I turned 18. I didn't understand it then and felt deprived. But I'm glad they taught me that at an early age. Up to now, I really don't accept all invitations. Not because I'm scared people will get sick of me. I just really don't have the time and energy to attend all social functions. I need to be with my kids at home.
"Get the best education Canada can give you. One day you can contribute to the Philippines." This was mind-boggling. We went through A LOT in the 1980's. We left the Philippines on a temporary diplomatic assignment, got stuck in Canada because of EDSA Revolution, had our Philippine passports revoked because of vindictiveness political instability and became Canadians as a result of needing a new home. We were technically exiled. But my dad never had any ill feelings towards the old country. He was a true patriot and still is. I didn't understand him them. And I certainly was the least likely of us 4 siblings to return to the Philippines. And look at us now...
"Don't be pikon." Ma pikon, talo.
"People pick the best fruits from the tree, not the bulok ones. So be strong and ignore those that pick on you." I used to be bullied by other kids. My dad gave me courage to fight back and believe in myself. I believed too much I think. I eventually grew up thinking I was better, stronger, smarter and prettier than I really was. But for that, I thank him. Haha
"Drink your milk, it'll help you sleep better." I still drink milk before going to bed.
"No one is good enough for you." A bit exaggerated and it could have screwed me up big time. But this was his way of protecting me from the sharks. My parents were very strict towards me (and only me) - when it came to dating and boy issues. I guess it's a good way to make your daughter feel a strong sense of self-worth. Note: they love Patrick... :)
"Never forget your roots. Always go back." My dad loves his birthplace Lopez, Quezon. And now I've been delegated to fix important matters there. It's so faaaar (by land). Where's the chopper when we need it most?
"This house is Philippine territory. We have Philippine rules here." This is in light of us growing up in Toronto. My dad made sure my brother and I went home at the same time after school (he went to a boys' school and I went to a girls' school a couple of blocks away. I had curfews. I wasn't allowed to go to parties or stay out late. I couldn't talk on the phone with boys in high school. For my high school formal (prom) my dad picked up my date and drove us to and from the prom.
"You can be anything you want to be." Once in Lopez, Quezon he showed me the view of the mountains (Sierra Madre?) outside the window. And he said that as a boy he used to stare out the window and wonder what was on the other side. He was a child of the war, born in 1940. He witnessed the Japanese invasion and airplanes flying overhead, dropping bombs. He said he wanted to fly over the mountains and see the other side. It was his one and only goal. And it was amazing that a young boy with very little resources achieved what he was able to achieve... not because of status or connection... but only because of hard work and education.
"Save your ammunition. Don't let it all out at once." He was referring to my being impatient when facing adverse situations (and I've had many). He always would say, "remember, you still have this..." or "you can always do this..." But he always reminded me not to reveal my secret ammunition.
"Love." My dad showed us every single day, how much he loves and adores my mom. He'd tell us stories about how out of this world beautiful she was (and still is). Because of this, I subconsciously wanted to marry someone who could be the same partner my dad is to my mom. I think we 3 girls picked the right ones.
There are hundreds more... deep thoughts and little tips for living. I'd like to keep this list going on... but I have to pick up my daughters from school.
I'm constantly learning from my Dad. Up to now.
I hope and pray for more Fathers' Day with him. Until September, Dad. See you in Manila.
How about you? What are the 5 things you learned from your Dad?
.