Chapter 5
Live and Die Alone
*Link to other pages at the bottom
Chapter 5
“I love this.” Gerard said looking up at the stars that watched them. His arms folded behind his head using them as a pillow.
“Yea its beautiful here.” Angel said watching the stars as he was. It felt nice not to worry if she was going to say something wrong. Or do something that was going to get her yelled at. She could breath for once in a long time and she decided to enjoy it. They were lying on a blanket, behind the hotel. He had said he needed air and she had asked if she would come. He had grabbed the blanket on the way out the door.
“ I can’t believe I’m here.” She said and looked over at him by turning her head slightly.
“Yea me either.” He said. He smiled.
“So what do you think of life on the road?” He said still smiling.
“Its much better than I thought it would be. Just before I fell asleep in the car I was wondering where you guys were. I even thought how awesome it would be to meet you on the road.” She laughed at herself.
“It was as if you guys heard my wishes.” Gerard let a giggle slip from his lips.
“Yea, you could say we did.” Gerard turned onto his side looking into her eyes.
“Do you miss him? Your husband?” She let out a laugh then said,
“God no. I didn’t really love him anyway.”
“Well I’m glad that you aren’t upset about that then.” He reached out and brushed the hair that had fallen across her face as she had turned to face him. They talked about life and family, Fears and Friends. They were still lying there talking 4 hours later when it started to drizzle. They began to laugh.
“Well I guess it’s time to go in.” Angel said standing up.
“Yea we should” Gerard grabbed the blanket and followed her into the room.
Mikey decided to just walk awhile. He started to go around the back of the building but noticed that Angel and Gerard were lying on a blanket staring at the stars, he smiled. It just struck him as a sweet thing to do for her. So instead he went the other way. He rounded the corner and the sound of someone crying filled his ears. He looked around and didn’t see anyone. He frowned. It sounded like a girl was crying her heart out and he could hear her plainly. But couldn’t see her anywhere. Then she caught her breath. Trying to stifle her sobs and he realized she was above him. He looked up and there was a banister with stairs leading up to the other floors of the hotel and she was sitting on the top. She had noticed him and tried to be quiet, failing miserably.
“Hello,” he said. Looking up at her with what he hoped was a warm smile.
“Hi,” She said. She seemed unsure if it was ok to talk to him.
“I’m Mikey, and you?” He said as he climbed the stairs and sat next to her.
“Audra,” she said still sniffling. She was a small girl. Her limp dark brown almost black hair hung down past her shoulders. It was wet as if she had just had a shower. She looked at Mikey as he sat down next to her.
“You look familiar, do I know you?” She said.
“I don’t know,” He shrugged.
“So what’s wrong? Can I help?” He said.
“No I don’t think you can.” She said and a tear slipped down her right cheek.
“Well maybe if you talk about it, it will help?” he said furrowing his brow, he hated that she was so upset. Just then an image of Kim flashed through his mind. He felt tears welling up behind his own eyes. He had cried himself to sleep many nights after that had happened. He wanted so badly just to go back and change what had happened. He tried to push the thoughts away and just concentrate on Audra. It was hard to think straight around people.
They were so irresistible to him. It was like a chemical reaction to be near them. Inside he could feel himself getting aroused just sitting next to her. But this was obviously a child and not someone to indulge with and he had decided that he didn’t want to feel the misery of what he had done again so he would fight the feelings when they came with all his strength. The pleasure of the moment was not worth making the mistake again. None of them understood why sex was something that they couldn’t get enough of but they all knew they must be careful. That’s why Bob, Ray and Frank hadn’t done it although Ray had almost lost fighting the temptation. It didn’t matter if the person was male or female. The feeling of just being next to someone was neurotic.
“It’s my mom and dad.” She frowned.
“They just found out that I’m pregnant and my dad wants me to get rid of it. He says I’m too young to be a mom and they don’t want to raise it. They are worried more about what their friends will say if they find out that there little angelic Audra is pregnant.” The tears burst from her eyes again. She looked so lost so broken. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her and let his hand stroke her hair.
“You poor thing I’m so sorry.” For a second she was shocked by the sudden hug from a complete stranger. But she really needed to be held. She couldn’t see her boyfriend, they had shut him out the moment they knew she was pregnant. They wouldn’t even let her tell him. So she just let him hug her and hugged him back, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist she just let the tears flow. It felt good to hold onto him.
“How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” They were still hugging and she had showed no signs of letting go.
“14,” she said, and let out a long sigh.
His body was responding to her warmth, her skin, her closeness, but he was happy to note that the intensity was subsiding. Maybe it just took some time to let the reaction to them calm down? They were so new to this, but the thought seemed plausible. Maybe he could control any urges that ravaged him. He clung to her and relaxed, finally the intense sexual energy that raged inside him was calming. He let out a relieved sigh, and said,
“You are to young to have to feel so confused, I really am sorry you have to go through this.”
“Thanks but you being so nice is helping a lot.” She said.
“I’m so glad I could help, even if it is only a little.” He smiled down at her.
“Wait! I know who you are! You’re part of a rock group! My best friend has posters all over her walls. I recognized you from them. She would be so jealous that I met you. And angry that I didn’t even know who you are.” She began to laugh. He laughed with her.
“Yea we’ve been touring a little but we are between gigs and decided to rest awhile.”
“That’s cool, I’ve heard a couple of your songs and you guys are good.” She smiled. They were still hugging, she hadn’t been hugged in a while and she missed it her parents were just so angry that they hadn’t thought of hugging her. Even her mom was just mad and she hadn’t said anything to her that wasn’t asking her how she could be so stupid. And how that boy was just using her. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks again. Mikey stroked her hair. He felt so bad for her.
“They are taking me to a doctor a long way away so that no one will know us. They don’t want anyone to find out. I just don’t want to do this but I don’t have a choice.”
“It will be ok, I promise.” He said. She nodded into his chest.
There’s only one bed,” Gerard said,
“ Want me to take the floor?” He said and raised one eyebrow at her. He knew that when Frankie got the rooms he put them in a room with one bed on purpose.
“No,” she laughed,
“We are adults, we can share the bed.” She shrugged.
Angel lay in the dark listening to Gerard’s even breaths knowing he was asleep. She wanted so much to just wrap her arms around him. She knew he’d let her but she still held back. She was beginning to feel so close to him. But that scared her too. He was well known by so many people. So loved by so many. Could she handle that if he did feel the same for her? Does he feel the same for her? The question rushed through her mind. She looked over at him and he stirred in his sleep. Before she could roll over facing away from him, which is what she started to do, his arm snaked around her waist and she felt him pull himself against her. Her mind raced. Should she wake him? No she decided and just turned over towards him and placed her arms around him too. Gerard smiled when she did. It was dark and she didn’t notice. She did feel his hug tighten but she still thought he was asleep.
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Hey, What’s wrong?” Mikey said looking at Gerard as he sat on the steps out side of the house. He sighed,
“I’m having really weird dreams lately.” Mikey was shocked, his own dreams hadn’t been very normal lately.
“By weird what do you mean?” Gerard looked around to make sure his girlfriend wouldn’t over hear him. “It’s about other women. I would never cheat on her man. But in my dream I really care for them. There’s just one now but there was one that, umm, that I umm.” He paused, Mikey sucked in his breath wondering if his dreams were similar.
“There’s one what?” he said to encourage him to finish. Gerard sighed and said in a rush,
“That I killed. We were having sex and I killed her. She was a fan in my dream and I wanted her. I could feel her body I could feel everything. So much so that when I woke up I had to clean the sheets, I’m so glad a certain someone had already left that morning. But it was also so real when I killed her. I was devastated. I’ve never seen the girl in my dream in my life but,” He paused, and shook his head,
“It was just so real.” Mikey looked at Gerard, he sat beside him.
“Yea, I had a dream like that too. A fan that I had sex with and I killed her. It was real too, like you said.”
“Maybe we’re just both tired from all of the work we’ve been doing lately.”
“Yea, maybe you are right.” Gerard said.
“Oh Brian is coming here later today, said there was something we needed to talk about.” Mikey said.
“Like what?”
“Don’t know he wouldn’t say on the phone, but he asked me if we played in Dallas last night” Mikey said.
“Why would he ask that? He knows we didn’t?” Gerard said
“Don’t know.” Mikey said.
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Audra looked up at Mikey.
“You really are a sweet guy.” She smiled.
“AUDRA! What the fuck are you doing?” She immediately pulled herself away from Mikey.
“Nothing mom, I swear. We were just talking!”
“Talking? You call that talking? No wonder you got yourself in trouble.”
“I’m so sorry.” Mikey whispered hoping her mom didn’t hear him.
“Its ok.” She whispered back.
“Just knowing that someone cares makes it easier.” She said and managed a small smile before she got up and headed toward the doorway where her mom glared at her.
“Are you a whore now? What were you doing out there letting that man put his hands all over you, I should call the police!”
“No mom, it wasn’t like that, I swear.” The door slammed behind them and the sound of the woman’s shill voice could still be heard but Mikey couldn’t make out the words. He felt so bad for her, so young to have to deal with so much. He slowly walked back toward his room. He had begun to think about Kim again. It seamed that that was all he thought about lately.
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*Link to other pages at the bottom
Chapter 5
“I love this.” Gerard said looking up at the stars that watched them. His arms folded behind his head using them as a pillow.
“Yea its beautiful here.” Angel said watching the stars as he was. It felt nice not to worry if she was going to say something wrong. Or do something that was going to get her yelled at. She could breath for once in a long time and she decided to enjoy it. They were lying on a blanket, behind the hotel. He had said he needed air and she had asked if she would come. He had grabbed the blanket on the way out the door.
“ I can’t believe I’m here.” She said and looked over at him by turning her head slightly.
“Yea me either.” He said. He smiled.
“So what do you think of life on the road?” He said still smiling.
“Its much better than I thought it would be. Just before I fell asleep in the car I was wondering where you guys were. I even thought how awesome it would be to meet you on the road.” She laughed at herself.
“It was as if you guys heard my wishes.” Gerard let a giggle slip from his lips.
“Yea, you could say we did.” Gerard turned onto his side looking into her eyes.
“Do you miss him? Your husband?” She let out a laugh then said,
“God no. I didn’t really love him anyway.”
“Well I’m glad that you aren’t upset about that then.” He reached out and brushed the hair that had fallen across her face as she had turned to face him. They talked about life and family, Fears and Friends. They were still lying there talking 4 hours later when it started to drizzle. They began to laugh.
“Well I guess it’s time to go in.” Angel said standing up.
“Yea we should” Gerard grabbed the blanket and followed her into the room.
Mikey decided to just walk awhile. He started to go around the back of the building but noticed that Angel and Gerard were lying on a blanket staring at the stars, he smiled. It just struck him as a sweet thing to do for her. So instead he went the other way. He rounded the corner and the sound of someone crying filled his ears. He looked around and didn’t see anyone. He frowned. It sounded like a girl was crying her heart out and he could hear her plainly. But couldn’t see her anywhere. Then she caught her breath. Trying to stifle her sobs and he realized she was above him. He looked up and there was a banister with stairs leading up to the other floors of the hotel and she was sitting on the top. She had noticed him and tried to be quiet, failing miserably.
“Hello,” he said. Looking up at her with what he hoped was a warm smile.
“Hi,” She said. She seemed unsure if it was ok to talk to him.
“I’m Mikey, and you?” He said as he climbed the stairs and sat next to her.
“Audra,” she said still sniffling. She was a small girl. Her limp dark brown almost black hair hung down past her shoulders. It was wet as if she had just had a shower. She looked at Mikey as he sat down next to her.
“You look familiar, do I know you?” She said.
“I don’t know,” He shrugged.
“So what’s wrong? Can I help?” He said.
“No I don’t think you can.” She said and a tear slipped down her right cheek.
“Well maybe if you talk about it, it will help?” he said furrowing his brow, he hated that she was so upset. Just then an image of Kim flashed through his mind. He felt tears welling up behind his own eyes. He had cried himself to sleep many nights after that had happened. He wanted so badly just to go back and change what had happened. He tried to push the thoughts away and just concentrate on Audra. It was hard to think straight around people.
They were so irresistible to him. It was like a chemical reaction to be near them. Inside he could feel himself getting aroused just sitting next to her. But this was obviously a child and not someone to indulge with and he had decided that he didn’t want to feel the misery of what he had done again so he would fight the feelings when they came with all his strength. The pleasure of the moment was not worth making the mistake again. None of them understood why sex was something that they couldn’t get enough of but they all knew they must be careful. That’s why Bob, Ray and Frank hadn’t done it although Ray had almost lost fighting the temptation. It didn’t matter if the person was male or female. The feeling of just being next to someone was neurotic.
“It’s my mom and dad.” She frowned.
“They just found out that I’m pregnant and my dad wants me to get rid of it. He says I’m too young to be a mom and they don’t want to raise it. They are worried more about what their friends will say if they find out that there little angelic Audra is pregnant.” The tears burst from her eyes again. She looked so lost so broken. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her and let his hand stroke her hair.
“You poor thing I’m so sorry.” For a second she was shocked by the sudden hug from a complete stranger. But she really needed to be held. She couldn’t see her boyfriend, they had shut him out the moment they knew she was pregnant. They wouldn’t even let her tell him. So she just let him hug her and hugged him back, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist she just let the tears flow. It felt good to hold onto him.
“How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” They were still hugging and she had showed no signs of letting go.
“14,” she said, and let out a long sigh.
His body was responding to her warmth, her skin, her closeness, but he was happy to note that the intensity was subsiding. Maybe it just took some time to let the reaction to them calm down? They were so new to this, but the thought seemed plausible. Maybe he could control any urges that ravaged him. He clung to her and relaxed, finally the intense sexual energy that raged inside him was calming. He let out a relieved sigh, and said,
“You are to young to have to feel so confused, I really am sorry you have to go through this.”
“Thanks but you being so nice is helping a lot.” She said.
“I’m so glad I could help, even if it is only a little.” He smiled down at her.
“Wait! I know who you are! You’re part of a rock group! My best friend has posters all over her walls. I recognized you from them. She would be so jealous that I met you. And angry that I didn’t even know who you are.” She began to laugh. He laughed with her.
“Yea we’ve been touring a little but we are between gigs and decided to rest awhile.”
“That’s cool, I’ve heard a couple of your songs and you guys are good.” She smiled. They were still hugging, she hadn’t been hugged in a while and she missed it her parents were just so angry that they hadn’t thought of hugging her. Even her mom was just mad and she hadn’t said anything to her that wasn’t asking her how she could be so stupid. And how that boy was just using her. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks again. Mikey stroked her hair. He felt so bad for her.
“They are taking me to a doctor a long way away so that no one will know us. They don’t want anyone to find out. I just don’t want to do this but I don’t have a choice.”
“It will be ok, I promise.” He said. She nodded into his chest.
There’s only one bed,” Gerard said,
“ Want me to take the floor?” He said and raised one eyebrow at her. He knew that when Frankie got the rooms he put them in a room with one bed on purpose.
“No,” she laughed,
“We are adults, we can share the bed.” She shrugged.
Angel lay in the dark listening to Gerard’s even breaths knowing he was asleep. She wanted so much to just wrap her arms around him. She knew he’d let her but she still held back. She was beginning to feel so close to him. But that scared her too. He was well known by so many people. So loved by so many. Could she handle that if he did feel the same for her? Does he feel the same for her? The question rushed through her mind. She looked over at him and he stirred in his sleep. Before she could roll over facing away from him, which is what she started to do, his arm snaked around her waist and she felt him pull himself against her. Her mind raced. Should she wake him? No she decided and just turned over towards him and placed her arms around him too. Gerard smiled when she did. It was dark and she didn’t notice. She did feel his hug tighten but she still thought he was asleep.
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Hey, What’s wrong?” Mikey said looking at Gerard as he sat on the steps out side of the house. He sighed,
“I’m having really weird dreams lately.” Mikey was shocked, his own dreams hadn’t been very normal lately.
“By weird what do you mean?” Gerard looked around to make sure his girlfriend wouldn’t over hear him. “It’s about other women. I would never cheat on her man. But in my dream I really care for them. There’s just one now but there was one that, umm, that I umm.” He paused, Mikey sucked in his breath wondering if his dreams were similar.
“There’s one what?” he said to encourage him to finish. Gerard sighed and said in a rush,
“That I killed. We were having sex and I killed her. She was a fan in my dream and I wanted her. I could feel her body I could feel everything. So much so that when I woke up I had to clean the sheets, I’m so glad a certain someone had already left that morning. But it was also so real when I killed her. I was devastated. I’ve never seen the girl in my dream in my life but,” He paused, and shook his head,
“It was just so real.” Mikey looked at Gerard, he sat beside him.
“Yea, I had a dream like that too. A fan that I had sex with and I killed her. It was real too, like you said.”
“Maybe we’re just both tired from all of the work we’ve been doing lately.”
“Yea, maybe you are right.” Gerard said.
“Oh Brian is coming here later today, said there was something we needed to talk about.” Mikey said.
“Like what?”
“Don’t know he wouldn’t say on the phone, but he asked me if we played in Dallas last night” Mikey said.
“Why would he ask that? He knows we didn’t?” Gerard said
“Don’t know.” Mikey said.
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Audra looked up at Mikey.
“You really are a sweet guy.” She smiled.
“AUDRA! What the fuck are you doing?” She immediately pulled herself away from Mikey.
“Nothing mom, I swear. We were just talking!”
“Talking? You call that talking? No wonder you got yourself in trouble.”
“I’m so sorry.” Mikey whispered hoping her mom didn’t hear him.
“Its ok.” She whispered back.
“Just knowing that someone cares makes it easier.” She said and managed a small smile before she got up and headed toward the doorway where her mom glared at her.
“Are you a whore now? What were you doing out there letting that man put his hands all over you, I should call the police!”
“No mom, it wasn’t like that, I swear.” The door slammed behind them and the sound of the woman’s shill voice could still be heard but Mikey couldn’t make out the words. He felt so bad for her, so young to have to deal with so much. He slowly walked back toward his room. He had begun to think about Kim again. It seamed that that was all he thought about lately.
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