I don't know whether to slap you, kiss you, or salute you...
Time for this week's installment of the:
And may I present Gonorrhoea himself,
BILL GUARNERE
(pfft like I could use ANY OTHER CAP. It is the quintessential Bill cap)
In my grand BoB tradition, I LOVE BILL GUARNERE. I LOVE HIM SFM. HE IS MADE OF A GAJILLION KINDS OF AWESOME. So be prepared for that in the picspam. And lots of capslock. I think Gonorrhoea is the most capslock of all the BoB boys. And TBH, I think, more so than any other character, that he kind of IS Band of Brothers - to me he typefies the whole group the best, or at least the spirit. That's just my opinion. AND I LOVE HIM.
MASSIVELY EPIC BOB PICSPAM PART FIVE: BILL GUARNERE
(or Mr CAPSLOCK Band of Brothers Gonorrhoea)
OK, before I get into the caps, I felt as though I had to post this picture (again), just to show how incredibly gorgeous Frank John Hughes is. Because throughout the series he's rocking the serious Wild Bill underbite, and it totally devalues his hotness (although tbh he's pretty hot with the underbite, anyway). And I'll pause here to say that the Guarnere body part to fixate upon is, quite obviously, the mouth. And teeth. And tongue. And jaw. JUST THAT GENERAL AREA. I'm going to try hard not to comment on it too much, because God, it's so distracting in pretty much every cap, hahaha
So, this is Bill Guarnere. Bill is a man of many vices. Delicious sloppy food (MMM INDIGESTION FACE),
binge drinking (AND RISKING PERMANENT INJURY BY DRINKING HIS JUMP WINGS, OMG)
and I won't mention his mouth. Or teeth. Not yet. NGHH
and even drugs...come on, on the trip over to Europe, Bill smokes a joint and totally gets high, because ROFL his face,
whereas Malark is literally salivating in the background over some scantily-clad women, and I ROFL because he is wearing his lifevest, while Bill is obviously TOO BADASS for that shit.
And we learn that he is confrontational. And not particularly tolerant of other people's religions, as it's here we come across his strange Quaker fixation for the first time ahahahaha
OK I CAN'T HOLD ON, LOOK AT THAT FUCKING UNDERBITE, ROTFLMAO HIS JAW MUST HAVE ACHED AFTER EACH DAY'S SHOOTING, I SWEAR TO GOD. And the look he gives to Donnie here, when he's all I WILL NOT FOLLOW CAPTAIN ROSS INTO COMBAT, LMFAO it gets me every time. Bless.
So when they go and see Sink and get let off with barely a slap on the wrist (because of Grant's blue eyes, obvs), Bill's neck looks strangely gargantuan and Johnny looks like an insect. IDK. Sink's office does strange things to people, I guess. BUT THEN BILL LEADS THE PIMP WALK AND ALL IS WELL. Please add your own backing track to that cap, hahaha (I prefer to hear 'Stayin' Alive' in my head, ahaha WTF Bee Gees?)
And then we get to my favourite Bill scene. IDK why it's my favourite scene, it just is. He's just nomnomnoming away on his icecream,
And then he hears the news, and is all "SO THAT'S WHY THEY GAVE US ICECREAM" ahahahaha and the look on his face, he's just like a little boy, my heart always BURSTS WITH LOVE in this scene. Totally uncalled for, I know. He's just so effing adorable. Ahem.
Anyway. Then Bill goes to the film tent, and gets all confused, and he gets out the programme and is like "WTF I THOUGHT THEY WERE PLAYING PORN. THE PROGRAMME SAYS PORN. WHAT IS THIS SHIT, A NATURE DOCUMENTARY OR SOMETHING?"
And he asks the random next to him, who's like "WINTERS WOULDN'T LET US WATCH PORN BECAUSE HE IS A QUAKER"
And then Bill's like "LOOK AT THAT. RIGHT HERE. IT CLEARLY SAYS 'SAVING RYAN'S PRIVATES, THE EPIC TALE OF ONE PLATOON'S JOINT SEXUAL AWAKENING IN THE WHOREHOUSES OF BELGIUM'"
"FUCKING QUAKER."
So Bill gets all pissy. He's pissy at Johnny (btw that last cap is my favourite Bill cap, the whole context of the scene gets me every time ;_;),
He's pissy on the plane over,
And when he gets to France is extra pissy and mows down a bazillion Germans.
And then Winters tries to tell him off and he's like "FUCK YOU QUAKER YOU TOOK AWAY MY PORN I'LL DO WHATEVER I LIKE"
And his jaw slides out another few centimetres, hahahahaha IT'S AS FAR OUT AS HIS NOSE
But then they have to get down to the serious business of capturing some guns or some shit, and in spite of the lingering pissiness he's retaining (resulting in the marvellous BITCH PLEASE WHATEVER caps),
Bill is a true BoB and when he sees that Joe (his BFF? Or really, one of his many BFFs ahahaha) is volunteering, he's like SIGN ME UP and awww. He's all about his mates. Unless they're Quakers.
So they go and shoot shit and his teeth look very shiny and white (although tbh all I ever can remember when I think of this whole scene is Popeye getting shot in the arse and apologising for it, ahahaha ILU POPEYE ♥)
And then we have that totally, TOTALLY awesome scene in the back of the truck, where the whole thing revolves around Bill and the resolution of his Quaker hatred,
And quite frankly, Bill and Donnie's expressions just make this scene so frakking glorious that I'm not even going to try to caption them. The lulz speak for themself :)
So they go and shoot some more crap before heading back to England,
AND THEN HE MEETS ANOTHER OF HIS BFFS, and Skip is totally wanting them to punch on here
But look at Babe and his little face, and his hair ahahahaha Babe's so geeky in the beginning. I LOVE IT.
So they don't punch on, because they're PHILLY BOYS FOR LIFE, OMG I love them. But don't slash them. I can't slash Bill, IDK why. And Babe belongs to Doc Roe, as we all well know.
Anyway, because Babe is awesome Bill immediately accepts him into the inner sanctum of awesome,
And Bill spends all night pulling faces and telling stories to the replacements,
And Web, the smartarse, is totally eavesdropping the whole time. And WTF in that second cap I just got struck by the thought that Guarnere looks a lot like Suri Cruise in that cap. I don't know what kind of crack I'm on at the moment that that thought came into my mind, somebody shoot me. BUT HE TOTALLY DOES.
And I tried, and failed, to think up a lulzy story that Bill could possibly be telling to accompany all these caps,
So let's all just look at the many and varied shapes Bill can make with his mouth,
And try not to have too many dirty thoughts,
And LOL at how much Bill laughs at his own stories. And then everyone bursts into song. INCLUDING MCAVOY HEY AGAIN JAMES MCAVOY! I will do a random BoB cast spam with him in it, hahaha. Him and Leland Adama heeee.
So then all the fun and drinking is over and they're preparing for 'Market Garden' and Bill is all "UM THIS PLAN LOOKS SHIT"
"WHAT KIND OF RETARDED BRIT CAME UP WITH THIS? MONTGOMEWHAT? I DON'T THINK SO"
And heeeeeey Grant.
But in spite of his reservations Bill goes along with the plan, and tries to blind the enemy with his pearly whites or something,
and spends the whole episode peering around corners and shit with his mouth wide open, IDK maybe he was trying to catch bullets in his teeth or something.
And then he looks all stoic and awesome in the night when Bull goes missing, and is all "I APPROVE OF YOUR RESCUE MISSION BUT CHOOSE NOT TO JOIN IN"
But Bull returns, and Bill is all gorgeous and happy and we ALL beg him to kiss Bull rather than slap or salute him (but alas, no).
And then he gets injured and comes back and is all "HEY WINTERS SORRY ABOUT THAT QUAKER NONSENSE EARLIER. DIDJA MISS ME? YOU MISSED ME. COME ON."
But he totally gets kicked out of the room so that Winters and Nix and Harry could continue their little threesome or whatever was going on when he interrupted them.
And then we see him clean-shaven for the very last time :( as he steals supplies off other troops with his BFF Babe.
And they get to Bastogne and he spends the whole time with Babe in foxholes wondering if Buck is crazy,
and telling lulzy stories through his beard,
and continuing to laugh at his own jokes XD
And then Joe comes back after being injured and their reunion is a million kinds of adorable, because they are also BFFs,
And in spite of the looks they give one another here I REFUSE TO SLASH THEM. NO. MUST NOT.
Then Bill totally doesn't help my noBillslash resolution by enquiring after Donnie's nuts, hahaha
AND THEN HIS BFFNESS WITH JOE IS TOTALLY HIS DOWNFALL ;____________________;
I freaking want to wail every time I see this scene, OMG I'm so pathetic. No matter how many times I watch it, it's almost as traumatic as Grant getting shot in the head :( The first time I watched BoB, I watched 'Bastogne' and 'The Breaking Point' back-to-back and they depressed me so terribly, they ripped my guts out and made me want to cry, becase DAMN they were such brilliant episodes,
And I have to admit that it was this scene that totally pushed me over the edge :( aaaarrgghhhh (AND I WILL NOT POST A CAP OF HIS TWITCHING LEG MUSCLES. Well, maybe in my Roespam, IDK)
But we don't end on a sad note! BECAUSE OMG HEY LOOK IT'S GUARNERE! HE'S STILL ALIVE!! AND FULL OF SO MUCH AWESOMESAUCE THAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT!!
And ♥ ♥ ♥ these two, OMG. They could seriously be related. Best casting out of the whole bunch.
But yeah, sorry guys, it's 11:30 at night and I have to get up early for work tomorrow so I didn't really have the time to sit and think how to make this extra lulzy :( Just enjoy the awesome hotness of Bill.
Part One (the epically fucked-up love of Webster and Liebgott)
Part Two (Speirs, the badassest badass to ever badass)
Part Three (Christenson and Grant, hot but criminally underused)
Part Four (George Luzzzzzzz and the giant slash debacle)
PFFT OMG I NEED SLEEP :(