Look, private, we've got a problem here :(
Hello again ladies and gents, it's time for another installment of the:
Today's picspam will be shorter than Parts One and Two, as I am rather busy this weekend with a disgraceful amount of preparation for work next week :(
So therefore our spamees, who unfortunately have less caps between them than one Winnix scene, are:
Christenson and Grant
Or, as I like to call them, criminally underused hot men who are, lamentably, mostly stuck in the background of scenes.
So yeah, I don't have many lulzy things to say about them, Christenson in particular, because all they do is stand around and be hot :(
MASSIVELY EPIC BOB PICSPAM PART THREE: CHRISTENSON AND GRANT (or, The criminally underused hotties)
The first time we meet Christenson he is being yelled at for drinking water by Captain Ross Dickweed. Yes, water. I know the whole 'drinking water' thing is not the reason he got in trouble, rather, it's the whole 'disobeying an order' thing, but you know what? FUCK YOU CAPTAIN DICKWEED.
So what can I say about Christenson? He looks hot in a helmet, or even in a mud mask when he's cleansing his pores.
He looks hot in the wintry forest, particularly when standing next to Hashey (lol). Or even when a GIANT SNOWFLAKE is obscuring his face.
He looks hot with his big bad gun, even when he's shitting his pants (and then giggling) over Speirs.
He looks hot a-creeping round the forest, and even has the capacity to turn his head to the left AND right. That's skill.
He even looks hot when he is playing 'If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.' And he remains hot when we see him last, looking slightly disapprovingly at Speirs kicking some arse.
Ergo, in conclusion, I think it could be said that Christenson is hot. Even though he doesn't do anything. To make up for his boringness, I hope this will compensate:
HEY STELIOS ARE YOU AWESOME OR ARE YOU AWESOME? YOU ARE AWESOME and hot
So, let's move onto the next half of this spam, focusing upon the lovely Chuck (!!♥!!) Grant. As you may have noticed in Parts One and Two of this spam, I have a, um, LARGE amount of affection for Grant. I'm not sure why, because it's not like he does a whole lot except hang around in the back of scenes looking hot and supporting Liebgott in his wicked games. The first time I watched the series, TBH, I didn't pay a lot of attention to him until 'Points' when that thing that traumatises me beyond belief happened. And on every subsequent viewing the love grewwwwww. So, I guess, consider this forewarning of a lot of unjustifiable Grant love on my behalf...
So we first see Grant at Toccoa. He is clean-cut, and pensive, and hot. He suits khaki, and has a nice jaw.
He also appears to be a bit of a suck-up, because he gets Sink a beer at that celebratory dinner. HOWEVER. We also deduce at around this point that he must possess some badassery (though obviously not on a Speirs level, haha) because he has the cigarette tucked behind his ear. ALSO HI POPEYE. That boy brings me joy in a way I can't explain, lol.
So then we're in England, and I congratulate the casting director for BoB once again, beause tan Grant + khaki uniform + green helmet + green backdrop = heart palpitations on my behalf. To be honest, I really think that my Grant love comes purely from the fact that he is hot. No other reason. No random acts of Speirs badassery or Liebgott slashines. Just plain hotness.
So then the NCOs are all hanging around, playing Pictionary in a barn or something, and Johnny is pissed because no-one got his drawing of a cow. But Grant doesn't care, he's more interested in lead poisoning
all those with an oral fixation, please pause here and enjoy...
Or maybe they're just plotting against Captain Dickweed. IDK. GRANT LOOKS HOT.
But Grant's hotness and unnerving blue eyes obviously save them all from a court-martial, because Sink's like 'NOT EVEN GOING TO GIVE YOU A SLAP ON THE WRIST' and the NCOs (or the ones that matter, heh) are like 'BEST REPRIMAND EVER' and they do a pimp walk down the street
And Grant seems pretty chilled about the whole situation,
in fact, so chilled that he FALLS ASLEEP ON THE PLANE. ON THE WAY TO INVADE EUROPE. That or Doc slipped him a roofie instead of an air-sickess tablet.
So then they're in Holland, and everyone is 'enjoying the local customs', and Grant goes and ruins the group pic by macking on some LUCKY BITCH, UGH, HAVE SOME DECENCY CHUCK, NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN. No, I'm not jealous. WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IMPRESSION.
And I might point out here that, in my grand tradition of fixating upon a particular BoB bodypart (Speirs and his lips, Liebgott's neck, Webster's open mouth eyes), I have a lot of lust when it comes to Grant's hands. LOOK AT THOSE HANDS AS HE CARESSES THAT BAZOOKA. Never have I wanted so much to be a weapon of abject death and destruction :( Yeah. He also has nice eyes. Ahem.
So then they all get to Hagenau, and everyone's being all emo and dirty and wonderful, and Grant shares a wonderful glance with Liebgott and I can't help but think that he might have filled the giant Webster-shaped hole in Liebgott's existence whilst Web was off poncing about the hospital, because Grangott? Liebgrant? Choe? Whatever you'd call it, I'm sure it'd be hot. Mmmm.
And then Babe, who looks SO EFFING FLY from about 'The Last Patrol' onwards, has his own little moment with Grant, and I'd be all 'Greffron? Heffant?'
IF I WASN'T SO DAMN BUSY LOOKING AT THOSE HANDS. Seriously. And anyway, Babe gets annoyed at Grant playing with his whistle (or whatever) and loses interest.
Which means that Grant can go back and play with Liebgott!
And I know I've already mentioned how wholeheartedly I love this scene,
but seriously, Grant's shit-eating grin MAKES this moment, and he's so totally complicit in all of Liebgott's bullshit.
So then they all go chuffing off to Germany, and they have that wonderfully epic singalong, and Grant looks REALLY INTO IT hahahaha but to be honest, do you know what I see first when I look at this cap? DOC ROE. I've got issues.
And then he gets to go and loot the Eagle's Nest with Speirs and look hot,
AND HEY LOOK IT'S GRANT AND CHRISTENSON! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!?!
and Shifty ♥ awwww. But yeah, Grant looks hot in the sunshine. And I'm not going to mention the look Christenson is giving him...
And then Grant is giving these noobs a car ride and is thoroughly enjoying himself telling stories about Gonorrhea slaughtering Germans and calling Winters a Quaker or some shit
And the guy in the back is like 'LOL I GET IT NOW'
And then he stops the car.
And gets out and speaks to some guy.
AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY. THE END. NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS. HE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER. And I stick my fingers in my ears and go LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA because seriously, of all the horrible shit that happens in this series, this is the one thing that still makes me :( every single time.
So yeah, sorry this one wasn't too interesting. They're a bit boring, and I'm a bit tired. Just admire all the pretty.
Will picspam someone else next weekend...
PART ONE (the epically fucked-up love of Webster and Liebgott)
PART TWO (Speirs, the badassest badass to ever badass)