[Fic] The Air I Breathe - 6/7
Title: The Air I Breathe
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Also Featuring: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, fantasy, angst, romance
Summary: Caught between two worlds, Siwon must find a way to save not only himself, but the jaguar spirit whose life hangs in the balance.
***
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five * Part Six * Part Seven
***
The hallway of their apartment building seemed to shrink as Zhou Mi’s heart began to pound far beyond his control. To see Kyuhyun’s face blank, slacken, before tightening with an expression unlike any Zhou Mi had ever seen or could remember seeing... It was strange that he couldn’t put a finger on just what it was. The hardening of the eyes, the tightening of the mouth. Kyuhyun’s face, and yet not Kyuhyun at all.
In all their thoughts, they had considered Han Geng and Siwon, that Siwon could not be possessed... It had never once occurred to him that Kyuhyun might be in danger. If the bird could tell that Zhou Mi had once been a spirit, that even now some of that knowledge coursed in him, that Zhou Mi was nearly as marked by the tiger as he had been in the other world... If the bird’s goal was not just Han Geng but any spirit, then on the path to Han Geng it had seen the tiger’s taint on him.
And by not protecting Kyuhyun... Had he condemned him to death?
No! No. His plan would work. He had not thought it all out, planned it all out... But not for this.
He kept himself from reaching for Kyuhyun, to shake him. All he knew was he needed the rope. To trap the bird’s spirit in Kyuhyun’s body.
Kyuhyun...
“You can’t even jump into me, can you?” Zhou Mi asked roughly, not looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes. The bird made Kyuhyun follow as Zhou Mi led him, back, back into the apartment where the spirit rope was. The bag of groceries they had bought dangled uselessly in one hand. He just had to keep talking, keeping the bird’s attention. Anything.
“Even the thought must sicken you,” Zhou Mi taunted. “Even if I’m human, I’m protected by my ancestors. Does the thought of killing the tiger seduce you? Jumping from weak human to weak human, just for a chance to kill a spirit. You chose the wrong human this time. I didn’t protect him. I should have, but I didn’t. But the method I have to send you back is solid. And he knows that. Can you feel him smug inside you? Knowing your days are numbered. Caught by the tiger, killed by the jaguar, corralled by a human. Pitiful.”
“Pitiful,” the bird mocked in Kyuhyun’s voice. “And smug? He screams and cries, the fear paralyzing him, making it easier for me to sink deeper and deeper. Maybe... Is it possible... To erase his memories of you? Or make new ones for him, where you try to kill him again and again... Would you like that back, a sack of screaming flesh full of hatred for you?”
The thought was enough to make him want to deny it with his whole body. He pushed a few quick buttons on his phone, sending a text to Siwon.
“Your lies would only work on someone who didn’t know him. And you forget, I know him very well.”
The bird quirked Kyuhyun’s lips, dropping his voice low and breathy. “Hurt me Zhou Mi, do it, you know you want to... Taking you from your home, stripping you of your immortality and power... You must hate me.” The laugh was loud and raucous as the bird reached, scraping a line down Kyuhyun’s forearm with his nails, beads of blood popping bright on Kyuhyun’s skin. “You know it hurts? It hurts him fourfold through me. He screams in pain, tiger. You could end it for him.”
“I will,” Zhou Mi promised. Just not in the way that the bird implied. If it came to a struggle, they weighed about the same even if Zhou Mi was taller. Kyuhyun was scrappy, but Zhou Mi had no intentions of letting it come to that.
The bird and Kyuhyun edged closer as Zhou Mi’s hand closed on the spirit rope. He could see it was looking for a weapon. A knife. A sharp object. Something it could bash into Zhou Mi’s head.
“Can I just... Hold him...?” He let his voice soften, almost breaking but not quite.
The bird was not quick, not reacting to the change in Zhou Mi’s demeanor fast enough, so when Zhou Mi’s arms wrapped around Kyuhyun, wrapped the spirit rope around him, it was frozen for a long second before realizing what Zhou Mi had done. It couldn’t even reach to undo the rope, so binding was it to the spirit.
“Han Geng!” he shouted, knowing Siwon and Han Geng were waiting out of sight after his warning.
“Bird in Kyu, be ready, will bind,” he had sent.
Siwon and Han Geng stepped up beside them. “We’re ready,” Siwon said, his eyes full of worry.
Zhou Mi studied Kyuhyun’s face, twisted to a mockery of its familiar amused smirk. His heart was with that face, that body. If he could find Kyuhyun again, only to lose him, because of his own shortsightedness...
“Kui Xian...” The name slipped from his lips unbidden.
Kyuhyun’s eyes were dark, bright and wicked. “Is the sacrifice worth it, Zhou Mi?”
Zhou Mi’s hand slid from his shoulder to his hand, stomach leaden. “It has to be. Let’s do this.”
“How could you do this to me?!” Kyuhyun shouted, struggling as Zhou Mi held him for Siwon and Han Geng to ring him.
Kyuhyun’s fingers were tight enough on his to where his nails could draw blood.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi said, this time actually staring into Kyuhyun’s eyes. Hoping his message got through. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I love you... Han Geng, when I say, all right?”
“All right.”
The end of the rope slid from Kyuhyun’s body and Zhou Mi held Kyuhyun’s hand fast in his. He hoped, as an anchor.
“Now,” Zhou Mi commanded.
Han Geng’s lips parted. “Siwon, I... I love you.”
“Han...”
The rest of Han Geng’s name was drowned in the roar of the wind, and it knocked Zhou Mi back, eyes closed in protection and just barely grasping at Kyuhyun’s hand.
It died down, almost as soon as it had started, and Zhou Mi dared to open his eyes.
Two of three people that had stood there were gone, and that left... Kyuhyun. Who was crumpling. Zhou Mi leaped for him, catching him before he could fall fully to the floor.
“Kyuhyun... Kyuhyun, answer me!”
Kyuhyun’s body stiffened as he drew in air, tongue flickering out to wet his lips. His eyes blinked open.
“I’m not some damsel in distress, you know,” Kyuhyun croaked, his lips twisting in a gently mocking smile.
But his hands rose, clutching Zhou Mi close, apology in his eyes, and happiness as well as they kissed and moved only for each other.
“I could hear you,” Kyuhyun whispered. “I love you, too.”
Zhou Mi rocked him, pressing his mouth to Kyuhyun’s neck. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated, over and over. Calming himself more than anything.
“And it wasn’t true... I wasn’t crying,” Kyuhyun said, sounding a little irritated. “More like cursing it out.”
Zhou Mi laughed. It felt so good to laugh. “I knew better, Kui Xian. Worried, but knew better.”
“Yeah... So. Good job. Do you think they’re okay?”
Zhou Mi nodded. “I think so. I think together they can do anything. Don’t look at me like that, Kui Xian!”
Oh, yes. They were back.
***
It felt as though Siwon were coming out of blackness, a blackness that was consuming him as he struggled to breathe.
And then he was falling, Han Geng’s surprised cry right above him as he careened into the side of the tree. He was stunned, the wind completely gone from him.
And that was when he tried to shout in pain, as talons, sharp and dirty, closed around his thigh. He saw then not dark, but his vision was tinged with pain as he was pulled almost without effort from the tree and into the light, every pull sending the wounds deeper and the pain higher. The bird had him, had him like it had him in his first dream, the heavy, wicked beak just waiting to kill him. The shrieking call of the death bird had his hair standing on end.
But unlike the dream, where Han Geng was forced to watch, Siwon heard a rumbling growl.
A cat at the pinnacle of fierceness.
Siwon scrambled back as Han Geng attacked, the sleek jaguar’s hide gleaming in the light, and knocking the bird back, away from Siwon. He clutched at the bleeding wounds, watching breathless, helpless, as Han Geng used all of his weight and skill, tail thrashing as he fought for balance, claws catching on tattered feathers. The powerful fangs sank deep into the bird’s neck, deeper, until with a snap, the bird’s head flopped uselessly to the side. Neck broken. Dead.
The primal, triumphant roar echoed into the forest as evidence of his kill.
Siwon shuddered, watching Han Geng extract himself, sides heaving as he spun, cat-eyes sharp as they focused on Siwon. He leaped down, and at Siwon’s side, the pelt fell, and it was Han Geng the man that reached for Siwon’s face.
“Siwon...”
“I’m okay. You did it. You did it, Han Geng.”
They breathed for a minute, foreheads together, until Han Geng was calm enough to realize that despite Siwon’s words... He was not okay.
“I can heal you,” Han Geng assured him. “But you must be with me, so I can share my healing with you.”
Siwon winced, the ache and burn in his leg making even thinking of supporting himself on it seem too much to consider.
“I don’t know if I can...”
Together they managed to remove his pants, revealing the gouges in this thigh, still trickling blood and pain. Han Geng mouth soothed the wounds, just slightly, but even so... With something that seemed like relief, Han Geng stripped the remainder of the earth clothes from himself, and settled himself above Siwon’s hips. He smiled sharply, the adrenaline still on him, but kissed Siwon with gentleness.
“Let me care for you.”
***
As Han Geng rested, content and languid on Siwon’s chest, Siwon reached for his thigh. Where there had been holes, there were none. No marks. No pain. He wrapped his arms solidly around Han Geng, and fell into a restful sleep.
***
Han Geng woke him with a kiss, pulling him to his feet. They left their clothes on the ground, and the only thing that Han Geng carried was the jaguar pelt. The path they wandered didn’t seem too familiar, but that wasn’t too shocking. The last time that he’d been this way, Han Geng had been frantically leading him to the river and back in a quest to finish the ritual. Kyuhyun hadn't come with them... And it meant he was safe. He sent mental thanks to Zhou Mi, and squeezed Han Geng's hand. The forest was hot, almost stifling, as they wandered through the trees, exiting at the river bank, washed bright in the sunshine.
“There are days that the forest grows hotter,” Han Geng said, laying the pelt on the earth. “When Zhou Mi left, the area we could protect grew smaller, and how well we could protect it... When there were more of us, no death bird could have come through the barrier that we hold to protect the life that lives in this forest.”
“So this forest is yours...”
Han Geng smiled, leading Siwon into the water. “It was ours when we were born. The jaguar was mine, and I was wrapped in its fur, and it put me here to care for all things. And I was given my amulet, that it would hold part of me apart from the jaguar.”
Siwon noticed now, now that he was without fear or pain, that there was the dark pouch against Han Geng’s skin. It hadn’t been there on earth, just as the pelt hadn’t been. Maybe only one was needed because of the other. But it suited him. There was no doubt in Siwon’s mind that he would get to touch it.
“What happened to the other spirits?” Siwon asked, though feeling that he knew.
“The death birds killed most of them. Unwise choices.”
“Did Zhou Mi abandon this place... To go to Earth?”
Han Geng frowned, his hand trailing at Siwon’s hip. “He found Kyuhyun. He is the only one we know of, who did not...fade into nothing. Kyuhyun guided him to where he needed to be. Siwon, I can’t speak of it yet.”
It frustrated him that he was so close to the answers he had been looking for, but at the same time, to see the anguish in Han Geng’s eyes, he had no desire to press him.
“I can wait,” he told Han Geng, kissing him.
They washed each other in the cool river water, Han Geng dipping himself in it for so long that Siwon was almost scared he wasn’t going to come back up.
But he did, sliding wet along Siwon’s skin, water dripping from his hair down his face, past his smile. Siwon leaned in, ready to kiss the water from his face, when Han Geng stiffened, turned, and cried out happily.
The two spirits from before stood on the bank, and Siwon felt suddenly exposed... Standing naked even in a few feet of water wasn’t quite enough.
Han Geng laughed, using force to drag Siwon along with him. And then Siwon saw what the other spirits were holding: two of the covering cloths. Han Geng dressed Siwon first, using his body as a shield, still with that little amused smile on his face.
“Better?” he asked, and Siwon nodded, smiling, and helping Han Geng with his own cloth.
Siwon stood beside him as the two other spirits spoke, their pitch high and excited for several minutes, and Han Geng murmured to him what they were saying.
“They thought I might have died, so they’re happy to see me again,” he said. And then to them, “I’m all right. I was with Siwon. We found Zhou Mi. He’s alive, on the other side. With his mate.”
There was a hushed silence before they exploded with more words, what Siwon assumed were questions as Han Geng answered what they had see, how they had gone and come back. That Zhou Mi was doing well, and Kyuhyun. The taller spirit rested a calming hand on the shorter one beside him.
Han Geng looked up at Siwon before looking back to them. “I love him. And one day, you both can...”
Without warning the spirits turned, disappearing into the forest.
“Why don’t they want to hear it?” Siwon asked.
“We’re all that’s left. If we leave... What becomes of this place? But what happens, would have happened anyway. Whether we loved or not.”
Han Geng’s eyes began to take on the sorrowful cast again, and Siwon realized that in their journey here from Zhou Mi’s apartment, with the bird, everything... He had never been able to finish telling Han Geng himself.
“Han Geng... I’m sorry I didn’t get to earlier. I love you.”
Han Geng’s eyes closed, face open as though he were basking in the sun’s rays.
“Siwon...” he breathed. And his gaze was dark, direct, happy. And a little shadowed. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
***
Han Geng walked with a purpose, and every so often the soft fur of the pelt would brush Siwon’s arm as he hurried to keep up. Han Geng seemed to have some sort of internal map, dodging trees and ducking branches. Still making sure Siwon was with him and okay, but not slowing hardly at all.
At the edge of a small clearing, a rotting log across one end, Han Geng stopped, his mouth curving.
“You wanted me to meet someone?” Siwon prompted.
“Yes. Her,” Han Geng said.
The jaguar almost seemed to materialize from beside the tree, out of the shadows, and despite Siwon’s instinct to freeze, Han Geng left his side and raced for her, tumbled with her, the heavy feline body arching, rubbing against Han Geng as though they were reunited littler mates. They played that way for a few moments before stilling, both of Han Geng’s hands stroking her head as he crooned at her. She pushed up, nudging his face with her nose before delicately picking her way down his body.
She sniffed his knee, licked it, and seemed that she was going to move on. But with a groan, she collapsed, her body stretched across Han Geng’s thighs, drawing an answering groan from him as he poked at her, laughing.
She ignored Han Geng until he was able to reach down, wrapping his arms around her neck and squeezing tight. She made chuffing little noises in apparent contentment, and Siwon honestly felt a little faint.
Han Geng beckoned him close, his arms still around the big cat.
“This is my mate,” Han Geng told her. “His name is Siwon. He is handsome, isn’t he?”
The beguiling smile on Han Geng’s face as his chin rested in the soft fur of the cat’s head took the rest of the air from Siwon’s body, and he sank to his knees beside them.
Han Geng reached for Siwon’s hand, letting the jaguar smell it, taste it, before guiding him to pet her. She grunted a little, nearly started to belly across Han Geng’s legs to get toward Siwon’s gentle scratching and Han Geng laughed at her. With ease she stood, arched, stretched, touching Siwon’s face curiously with her nose as he nearly ceased breathing. Her tailed flowed silkenly across his chest as she wound around, dragging her side against Han Geng’s back. Han Geng tweaked her tail as she walked away, eventually melting back into the trees and shadows.
He wondered if it was normal to feel a little like he’d touched a deity.
Han Geng’s face was full of amusement, clearly seeing the shock on Siwon’s face. He groaned as he rose onto his knees.
“She forgets she’s not a kitten any more,” Han Geng said, grinning.
“She’s amazing... Absolutely amazing. And you...”
Han Geng must have seen something in Siwon’s eyes, because as he moved, he spread the black pelt on the ground. And with his gaze on Siwon, he laid back on the jaguar pelt, his skin almost pale against the dark fur. But none darker than his eyes as he held out his hand, his thighs widened in invitation. Siwon touched the ankle nearest him, and wondered what person alive would be able to say no. And he was more ready than he could say.
By the time he had rid himself of his covering, Han Geng was just as bare, kissing along his fingers and guiding him down, into him.
“Han Geng...”
“My mate,” Han Geng whispered, cupping Siwon’s face.
Those lips were familiar to him now, greeting and encouraging, speaking to him without words. He rubbed his face against the side of Han Geng’s, feeling their bodies begin the journey toward the only possible end.
But it was the journey that was important.
The overwhelming pleasure did not scare him any longer. If it was Han Geng’s pleasure that fed his own, if Han Geng felt that much because of him, then was it wrong to be that proud?
His mate took pleasure in him.
He licked a line up Han Geng’s neck, the rocking of their bodies speeding with Han Geng’s gasp, the clutch of his fingers in Siwon’s hair.
“Si...Siwon... Siwon!”
He thought he might have moaned Han Geng’s name as they shuddered together, his forehead damp against the jaguar fur and breath quick against Han Geng’s shoulder. They rocked back and forth together, somewhat riding the pleasure that lingered, somewhat... Almost as though they couldn’t believe they were together.
Han Geng teased Siwon’s ear furthest from him. “Are you hungry?”
He thought on it for a second, considering when he must last have eaten.
“I could be.”
Han Geng chuckled, and cradled him closer. “Then when we are ready... It is my turn to feed you.”
Siwon kissed Han Geng’s shoulder, and was content to lay with him a little longer.
***
He sat with Han Geng beside the silty bank, Han Geng’s body sheltered in the curve of his, his arms holding Han Geng close. Han Geng had brought him food, and they had loved beside the river. Han Geng seemed tense, more tense than he should have been. It disturbed the balance between them, to where Siwon felt he was holding his breath, waiting.
After a time, Han Geng moved, turning so that he could face Siwon directly.
“Do you remember, how Zhou Mi told you he had once been here.”
“Of course. I wondered how he could breathe if you couldn’t,” Siwon said.
“It is true, but it is not all. Zhou Mi...was forced to transition between this life, and the one he has now. We are not...able to exist in your world fully. Even if our half connection allowed me to live. I don’t... I want to return with you to Earth, Siwon.”
“Of course,” Siwon said, moving to touch and reassure. “I want that, too.”
Han Geng held him off with a hand. “I cannot go as I am now. I must cease to exist here.”
What had Han Geng said of the other spirits? They had all died. If he could not exist as he was, then what other way was there for him to live on Earth... Unless he was born there?
“Die, you mean?” Siwon asked, wanting the answer to be a negative.
“Death comes to all of us, eventually. At least this way...” Han Geng smiled. “Zhou Mi found his Kyuhyun when he had gone from here. We never knew if it could be like that. That I can be remade into something you can truly love...”
“I love you as you are,” Siwon told him, tracing the soft cheek. “I started loving you the moment you opened your eyes. Han Geng... If you die here, is it true then? I’ll find you on Earth?”
“If our prayers are answered. If you believe in us, Siwon. I don’t know how much time I have left. We care for the forest, but we are not capable of sustaining love. It aches in me.”
“Han Geng...”
The thought that he brought pain to Han Geng just by loving him. How could he endure watching Han Geng die...?
“Will you... Will you stay with me till the end?”
In the end, the answer was simple.
“Not even a bear could drag me away,” Siwon promised.
Han Geng smiled, and leaned in to lay his head on Siwon’s shoulder. “That’s good. There are no bears here...”
Siwon breathed the scent of his hair, trying to imagine how he could find this man again. How could it be the same...?
“Will you remember me?”
“How could I forget you?” Han Geng whispered.
“I’ll look for you. I’ll look for you till my dying breath, I swear it.”
“For me... There is only you. Find me quickly, Siwon. Be with me...”
Han Geng’s weight on him sank them back onto the silty bank, mouths open, seeking. Han Geng’s eyes were dark, almost mysterious, breath quick as they considered each other. A smile began to spread across Han Geng’s face, and Siwon felt his match it. Time was just for the two of them as Han Geng’s fingertips notched into his dimples, and he wondered how was it that he could deny that face? Han Geng’s lips brushed his cheeks, trembling and firming against Siwon’s as they promised without words. Every moment was important to drawing them closer. The moon was their blanket as they curved together. Their bodies were sated, and Siwon buried his worry so that he didn’t disturb Han Geng’s rest.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R overall
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung
Also Featuring: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, fantasy, angst, romance
Summary: Caught between two worlds, Siwon must find a way to save not only himself, but the jaguar spirit whose life hangs in the balance.
***
Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five * Part Six * Part Seven
***
The hallway of their apartment building seemed to shrink as Zhou Mi’s heart began to pound far beyond his control. To see Kyuhyun’s face blank, slacken, before tightening with an expression unlike any Zhou Mi had ever seen or could remember seeing... It was strange that he couldn’t put a finger on just what it was. The hardening of the eyes, the tightening of the mouth. Kyuhyun’s face, and yet not Kyuhyun at all.
In all their thoughts, they had considered Han Geng and Siwon, that Siwon could not be possessed... It had never once occurred to him that Kyuhyun might be in danger. If the bird could tell that Zhou Mi had once been a spirit, that even now some of that knowledge coursed in him, that Zhou Mi was nearly as marked by the tiger as he had been in the other world... If the bird’s goal was not just Han Geng but any spirit, then on the path to Han Geng it had seen the tiger’s taint on him.
And by not protecting Kyuhyun... Had he condemned him to death?
No! No. His plan would work. He had not thought it all out, planned it all out... But not for this.
He kept himself from reaching for Kyuhyun, to shake him. All he knew was he needed the rope. To trap the bird’s spirit in Kyuhyun’s body.
Kyuhyun...
“You can’t even jump into me, can you?” Zhou Mi asked roughly, not looking into Kyuhyun’s eyes. The bird made Kyuhyun follow as Zhou Mi led him, back, back into the apartment where the spirit rope was. The bag of groceries they had bought dangled uselessly in one hand. He just had to keep talking, keeping the bird’s attention. Anything.
“Even the thought must sicken you,” Zhou Mi taunted. “Even if I’m human, I’m protected by my ancestors. Does the thought of killing the tiger seduce you? Jumping from weak human to weak human, just for a chance to kill a spirit. You chose the wrong human this time. I didn’t protect him. I should have, but I didn’t. But the method I have to send you back is solid. And he knows that. Can you feel him smug inside you? Knowing your days are numbered. Caught by the tiger, killed by the jaguar, corralled by a human. Pitiful.”
“Pitiful,” the bird mocked in Kyuhyun’s voice. “And smug? He screams and cries, the fear paralyzing him, making it easier for me to sink deeper and deeper. Maybe... Is it possible... To erase his memories of you? Or make new ones for him, where you try to kill him again and again... Would you like that back, a sack of screaming flesh full of hatred for you?”
The thought was enough to make him want to deny it with his whole body. He pushed a few quick buttons on his phone, sending a text to Siwon.
“Your lies would only work on someone who didn’t know him. And you forget, I know him very well.”
The bird quirked Kyuhyun’s lips, dropping his voice low and breathy. “Hurt me Zhou Mi, do it, you know you want to... Taking you from your home, stripping you of your immortality and power... You must hate me.” The laugh was loud and raucous as the bird reached, scraping a line down Kyuhyun’s forearm with his nails, beads of blood popping bright on Kyuhyun’s skin. “You know it hurts? It hurts him fourfold through me. He screams in pain, tiger. You could end it for him.”
“I will,” Zhou Mi promised. Just not in the way that the bird implied. If it came to a struggle, they weighed about the same even if Zhou Mi was taller. Kyuhyun was scrappy, but Zhou Mi had no intentions of letting it come to that.
The bird and Kyuhyun edged closer as Zhou Mi’s hand closed on the spirit rope. He could see it was looking for a weapon. A knife. A sharp object. Something it could bash into Zhou Mi’s head.
“Can I just... Hold him...?” He let his voice soften, almost breaking but not quite.
The bird was not quick, not reacting to the change in Zhou Mi’s demeanor fast enough, so when Zhou Mi’s arms wrapped around Kyuhyun, wrapped the spirit rope around him, it was frozen for a long second before realizing what Zhou Mi had done. It couldn’t even reach to undo the rope, so binding was it to the spirit.
“Han Geng!” he shouted, knowing Siwon and Han Geng were waiting out of sight after his warning.
“Bird in Kyu, be ready, will bind,” he had sent.
Siwon and Han Geng stepped up beside them. “We’re ready,” Siwon said, his eyes full of worry.
Zhou Mi studied Kyuhyun’s face, twisted to a mockery of its familiar amused smirk. His heart was with that face, that body. If he could find Kyuhyun again, only to lose him, because of his own shortsightedness...
“Kui Xian...” The name slipped from his lips unbidden.
Kyuhyun’s eyes were dark, bright and wicked. “Is the sacrifice worth it, Zhou Mi?”
Zhou Mi’s hand slid from his shoulder to his hand, stomach leaden. “It has to be. Let’s do this.”
“How could you do this to me?!” Kyuhyun shouted, struggling as Zhou Mi held him for Siwon and Han Geng to ring him.
Kyuhyun’s fingers were tight enough on his to where his nails could draw blood.
“I love you, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi said, this time actually staring into Kyuhyun’s eyes. Hoping his message got through. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I love you... Han Geng, when I say, all right?”
“All right.”
The end of the rope slid from Kyuhyun’s body and Zhou Mi held Kyuhyun’s hand fast in his. He hoped, as an anchor.
“Now,” Zhou Mi commanded.
Han Geng’s lips parted. “Siwon, I... I love you.”
“Han...”
The rest of Han Geng’s name was drowned in the roar of the wind, and it knocked Zhou Mi back, eyes closed in protection and just barely grasping at Kyuhyun’s hand.
It died down, almost as soon as it had started, and Zhou Mi dared to open his eyes.
Two of three people that had stood there were gone, and that left... Kyuhyun. Who was crumpling. Zhou Mi leaped for him, catching him before he could fall fully to the floor.
“Kyuhyun... Kyuhyun, answer me!”
Kyuhyun’s body stiffened as he drew in air, tongue flickering out to wet his lips. His eyes blinked open.
“I’m not some damsel in distress, you know,” Kyuhyun croaked, his lips twisting in a gently mocking smile.
But his hands rose, clutching Zhou Mi close, apology in his eyes, and happiness as well as they kissed and moved only for each other.
“I could hear you,” Kyuhyun whispered. “I love you, too.”
Zhou Mi rocked him, pressing his mouth to Kyuhyun’s neck. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated, over and over. Calming himself more than anything.
“And it wasn’t true... I wasn’t crying,” Kyuhyun said, sounding a little irritated. “More like cursing it out.”
Zhou Mi laughed. It felt so good to laugh. “I knew better, Kui Xian. Worried, but knew better.”
“Yeah... So. Good job. Do you think they’re okay?”
Zhou Mi nodded. “I think so. I think together they can do anything. Don’t look at me like that, Kui Xian!”
Oh, yes. They were back.
***
It felt as though Siwon were coming out of blackness, a blackness that was consuming him as he struggled to breathe.
And then he was falling, Han Geng’s surprised cry right above him as he careened into the side of the tree. He was stunned, the wind completely gone from him.
And that was when he tried to shout in pain, as talons, sharp and dirty, closed around his thigh. He saw then not dark, but his vision was tinged with pain as he was pulled almost without effort from the tree and into the light, every pull sending the wounds deeper and the pain higher. The bird had him, had him like it had him in his first dream, the heavy, wicked beak just waiting to kill him. The shrieking call of the death bird had his hair standing on end.
But unlike the dream, where Han Geng was forced to watch, Siwon heard a rumbling growl.
A cat at the pinnacle of fierceness.
Siwon scrambled back as Han Geng attacked, the sleek jaguar’s hide gleaming in the light, and knocking the bird back, away from Siwon. He clutched at the bleeding wounds, watching breathless, helpless, as Han Geng used all of his weight and skill, tail thrashing as he fought for balance, claws catching on tattered feathers. The powerful fangs sank deep into the bird’s neck, deeper, until with a snap, the bird’s head flopped uselessly to the side. Neck broken. Dead.
The primal, triumphant roar echoed into the forest as evidence of his kill.
Siwon shuddered, watching Han Geng extract himself, sides heaving as he spun, cat-eyes sharp as they focused on Siwon. He leaped down, and at Siwon’s side, the pelt fell, and it was Han Geng the man that reached for Siwon’s face.
“Siwon...”
“I’m okay. You did it. You did it, Han Geng.”
They breathed for a minute, foreheads together, until Han Geng was calm enough to realize that despite Siwon’s words... He was not okay.
“I can heal you,” Han Geng assured him. “But you must be with me, so I can share my healing with you.”
Siwon winced, the ache and burn in his leg making even thinking of supporting himself on it seem too much to consider.
“I don’t know if I can...”
Together they managed to remove his pants, revealing the gouges in this thigh, still trickling blood and pain. Han Geng mouth soothed the wounds, just slightly, but even so... With something that seemed like relief, Han Geng stripped the remainder of the earth clothes from himself, and settled himself above Siwon’s hips. He smiled sharply, the adrenaline still on him, but kissed Siwon with gentleness.
“Let me care for you.”
***
As Han Geng rested, content and languid on Siwon’s chest, Siwon reached for his thigh. Where there had been holes, there were none. No marks. No pain. He wrapped his arms solidly around Han Geng, and fell into a restful sleep.
***
Han Geng woke him with a kiss, pulling him to his feet. They left their clothes on the ground, and the only thing that Han Geng carried was the jaguar pelt. The path they wandered didn’t seem too familiar, but that wasn’t too shocking. The last time that he’d been this way, Han Geng had been frantically leading him to the river and back in a quest to finish the ritual. Kyuhyun hadn't come with them... And it meant he was safe. He sent mental thanks to Zhou Mi, and squeezed Han Geng's hand. The forest was hot, almost stifling, as they wandered through the trees, exiting at the river bank, washed bright in the sunshine.
“There are days that the forest grows hotter,” Han Geng said, laying the pelt on the earth. “When Zhou Mi left, the area we could protect grew smaller, and how well we could protect it... When there were more of us, no death bird could have come through the barrier that we hold to protect the life that lives in this forest.”
“So this forest is yours...”
Han Geng smiled, leading Siwon into the water. “It was ours when we were born. The jaguar was mine, and I was wrapped in its fur, and it put me here to care for all things. And I was given my amulet, that it would hold part of me apart from the jaguar.”
Siwon noticed now, now that he was without fear or pain, that there was the dark pouch against Han Geng’s skin. It hadn’t been there on earth, just as the pelt hadn’t been. Maybe only one was needed because of the other. But it suited him. There was no doubt in Siwon’s mind that he would get to touch it.
“What happened to the other spirits?” Siwon asked, though feeling that he knew.
“The death birds killed most of them. Unwise choices.”
“Did Zhou Mi abandon this place... To go to Earth?”
Han Geng frowned, his hand trailing at Siwon’s hip. “He found Kyuhyun. He is the only one we know of, who did not...fade into nothing. Kyuhyun guided him to where he needed to be. Siwon, I can’t speak of it yet.”
It frustrated him that he was so close to the answers he had been looking for, but at the same time, to see the anguish in Han Geng’s eyes, he had no desire to press him.
“I can wait,” he told Han Geng, kissing him.
They washed each other in the cool river water, Han Geng dipping himself in it for so long that Siwon was almost scared he wasn’t going to come back up.
But he did, sliding wet along Siwon’s skin, water dripping from his hair down his face, past his smile. Siwon leaned in, ready to kiss the water from his face, when Han Geng stiffened, turned, and cried out happily.
The two spirits from before stood on the bank, and Siwon felt suddenly exposed... Standing naked even in a few feet of water wasn’t quite enough.
Han Geng laughed, using force to drag Siwon along with him. And then Siwon saw what the other spirits were holding: two of the covering cloths. Han Geng dressed Siwon first, using his body as a shield, still with that little amused smile on his face.
“Better?” he asked, and Siwon nodded, smiling, and helping Han Geng with his own cloth.
Siwon stood beside him as the two other spirits spoke, their pitch high and excited for several minutes, and Han Geng murmured to him what they were saying.
“They thought I might have died, so they’re happy to see me again,” he said. And then to them, “I’m all right. I was with Siwon. We found Zhou Mi. He’s alive, on the other side. With his mate.”
There was a hushed silence before they exploded with more words, what Siwon assumed were questions as Han Geng answered what they had see, how they had gone and come back. That Zhou Mi was doing well, and Kyuhyun. The taller spirit rested a calming hand on the shorter one beside him.
Han Geng looked up at Siwon before looking back to them. “I love him. And one day, you both can...”
Without warning the spirits turned, disappearing into the forest.
“Why don’t they want to hear it?” Siwon asked.
“We’re all that’s left. If we leave... What becomes of this place? But what happens, would have happened anyway. Whether we loved or not.”
Han Geng’s eyes began to take on the sorrowful cast again, and Siwon realized that in their journey here from Zhou Mi’s apartment, with the bird, everything... He had never been able to finish telling Han Geng himself.
“Han Geng... I’m sorry I didn’t get to earlier. I love you.”
Han Geng’s eyes closed, face open as though he were basking in the sun’s rays.
“Siwon...” he breathed. And his gaze was dark, direct, happy. And a little shadowed. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
***
Han Geng walked with a purpose, and every so often the soft fur of the pelt would brush Siwon’s arm as he hurried to keep up. Han Geng seemed to have some sort of internal map, dodging trees and ducking branches. Still making sure Siwon was with him and okay, but not slowing hardly at all.
At the edge of a small clearing, a rotting log across one end, Han Geng stopped, his mouth curving.
“You wanted me to meet someone?” Siwon prompted.
“Yes. Her,” Han Geng said.
The jaguar almost seemed to materialize from beside the tree, out of the shadows, and despite Siwon’s instinct to freeze, Han Geng left his side and raced for her, tumbled with her, the heavy feline body arching, rubbing against Han Geng as though they were reunited littler mates. They played that way for a few moments before stilling, both of Han Geng’s hands stroking her head as he crooned at her. She pushed up, nudging his face with her nose before delicately picking her way down his body.
She sniffed his knee, licked it, and seemed that she was going to move on. But with a groan, she collapsed, her body stretched across Han Geng’s thighs, drawing an answering groan from him as he poked at her, laughing.
She ignored Han Geng until he was able to reach down, wrapping his arms around her neck and squeezing tight. She made chuffing little noises in apparent contentment, and Siwon honestly felt a little faint.
Han Geng beckoned him close, his arms still around the big cat.
“This is my mate,” Han Geng told her. “His name is Siwon. He is handsome, isn’t he?”
The beguiling smile on Han Geng’s face as his chin rested in the soft fur of the cat’s head took the rest of the air from Siwon’s body, and he sank to his knees beside them.
Han Geng reached for Siwon’s hand, letting the jaguar smell it, taste it, before guiding him to pet her. She grunted a little, nearly started to belly across Han Geng’s legs to get toward Siwon’s gentle scratching and Han Geng laughed at her. With ease she stood, arched, stretched, touching Siwon’s face curiously with her nose as he nearly ceased breathing. Her tailed flowed silkenly across his chest as she wound around, dragging her side against Han Geng’s back. Han Geng tweaked her tail as she walked away, eventually melting back into the trees and shadows.
He wondered if it was normal to feel a little like he’d touched a deity.
Han Geng’s face was full of amusement, clearly seeing the shock on Siwon’s face. He groaned as he rose onto his knees.
“She forgets she’s not a kitten any more,” Han Geng said, grinning.
“She’s amazing... Absolutely amazing. And you...”
Han Geng must have seen something in Siwon’s eyes, because as he moved, he spread the black pelt on the ground. And with his gaze on Siwon, he laid back on the jaguar pelt, his skin almost pale against the dark fur. But none darker than his eyes as he held out his hand, his thighs widened in invitation. Siwon touched the ankle nearest him, and wondered what person alive would be able to say no. And he was more ready than he could say.
By the time he had rid himself of his covering, Han Geng was just as bare, kissing along his fingers and guiding him down, into him.
“Han Geng...”
“My mate,” Han Geng whispered, cupping Siwon’s face.
Those lips were familiar to him now, greeting and encouraging, speaking to him without words. He rubbed his face against the side of Han Geng’s, feeling their bodies begin the journey toward the only possible end.
But it was the journey that was important.
The overwhelming pleasure did not scare him any longer. If it was Han Geng’s pleasure that fed his own, if Han Geng felt that much because of him, then was it wrong to be that proud?
His mate took pleasure in him.
He licked a line up Han Geng’s neck, the rocking of their bodies speeding with Han Geng’s gasp, the clutch of his fingers in Siwon’s hair.
“Si...Siwon... Siwon!”
He thought he might have moaned Han Geng’s name as they shuddered together, his forehead damp against the jaguar fur and breath quick against Han Geng’s shoulder. They rocked back and forth together, somewhat riding the pleasure that lingered, somewhat... Almost as though they couldn’t believe they were together.
Han Geng teased Siwon’s ear furthest from him. “Are you hungry?”
He thought on it for a second, considering when he must last have eaten.
“I could be.”
Han Geng chuckled, and cradled him closer. “Then when we are ready... It is my turn to feed you.”
Siwon kissed Han Geng’s shoulder, and was content to lay with him a little longer.
***
He sat with Han Geng beside the silty bank, Han Geng’s body sheltered in the curve of his, his arms holding Han Geng close. Han Geng had brought him food, and they had loved beside the river. Han Geng seemed tense, more tense than he should have been. It disturbed the balance between them, to where Siwon felt he was holding his breath, waiting.
After a time, Han Geng moved, turning so that he could face Siwon directly.
“Do you remember, how Zhou Mi told you he had once been here.”
“Of course. I wondered how he could breathe if you couldn’t,” Siwon said.
“It is true, but it is not all. Zhou Mi...was forced to transition between this life, and the one he has now. We are not...able to exist in your world fully. Even if our half connection allowed me to live. I don’t... I want to return with you to Earth, Siwon.”
“Of course,” Siwon said, moving to touch and reassure. “I want that, too.”
Han Geng held him off with a hand. “I cannot go as I am now. I must cease to exist here.”
What had Han Geng said of the other spirits? They had all died. If he could not exist as he was, then what other way was there for him to live on Earth... Unless he was born there?
“Die, you mean?” Siwon asked, wanting the answer to be a negative.
“Death comes to all of us, eventually. At least this way...” Han Geng smiled. “Zhou Mi found his Kyuhyun when he had gone from here. We never knew if it could be like that. That I can be remade into something you can truly love...”
“I love you as you are,” Siwon told him, tracing the soft cheek. “I started loving you the moment you opened your eyes. Han Geng... If you die here, is it true then? I’ll find you on Earth?”
“If our prayers are answered. If you believe in us, Siwon. I don’t know how much time I have left. We care for the forest, but we are not capable of sustaining love. It aches in me.”
“Han Geng...”
The thought that he brought pain to Han Geng just by loving him. How could he endure watching Han Geng die...?
“Will you... Will you stay with me till the end?”
In the end, the answer was simple.
“Not even a bear could drag me away,” Siwon promised.
Han Geng smiled, and leaned in to lay his head on Siwon’s shoulder. “That’s good. There are no bears here...”
Siwon breathed the scent of his hair, trying to imagine how he could find this man again. How could it be the same...?
“Will you remember me?”
“How could I forget you?” Han Geng whispered.
“I’ll look for you. I’ll look for you till my dying breath, I swear it.”
“For me... There is only you. Find me quickly, Siwon. Be with me...”
Han Geng’s weight on him sank them back onto the silty bank, mouths open, seeking. Han Geng’s eyes were dark, almost mysterious, breath quick as they considered each other. A smile began to spread across Han Geng’s face, and Siwon felt his match it. Time was just for the two of them as Han Geng’s fingertips notched into his dimples, and he wondered how was it that he could deny that face? Han Geng’s lips brushed his cheeks, trembling and firming against Siwon’s as they promised without words. Every moment was important to drawing them closer. The moon was their blanket as they curved together. Their bodies were sated, and Siwon buried his worry so that he didn’t disturb Han Geng’s rest.
***